


Magic & Mayhem

by GG_and_MM, lacqueluster (GG_and_MM)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Gabriel, Bottom Sam, Car Sex, Demon Blood, Destiel - Freeform, Edging, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, Sabriel - Freeform, Top Gabriel, Top Sam, Trickster - Freeform, angel grace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 12:28:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 112,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6907252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GG_and_MM/pseuds/GG_and_MM, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GG_and_MM/pseuds/lacqueluster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Author:  Gabe's Girl<br/>Beta:  Miss Moose</p>
<p>What's the best way to get revenge on an Archangel who has repeatedly wronged you?  Bind him to the person who hates him most in the world.</p>
<p>When Gabriel snaps back to existence and is inexplicably drawn to Sam Winchester, he suspects there may be supernatural forces at work, especially when it turns out that Sam doesn't hate him nearly as much as he should.  But nothing could have prepared either of them for the mental, emotional and physical shit-storm their lives were about to become.  With help from their brothers, Sam and Gabe must figure out what's really keeping them together, before it rips them apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It's fitting that with the dawn would come awareness. The water colors of a new day paint the sky low on the horizon as he slowly opens his eyes. It's poetic, really. Most beings wouldn't think him a fan of poetry, but he is. Poetic justice has always been his way of life. So when he opens his eyes and sees the blushing new day, just at the dawn of another life, it makes him smile. 

He stretches, looking at his surroundings. He's somewhere in the Midwest by the looks of the plants and trees. He's lying beside a pond, the sounds of life coming from all around him. His head rolls back and forth in soft grass and he sees cat tails standing tall beside the water. He's alone, except for the wildlife. He thinks back and has an identity crisis for just a moment. Who is he? He's been so many things over the years, after all. 

He stands, and he feels his wings shifting on another plane. He is Gabriel, an archangel, the messenger of God. He is the Trickster, Loki, a pagan disgrace to his Father and brothers. He is all these things. Where has he been? He tries to remember something, anything. Last he remembers, Lucifer drove a blade into him, and then... Darkness. Quiet. Calm. Peace. 

Was he truly dead? He had to be. He looks at his hands, his palms. He's in the same vessel he died in; he's wearing the same clothes. His hand slides down his chest and abdomen and he finds no sign of a blade having ever pierced him. 

He turns, the brightness of the sun just peaking in the east. He watches it. How long has passed? Why is he back? Where does he go now? He feels that familiar pull toward home, but Heaven hasn't been his home in so long. Should he go? What's happened in his absence? Is the apocalypse over? 

He feels another pull, a yearning, for something unknown. It's in the west. He looks over his shoulder, _what is that?_ It's far away. He could go to it. Should he? _No_. He should go home first. He has to know what's happened there. Which brother is ruling Heaven, Michael or Lucifer? He needs to know, but he will hide himself. He doesn't want anyone knowing of his return until he can figure out why he's back.

Heaven isn't home. He hoped it would be, he hoped that somehow it would be different since his absence. But the moment he steps foot there it just feels _wrong_. His brothers are gone, there's no sign of Lucifer or Michael, not even Raphael. His Father is still absent. _Where are they?_

Heaven is busy, like ordered clockwork. Gabriel watches for some time, trying to glean who's in charge. He eavesdrops, learning that Michael and Lucifer are in The Cage together. He can't help but chuckle at that. So the Winchesters had succeeded. How they had done it he can't even imagine, but they'd averted the apocalypse. Raphael had made a play for power and been taken down. Gabriel can't bring himself to feel anything one way or the other about this. He wasn't here, he doesn't know exactly what transpired and he can't seem to care. 

He finds himself being pulled toward Earth again, and when he looks down at it he realizes why. A soul. A strong soul. It's like a beacon to him, shining bright. He assumes it's a prophet. He's the only archangel left, so he'd be hard-wired to protect it just by default. He refuses. He won't fill a role that he doesn't care about for a Father who's absent. He ignores it. 

He leaves Heaven to its sterile perfection and returns to Earth. He doesn't know where to go, what to do. He watches the chaos, and he enjoys it. He passes the time pretty calmly, if he does say so himself. He only instigates a _few_ riots, dishes out a _few_ just desserts. 

All the while that soul is calling. Every so often Gabriel stops, turns toward it, listens. Sometimes he can _almost_ see it, and then he moves away. It gets closer and closer to him, or maybe he gets closer and closer to it, he's not sure after a while. Eventually the light catches his eye, bright and blinding, and he sees something else. There's an angel with it. 

He moves away quickly, not wanting to be detected. He has to figure out what's going on. Has a lesser angel been assigned to the prophet in the absence of archangels? It makes sense. But when he'd encountered prophets in the past they had appeared nothing like this soul. They weren't as bright, they weren't as distracting. He had an instinct to protect a prophet, but that isn't happening now. He doesn't want to protect this soul; he just wants to be near it, in its presence. His curiosity gets the best of him. 

He hides himself and moves closer. The closer he gets, the stronger the pull toward the soul. He can almost feel the vibrating energy from the soul as he moves nearer, and it's intoxicating. 

He hovers above, slowly descending. What he sees throws him off. _Castiel_. Gabriel falters for a fraction of a second and Castiel's head flies up, looking for him. His brother immediately becomes defensive, his posture changes and he pulls his blade. Gabriel hides again, and he watches. Castiel isn't protecting himself; he's circling behind a human, watching its back. _Dean_. It's Dean Winchester, but Dean isn't the soul that's calling to him.

That soul is off to the side, its blinding brightness making him squint. He knows now, he knows who it is. _Why?_ , he thinks. He adjusts his vision, altering the light, filtering out the blinding waves, and he sees Sam. Sam Winchester is the soul. How many people are on this planet? Billions? And the one calling to him like a siren's song has to be the one who probably hates him more than any other. And Sam has good reason to hate him; Gabriel had been cruel to Sam and Dean. 

Gabriel wants to drive an angel blade through his own chest. He'd rather feel that than face Sam Winchester again, but the pull to Sam is so strong Gabriel almost relents. _Almost._

Dean is talking. 

"What is it?" He puts his hand on Cas' arm, turning him. 

"Nothing," Cas pauses and looks up again, all around them, "I thought I felt something. It's nothing." He slides the blade back up his sleeve. 

"Yeah well, we're in a gas station, Cas. You can't be pulling blades out, people will freak." Dean opens the door to the cooler and pulls out a bottle, then stalks away to the cashier. 

Sam has been watching this, but he never says a word. Cas follows Dean, and Sam walks slowly behind them to pay for his water and protein bar. 

Gabriel pulls back, watching the three of them walk to the long black car. They slide in and pull away and he lets them slowly fade into the distance. He needs to think.

Why is Sam calling to him? It's even stronger now that he's seen him. The urge to follow the car is a constant nag he has to fight. Sam is a beautiful man, Gabriel would never deny that, but he'd never felt _this_ in his presence until now. 

What has changed? Should he go to Sam? What would he say? No, he decides. He needs to know what's happening first. He needs to watch Sam, figure out what's different. He follows at a distance as they drift from town to town, gradually circling closer and closer, and as he does he notices something. His suspicion that the soul was moving toward him seems to be correct, at least he thinks so.  
Gabriel knows it's happening for certain one night when he's sitting on the roof a motel. Sam's room is three floors below him. Gabriel is watching Dean and Cas, standing beside the Impala. Cas says something that makes Dean laugh, but Gabriel isn't listening. 

He's hidden, he's always hidden, so he has no fear when the door to the roof opens, no one will see him anyway. He's surprised when Sam walks through it. Sam looks up at the sky and takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes and just stands like that, and Gabriel wants to touch him, he wants it so much. Why though? Why is he wondering what Sam’s stubbled jaw would feel like under his mouth? Why does the thought of Sam’s hands sliding around his back make him want to fall to his knees? What is going on? 

Sam's hair softly moves in the breeze, his long neck open and exposed, his hands hanging loose at his sides. The temptation to touch him is almost too strong. 

Sam looks around after a minute, his eyes not settling anywhere for long. He walks toward the edge of the roof. He looks down at Dean and Cas and then looks away. He wanders over to the shallow ledge Gabriel is sitting on and sits down. He's so close, but he probably only sat there because it's the only thing to use as a makeshift seat. That has to be it, right? This closeness to Sam is a little disorienting. 

Gabriel studies Sam’s face. His eyes look tired. His whole being seems tired; the life of a hunter seems to be taking a toll. And really, Sam hasn’t even had the life of a normal hunter. The apocalypse, being Lucifer’s vessel, the guilt he feels over setting Lucifer free, over so many things that have happened in his short life. Those burdens are written in the lines and angles of his beautiful face. Gabriel wants to cradle that face, he wants to soothe those old aches with gentle kisses and reassure Sam that everything will be okay. And _that_ thought is more than a little disturbing. Being attracted to Sam is one thing, but wanting to connect with him on a 'more than physical' level makes Gabriel quickly stand and move away. 

He moves to the center of the roof and sits back down, gives himself a little space to breathe after feeling something so strong. He sits down right on the black tar paper and watches Sam, wondering if he might move closer again. There's no reason for Sam to come towards him, and if he does Gabriel will know. He'll know that Sam is drawn to him too. 

Gabriel sits there for a long time, and he almost gives up. He starts thinking that Sam isn't moving towards him at all, he never has been, and it's just wishful thinking. He wants to believe it's mutual because this pull to Sam is so strong, but it's probably not. 

And then Sam stands up. He walks slowly toward the door and when he reaches the middle of the roof he stops. He stands there looking off far away. Sam looks up again, taking in the sky full of stars, never knowing that Gabriel's head is a mere inches from his thigh. Sam sits down slowly, directly to Gabriel's right, and he lies down on his back. He puts one arm behind his head and he just stares up.  
After a minute of watching this in awe, Gabriel finally lays down beside him. They lie there taking in the same stars, just inches apart. Gabriel thinks this longing inside might break him. He looks up and down Sam’s body, at Sam’s hand resting at his side between them. He touches Sam's hand, and he sees Sam’s eyes close for a brief second, he eyebrows drawing together before he takes a deep breath and blows it out. _No_. It couldn’t be. Did Sam _feel_ that? How? How could he feel Gabriel’s touch when he’s hidden? That's when Gabriel knows he has to tell Sam he's back. But not now, for now he just wants to be next to him. He'll figure the rest out later.

Three days later Gabriel suddenly notices something happening between Dean and Cas. He'd been so preoccupied with Sam that he hadn't paid them much attention, but it suddenly smacks him in the face one afternoon when he sees them arguing beside the car. Dean is angry, they just wrapped up and hunt for a ghoul, and Cas had intervened to help when Dean thought he should have held back. 

He can read their body language like a book. Dean walks about ten feet away and stands. Cas leans back against the car, his head falling forward, he looks tired. Dean suddenly turns and stalks back to Cas, and Cas looks up just before Dean collides with him. They're chest to chest, Dean's hands on the angel's shoulders, and Dean presses his mouth against Cas'. Cas leans into it, his hands grabbing onto Dean's waist and holding him there like he's afraid Dean might run. 

_Holy shit._ How did Gabriel miss this? It's so blatantly obvious now, in retrospect. Are Dean and Cas caught in the same feelings as him, and maybe Sam? He can see it written all over Castiel now. It makes him want Sam more. Gabriel immediately decides he's going to make his appearance tomorrow. If Castiel can get Dean Winchester to let his guard down, Gabriel is sure as hell going to at least see if Sam will _talk_ to him. _You have to stop hiding,_ he thinks to himself. 

The next morning Gabriel sits on the hood of the Impala and watches the three of them walk out of the motel room. Dean first and then Cas, followed by Sam, who closes the door behind them. Sam is always behind them, seemingly forgotten most of the time. Sam has a cup of coffee in his hand, a bag slung over his shoulder.

Gabriel lifts his power, revealing himself. Cas senses him immediately. He pulls his blade in an instant, pushing Dean behind him. Sam drops his coffee. 

"Well, would you look at this, if it isn't the three amigos!" Gabriel spreads his hands wide, smiling. He tries not to stare at Sam. "Fancy meetin' you three around these parts. What's new, boys?" 

Cas studies him. "Gabriel?" he finally says. 

Gabriel points at the blade. ""Cassy, is that any way to greet your long lost brother? What about a hug, huh? For old time's sake?" He motions for Cas to come closer. 

Cas lowers the blade, but he doesn't put it away. His expression is still guarded; he's still gauging the situation. Dean pushes forward, his surprise gone, now he's irritated.

"Get the fuck off my car, asshole," Dean says, walking towards the archangel. He shows no fear. 

Cas grabs Dean's sleeve and stops him, "Don't be rude, Dean." 

Gabriel hops off the hood, bowing slightly to Dean. "As you wish, sir. I know how it is between a man and his car, and you always have liked them tall dark and handsome." He winks at Dean and then finally lets himself look at Sam. 

Sam hasn't moved. He's holding the shoulder strap of his bag with one hand and the other hand is limp at his side where he dropped the coffee. The cup has rolled away, but there's a stain at the bottom of his jeans where it splashed. His face is blank. 

Gabriel looks back to Dean and Cas, "So fill me in, what's the haps since I've been gone? You two married yet? You got two kids and a dog stowed in the trunk?" 

Cas' face flames red and he looks at Gabriel with eyes like steel. "What are you doing here?" 

"Geez Cassy, this isn't much of a welcome home party. Where are the balloons? The confetti? Is there a parade planned? Didn't you miss me at all?" Gabriel feigns an expression of hurt feelings. 

"What do you want?" Dean is over this, he looks like he wants to punch Gabriel in the face. Gabriel has always had way too much fun to playing with Dean. 

Gabriel glances at Sam, who still hasn't moved, then back to Dean. "Well, as a matter of fact I'm looking to start a new boy band, and thought you three might round out the new crew pretty nicely. You sing? Come on, Deano, belt one out for us. No? That's ok; you just stand there and look pretty. The ladies will love you." Gabriel grins at Dean. 

"Where have you been?" 

The words come from Sam, his voice thin and soft. 

Gabriel looks at him. He's staring at Gabriel with confusion on his face. Gabriel wants Sam to walk towards him, _please,_ he thinks. He focuses totally on Sam before he speaks again. 

"Ah, see? Now _there's_ a question worth answering. You two are all "What are you doing here? What do you want?" But leave it to Sam to cut through to the core. Brains and beauty, that's a deadly combination." Gabriel walks toward Sam, looking him up and down. "Where have I been? I'm pretty sure I was dead. I remember Luci jamming a blade into me and then... Nothing. For a long time, nothing. I woke up beside a pond and had an existential crisis for about 30 seconds, who am I, why am I here, that type of thing. And fast forward to now." 

Gabriel walks around Sam, taking him in. Sam doesn't move. It's like a lion circling its prey. 

"My oh my, the years have been kind to you, Sam," he says softly. 

"Have you been to Heaven?" 

The question comes from Cas and Gabriel has to fight his irritation at the interruption in his stalking Sam. He wanders back towards his little brother. 

"Yeah, popped in right after I got back. Hate what they've done with the place, it's all _rules_ and _order_. Not my thing at all." He watches Castiel's face, Cas nods.

"So where will you go now?" Cas still has a blade in his hand, Gabriel notices. 

"Dunno. Got no place to go I guess." Gabriel shrugs. 

"Travel with us until you figure it out," Cas says, making Dean turn on him and gawk. 

"What the hell, Cas?" Dean yells. 

Gabriel knew the comment about Heaven would clinch it with Cas. His brother slides the blade back up his sleeve again. Neither of them belong in Heaven, it's one thing they have in common. 

"No, no. I couldn't impose," Gabriel says, waving them off. This is exactly what he wanted. 

"Dean, he has no home. He's no different than me, and he _died_ trying to help you. He told you how to open the cage, we owe him." Cas pleads. He'll win; Gabriel can see Dean's resolve melting looking into those blue eyes.

Dean is quiet for a minute. "Fine." He walks to the trunk and throws his bag in, then slams the door when he gets in the car. He sits and waits. 

"Well that's a hell of an invite," Gabriel says. "What about you, Sammo? Care for some company?" He looks back to Sam who's walking toward the car. 

"What the heck," Sam mumbles, throwing his bag in, "it'll be nice having someone to talk to while these two make heart eyes at each other."


	2. Chapter 2

The morning that Gabriel returns, Sam is _done_. He's so tired, he's completely exhausted. The shapeshifter they took down yesterday was a breeze. The cases don’t even seem to be a challenge anymore. They’re few and far between and there’s nothing new, nothing hard, not like they used to be. It’s just more vamps, more werewolves, shifters, ghouls, ghosts, the same things over and over. 

He thought going on the road would help him. He proposed this road trip to Dean thinking he could distract himself. At least he wouldn't be trapped in the bunker with Dean and Cas either fighting continuously or fawning over each other. Sam saw the clues of something happening between them, he saw them sharing long knowing looks, he walked into the room once and saw Dean leaning into Cas, like he was talking in his ear. Not normal behavior between friends, why whisper when you're alone in a room together? Sam had spun on his heel and left, not because he cared about what was happening between Dean and Cas one way or the other, but just because it didn't really seem like it was any of his business. If Dean hadn't mentioned it then Sam would ignore it. 

But Sam had needed a break from the monotony of the bunker. He needed a break from coughing or yelling out to announce himself before he walked into a room to give his brother warning, just in case Dean had decided to take that moment to jump on Cas. Because that's what's written all over Dean's body most of the time, and Sam just needed _out_. Away from it. 

"Dean, let's go back on the road. Like we used to, ya know? Just us and the Impala, search for cases; get some fresh air in our lungs. Whaddya say?" Sam had asked in the kitchen one morning. 

"Sure, Sammy, what are you thinking, a few weeks?" Dean’s eyes shift to his plate for a second. “What about Cas?” He’s trying to be nonchalant with this question, Sam can tell. Dean looks up again and studies his brother. Sam figures Dean knows something is off with him, but he's too tied up in what's happening between him and Cas to really focus on Sam. 

"No, I was thinking a few months." Sam sees the surprise on Dean's face as he takes a bite of his eggs. “And I figured Cas would come with us.”

"Months?" Dean chews, takes a drink of coffee. He thinks for a long time. "You know what, ok. Fine, let's do it. Baby needs to stretch her legs anyway." 

They took a week to get everything ready and secure the bunker and then rolled out. And things had gotten worse. Dean and Cas don't have any alone time now without Sam there. They're strained, and it makes Sam tense. They obviously want each other, and even though they aren't openly together, it's obvious that they want to be. 

Sam refuses to get involved with it, so he follows them around and he grows weary. Should they just go back to the bunker? No, it'll be the same there. 

Plus, this whole trip seems to be a total flop. Sam just isn't into it; he can't get motivated to care about the cases, which have been few and far between anyway. He's realizing that whatever is going on with him, even though it started in the bunker, it's not because of Dean and Cas. It's _him_. 

He just can't shake this feeling that he needs to find something. Like something in his life is missing, or wrong. Something is wrong with him. Maybe the demon blood is rising up again, maybe it never left? He hasn't felt it in a long time; he thought he'd been cured somehow. He thought he was normal, "clean" for lack of a better word, but he's feeling so irritated and exhausted, and short tempered, it's very similar to the way he felt from the demon blood. Those old demons were in hiding, and now they seem to be back to play.

He had felt like this when he lost Jess too. Dean had helped him through that horrible depression. Being around Dean had helped him not feel so lonely, but now that Dean is on the brink of _something_ with Cas, Sam just feels like an outsider. A resentful outsider. He knows his brother loves him; hell, he knows Cas loves him, in his own way. But Sam knows that he doesn't need love right now, he can't even say what he needs really, he just knows he won't find it riding around with Dean and Cas.

The day Gabriel shows up, Sam has decided he's going to tell Dean and Cas that he wants to go off on his own for a while. He doesn't have a plan really, but the thought of being alone is better than tagging along on this pointless trip. Dean won't like it, but Sam doesn't care. 

He follows them out of the motel room and looks down at the door handle as he pulls it shut. He hears crunching gravel under fast moving feet and he turns his head quickly to see what's happening. Gabriel is sitting on the hood of the car, leaned back on one arm. He looks exactly the same as he had the night Lucifer killed him, and yet different, although Sam can't place what's different. 

Sam is so shocked that he drops his coffee. He hears the cup hit the concrete, feels the heat hit his leg. Gabriel looks so... Sam can't place it. He looks like Gabriel, but something about him just looks _right_ to Sam, which makes no sense. 

Gabriel is talking, so is Cas. Dean says something, Sam hears none of it. He's watching the archangel, his mind blank. He hears a word here and there, and finally when a thought comes into his mind he just blurts it out. "Where have you been?" 

Gabriel's eyes lock on him. Golden brown and intense, they make Sam feel like he's been put under a microscope. Gabriel walks toward him talking, but Sam only hears parts of what the angel is saying. He wants to hide, Gabriel circles him and Sam feels like he's being hunted. 

Cas says something and Gabriel moves away. Sam realizes he's been holding his breath. _Get yourself together, Sam._

Gabriel had been a colossal dick, and Sam had tried to hate him for a long, _long_ time. He could never help the feeling of wanting to understand Gabriel, though. Why does he do the things he does? He hears Cas invite the archangel to travel with them and he clenches his jaw. He starts walking toward the car and he registers Gabriel asking him a question.

"What about you, Sammo? Care for some company?" 

"What the heck," Sam says as he throws his bag in the trunk, "It'll be nice having someone to talk to while these two make heart eyes at each other." 

Gabriel throws his head back laughing and Sam fumes, he won't even look at him. He hates that laugh. It reminds him of when he finally figured out that the trickster had been killing Dean over and over. When he’d had him by the throat Gabriel had mocked him and laughed. That damn laugh. He just slides in the passenger seat and shuts the door. _Breathe, Sam._

The angels are still standing in front of the car, talking. 

"Well this is fucking great," Dean says. 

"Uh huh." Sam runs his hand through his hair, pushing it back. He sees Gabriel glance at him. 

"And we do not make heart eyes at each other." Dean starts the car. 

"Yeah, sure." Sam pulls out a map; he needs something to look at so he'll stop looking at Gabriel. 

Weeks go by, crossing states, zigzagging around looking for cases and usually coming up empty handed. The four of them fall into a strange routine. It happens without them realizing it, but suddenly Sam notices that every time they sit down at a table to eat, Dean and Cas are across from each other and Gabriel and Sam are across from each other. 

It’s automatically just a thing that Dean and Cas get their own room, even though Sam doesn’t really _want_ to share a room with Gabriel. Sam starts his mornings off most days with Gabriel popping in with a fresh cup of coffee for him, just the way he likes it.

Sam watches the archangel closely, looking for signs that he has an agenda, that he’s not hanging around just because he doesn’t have anywhere else to be. Sam keeps thinking that there has to be a reason Gabriel wants to be with them, maybe he’s pulling a prank, something long and drawn out, and the three of them just haven’t caught on yet. Or maybe he’s trying to teach Sam a lesson again. Maybe he should be looking for clues. But of what?

Because what he sees when he looks at the angel isn’t anything deceptive or shady, he seems to genuinely like Sam’s company, and that bothers Sam. He doesn’t want Gabriel to like him. Not really. Because if Gabriel likes him and wants to be his friend, then what? Can you be friends with someone who you spent months hunting and trying to kill? 

Even more disturbing to Sam though, are the moments that Sam looks at Gabriel and wants _something_. Something _more_. What the hell is up with that? He doesn’t even know more of _what_ he’s wanting. But there are moments where Sam kind of spaces out staring at Gabriel’s eyes, he gets lost in the golden brown, and he has to almost shake his head to pull out of it. 

_What the hell, Sam? What’s happening?_

But if there's anything Sam is good at, it's controlling his thoughts and emotions. He'd become a master at distraction when Lucifer had haunted him. Maybe he hadn't won in the end, but Sam is pretty sure that he held out a hell of a lot longer than most people could have. 

He uses all those techniques to distract himself from Gabriel. He's constantly redirecting himself. Gabriel makes a joke about Dean, and when Sam wants to laugh he bites the inside of his cheek instead. Gabriel offers him coffee and Sam declines and goes for tea. Gabriel laughs, or what's worse, _flirts_ with him, Sam just walks away. Or if they're stuck in the car he turns to the window and mentally checks out. 

Even through all of this Sam can feel his resolve waning. He starts noticing little things about the archangel, the longer they're together. Gabriel has dimples; Sam had never noticed those before, why he notices them now he can't figure out. He's also insanely smart, and not just in the cunning way Sam expected. He knows poetry and philosophy, and it throws Sam when he quotes a line that Sam has always loved. 

Gabriel isn't a bad guy, and Sam has always wanted to understand him. And really, before Lucifer had killed him he'd actually helped them more than he'd hurt them. He just has a really strange way of helping sometimes.

Sam finds himself more and more trying to think of reasons why he shouldn't like him. _Remind yourself why he's an ass, Sam._ He starts telling himself this over and over during the day. 

_His eyes though, look at his eyes. I’d swear he’s looking at my damn soul. He killed Dean a hundred times, don’t forget that_.

Sometimes when Sam catches Gabriel looking him Sam could swear he almost sees a longing in the archangel's eyes. And then Gabriel looks away quickly, his hands fidgeting in front of him. 

_Look at me like that again, please._

_No! What the hell? He made you live without your brother for months!_

Why is he feeling like this? It makes no sense. He never thought of the archangel that way before. These thoughts never crossed his mind. But maybe that was because he didn’t truly know him. But even taking into consideration that he never really knew Gabriel before and that he’s getting to know him really well now, some of the thoughts really throw him. They’re strong and persistent, stronger than anything he’s experienced before. With anyone. 

_When he smiles like that I want to kiss him, just a soft quick kiss, see what he does._

_What. The. Fuck. What are you thinking, Winchester? Seriously?_

Could it be a spell? Some type of curse? Maybe he breathed in a dusting of sex pollen? Seriously though, how ironic would _that _be? A hunter breathing in sex pollen and crushing on an archangel. But Sam knows the antidote to anything like that by heart, he knows the counter curses too, and he does them all with no change.__

___Those hands. I’d like to pin them down with mine, make them stop moving, push him back into the mattress..._ _ _

___God dammit, Sam, he turned you into a fucking car! He's an ass!_ _ _

__But there are more and more moments when he sees that Gabriel isn't an ass. One evening they're in a diner and their waitress is a mess. Her eyes are red and swimming with tears. She's trying desperately to keep it together but she's about to break down just taking their drink order. She walks away and they're all uncomfortable._ _

__"What's goin' on with her, Cas?" Dean asks._ _

__"You know I don't like to read people’s minds, Dean." Cas says stiffly._ _

__Dean rolls his eyes and huffs. “I just wanted to know if she’s okay.”_ _

__"Okay, but just this once,” Cas says as he follows the waitress with his eyes. “She had a fight with her boyfriend. He called her a cow and told her she should be living in the barn with the pigs because she's disgusting. He also called her..." Cas' eyes shift away uncomfortably, "other things. He said he doesn't want her anymore but he won't make her leave because she'll never find another man. He told her she's a pain in his ass but he's stuck with her and has to take care of her, no one else will ever want her because she has stretch marks and her ass is too big and her boobs are too small, and she believes him. He's not a nice person," Cas says reluctantly._ _

__Dean is instantly fuming, anger written all over his face. "Does she have any place to go to get away from him?"_ _

__Cas is quiet for a second and then looks at Dean again. "Technically, she owns the house."_ _

__She comes back with their drinks and glances at them, but doesn't make eye contact with any of them. She keeps her eyes down and her posture poor. Her hair is falling out of her ponytail and her mascara is starting to run. She messes up their drinks and Sam and Dean exchange them._ _

__"Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I can't seem to get anything right." She touches her hand to her forehead, trying to hide her eyes._ _

__"What's your name?' Gabriel says to her. He focuses totally on the woman, his eyes drawing her in._ _

__She looks at him suspiciously. "Tammy," she finally says._ _

__"Hi Tammy, I'm Gabriel." He holds his hand out and waits for her to shake it. She hesitates and then takes it, shaking it quickly. She sniffles._ _

__"Anybody ever tell you that you look like Reese Witherspoon?" Gabriel says, smiling slyly at her._ _

__She looks nothing like Reese Witherspoon except for bleach blonde hair and blue eyes._ _

__She turns away for a second, hiding her smile behind her hand. "No, no way. I'm not that pretty." She glances at Gabriel again shyly._ _

__"Well, I'm not the kinda guy to contradict a pretty lady," Gabriel says, leaning back and throwing his arm across the back of the booth in total male fashion, "but you're wrong, sweetheart."_ _

__She blushes like crazy and hides her smile again. She giggles a little and walks away._ _

__When she brings their food back she's obviously seen to her appearance. Her face is cleaned up, her mascara looks fresh, and her ponytail is smooth and high on the top of her head. The plates are piled high with extra food. Dean's plate alone looks like it has three orders of French fries overflowing from it._ _

__"You boys looked hungry," she says, winking at Gabriel. He winks back._ _

__"Damn, Gabriel, you need to flirt with our waitresses more often," Dean says as she walks away, her hips swaying. He crams greasy fried potatoes into his mouth._ _

__Tammy comes to their table every few minutes, and Gabriel flirts with her every time. By the time they go to pay she's leaning on her elbows over the counter, her blouse unbuttoned until the tops of her breasts are showing. She looks like a giddy teenager. Gabriel lingers after the other three walk out, and as Sam gets in the car he sees the archangel kiss her on the cheek._ _

__Gabriel strolls out and Sam sees the waitress bounce away, going to check on one of her other tables. She doesn't even seem like the same person. Gabriel slides into the back of the car next to Cas._ _

__"That was a really nice thing to do," Sam says looking over his shoulder from the passenger seat._ _

__"Yeah well, some people deserve nice things, Sam." Those golden eyes focus on Sam, and he turns away quickly. "And some people deserve what they get," Gabriel says to no one in particular._ _

__"You talking about the boyfriend?" Dean asks, meeting Gabriel's eyes in the rear view mirror._ _

__Gabriel nods, his eyes catching the light from the glowing street lamps._ _

__"Yeah, I don't think anyone in this car is gonna argue with you on that one, man," Dean mumbles, turning onto the street._ _

__Gabriel suddenly disappears from the car._ _

__He shows back up several hours later in Sam's motel room. Sam glances up at Gabriel. "Did you kill the guy?"_ _

__"Nah, too easy," Gabriel says. "He deserves worse than death. He won't be back though. Unfortunate incident with him and some compromising photos with those pigs being leaked around that town. I didn't even have to fake the photos, disgusting pervert. I wiped the pigs' memory of that incident, poor things. Anyway, he high-tailed it out of there, so she'll go home to an empty house and hopefully someday find a better guy."_ _

__“Oh- oh- that’s gross, are you serious?” Sam wrinkles his nose in disgust. But the more he thinks about it the funnier it gets, until he snorts and finally doubles over, giving in to the laughter._ _

__Gabriel is a goner. He’s done for. His mouth falls open a little watching Sam finally let go and _laugh_. That laugh, that perfect laugh, it’s the most joy he’s seen from Sam in their short time together and it sets off a blazing fire in Gabriel's chest. Watching Sam laugh like that is how he wants to spend the rest of his existence. He’ll dress like a court jester and act the fool if he can get Sam to laugh like that again, and he won’t even be ashamed. Not one damn bit. This kid will be the death of him. If Gabriel can’t have him, he’ll wither away, he knows it. _ _

__The urge to kiss Sam takes him over, and as he sees Sam get himself under control Gabriel has to slam his jaw shut to keep from looking like he’s ogling the man. His jaw snaps shut so hard he chips a tooth and feels a quick sting of pain before he heals it._ _

__When Sam finally catches his breath and regains some composure, he sits back in his chair and looks at Gabriel. “Well done,” he says, holding his beer up to toast the archangel. He doesn't mind Gabriel dealing out just desserts when it doesn't result in someone's death._ _

___Get yourself under control, Sam. You’re like a teenager laughing at a joke her crush makes._ Sam makes himself get serious._ _

__It's those things -- the moments of true compassion for humans, where Gabriel helps them see their worth even through their flaws -- those are what wear Sam down. Those are the things that show who Gabriel really is deep down, and they're far more frequent than the pranks, and even the pranks aren't cruel, they're just funny. Even Dean laughs at Gabriel's pranks, and they're almost always at his expense._ _

__Gabriel had switched out Dean's shampoo with maple syrup one day. Dean had washed his hair five times trying to get the sticky mess out, but he still smelled like syrup. He was seriously pissed at first, but after hearing Sam's stomach growl in hunger all day and Cas telling Dean he thought he smelled delicious from the back seat, Dean had lightened up and laughed. They ate pancakes for dinner that night._ _

__Gabriel hangs around Sam's motel room pretty much every evening. Since he came along it seems fitting to give Dean and Cas their own room, even though Gabriel doesn't sleep. Sometimes he stays in the room watching movies, and something about this comforts Sam. Those are the nights he sleeps soundly. Gabriel desperately wants to make Sam laugh, and Sam finds himself fighting it less and less each day._ _

__Finally one evening Sam has had a few beers, he's nowhere near drunk, but he's loosening up. He's laughing at something Gabriel said and he looks up to see Gabriel staring at him. He looks at Sam for several minutes, and Sam doesn't look away._ _

__"Do you hate me, Sam? For everything I put you through?" Gabriel asks softly. He puts his hand on the table, rubbing his fingers together nervously._ _

__Sam is quiet for a long time, maybe too long. He watches until Gabriel turns his head away._ _

__"No, Gabe, I don't. I think I did, but I don't anymore." Sam realizes it's true as he says it, and then he knows for sure that the resentment toward the archangel has totally faded._ _

__Gabriel looks back at him, relief obvious in his expression. He starts to speak but stops. He waits and finally starts again._ _

___"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."_ _ _

__"Did you just quote Ghandi?" Sam asks._ _

__"I did. Did you just call me 'Gabe'?" Gabriel's face is serious._ _

__Sam smiles, his head turning slightly to the side as he thinks. "I guess I did. Never pegged you for the Ghandi type"_ _

__Gabriel smiles nervously, looking down at his fingers. "I am sorry, Sam."_ _

__Sam stands and walks past him, slapping his shoulder. "Forget it, man. We're good. I'm beat, you staying here?" Sam turns and Gabriel is gone. He shakes his head, Gabe is strange sometimes._ _

__Gabriel flees the hotel room and retreats to a field adjacent to the motel. Sam had _touched_ him. He'd also said he didn't hate him, and Gabriel had believed him. That in itself was groundbreaking, but Sam had actually _touched_ him. That was the first physical contact they had in the time since he'd appeared. Gabriel had frozen, and then he'd reached for Sam as he'd walked by. He'd almost taken his hand, and then he saw Sam turning. He flew. _ _

__Why did he run? Because he knew Sam wasn't ready yet. He might be able to admit he doesn't hate Gabriel, but he's not ready to admit to any feelings, if he even has them, which Gabriel isn't sure about. There are moments when Sam looks at him and Gabriel is certain there's something there, and then other times Sam doesn't appear to care about him one way or the other._ _

___At least he doesn't hate me_. That's somewhere to start. But where does he go from here? He thinks for a long time, but there's really no way to plan this. He's just going to have to continue like he has, what their normal seems to be, trying to get the idea in Sam's head that he's interested, although flirting doesn't seem to be working. Sam laughs and shrugs off every flirtation, he even rolls his eyes sometimes, like it's another joke. Gabriel needs to work on that. _ _

__For now though, for now he's going to stand in this field in the light dusting of snow and just be thankful. Sam doesn't hate him, and he touched him. It's like a miracle._ _


	3. Chapter 3

“Fifteen hours in the car is too damn long,” Dean says, stifling a yawn. “This windego better be legit when we get there.” Dean acts worn out, or so he makes Sam think. Sam caught a few hours' sleep and when he wakes Dean is yawning and stretching behind the wheel. 

"You wanna switch out for a while? I can drive," Sam says, looking around for signs of where they are. He checks the back seat; Cas and Gabriel are staring out the windows quietly. 

"Yeah, I'll pull over up here." Dean drives a few more miles, finally finding a wide spot on the burn of the deserted road. He pulls the Impala over and slides the shifter up into Park, opening his door to stand up and stretch in the cool night air. 

Sam does the same, stretching the tightness out of his legs, putting his arms above his head. They walk away from each other and pee in the ditch, then meet back at the car.

"You ready?" Sam pulls the driver's side door open, looking at Dean over the top of the car.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna ride in the backseat. Stretch out a little," Dean says. He opens the back door and looks at Gabriel. "Get out, you got shotgun." He motions with his thumb for Gabriel to move it. 

Sam groans loudly. "Aww man, are you _kidding_ me? You're just doing this so you can make out with Cas!" He hates it when he's stuck in the car with them like this. Dean had finally stopped fighting what was happening between them, he'd caved and now Sam frequently finds them with their mouths glued to each other. Why can't they just wait until they find a motel? 

"Hey, what I do with my down time is my business. Now shut up and drive." Dean ducks in the car, closing the door with a decided click. 

"Looks like it's just you and me, Sammo." Gabriel winks at him and slides in the passenger side. 

Sam resigns himself to it, adjusting the mirrors and pulling out onto the road. Might as well get them as a far as they can. He glances in the rearview to see Dean leaning over by Cas, talking in his ear. He clenches his jaw. 

Gabriel tries for conversation but Sam isn't in the mood, so the archangel quiets down pretty quickly. Not much longer after that he can hear the sounds of Cas and Dean kissing. He grips the steering wheel tighter. Gabriel turns in his seat to watch their brothers make out. 

The sounds start getting louder, the seat creaking as they move against each other. Dean pushes Cas down and they disappear from Sam's view. _Thank Heaven for small favors_ , Sam thinks. A little while later he swears he hears the metallic toothy sound of a zipper going down. _Great._

Gabriel is still turned toward Sam, his left leg folded in the seat so he can look back behind him. 

"Are you really gonna watch that?" Sam glances sideways at him. 

"Why not?" Gabe turns his golden eyes to Sam, making Sam squirm under his intense scrutiny.

"I don't know, it's kinda weird or something. Cas is your brother, Dean is mine..." Sam trails off, not knowing how else to describe it.

"So you're telling me that in all these years traveling on the road together, Dean has never had sex in the same room as you?" Gabe is still watching him, eyes totally focused on Sam. 

"No, I'm not saying that." Sam shifts in the seat uncomfortably. 

"Ok, so are you trying to tell me that not even _once_ on these occasions did little Sammy try to peek a glimpse at what was going on?" Gabe's eyes are making him uneasy and Sam wants him to look away.

Sam thinks and can't come up with an answer. He's not gonna lie and Gabe knows it, so he just keeps his mouth shut. 

"Right, that's what I thought. No different for me, Sam, I'm just not trying to hide the fact that I'm looking." Gabe finally turns his head again, focusing on what's happening in the backseat. 

Cas and Dean sit back up, and Sam can see them in the mirror again. Cas slides his leg across Dean's lap, straddling him. _Oh Lord_ , Sam thinks. Dean's hands are up Cas' shirt, and Sam can see the faint outline of Dean's fingers pressing tightly into the skin of the angel's back. Cas makes a soft moaning sound. 

"Sammy, we need to get somewhere. We need a room," Dean says, his voice low and rough.

"Yeah, last sign said 40 miles, which was about 7 miles ago." Sam glances in the mirror again and then quickly back to the road.

"Put your foot on the gas," Dean growls. 

Sam tries not to watch, he tries _really_ hard, but his eyes keep drifting up to the mirror. Dean has his hands all over Cas' back, fingers up in his hair, tugging on it. Dean moans, Cas grinding against him. His hands holding the angels face as he kisses him, deep and long. 

"Dean," Cas moans out. 

Sam watches Cas pull his brothers shirt up and off. The angel leans down, kissing down Dean's chest. Cas' hands are between them, Sam can't see them. He can imagine what they're touching though.

Man, Sam wants someone to touch him like that again. He hasn't been touched like that in years and he misses it desperately. He wants someone to want him with every fiber of their being, to touch him with hands so full of heat and desire that they set each other on fire. He's almost lost hope of ever having that again. He wishes he could just fuck someone and get relief from it, like Dean used to. But sex without emotion has never done it for him. He needs to feel a connection with the person or it just leaves him empty and unsatisfied. 

Dean and Cas are sounding very satisfied in the back seat.

And now Sam's driving down the road with a hard on, watching his brother make out with his boyfriend, while he sits next to an archangel. _Hi, I'm Sam Winchester. Welcome to my fucked up life_ , he thinks. He adjusts himself in his pants, he can't help it. He's achingly hard.

"I can help you with that," Gabriel says. He almost doesn't say it; he thinks about it for a second and decides it's time. If Sam is interested, Gabriel has to know. He's pined for Sam since before he reappeared, he needs to get on with it or get over it, although getting over it sounds like an impossibility.

"Huh?" Sam's face screws up in confusion and denial. _Does he mean what I think he means?_

"You know what I mean. I can help you with that. _Down there_." Gabriel points directly at Sam's crotch, there's no mistaking his meaning. 

Sam thinks quickly. Where is this coming from? Gabriel has flirted with him sure, but he flirts with everyone like that. This is different though, this is a whole new level. 

" _What_?" Sam finally says, because he just can't seem to process what's happening. Probably because all the blood has left his brain to pitch a tent in his pants.

"Sammy, _now_..." Dean's voice is gruff from the back seat. 

"Uh, yeah. Just a few more miles, Dean." Sam glances at Gabe. He's still watching Sam but when he sees Sam's eyes flash back to the road he turns back to the scene behind them. 

Gabriel isn't giving up but he knows this isn't the time or the place to push any further. He'll wait until they can be alone, and then try to get a read on Sam's reaction. 

They reach the motel and Sam pays for two rooms, tossing his half-dressed brother a key and watching him and Cas beeline it for the door. He pulls his bag out of the trunk and settles in his room, flipping on the TV. He turns to head to the bathroom and finds Gabe standing in his way. 

"Dammit, Gabe! You scared me!" he says, startled.

"Pretty sure you looked more scared in the car than you do now," Gabe grins at him, "still got that party goin' on in your pants?" 

Sam sighs and looks uncomfortable. Flirting is one thing, but having someone notice your _completely inappropriate_ hard on is another. "What do you want?" Sam asks.

"I'm here to finish our conversation." Gabe focuses those eyes on him again. 

Sam clears his throat. "Uh, what conversation was that?" He puts his hand on his hip, looks down at the floor. 

"Don't play coy with me, Sam-a-lam." Gabriel takes a step forward and Sam retreats. Gabe's eyes flash up and down Sam's body. "So is that my answer? You running away?" 

"Running away from what? Gabe, I don't even know what's happening here. Are you seriously trying to hook up with me?" Sam meets his eyes; he's determined not to look away again. 

"If that's what you want it to be then sure, I guess. I'd thought of something a little more long term, on the regular, ya know?" Gabe wiggles his eyebrows. 

Sam laughs, he can't believe this. "Seriously? Where is this coming from?" 

"Come on, Samsquatch. You know you're hot, and you know I flirt with you. I'm just putting this out there, in case you're interested." Gabe rakes his eyes over Sam, taking a long, slow, appreciative look at the hunter.

Sam crosses his arms, trying to cover himself. "Yeah, well, I'm flattered. I really am. But I'm not into guys," he says. 

_Holy shit. Is this really happening?_ Sam is freaking out. He’s shifting back and forth on his feet, looking anywhere but at Gabriel. Why is he trying to cover himself? He’s fully dressed. He uncrosses his arms, puts them on his hips. No, that feels awkward. He looks at the ceiling. 

_How does he know? Does he know all these thoughts I’ve been having? Does he know when I’m looking at his dimples? When I imagine kissing him?! Oh my God, what if he KNOWS?_

Sam’s going to hyperventilate. He’s bordering on panic. 

_Jesus Christ, calm down, Sam. Chill out._

So Sam has a crush on the angel. It’s understandable. He’s funny and cute and Sam is lonely and looking for something with someone that will _mean_ something. It’s not out of control, Sam still has full control. Right? This is no big deal. It’s not a cursed object, a cupid, a hex, Sam knows because he’s researched them all, done every counter spell he can find just to be sure. No, this is just Gabriel joking and teasing, meaningless flirting, like usual. It doesn’t mean anything. Not what Sam wants it to mean anyway. 

_What the fuck? What I want it to mean? What is that? He’s looking at you, Sam, get yourself under control._

Gabe smiles, dimples showing. "How do you know, you ever tried it?" 

Sam laughs again, he can't help it. "Not that it's any of your business, but yeah. I have. Once. I was in college and I made out with a guy." 

"And you didn't like it? Because I'm pretty sure if you didn't like it you'd say you _kissed_ a guy, it wouldn't have ever reached "make out" proportions." Gabe has a point and he knows it. 

"Ok, so yeah. I didn't hate it. I kinda," Sam shifts his feet, pausing. "I guess I kinda liked it. You know what, none of that matters. I don't know why we're even talking about this. This isn't happening, Gabe," Sam says finally.

_Why? Why can’t it happen, Sam? You want it, you know you do._

He does. Every cell in his body is trying to push him toward the angel, and Sam fights it. He fights so fucking hard. 

_He’s your friend Sam. He’s the only friend you’ve got besides your brother and his angel. So what happens after you give in to this crush? After you work out this attraction to Gabe? To a guy, and you’ve never even been with a guy, what if that doesn’t work out? Then what’ll you be left with? You’ll be left with a broken friendship and a million awkward dinners and car rides, and that’s even if he sticks around. What if it’s one night and then he’s gone? And what if you actually like him? Not like a crush, but really LIKE him? What happens then? No. Just blow this off. Stand your ground. Don’t grab him by the back of his head and crush his mouth to yours. Don’t do it, Sam._

_Don’t. Do. It. God, I want to kiss him so bad. I want to pin him against the wall and shove my hips into him and- SAM, STOP!_

"Aw, you're breakin' my heart here, kiddo." Gabriel clutches his chest dramatically. 

Sam smiles at him, looking down. "I just don't think we should..." Sam doesn't know what to say here. _You need an excuse here, Sam, but you need to be honest too _.__

__He starts over. "I think of you as a friend now, a really good friend, and sex, it would just complicate things, okay?" Sam looks at him, eyes smiling. He doesn't want to ruin his friendship with the archangel, especially since it's the only real friendship he has left. He wishes Gabe wouldn't flash those dimples though._ _

__"Duly noted, sir." Gabe bows slightly to him. "But think about it. If you change your mind you know where to find me." He holds his hand up and snaps his fingers, disappearing._ _

__Sam stands there shaking his head. _Gabe is strange_ , he thinks. He decides to shower and go to bed, forget the whole thing even happened. _ _

__His brain doesn't get the memo._ _

__He lies in bed staring at the ceiling. Gabriel. Gabe? Why would he even think Sam would be interested? Would he be interested? Is he interested? Is Gabriel really interested in Sam? Has all this over the top obnoxious flirting been serious? Sam's head is spinning._ _

__Would Sam even want to try sex with a guy? That night in college was a lifetime ago, he'd never tried anything with a guy since. But Gabe, when he thinks about Gabe it doesn't seem wrong, he's learned to like spending time with the angel. He looks forward to seeing those dimples. Does that mean Sam is interested?_ _

__Sam thinks back to that night his freshman year in college._ _

___He was sitting at a table in a local bar with a few friends, having a beer, laughing, checking out girls. Out of the blue this guy had walked up beside Sam. When Sam turned to ask the guy if he could help him the guy had leaned in and kissed him quickly, right on the mouth. It was over in a second and Sam hadn't even had time to close his eyes._ _ _

___"Sorry," the guy had said, "I had to, God you're so gorgeous." And with that the guy had walked away._ _ _

___Sam didn't even speak to the guy. His buddies had laughed it off and moved on, and Sam was drinking so he forgot about it pretty quick. He got up a while later to go to the bathroom, telling the guys he'd be right back._ _ _

___When he opened the bathroom door he was alone, he walked up to a urinal and relieved himself. As he was zipping up the kissing guy had walked in, he did a double take at Sam and then smiled._ _ _

___The guy was good looking; Sam had to give him that. Bleach blond hair messily spiked up, high cheekbones, dark brown eyes, and a huge smile with perfect teeth. He was almost as tall as Sam, but he was heavier-muscled. And the guy wouldn't wipe that shit eating grin off his face._ _ _

___Sam had turned to him. "What the hell was that about earlier?" Sam demanded._ _ _

___"I told you, you're gorgeous. I just couldn't resist," the guy said. He looked Sam up and down._ _ _

___Sam had pushed him, making the guy laugh. "You can't kiss people without their permission, dickhead." Sam pushed him again._ _ _

___The guy had weight and strength on Sam, he wasn't intimidated. He laughed again. But Sam had speed, agility, an older brother always determined to keep him on his toes, and a lifetime of killing monsters as his fight training. Sam had spun the guy and shoved him into a stall, pressing his face into the metal wall from behind._ _ _

___"Hey, listen- sorry! I'm sorry, man!" the guy said. He was holding his hands up by his head as he apologized._ _ _

___Sam reluctantly let him go. The guy turned slowly, rubbing his cheekbone. He met Sam's eyes and he really did look apologetic. Sam felt bad, he always felt bad after he lost his temper._ _ _

___"No big deal. I hope you don't have a bruise tomorrow." Sam had reached up like he was going to touch the guys cheek, then thought better of it and dropped his hand to his side. "Just a misunderstanding," Sam said._ _ _

___The guy smiled that huge smile. "It's alright, guys love bruises." He winked at Sam._ _ _

___Suddenly Sam realized how close they were standing, pressed together in the stall. No one else was in the bathroom with them, and the stall door had swung shut. Sam looked into the guy's eyes again, big and dark brown. Sam's heart sped up. The guy was just inches away and staring right at Sam's mouth._ _ _

___Sam leaned in, he was short of breath suddenly, his mouth hovering over the guy's, and then he'd kissed him. He touched the roughness of the guy's jaw; he could feel it against the edges of his lips. He opened his mouth, angling his head to the side. He felt the guy's hands fist in the back of his shirt, pulling Sam against him._ _ _

___It was hot and the longer it went the hotter it got. Their hands roaming over each other's muscular arms, through hair, the guy reached down and squeezed Sam's ass. Somewhere off in the distance Sam heard the door to the bathroom open, but it seemed like miles away. He barely registered the sounds of rowdy guys filling the bathroom, but he was so engrossed with the guy that it didn't matter._ _ _

___There was an abrupt bang on the stall door a minute later that brought Sam back to his senses. He pulled away from the guy, realizing he'd had him pinned with his back to the metal door. Sam had a hard on pressing into the front of his jeans and he tried to shove it down, get it under control. Someone hammered on the stall door again._ _ _

___"Get a room, fuckers, I need the stall!" someone yelled._ _ _

___"Shit," Sam said under his breath. The blonde guy pressed up against Sam, giving room to open the door, and then turned and walked out. He didn't seem the least bit embarrassed. Sam, on the other hand, was mortified and confused by his feelings of arousal toward a guy. He'd rushed out of the bathroom and booked it out of the bar and back to his dorm room._ _ _

__He laid in bed that night, and for many nights after, staring at the ceiling trying to figure it out. Could he be bisexual? If he is, what then? Should he explore that? With who? He’d used the memory of making out with that guy in that dirty bathroom to jerk off to on those nights. He’d never felt attraction to another guy before him, but he’d never been hit on by a guy, much less kissed by one and then full on making out with him- he remembers his head spinning for a long time over it. And then he'd met Jess and gotten caught up in a whirlwind and his life hadn't slowed down for a minute since._ _

__He'd been propositioned by a few men since that night in the bathroom, and it always brought back the memory of that night in college, but he'd always smiled and politely declined. Occasionally he’d ponder what had actually caused his reaction to that guy, why had he been so turned on? He'd never found another guy that caused the same reaction though, and so he’d finally figured it was just being young. He chalked it up to raging hormones that one time, and he'd never felt anything like it toward a man since._ _

__Until now. Now his head was reeling after just one short conversation with Gabe. Sam’s pretty sure he needs to come to terms with being bisexual now. This is more than what it was with the guy in the bathroom and nothing had even happened between him and Gabriel yet._ _

___No, not yet. Don’t think YET, Sam. You can’t let it happen. There has to be a reason you’re feeling this way now. Even if you are bisexual, why Gabriel?_ _ _

__But he’s exhausted every avenue to research. There’s just no reason for these feelings other than a true, real, attraction. There just isn’t. He can’t let it happen though. He needs Gabriel as a friend. He needs a friend outside his brother and Cas._ _

___Right? Doesn’t he? But why?_ _ _

__He doesn't need to think about this, he'd declined. Gabe probably wouldn't take no for an answer at first, he rarely did, but if Sam was consistent it would blow over. But he can't stop thinking about it. He can't deny he feels _something_ for Gabe, and has since he showed back up. He just doesn't know what it is. _ _

__Thinking about that bathroom incident had him achingly hard again; he'd never taken care of that after what happened in the car. The whole thing with Gabe had thrown him._ _

__He looked at the clock -- 5:30 am. If he could get to sleep soon he might get three hours before Dean and Cas were ready to leave. He pulls his sweatpants down and wraps his palm around his dick, jerking off out of utility more than anything. At first._ _

__And then he imagines Gabriel, kneeling in front of him. He imagines the angel's mouth sliding over his aching cock, and Sam increases the pressure and slows down a little. He gets himself really worked up thinking about this fantasy, Gabe looking up at him, his hands sliding around to Sam's ass. It goes on and on, and finally Sam comes so hard he's out of breath and his heart is racing._ _

__Gabriel watches Sam, he watches him with his hand wrapped around his cock, jerking with a rhythm. Gabriel feels like a creep, he shouldn't be watching this, but he's terrified since his proposition to Sam. He's afraid he's blown it._ _

__Why had he said that in the car? Why hadn't he waited? He knows why, because if he hadn't forced himself to confront the issue he'd end up living the rest of his life wanting Sam and never knowing how Sam felt. If Sam feels anything he's obviously dealing with it much better than Gabe. He seems content to ignore any feelings he has towards the angel, if he has any at all._ _

__But when Gabriel had seen the longing on Sam's face as he watched Dean and Cas in the mirror, he just couldn't take it. Sam looked like a jealous child, like a starving man watching someone eat a feast. He looked lonely. Gabriel couldn't stand it, he wanted to grab Sam and fly, fast and furious, hide Sam away from the world._ _

__Instead, in true Gabriel fashion, he'd run his mouth. And in true Trickster fashion, he'd pushed entirely too hard. And in true Loki fashion, he'd been cocky as hell. Now what should he do? Act like it didn't happen? No, he won't do that. But he’s not giving up. Whatever this feeling is toward Sam, Gabriel can’t give up on it._ _

__Sam is so fucking beautiful, lying in the bed, his face almost looks in pain he's so close to coming. Gabe longs to kiss him, just lean down and press his mouth to Sam's. Gabriel thinks he'll die if he can't have Sam; he's never wanted anything more._ _

__He watches Sam come; the man can't hold his hips still. His eyes are closed, his tongue pressing against the back of his teeth. "Gabe," Sam whispers. _Did he just hear that?_ No, it couldn't be. He'd imagined it. It was wishful thinking. Gabriel walks around the bed, looking at the long body lying there as the hunter turns to his side. He leaves, but he won't go far. He never goes far from Sam._ _

__Sam rolls over and tries to sleep, finally dozing off. It feels like 20 minutes later he wakes to the sound of Dean banging on the door. Sam gets up and yanks the door open, but it's Gabriel._ _

__"Rise and shine, beautiful, it's time to hit the road!" Gabe sings cheerfully._ _

__Sam is cranky and tired and the last thing he wants to see is the angel he just spent a half an hour jacking off to in his mind. He leaves the door standing open and walks away. He heads toward the bathroom as Gabe saunters into the room._ _

__"You want some coffee, Sam?" Gabe calls out._ _

__"No, I want some sleep," Sam says flatly._ _

__"Uh oh, did someone have a sleepless night? You know what might help with that, kiddo?" Gabe walks up to the bathroom door, watching Sam brush his teeth._ _

__Sam doesn't reply. He doesn't acknowledge what Gabe says and he won't even look at him. He knows if he does Gabe will just wink or wiggle his eyebrows or something obnoxious. Sam spits in the sink._ _

__"Right, I'll see you at the car then." Gabe is gone._ _

__Sam throws on jeans and a flannel and tosses his stuff into his bag. He steps out the door and the sun is absolutely blinding, it gives him an instant headache. This day is going to suck. He sees Cas walk out of a room a few doors down._ _

__"Good morning, Sam," Cas says pleasantly._ _

__"Not really," Sam says under his breath._ _

__"What was that?" Cas asks. Sam knows full well that Cas heard him._ _

__"I said hi, Cas." Sam pushes past him and walks out into the parking lot to the Impala. He tosses his stuff in the trunk and walks to the passenger side door. He sighs in irritation. He hears someone tapping on the roof of the car and turns to see Gabe standing by the driver's side back door._ _

__"Slowpokes," Gabe says, and Sam nods. Gabe continues tapping out a beat on the top of the car. It's getting on Sam's nerves._ _

__"So, Sam. Have any time to think on our conversation during your sleepless night?" Gabriel wiggles his eyebrows. He knows as soon as he says it that it was a mistake, he can tell by Sam's expression. He pushed too hard. _Dammit,_ he thinks._ _

__And there it is. Sam knew it was coming, but he's too tired for this shit today, and he doesn't want to deal with it at all. He also doesn't want to think about having this same conversation, over and over, for the next six months until Gabe finally gets it through his head. He speaks before he thinks it through, like he always does when he's tired or he's angry. Those old demons coming out to play._ _

__"Listen, Gabe. I told you I was flattered, but I'm not interested. I'm just not attracted to you." It comes out cold, and much harsher than Sam intended. He watches Gabriel's face change. His laughing eyes go hard and he nods shortly._ _

__"I'll catch up with you later," Gabe says and then he's gone._ _

__Cas takes this opportune moment to walk up to the car. "Where did Gabriel go?" he asks Sam._ _

__Sam wants to scream. "He said he'd meet up with us later." He opens the car door and gets in, slamming the door behind him._ _

__"What happened?" Cas says, sliding into the seat behind Sam._ _

__"Nothing, nothing happened at all, Cas. Where the hell is Dean?" _If Dean isn't out here in two minutes I'm leaving him,_ Sam thinks._ _

__Cas seems to realize he needs to be quiet so he sits back. Dean is walking toward them a minute later. He tosses his stuff in the trunk and slides behind the wheel._ _

__"Mornin' Baby," he says, touching the dashboard._ _

__"Dean, can you stop caressing your car and let's go, please?" Sam's irritation is off the charts. He's already feeling guilty over what he said to Gabe. He hates it when he's a dick because he didn't sleep. It wasn't really Gabriel's fault._ _

__"Oh good, Sammy's grumpy today. Might as well settle in, it's gonna be a long ride, Cas." Dean starts the car and pulls out._ _

__Gabe never shows up that day. Or the next._ _

__Gabriel doesn't leave; he just hides himself, still standing across the car from Sam. So that was Gabriel's answer then. _"I'm just not attracted to you."_ Sam doesn't feel the same way, and he'd said it in an almost cruel tone. The words felt like arrows. _ _

__He watches Cas walk up, Dean getting in the car, he watches them drive away. He has to let Sam go. He can't stay with him if he can't have him. He won't live like that. Not that living without Sam would even be living, but he won't torture himself by looking at the hunter every day._ _

__Gabriel stands in that parking lot most of the day. He stares down the road, sometimes looking up at the sky. The urge to follow the car gets stronger and stronger. He pleads silently with his Father for answers._ _

___Why? Why do this to me? Did you bring me back just to torture me? If it wasn't you, then who? Tell me, Father. Please, please answer me._ _ _

__He gets no answer. He knew he wouldn't. He doesn't know what to do with himself. What's the point? He might as well stand in this spot until the end of the world. Won't be long now anyway, probably less than a thousand years. It'll pass in the blink of an eye._ _

__As the sun moves over him and shifts lower in the western sky he decides to leave. This is pathetic. An archangel standing in a Motel 8 parking lot, deciding that he'll watch the end of the world from the cracking pavement. He shakes his head at himself._ _

__He flies up and searches. He sees Sam's soul moving north, shining like a lighthouse in the distance, calling to him. He moves away from it, he goes south, he flies fast and hard and lands somewhere in South America. It doesn't feel far enough. He wants to go far enough away that he can't even feel Sam anymore. He knows he can't. He could go to Jupiter and he'd feel this tether to Sam pulling and stretching._ _

__A couple days later Sam is beating himself up pretty good for what he said. Yeah maybe he was tired, but that was no reason to be _mean._ He's now had two sleepless nights in a row and he's moved beyond grumpy to borderline slap happy. And he misses Gabe. He hadn't realized how much he depended on the archangel for friendship, and companionship._ _

__He'd spent the last night lying in bed trying to think about ways to make up to Gabe for his words. This had led to quite a few dirty thoughts, more jerking off, calling out to Gabe and asking if he wanted to talk (to which he got no response), and then finally developing a crappy plan that he thought might work._ _

__And now it's early evening and the sun is getting low on the horizon. They've been in the car too long, too many days in a row, trying to get to another town for another case that’ll probably end up being a bust. Sam and Dean are stir crazy and Cas seems eternally bored. Sam needs a break._ _

__"Hey guys, can we stop in the next town? Get something to eat, like sit at a table and eat a meal? Get a room and try to sleep? I need out of this car for like, 12 hours. Please?" Sam turns, looking back and forth between Dean and Cas, waiting._ _

__"Sure thing, Sammy," Dean finally says._ _

__A half an hour later and they're pulling into a diner. The promise of a greasy cheeseburger is more than Dean can stand and he's out of the car like a rocket. He grabs them a booth and Cas slides in across from Dean. Sam heads to the bathroom._ _

__He's standing there alone, he doesn't even need to go, but he needs privacy. "Gabriel," his voice echoes off the tile walls, "I was hoping you'd join us for dinner. Haven't seen you in a couple days and uhhh... I don't know, it'd just be nice if you hung out." Sam heads back to the table and slides in bedside Dean so he can watch the door._ _

__Gabriel lands in the bathroom as Sam exits. Sam had prayed to him the night before and it had taken every fiber of Gabriel's being not to fly to him. He'd stayed where he was, sitting on a rock formation in Australia, and listened. Sam regretted his words, he missed him, and Gabriel missed Sam more than he'd ever known was possible._ _

__But he needed to give Sam time. If Sam was feeling the same longing as Gabriel, then he'd lied. He was lying to himself just as much as he was to Gabriel, and Gabriel wanted Sam to realize that before he reappeared. But when he'd prayed to him again just now, the angel had broken. He was weak. He stood in the bathroom, thinking. What should he do? He was fighting the familiar Trickster urge. _Give him a taste of his own medicine._ _ _

__No, don't be cruel. His instinct when hurt was always to be cruel. But this was Sam. He couldn't do it, but maybe he didn't have to be cruel, just indifferent. Let Sam see what it feels like, but without saying anything at all. He walks out of the bathroom and sees Cas register his presence. Sam's back is to him as he walks toward the table._ _

__By the time they get their food, which takes forever, Sam has lost hope of Gabe showing up. Sam feels defeated, like he destroyed something with potential before it even got started. He eats monotonously, staring off into space._ _

__Then he sees a man walk past him from the direction of the bathroom. He's almost close enough to brush Sam's shoulder. Sam recognizes the jacket a second before Gabriel turns and slides in the seat beside Cas, directly across from Sam._ _

__Sam swallows his half-chewed food, almost choking. He reaches for his drink, trying to get the food to go down. Dean whacks him on the back._ _

__"Somethin' go down the wrong way?" Dean asks._ _

__Sam nods, he can't talk yet. Gabriel is watching him, face cold and hard. He looks completely indifferent, or maybe disdainful is a better word. Sam thinks he can almost see contempt in the angel's eyes. Sam pounds his chest one last time, clearing his throat before he speaks._ _

__"Hey, Gabriel, it's good to see you! How are you?" Sam sounds too chipper and he knows it, his voice is hoarse and strained from coughing._ _

__"I'm fine, Sam." It's all Gabriel says. The words are curt and direct._ _

__Sam can't figure out how Gabriel is looking directly at him, like the angel sees no one except him, but he appears not to care about Sam at all. His face is a mask. Sam needs to learn that trick._ _

__"Good, you hungry?" Sam realizes the stupidity of the question after it leaves his mouth -- angels don't need to eat._ _

__"No," Gabriel responds._ _

__Sam nods. This isn't going how he thought, but he's realizing now that he hadn't thought through this part of his plan very well. That's what you get when you make crappy plans on zero sleep. He trudges on, trying to get the information he's looking for._ _

__"Do you ever eat?" _What is he even saying?_ Dean gives him the side eye, probably wondering when his little brother lost his marbles. Cas is watching Sam and Gabriel with unveiled interest. He seems to understand that something's happening. _ _

__"I eat candy."_ _

__Sam knew that. He wants to face palm over his own stupidity._ _

__"Yeah, I knew that, duh!" Sam laughs half-heartedly, no one else is laughing. Sam takes another drink. "No, I just meant, do you ever eat food? Like meals or anything?"_ _

__Gabriel is still boring holes into Sam with his eyes. He glances down at Sam's plate of salad for a fraction of a second and then back up at Sam. "I eat desserts." It wouldn't be possible for Gabriel to appear like he cares less about this conversation._ _

__Sam is on the verge of giving up, but he keeps going. "So what's your favorite? Dessert or candy or whatever, you have a favorite?" Dean has put his burger down and is openly watching this train wreck now. The look of _what the fuck_ on his face is fully apparent. _ _

__Gabriel thinks, his eyes showing tiny smile lines at the corners for just a moment. "Devil's food cake, with thick, rich icing. That's my favorite." He finally says._ _

__Sam nods, looking down at his plate again to finally take another bite of his food. He chews it fully, and then takes another drink. He smiles at Gabriel, who doesn't smile back._ _

__"I like pie, Sam. Just in case you were wondering," Dean says, picking up his burger again._ _

__Sam's face flames red in embarrassment, and he looks down to his salad. "Shut up, Dean." He mumbles under his breath. When he looks up again Gabriel is gone._ _

__"That was weird." Dean manages to say around a mouth full of food. Cas looks at Sam, nodding._ _

__Gabriel had to leave again. When Sam smiled at him he'd lost all his resolve. He wanted to swoon like a twelve year old girl. He'd missed that smile in the last few days. He knew now just from the way Sam was acting that he absolutely felt something. Gabriel is pretty certain that Sam hasn't worked it out himself yet though. For being so damn smart he's being awfully slow about this, but Gabriel is determined not to push. He'd screwed up big time by pushing. He's going to let Sam come to the realization on his own._ _

__Gabriel pulls back, keeping the hunters light in sight, but not following too closely. He hopes it will be worth it, all this yearning. He hopes Sam doesn't take long._ _

__Sam manages to sleep that night, after he maps out the drive for the next day. He's got a specific stop he wants to make, and he's not letting Dean stop him. He sleeps about six hours. Six blessed hours, and then he's wide awake again._ _

__He pounds on their door a little before seven. He hears Dean grumble. Sam bangs on the door again. "Are you kidding me?!" Dean yells._ _

__"Come on, I wanna get on the road!" Sam calls out, walking away. He loads his stuff in the car and slides into the seat. He waits almost an hour and finally sees Dean and Cas walk out of their room, both with wet hair. Starting the day with shower sex. Sam can't help but smirk and shake his head._ _

__Dean throws their stuff in the trunk and slides in in front of Cas. "What's the rush?" he asks Sam._ _

__"I got a stop I want to make, I ordered something and we have to be there to pick it up before 5 pm." He hands Dean the map he's laid out._ _

__"Why are we going out of our way?" Dean huffs._ _

__"Just do it, Dean. Please?" Sam doesn't want to explain this. _Please don't make me explain this._ _ _

__"Yes, Sam," Cas says from the back seat. The brothers turn to look at him. "It's fine, right, Dean?" Cas doesn't even know where they're going or how far out of the way this is, but he seems to know it's important to Sam._ _

__"Great, now you two are ganging up on me. Whatever," Dean says, hitting the road._ _

__By 4 pm Sam knows they're not going to make it. The place closes at 5 and they still have over 90 miles to go. If Dean and Cas hadn't killed an hour in the shower that morning they'd have been fine on time. He's given up at this point. He looks over at Dean._ _

__"Just forget it, we're not gonna make it. You might as well turn around," Sam says._ _

__"What?" Dean looks pissed. "Don't tell me we just drove three hours out of our way for _nothing,_ Sam. What the hell is going on?" Dean glares at him while trying to watch the road. _ _

__"It was probably a waste of time anyway," Sam mumbles, looking out the window._ _

__"Dean, will you pull over?" Cas says from the back seat._ _

__Dean looks at him in the rear view mirror. "What the hell for?" Dean's patience is worn thin._ _

__"Please, Dean." Cas is cool and calm, making a small request. Dean finally eases the car onto the shoulder of the road. "Can you give us a minute?" Cas meets Dean's eyes in the mirror._ _

__"Are you guys fucking kidding me? Kicking me out of my own car? The hell is going on today?!" Dean curses up a storm, but he obliges, getting out of the car to lean against the hood._ _

__"What's going on, Sam?" Cas asks softly._ _

__Sam lays his head back, breathing out a huge breath. "I screwed up. With Gabriel, I mean. I was a jerk and I wanted to get to this bakery that has amazing reviews for that cake he likes, but it's too late. I give up."_ _

__"Whatever is going on you can fix it, Sam. You don't need cake." Cas is right, of course._ _

__"Yeah, I just wanted to do something nice I guess. But we got a late start and it just..." He trails off, raising his head to stare at his brother's back._ _

__"That's a nice thought," Cas says. "What's the name of this bakery?"_ _

__"Sweet Sensations, it's still about 90 miles north of here." Sam waits but Cas doesn't say anything. When he turns around Cas is gone._ _

__Dean gets back in the car. "Where the hell's Cas? Did you piss him off too?"_ _

__Sam rolls his eyes. "No, Dean. We were talking and he disappeared."_ _

__There's a fluttering sound and when they turn Cas is sitting in the back seat, bakery boxes stacked beside him. The sweet smell wafting off of them is divine. "I hope you don't mind, I picked up a few other things." He hands three boxes up to Dean._ _

__Dean cracks the top on one cardboard box and looks back at the angel. "Cas, did you get me pie?" Cas nods. "Oh man! Come on, we're done for the day. Sammy, you drive, get us to the next town with a motel. I'm eatin' my pie." Dean is so excited that he looks like a little kid._ _

__Sam slides behind the wheel and they tear out. He looks in the mirror and mouths, "Thank you," to Cas. Cas inclines his head._ _

__Sam sets his room up, cakes, candy and custards covering the small table. He turns the lights down and kills the TV when he's ready. It takes some time to work up the nerve. Finally he sits on the side of the bed._ _

__"Gabe, I was hoping maybe we could talk?" He waits several minutes. Nothing. This probably isn't going to work but he at least has to try. "Gabriel, I wanted to say this in person but I don't think you're going to let me," he pauses, collecting his thoughts. "I'm really sorry for what I said. I was tired, I know that's not an excuse, but I'd thought about you all night and I just couldn't think about it anymore. I just want you to know that it wasn't true, I am-"_ _

__Gabriel is standing across the room from him now, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. He waits, he doesn't say anything. The silence is long._ _

__"I'm sorry," Sam finally says._ _

__"Yeah, I heard that part. I'm waiting for you to finish. You are..." Gabriel drags the word out, waving his arm, prompting Sam to go on._ _

__"Oh. Yeah, ok. Yeah," Sam is trying to put his thoughts back in order._ _

__"Spit it out, Sam." Gabriel hasn't moved._ _

__"I am. I am attracted to you, that's what I was going to say." Sam watches Gabriel. He sees him shift a little, moving from one foot to the other. He stands up straight, uncrosses his arms. Finally Sam sees him nod._ _

__"Okay," he says. Gabriel is rarely at a loss for words, but he certainly is right now._ _

__Sam was expecting more. This is the guy who _always_ has a witty comeback, and all he says is okay? Sam stands up. "Is that it?" Sam's asks. _ _

__"Well, what more do you want, Sam? That hurt, what you said." It's Gabriel looking down now, not meeting Sam's eyes._ _

__Something in Sam pushes him forward. He walks up to Gabriel, hooking his finger under the angel's chin, making him look up. He's a whole head shorter than Sam. "I'm really sorry, Gabe. Can you forgive me, please? I got you cake."_ _

__Gabriel looks around Sam's side and spies the table full of confections. Sam had put a lot of time into this and Gabriel needed to appreciate that, but he's too focused on Sam, looking at his hair falling across his forehead, wanting to brush it back. Sam is so tall, so perfect, standing so close._ _

__"For me?" He's looking up at Sam, and Sam smiles, nodding. "All's forgiven, Samsquatch," Gabriel says. He grabs the neck of Sam's shirt and pulls him down, kissing him softly. Sam's mouth is sweeter than any dessert Gabriel has ever tasted. A strong and heady feeling makes Gabriel almost desperate during the kiss, like he needs Sam to breathe, like he can’t let him go. It throws him, makes him feel unsteady, almost nervous and calm at the same time. Like he’s found something he needs to survive but he has to keep it from running away from him._ _

__Sam feels nerves tickle in his stomach, it starts with those little butterflies, and he hasn't felt that in a long time. But then it changes, it gets stronger, it pulls him closer to Gabriel, like he wants to pick him up and push him against the wall. That’s not butterflies, it’s fluttery like wings, but… More like eagle wings, lifting him up, pushing him closer. _Get closer Sam. Closer._ He’s kissing an angel thinking about flying away on the wings tickling his stomach. _God, you’re a sap._ He pulls back, smiling. "So, you want some cake?" Sam's asks, stepping toward the table. _ _

__Gabriel grabs him by the hand, pulling him back. "Nope, but I'll take a big 'ol slice of Sam, if you don't mind." He pulls Sam down, kissing him again. The kiss is longer this time, Gabriel tries to deepen it but Sam hesitates. Gabe pulls away. "What's wrong, kiddo?"_ _

__"I don't know, shouldn't we at least talk or something first? I've never done this. Well, I've done it, just not," Sam looks at the peeling paint on the wall and tries to go on, "I guess I'm kinda," Sam pauses, he's mortified at what he's even saying out loud. _Shut up, Sam_. He thinks. He looks away at the table of cakes. This is what he wanted Gabriel here for, why is he nervous now?_ _

__"Are you nervous, Sam?" Gabriel lets him walk away; watches Sam sit on the bed again. Sam nods. Gabriel needs to be really careful here, Sam could run if he doesn't make him completely comfortable. "Ok, listen." Gabriel goes on. "We'll take this as fast or slow as you want. We won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, and we'll talk about it all beforehand. No surprises. Deal?"_ _

__Sam ponders; this makes him feel better actually. The relief shows on his face and Gabriel walks over to sit beside him, their thighs pressed together. Sam notices how much longer his thigh is than Gabe's, it's kinda cute. He watches Gabe's hand rest on his knee and he looks at the angel, meeting those intense eyes._ _

__"There's nothing to be nervous about. Sex is sex, doesn't matter who it's with. The important thing is that everyone enjoys himself." Gabe pulls his hand away and faces Sam, like he did the night in the car, his left leg folded between them on the bed. "So let's talk. What do you want to talk about?" Gabriel's whole demeanor has changed in the last few minutes. He's open and relaxed, and it puts Sam at ease._ _

__"Uh, sure. Ok," Sam pauses, thinking. "So, you've been with guys before?" As soon as the words leave Sam's mouth he feels stupid. Gabriel is older than he can imagine, he's got more experience than Sam would ever have in a hundred lifetimes, with both men and women. He did porn for Christ's sake. He wants to take it back immediately. "Sorry, that was a stupid question," Sam says, looking away._ _

__Gabriel laughs. "No it's not, there are no stupid questions. Unless you're asking me what my favorite candy is, and then you should just assume that it's all of them. Got it?"_ _

__Sam laughs. "Got it."_ _

__"So to answer your question, I'm pretty open-minded. I've liked whatever I like over the years. Men, women, gods, monsters, I've been pretty experimental." Gabriel leans back on his arm. His pants are pulled tight and Sam can see a bulge when he glances down._ _

__"Ok," Sam clears his throat, trying to think through what should be discussed before sex. He's never actually had conversations about this stuff _before_ , it's always down to the moment and he's frantically searching for condoms. "What about protection? Do you have any? Shit, I forgot to buy some," Sam's says. _ _

__Gabriel stares at him blankly, and then finally makes the connection. "Ohhhh, you mean condoms! No, I don't need them. I'm an angel, I'm not going to catch anything I can't heal. And I can check you if you want, I think you're clean but I can fix it if not. Plus, no one's getting pregnant, so unless you really _want_ condoms, like a kink, forget it."_ _

__Sam is nodding, thinking more. "Makes sense. You can check me?" Sam is curious about this._ _

__"Sure," Gabriel says. He leans up and touches Sam's forehead for a brief second. "All clear." Gabriel saw something in there, a fantasy, just for a second. He wasn't looking for it, but it flashed through Sam's mind. He tries not to smile._ _

__"Okay, so what about lube and stuff? Who goes where?" Sam wants this all mapped out in his head for some reason._ _

__"I don't care either way, bottom or top. You choose, but I think you're gettin' a little ahead of yourself, Sam. We've barely kissed; we don't need to plan out positions of the Kama Sutra on the first night. Slow down." Gabriel leans back again, relaxing._ _

__Sam looks at him and is almost surprised by how attracted to he is to him. Had he just never noticed or had he suppressed it? Whatever the case was, it's strong now, and growing stronger. He leans over, he's tall enough that even with Gabriel leaned back he can reach his mouth._ _

__Gabriel doesn't move, he sees Sam coming toward him slowly and he waits, studying Sam's face. Sam kisses him, and Gabriel can't believe this is happening. He's wanted it so long it doesn't feel real, he's trying to control himself. He wants to devour Sam, take him over, the urge is so strong, but he holds back. Sam is nervous, unsure, and if Gabe pushes too hard Sam might freak again, like that night in the car. He doesn't want that, he's terrified of that, so he keeps himself in check._ _

__The kiss starts slowly, it's nice, easy. Sam turns his head, opening his mouth. He feels Gabriel's tongue lightly touch his. He feels that flutter in his stomach. Sam wants to touch Gabriel's face, but he's holding himself over Gabriel with his hands. He lifts one hand and puts it at the back of Gabriel's head, pulling him to a straighter sitting position. Sam has both hands on the side of the angel's face now, kissing him deeper. Gabe is definitely kissing him back too, his hands twisting in the shoulders of Sam's shirt._ _

__Gabriel hasn't touched him anywhere below the chest and Sam is hard and ready. His erection is shoved down one leg of his jeans because he's not wearing underwear, and because of the way he's turned toward Gabe._ _

__From Gabriel's breathing Sam can tell he's turned on too, he's making little sounds and nipping at Sam's bottom lip occasionally. Both are out of breath. Gabriel gently pushes Sam's head to the side, kissing a trail down from the corner of his mouth, over Sam's jaw, and down his neck. His hands slide lower, fingers gripping in Sam's shirt on the sides of his waist._ _

__Sam has got to move, he's got to move his erection. His jeans are cutting in, he can't take it anymore. He pulls away gently._ _

__"Just, can I just take one second here? I'm having an issue," he says, standing up. He turns away from Gabriel, shaking out his pant leg. He reaches into his jeans and adjusts himself, letting out a sigh of relief._ _

__"Yeah, I'm having that problem too." Gabriel leans back again, and when Sam turns to look at him he can clearly see his hard cock outlined in the tight jeans._ _

__"I guess this takes away any doubt I still had about you being attracted to me though," Gabriel says, grinning. He stands up in front of Sam, stepping directly up to him. He puts his hands up under Sam's shirt, touching the skin on his sides. From what happened with that kiss Gabriel thinks he might be able to get somewhere with this much faster that he thought. He has an idea, and if it's too fast for Sam, he'll slow down._ _

__"Yeah, there's no questions about that." Sam leans down to kiss him again, but Gabriel drops to his knees. "What are you doing?" Sam asks._ _

__"Oh come on, Sam. I think you know. I saw this in your head when I touched you. You like thinking about me on my knees. You like the thought of an archangel on his knees for you?" Gabriel is looking up at him, gold eyes glittering. He unbuttons Sam's jeans, slowly sliding the zipper down. Sam's dick springs out, it’s definitely making an appearance now._ _

__"You don't have to-- you don't have to do that." Sam is embarrassed. Telling someone your fantasies is exposing enough, having that person _see_ them inside your head is a whole other level. But Sam is also horny as hell, and the idea of seeing one of his fantasies played out is turning him on._ _

__"Trust me, I want to." Gabriel grabs the back of his jeans and pulls them down to his knees. He runs his hands over the front of Sam's muscular thighs, leaning in to kiss the sensitive skin where his leg meets his groin. He looks back up at Sam._ _

__"Get out of these clothes, please? I want to see you," Gabriel says._ _

__Sam pulls his shirt off and throws it on the bed. He steps out of his jeans and stands there, completely naked. He's confident about his body, there's no doubt about that. His dick is twitching with his rapid heart rate._ _

__Gabriel stands again, and pushes Sam back toward the wall. Once Sam's back is against it the angel drops to his knees again. He wastes no time, not giving Sam time to think about what's happening. He's wrapping his hand around the base of Sam's cock and licking the pre come dripping from the head._ _

__Sam rests his head back against the wall, closing his eyes._ _

__"No, Sam. Look at me." Gabriel stops his teasing licks and waits for Sam to obey._ _

__Sam looks down as Gabriel slides the length of his cock into his mouth. He bobs his head, slicking Sam up, and then takes him all the way in. Sam pushes into Gabriel's throat, and Gabe uses tight suction. It makes Sam's balls clench. His eyes want to close but he fights to keep them open, watching Gabriel as he swallows him down, swirls and licks and flicks with his tongue._ _

__"Holy shit," Sam whispers. His eyes flutter closed and Gabriel stops. Sam opens them, meeting the angel's eyes, and Gabriel slams Sam down his throat. Sam's hand goes to the back of Gabe's head. Sam hasn't felt anything like this in so long, he's ready to come in no time._ _

__"Gabe," he says. Sam's eyes are half closed, pupils wide, his soft lips parted. He sees Gabriel raise an eyebrow, but he doesn't stop what he's doing. "I'm gonna come, I'm close," Sam whispers. Gabriel nods; he increases the suction and takes longer strokes with his mouth._ _

__Sam is in ecstasy, he can't hold himself still anymore. He has both hands on the sides of Gabriel's head now, and he's thrusting into the angel's face, hard and fast. Sam is almost whining it feels so good. Gabriel gives up all movement to Sam, letting him fuck his face._ _

__"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck..." Sam is saying over and over, and then he blows apart. His knees go weak. His orgasm is so hard, his eyes close without him even knowing. Gabriel takes over movement again, sucking Sam dry. He finally pulls his mouth away, and Sam is a twitching pile of jello._ _

__Sam steps toward the bed and then collapses on it face first. "That was awesome," Sam says. He wants to pass out. He's so content and relaxed, like every ounce of tension in his body just escaped through his dick._ _

__Gabriel laughs behind him. "Man, I _love_ this view," he says. _ _

__Sam realizes that Gabe is staring at his ass and he laughs. "Kiss my ass, Gabriel." Sam hears the angel laugh louder, and then hears the sound of silverware clinking together._ _

__"I just might take you up on that Sam, but right now I want some cake."_ _

__Sam rolls to his side, looking over at Gabe. "What about you?"_ _

__"Nah, I'm okay. We needed to get that out of your system, next time we'll work on me." Gabriel wiggles his eyebrows, putting a slice of cake on his plate. "Besides, you need sleep. Too much thinking for you the last few days. Get some rest, I'm not going anywhere." Gabriel takes a bite of the cake and closes his eyes. "Where did you get this? This is perfection," Gabriel moans around another mouthful._ _

__"Just a little place I heard about. So you're not leaving?" Sam's asks._ _

__"I'm definitely not leaving this table any time soon, Sam-I-am." Gabriel is shoveling more cake in his mouth._ _

__Sam flips to his back, sprawling across the bed. He just needs a few hours and then he's going to pay Gabe back for that _insane_ orgasm. He's warming up to this idea of him and Gabe really quickly. "Okay," Sam says, and he's asleep._ _


	4. Chapter 4

Gabriel watches Sam sleep. He can't believe he got that far in one night, he never imagined that would happen. He thinks he knows now how to handle this. He needs to stay cool, playful, kind of aloof. Not put too much emotion out there, he's pretty sure Sam has convinced himself that this is just sex. Gabriel knows it's not, it's far from it for him anyway, but he's still doesn't know exactly what's going on. And until he finds out, Sam can come to terms with his emotions, if he has any, slowly.

He stays until morning, and then he feels Dean approach. He decides to leave, give Sam some space. He'll stay close, but hidden, and let Sam wonder a little. 

Sam wakes the next morning to a knock on the door. He sits up, hair sticking up wildly. He's still naked but the blanket is over him now. The knock comes again, louder. It's Dean. 

"Yeah?" Sam yells out. 

"You got your phone off? I tried to call you and wake you up. Get ready, leaving in 20." Dean must walk away because he doesn't say anything else.

Sam looks around. The cake and sweets are gone. Gabriel is gone. He looks at the clock. 7:30. How long did he sleep? What time did he fall asleep? 

He gets up and showers, then throws his stuff in a bag and heads to the Impala. Dean and Cas are leaned against the car, it's a beautiful sunny morning. Sam throws his bag in the trunk.

"Hey guys, where's Gabe?" Sam asks. 

Dean shrugs and Cas looks at Sam for a second and then smiles, just one corner of his mouth going up. "I don't know," Cas says. 

Sam slides into the passenger seat. He turns and looks at Dean and Cas' backs pressed against the driver's side window of the car. He sees Cas brush the back of Dean's hand with his own. He looks away. It seems private for some reason, such a small and meaningful touch. 

Dean and Cas get in the car and then they're on the road. They drive almost five hours before they stop. Sam is starving, he shouldn't have skipped breakfast. He needs to use the bathroom too. Dean must be thinking the same thing; he pulls into a roadside gas station. 

Sam stretches and walks around to the bathroom, which stinks before he even goes in. No way he's going in there. It's a pretty abandoned area, all the buildings around are crumbling and empty, so he walks behind the station and relieves himself. He zips up his fly and turns to find Gabriel behind him. 

"Mornin' sunshine," Gabriel says. 

"It's afternoon now, Gabe. Where have you been?" Sam stretches again, raising his arms above his head. He notices Gabriel looking at his bare stomach as his shirt rides up. 

"Keeping tabs already, Sammo? I didn't peg you for the type." Gabriel is joking, but it irks Sam anyway. 

"Not at all." He drops his arms and starts to walk past the archangel. 

Gabriel grabs his wrist. Sam stops and looks down at his hand, then meets those golden eyes. 

"I took off a few minutes before Dean knocked, I bounced around and caused some mischief, now I'm back." Gabriel states it all very frankly. 

Sam nods. "Okay," he says. "Did you eat all the cake?" he asks, very serious.

"What?" Gabriel seems a little thrown by the question. "No, not all of it." His eyes look away for a brief second, then back at Sam. "Well, maybe most of it." Sam stares at the angel and waits. "Ok, fine. Yes. Yes, I ate all the cake, Sam. Don't look at me like that. If my ass gets big it's your fault." 

Sam laughs, he can't help it. Gabriel's eyes are full of laughter too. He lets go of Sam's hand. Sam leans down and kisses him quickly, just a peck, but he sees the surprise on Gabriel's face. The familiarity of it kind of catches Sam off guard as well. Sam walks away, Gabriel following him. 

Dean comes out of the gas station eating some sort of disgusting roller food, bottles of water and candy bars sticking out of his arms. Sam would rather starve then eat that, his stomach rebels at the thought. He doesn't even go in the store. He pulls a bottle of water out of Dean's arm and gets into the car.

There's a clear plastic container with salad on the seat beside him. He looks back at Cas but he seems oblivious. Sam picks it up, there's chicken in there, it looks just like the salad he ate a couple nights ago. There's a fork on the seat too. Sam opens and smells it, it smells fine. He takes a bite. 

Dean and Gabriel slide in the car at the same time, their doors shutting in unison. Dean sees Sam's salad and stops chewing. 

"Where'd you get that?" he asks around a mouth full of greasy Tornados. 

Sam shrugs and takes another bite. He glances over his shoulder at Gabriel, who winks. 

"Leave it to you to find rabbit food in the middle of a gas station." Dean dumps the contents of his arms on the seat. 

Gabriel leans over the back of the seat and grabs a Milky Way. "Thanks, Deano!" 

"Hey! Don't touch a man's candy!" Dean barks, but Gabriel already has the candy bar open and has taken a bite. Dean grumbles and starts the car. 

Gabriel is quiet for most of the day. He answers questions and talks here and there but he's not his usual self. He makes a few jokes but mostly he's kind of aloof. He stares out the window, making Sam wonder what he's thinking about.

They make it into the next town after midnight, Dean pushing through just to get there. It's a small case, maybe a salt and burn. They'll check it out tomorrow. The drive has been pretty quiet, just a couple more gas station stops and bathroom breaks.

They find a motel and check in, Dean slowly unloading his stuff from the car. He looks beat. Sam has to figure out a way to make Dean let him help with the driving. 

Sam grabs his bag and heads to his room. He looks back at Gabe, still standing by the car. Should he openly invite him in? He shouldn't have to; Gabe spends most evenings with Sam anyway. One blow job is making things awkward already. Sam wonders if Gabe wants Dean and Cas knowing what's going on between them. What if he doesn't? Gabriel nods at Sam and Sam unlocks the door. 

The room is tiny, but it's clean at least. The bed doesn't look much bigger than a twin, and Sam can already tell his feet are going to hang off the end. Oh well, he slept forever last night, that'll get him through about a week. 

He puts his bag down and kicks off his shoes. He wants to stretch his legs out; he's been cramped in the car way too long. He grabs a book and sits on the bed with his back against the wall and crosses his ankles. He leans his head back and closes his eyes, just enjoying the quiet. No sound of the engine, no one talking, no music, just... Silence. 

The TV flips on and he hears the unmistakable sound of corny porn music. _Gabriel_. This is his normal flirting, he does this to Sam all the time. Sam opens his eyes and looks at the TV, expecting to see a fake mustached Gabe with his blonde co-star. 

Instead he sees two men. Neither one of them is Gabriel, but they're both good looking. Both tall, muscled, clean cut. Their shirts are off and they're kissing, standing next to a bed. 

"Gabriel," Sam says to the empty room, and then he waits. Nothing. "Come on, Gabe," he calls out. The room is so small he doesn't even have to turn his head to see it all in his peripheral vision. Gabe doesn't appear. 

Sam watches the men. The one is pushing the other against the wall, not rough, but like he's taking the lead. The camera zooms in on their faces and the lead guy kisses down the other one's neck. He bites him, and then runs his tongue over it, making the guy hiss. The camera zooms out and the lead guy has his hands on the other ones belt, slowly sliding the leather out of the buckle. 

Sam leans his head back, closes his eyes, and tries to tune out the porn. There's no reason to turn it off, it'll just come right back on, he's tried that before. One of the guys moans. Sam clears his throat and sits up straighter, determined to tune it out. 

He can hear their breathing, when he doesn't hear the sounds of them kissing. He hears belts sliding, zippers going down. Gasping, groaning, a bed softly creaking. He tries so hard to tune it all out, but he just can't. And then they start talking. Sam keeps his eyes closed; he doesn't know who is saying what. 

"God, that feels good." The voice is low, almost a whisper. 

"That? You like that?" That voice is deep, very masculine. 

"Yeah, yes," it's a whisper. 

"What about this?" The deep voice says. 

The only answer is a whine.

The distinct sound of skin slapping together. Sam is getting hard.

"Yeah, you like that. You want it again?" 

Another whine.

"No, you gotta tell me. You gotta say it, tell me you want it." 

"Please, yes, again please," the low whisper says. 

Skin is slapping again.

"Yeah, fuck yeah that feels good, fuck," the deep voice is grunting, Sam imagines him biting his lip. 

"Yes, oh God," the whisper is whimpering, Sam imagines his eyes closed tight, face screwed up in pleasure.

Sam pushes his dick over through his jeans, adjusting himself.

"You feel so good," the deep voice says. "Damn, it's so good. I gotta slow down, fuck." 

The sounds change, one of them hums, breathing heavily. 

"Here, let me," the whisper is so soft. The bed creaks, they're moving around. 

"Oh yeah," the deep voice gets so low, "that's it, right there, yes," the guy's breath is panting in and out. "Fuck yes, yes, slow down, oh fuck, slow down, fuck, fuck." 

Sam can't take it anymore, he opens his eyes. Gabriel is standing directly in front of the TV. He's looking at Sam's hand resting on his crotch, and he slowly lifts his eyes to meet Sam's. 

"Enjoying the show, Sam? I've seen this one, it's pretty good. Spoiler alert: it has a _very_ happy ending." Gabriel smiles just barely, looking at Sam. Sam's face is flushed, his collar bones showing just slightly in the v neck of his shirt. His huge hand covering the bulge in his pants. 

Sam shifts on the bed; he starts to turn like he's going to get up. 

"No, don't move, I insist. I'll come to you," Gabriel says. He puts his hands on either side of Sam's feet, his palms pushing into the mattress. He crawls up the bed, up Sam's body, and sits on Sam's lap. His ass pressing directly on top of Sam's erection. 

Sam leans up and kisses him, his hands resting on Gabriel's thighs. Sam wants to go slow, he really does, but he's ready now. He slides his hands up Gabe's thighs and around his back, pulling him closer. He wishes these clothes were gone. 

He feels Gabriel pulling at the bottom of his shirt. Sam sits up away from the wall and raises his arms, letting the angel pull his shirt over his head. 

Gabriel is wearing a jacket, a long sleeve shirt and a t-shirt. "Why are you wearing so many clothes?" Sam says against his mouth. 

"What can I say; I take my fashion cues from the Winchesters." Gabriel flings the jacket and long sleeve shirt to the floor, and then lets Sam pull his t-shirt off. 

Sam's body is hard, long and lean, muscles outlined, veins showing. Gabriel's body is strong and sturdy. Sam can feel strength is his back and arms and chest as his hands roam over the angel's skin, but his stomach is soft. Sam likes the contrast between them; he wants to feel those thighs, that ass. 

Sam's hands are everywhere, and his jeans are causing issues again. Gabriel is grinding down on him. Sam kisses down Gabriel's chest, and he can see a large bulge in the front of Gabe's pants. He unbuttons them, but the position they're in doesn't give them any movement. 

"Pants, Gabe, I need out of these pants," Sam says as he flicks his tongue over Gabriel's nipple. Gabriel pulls away, throwing his leg off of Sam and standing.

"My new goal in life is to get you outta your pants as often as possible, Sam." Gabriel steps back in the tiny room giving Sam space to stand and kick his jeans off. 

Sam laughs. He steps up to Gabriel and leans down, watching Gabriel look up at him. Gabriel hadn't taken his pants off. Sam slips a finger in the waist of his pants and pulls him closer. He kisses him, and starts to slide the zipper down, but the angel puts his hand over Sam's.

Sam stops kissing him, holding his face very close, looking into those golden eyes. 

"Don't worry about me," Gabriel says

"That's not happening. After last night, it's your turn." Sam is still less than an inch from Gabriel's face, he shakes his head. 

"Fine, have it your way, Samsquatch." Gabriel unzips his pants and pulls them down, stepping out of them. He's hard, about the same size as Sam, but thicker. Definitely thicker. 

Sam kisses him again, feeling Gabe's hardness pressed flush against his thigh. Sam pushes him toward the bed until the angel's knees connect and Sam pushes him to sit. 

Sam kneels in front of Gabriel. With Gabriel sitting on the side of the bed and Sam on his knees, the angel is actually taller than him. It's Gabriel's turn to lean down and kiss Sam. Sam reaches between them, wrapping his hand around Gabriel's thick hardness. He strokes his hand up and down, making the angel hum into the kiss. 

Sam puts his other hand on Gabriel's shoulder and gently pushes him back. Gabriel lays flat, but rests on his elbows so he can still watch what Sam is doing. Sam looks down at the foreign dick in his hand and licks his lips.

Gabriel watches as Sam leans down and wraps his mouth around the head of his cock. He's gentle, sucking and licking, and Gabriel is pretty sure that Sam's mouth closing over his dick is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. Sam wraps his hand tightly around the base and starts a rhythm with his hand and mouth sliding up and down. Gabriel's eyes almost close on their own, it feels so damn good, but he fights to keep them open. He doesn't want to miss a second of this. 

"Oh fuck," Gabriel says, the words come out slowly, "you're gonna wreck me with this, Sam, fucking wreck me." He sees Sam smile just barely around his cock. 

Sam is trying to remember things he liked when he's gotten blowjobs, but his mind is coming up blank. Hearing Gabriel say it's good makes him want to do more, make it better, and he tries something different. 

Gabriel watches as Sam slides his hand all the way up his cock, so only the head is exposed. Those huge hands, they feel amazing in their own right. And then Sam puts his mouth over the head, using tight suction and running his tongue around. Gabriel's hands twist into the sheets. 

"Ohhh shit, are you kidding me? That's so good," Gabe feels the suction get even stronger, he didn't think it was possible, "I am doing that to you next, you just wait." Sam laughs a little, and the hum vibrates through Gabriel's dick. His head falls back, he can't help it, it feels too good. 

Sam slides his hand down now, pushing down at the base of Gabe's thick cock. He slides his mouth up and down, taking in as much as he can until he almost gags. He uses as much suction as he can, and he watches one of Gabriel's hands grip the sheets and pull.

Gabriel is watching again. "Sam, your mouth," Gabriel sees Sam look up, their eyes meet and those hazel eyes looking back at him, those pupils blown wide, it makes him lose his train of thought for a second. He realizes Sam is waiting for him to talk again, he can see Sam's other arm moving below the bed. Sam is touching himself, and Gabriel realizes that Sam likes hearing him talk. 

The angel smiles. "Your mouth is so fucking perfect." Those hazel eyes almost closed, only half open, looking at him. It's so damn sexy. "Are you touching yourself?" 

Sam nods, his mouth so tight around Gabriel that the angel thinks he might blow apart in a second. 

"Are you imagining that's me touching you?" 

Sam doesn't stop what he's doing, but his eyes close. 

"I want you to imagine that's me, that's my hand on you, oh fuck," Gabriel has to pause for a second when Sam pushes his cock down his throat and swallows around it. He goes on, his voice a little lower, the words coming out slower. "Imagine that's my hand, touching you exactly how you like it, but you can't come. You're not allowed to come, ok?" 

Gabriel can see Sam's arm slow down, he nods again. 

"Good, this is so good," Gabriel watches Sam closely, "best blow job I've ever had." 

Sam blushes at those words and licks and sucks Gabriel until he's a gasping whining mess. All the while slowly stroking his own cock with his free hand. 

"Put a finger in my ass," Gabriel suddenly says. He sees Sam's eyes open; they look up at him a little wide. Sam pulls his mouth off of Gabe's cock. Gabriel thought this might throw Sam a little bit. 

"Uh, what?" Sam asks. 

"Oh come on, have you never had a woman..." Gabriel pauses as he sees Sam's eyes shift away. "You haven't, oh, Sammo, you're making all my wet dreams come true. Are you telling me you have a _virgin ass_?" 

Sam's face blushes red and he tries not to smile. He'd been pretty comfortable in this situation until this second, but insecurity comes rushing in now and he feels like a fumbling sixteen year old in the back seat of a car. 

"Oh now, don't get embarrassed. We're gonna resolve this very soon, trust me." Gabriel waits until Sam meets his eyes and then winks. 

Sam blushes again. "Just tell me what to do," he says. 

"Can do!" Gabriel sits up. He hands Sam a small bottle of lube. Sam looks at it, probably wondering where it came from. "First of all, I'm going to move so I'm not lying across the bed so I can put my legs up. It'll make it easier for you to find what you're looking for." Gabriel spins, putting his head on the pillow by the headboard. He adjusts his body and then bends his knees. 

Sam stands, stretching. His arms above his head, muscles in his stomach standing out. He's all angles and hardness, his dick standing at attention. Gabriel watches him. 

"Man, you are fucking gorgeous," Gabriel whispers. He watches Sam smile and look down. "You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?" Gabriel shakes his head a little, how can Sam not know? 

"Shut up," Sam whispers softly. Sam moves and sits on the bed between Gabriel's legs and looks up at him, waiting. 

"Ok, put some lube on your finger," Gabriel says, he crosses his arms behind his head.

"Which finger?" Sam holds his hand up, palm facing Gabriel. Those huge hands, long fingers. 

"Even your hands are sexy, how is that possible?" Gabriel sees Sam roll his eyes. "It doesn't matter, you pick one. Surprise me." Gabriel hears the cap open and recognizes that distinct squishing noise. "Ok, now go back to what you were doing. All of it, repeat everything from the very beginning. Twice. Do all of it twice, and I'll talk you through it."

Sam can't help but laugh out loud at this and leans down to take Gabriel into his mouth with renewed enthusiasm. Gabriel is watching him, and Sam makes a point to look into his eyes, using the tip of his tongue to taste the drop pre come on the head. 

"I could get off just watching this. It's so fucking hot," Gabriel says, he sucks in a breath as Sam slides his mouth down. 

Sam wants to touch himself again but he doesn't have a free hand now. He's got one wrapped around the base of Gabriel's cock and the other has fingers slicked with lube, waiting for Gabriel's instructions. Sam is going to be aching to come by the time this is over. 

"Ok, slow down with that or I won't be able to talk." Gabriel shuts his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. "Right, that's good. Now, take your finger and slide it down below my balls until you feel my ass." 

Sam does what he's told, gently pressing his finger down between the cheeks. Gabriel spreads his legs a little wider so Sam can better find his target. 

"That's it, now gently rub your finger around the opening. Do circles, rub back and forth, and when you're ready slowly push your finger in. 

Sam gently massages the tight hole, rubbing up and down between the balls and the entrance. He starts circles then, rubbing his finger around the muscle, never letting up with his mouth on Gabriel's cock. He makes long slow strokes up and down, and he smiles when he feels Gabriel's fingers slide through his hair. He can feel Gabriel relaxing. 

Sam presses his fingertip inside, just barely, and Gabriel sighs. "That's good. Keep your finger facing up. Now slide it in to about the second knuckle, you'll feel a little bundle, you'll kn-" Gabriel stops talking and rises up slightly. He moans loudly.

Sam knows he's found what he was looking for. He rubs it gently, and lets Gabriel move his hips in and out of Sam's mouth.

"Ok, ok, ok, you found it, let up, let up, Sam. I don't want to come yet, less pressure." Gabriel is out of breath. "Good, ok, now just play, but be easy. I want this to last as long as possible." 

Sam wants to laugh. Instead he holds his finger still, stopping all pressure and movement inside Gabriel. He concentrates on his mouth, sucking hard, and when he puts pressure on the prostate again he tastes a rush of pre come. Gabriel writhes, his hands pulling Sam's hair. 

Sam does exactly what Gabriel asked for. He starts from the beginning, licking and sucking, putting random pressure on the little bundle. He drags it out, going slow, speeding up, and every time he thinks Gabriel is close to coming he slows to almost a halt. He tortures the angel with pleasure, until he's moaning and gasping, hips bucking into Sam's face. 

"Please, Sam, please," Gabriel is begging for release. Sam has learned all of his weaknesses in about 15 minutes, and he's using them all against him. "You're killing me. You're going to kill me with this, please." 

Finally, _finally_ Sam gives him what he needs. He keeps his palm wrapped tightly around Gabriel's cock, his mouth sucking tightly on the head, and he uses his finger in a come hither motion on that little pleasure spot inside. Gabriel moans loudly, then whispers Sam's name over and over. He can't take it anymore. 

Sam feels him coming, the angel's hips stuttering up into his face. Sam shoves his mouth down, so he's coming down the tightness of Sam's throat, hot and thick. Sam swallows it down, sucking him dry, until Gabriel touches his face. Sam rises up then, looking at Gabriel. He has to admit, he looks absolutely wrecked. His hair is sticking up in every direction, his eyes are closed and his breaths are still shallow and fast. Sam can't help but smile at the sight. 

He lies down alongside him; he has to press up against him because the bed is so narrow. He watches Gabriel's breathing slow, his eyes slowly opening. He looks at Sam, he doesn't say anything he just rolls toward him and kisses him hard and long. He feels Gabriel's hand on his cock then; it's been dripping pre-come so long that it's soaked. Gabriel slides his palm over the head and Sam thrusts, he can't help it. 

Gabriel pulls away and nips at Sam's ear. "Get comfortable, Samsquatch. I'm working my way down, but you're so tall it might take a while to get there." Sam laughs softly and Gabriel goes on, "If you don't hear from me in a couple days send help." 

Sam laughs louder "Shut up, Gabe." He whispers. 

"Oh, now you want me to shut up?" Gabriel says, he's kissing his way down Sam's chest. "Seems to me you quite enjoyed my commentary earlier." 

"I've got better things for your mouth to do now," Sam says. This gets a laugh out of Gabriel. 

"Yeah, I'm gonna enjoy filling my mouth up with this beautiful cock." He's kissing low on Sam's belly now, licking the hard flat plane of skin above his aching dick. "It's so hard and long, Sam. Just like you. Exactly what I imagined." 

Sam can feel Gabriel's breath on the head; he wants that mouth wrapped around him. Gabriel strokes him, but barely. Sam wants more, he needs it. He rubs his palms down his face. He looks down, and Gabriel is staring at him with those golden eyes, his mouth hovering over the head of Sam's dick. 

"Suck my dick," Sam says. He sees those smile lines around Gabriel's eyes, and watches as that mouth closes over him. 

Gabriel isn't messing around, or maybe Sam is already wound so tight it wouldn't matter what Gabe did. Sam is ready to come, and fast. But Gabriel stops. He pushes Sam's legs apart and back, so Sam's knees are bent up, pointing toward the ceiling. 

"Just relax," Gabriel says. His finger is slick, and he rubs gently down below Sam's balls. Sam can't help but tighten up when he feels the finger touch his ass, it's involuntary, but he takes a deep breath and concentrates on relaxing. It feels weird, but not bad. 

Gabriel strokes him with one hand, gently rubbing circles around the hole with his finger. Sam is relaxing more and more, and it's starting to feel good. Sam starts that climb again, moving closer to coming. 

Gabriel slows his hand down and gently pushes his finger in, just barely. He's watching Sam's face very close. His eyes are closed, Gabriel is watching his reaction to everything. He sees his eyes tighten a little at the invasion.

"Relax, Sam. If you don't like it we'll stop." He sees Sam nod a little, and feels him relax. Gabriel pushes his finger in a little more. "Do you want me to stop?" He waits, stroking Sam with a little more pressure in his hand, making him not focus on what's happening in his ass. Sam shakes his head no, meaning don't stop.

"I'm almost there." Gabriel pushes in a tiny bit more and Sam almost comes up off the bed. 

Sam jerks, it almost feels like he needs to pee and he's going to come all at once. It's so intense he doesn't realize he's holding his breath until he has to gasp. "Jesus Christ," Sam pants, looking down at Gabriel between his legs. 

"Yep, there it is. You ok?" Gabriel watches Sam, giving him a minute. Sam blows a breath out and nods. Gabe smiles at him, "Good, now just lay back and enjoy."

Gabriel slides his mouth down onto Sam and gently moves his finger inside. It still feels foreign but not so much like an invasion anymore. And when it hits his prostate Sam is definitely not uncomfortable. He's not going to last long and he knows it. 

"I'm not gonna last," Sam says. Gabe isn't letting up so Sam assumes he knows. He's sliding his hand up Sam's cock and sucking on the head, the same way Sam did to him. Sam has to admit, it feels incredible. He feels that movement inside him, that pressure, it's too much. Sam is trying not to come; he doesn't want come within two minutes of a blowjob starting. Who does that? 

Sam puts his hands over his face, his voice muffled into his palms. "Oh, God. Gabe, I'm gonna come if you don't stop. I mean totally stop, here it comes, fuckkkk." Sam explodes, coming hard. He wants to thrust into Gabe's face, he wants to shove himself down on that finger, he wants to scream and moan, but he can't do any of it. He comes so hard his whole body tightens, the muscles in his stomach clearly outlined as he crunches up. He doesn't even know he's doing it, he can't even breathe he comes so hard, and Gabriel never lets up. 

Gabriel watches Sam come, probably the strongest orgasm the Winchester has ever had. The veins in his neck are protruding, his hands hiding his face until the slide up into his hair. He's biting his lip, his eyes shut tight, the muscles in his arms tighten like ropes. Gabriel doesn't stop until he knows it's over, until Sam stops twitching and he sees him breathing again. Only then does he pull his mouth off of Sam and slowly slide his finger out.

Sam put his hands over his face again. "Man, that's embarrassing." He half laughs. 

"What?" Gabriel climbs up Sam, he straddles his waist, pressing his ass against Sam's softening cock. "What are you talking about?" 

"I can't believe I came that fast," Sam says, finally letting his hands fall down. He puts his palms on Gabriel's thighs, he's been wanting to touch those thighs. 

"Hey, that's totally normal the first time you have your prostate played with. Nothing to be embarrassed about." Gabriel lays his head down on Sam's chest. He gets the feeling Sam wants a minute to compose himself without Gabriel staring at him. 

Sam runs a hand through his hair, realizing the lube is gone from his fingers. "What happened to all that lube on my hand?' He asks. 

"Angel clean up, Sammo, works like a charm. I can make lube out of thin air and make it disappear just as fast." Gabriel moves his head a little, listening to the rumble of Sam's laugh in his chest. He hears his strong heartbeat, the breath in and out. 

"Can I ask you a question? And get a serious answer, I mean." Sam wraps his arms around Gabriel's back, this is so new but it feels so comfortable, like a favorite old sweatshirt on a cold winter day. It's warm and relaxed; Sam isn't sure what that means. 

"Oh, kid, you know I hate serious. Fine, fire away," Gabriel sighs heavily. 

"Why were you different today? In the car, I mean. You were pretty quiet." Sam waits. He doesn't know what this is between him and Gabe, maybe it's not serious, but if he doesn't ask and it's the same thing tomorrow his curiosity will kill him.

Gabriel rises up and searches Sam's face for a second. Sam has no idea what he's looking for. 

"I didn't really know what you wanted; do you want to act like nothing happened? Do you want Dean and Cas to know about this? I just played it safe." Gabriel watches for a reaction from Sam, looking for something that gives away how he feels about this, but there's nothing. 

Finally Sam nods. "Ok, I see that. I don't care either way though, honestly. Will Dean be happy about this? Probably not. Do I care? No. So I guess it's up to you. Do you want Dean and Cas to know?" Sam's answer is so honest and open that it surprises even him. 

Gabriel can't help but smile. "I don't care if they know, Sam. Cas already knows, or he suspects something is going on, I'm pretty sure. I doubt he'll mention it to Dean until we tell him ourselves." Gabriel moves up Sam's body, he kisses him softly. "It might be fun to see how long it takes Dean to figure it out. In the meantime I plan on going back to flirting with you _relentlessly_." Gabriel is smiling that wolfish grin. 

Sam can't help but laugh. "Oh this should be _great_ ," Sam says. "I'm not a betting man but I'm gonna say Dean will want to kill you over this within a week." Sam slides his hands down the angel's back and grabs two handfuls of ass. 

Gabriel raises an eyebrow at him. "Really, Sam? Don't you need sleep? Those two have been done for a while and Deano passed out over an hour ago. He'll be up soon; I don't want you regretting this new found interest in my ass." 

"Fine," Sam pouts. "Did you make the bed longer? I figured my feet would hang off the end." Sam is surprised that he can feel the mattress under the heels of his feet. 

"Well these angel powers have to be good for _something_ , right?" Gabriel rolls to Sam's side, laying his head on Sam's outstretched arm. The mattress is wide enough for both of them now too. 

"Hey, I'm definitely not complaining." Sam yawns. The lights go out and he notices the tv is off, the porn was totally forgotten. He doesn't even know when it went off. He feels blankets sliding over him, he's not even going to question how Gabe does this stuff, he's just going to enjoy it. He's asleep in minutes.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam wakes the next morning to sunlight invading around the cracks in the curtains. He squints and sighs. That's when he notices something pressing against his chest. He moves slightly, his arm and leg wrapped over Gabe, the smaller man spooned tight up to him. 

"Hey, are you asleep?" Sam says, his voice a little croaky. 

"Nah, I don't really sleep," Gabriel says, "I'm not complaining about being inside a Winchester burrito though." 

Sam raises his arm and stretches. "What time is it?" He starts to roll away but Gabe flips over, pinning his arm around Sam's waist. 

"It's about 8:30. Your brother and Cas are up and gone working on the case, we've got time to ourselves, Sam." Gabe pushes his face up under Sam's chin. 

"What?! They went out without me?" Sam says indignantly. He's not complaining about having time with Gabe, but they just ditch him on a hunt?

"Calm down, they need some time alone, even if they're working. They think you feel like a third wheel, they thought they'd wrap this up quick and get back on the road, find something bigger that actually requires all of us to work." Gabriel nuzzles his nose into the stubble on Sam's neck, smelling him.

"Oh," Sam thinks for a second. Dean and Cas really only get time alone late at night, once they've found a motel. Hell, sometimes they don't even get that. There have been nights they sleep in the car, days go by and they get no time to themselves at all, and eventually they reach a point like they had in the back seat a week ago, they just _needed_ each other. Sam feels guilty when he thinks about it now. _Maybe it's time to go back to the bunker,_ Sam thinks.

Would Gabriel come with them? Would he be happy there, staying in one place? Does Sam want him there? Yes. The answer is immediate and fast. Whatever this is with Gabriel, Sam can't deny it. He wonders if Gabe feels it too. 

_What if he doesn't?_ Sam pushes that thought away, he's not going to let himself think that. 

"It looks like there's a lot of thinkin' going on in there, Sammo. I'm waiting to see smoke come out those ears." 

Sam realizes Gabriel has stopped snuggling against him. He's looking at Sam seriously now; his expression almost concerned. 

"Yeah, I was just thinking about how I was feeling like a third wheel until a few days ago. I hadn't really thought about it since..." Sam lets his voice trail away, what should he say? How should he describe what's happening between them?

"Since... this?" Gabriel watches, can see Sam putting some serious thought into something. That could be really good or really bad.

"Yeah, this." Sam figures that's as good a way as any to describe what's happening this early on. Sam smiles at him. Gabriel works his head back under Sam's chin again. "Hey, can you give me a sec? I gotta run to the bathroom real quick," Sam says, pulling away. 

Gabriel lets go of him and watches him stand and walk away. "You humans and your bodily functions, it ruins a perfectly good moment, Sam!" Gabriel is yelling through the bathroom door. 

For whatever reason, Gabe imagines if Sam thinks about this too much and too fast he's going to put roadblocks up for them. He doesn't know why he gets that feeling, but he can't shake it. It makes him want to cling to Sam, but that's a bad idea and he knows it. Sam can have a tendency to overthink, and from how things have gone so far Gabe suspects that over thinking about this will cause panic. Gabriel needs to stop that. He hears Sam brushing his teeth in the bathroom. "I'm waiting," he calls out. 

Sam opens the door still wiping his mouth with a towel, he throws it behind him into the bathroom. Gabriel holds the blankets up and he slides into bed beside him. Gabriel is immediately pressed against him, nose rubbing Sam's chin. Sam can't help but smile, and then his stomach growls loudly. 

"Sorry about that, been awhile since I ate a good meal." Sam can ignore hunger for a long time; he's had to all his life. He pushes the thought away, and then feels Gabriel's fingers lightly touch his abdomen. Suddenly, the hunger pains are gone. 

"What did you just do?" Sam asks. 

"Like I said, those bodily functions are always getting in the way. I took care of it," Gabriel is lightly kissing his neck now. 

"You can do that? So I'd never have to eat again or something?" Some of the things Gabriel can do totally fascinate Sam. 

"Well no, not never. But I can take care of it for a while. Same thing with that bathroom stuff. You're pretty healthy but I can probably make you healthier, if you want." Gabriel is talking against that little dip at the base of Sam's throat. He loves that little dip. 

"What do you mean, make me healthier. Healthier how?" Sam can feel Gabriel getting hard. He's trying to work out what Gabe is talking about but he can't deny that he loves it when someone kisses his neck. 

Gabriel stops for a second. "Think about it, Sam. Your brother would have had a heart attack by now if it wasn't for Cas fixing his cholesterol. Dean lives off of garbage, he never exercises, how does he stay in such good shape? I'll give you a clue, it wears a trench coat." Gabe is back at Sam's neck again the minute he stops talking. 

"Huh," Sam's says, "I wonder if Dean knows that?" 

Gabriel stops and meets his eyes then. "He most certainly does not, and you are not going to be the one to tell him. Understood?" 

Sam chuckles, he can see Dean's reaction now; he'd be pissed. And then he'd probably eat twice as much junk. The thought makes Sam laugh even harder and he puts his head back. "Yeah, I got it." 

Gabe lands on that long neck, kissing and licking. He puts a hand in the back of Sam's hair, holding his head back. "I love it when you laugh like that," he says under Sam's jaw. 

Just hearing that, hearing Gabriel's voice drop lower, hearing him talk about something Sam does that turns him on, Sam is swelling immediately. Sam's hands are in Gabe's hair, he pulls it and Gabe shoves his hard cock against Sam's leg. 

Sam feels Gabriel's hand wrap around him, making Sam groan. Gabe kisses down his chest; Sam feels his teeth lightly tug on his nipple and it makes Sam thrust into the angel's hand. Sam slides a hand down Gabriel's back, wraps it around his waist and pulls him as close as he can. 

Gabe shifts, lining them up. He holds Sam's dick in his hand and slides the head of his own hard cock against it. 

"Oh shit," Sam breathes. 

"Yeah, just wait. It'll get better." Gabriel puts their cocks tip to tip and wraps his palm around the heads, and then he pushes forward into his fist. It puts pressure on the head of Sam's dick and pushes him back, and it feels crazy good. Sam pushes forward now slowly, and they find a rhythm. Sam reaches down and wraps his hand over Gabe's, and they push back and forth. 

They're both leaking pre-come and slicking up, which intensifies the sensations. Gabe is breathing against Sam's neck, his free hand on Sam's side. Sam can feel his fingers digging in, getting tighter and tighter in his skin. 

Sam pulls at Gabe's hand wrapped around their cocks. He wants more friction. Gabriel lets go, kissing Sam's neck. Sam slides his dick over the top of Gabe's and then wraps his big hand around the both of them, Sam pulls his hips back and ruts forward. He hears Gabriel's breath hitch. 

"That's gonna get me off, Sam." Gabriel says. 

"Me too." Sam slides his free hand down, grabbing a handful of Gabe's ass. He's developing a thing for that ass. He squeezes hard. 

"Dammit, that feels so fucking good. Your cock feels so good against mine," Gabriel is panting. 

"Come for me," Sam says. 

"I'll come with you, are you gonna come?" If Sam isn't ready Gabriel might not be able to wait.

"Yeah," Sam whispers, his hand is getting tighter around their cocks, and they're getting slicker and slicker. "Yeah, I'm close." 

"Good, I'm there, I'm trying to wait but I'm right there, Sam," Gabriel starts making soft whining noises. "I'm coming, please," the words are said through gritted teeth. 

Sam feels Gabriel's ass flex in his hand as he thrusts, and then he feels the hot slick heat in his hand and on his own cock. The feel of it sends Sam over the top. Sam ruts and thrusts, he loses his rhythm and comes right after Gabe finishes. 

They lay there catching their breath and as Sam's hand goes slack he feels the mess in his palm disappear. 

"Angel clean-up is a nice perk," he says, rolling to his back. 

"Pancakes?" Gabriel asks. 

Sam looks at him strange. "What?" 

Gabriel is still on his side and he props his head on his hand, looking at Sam very seriously. "I'm trying to think of a good safe word for us, Sam. We're gonna be doing some freaky shit and I want to make sure you know the word if you get scared or uncomfortable." 

"Uhhh..." Sam's mouth falls open; he can't hide the shock on his face. 

Gabriel grins and his shoulders start shaking with laughter. "I'm just kidding, easy there Winchester. I'm asking if you want pancakes, are you hungry? I don't get hungry but I could eat some pancakes right now." Gabriel is still laughing while he stands up. 

Sam tries not to smile, he tries so hard. "You're such an ass." 

"Probably," Gabriel says, "I also _have_ a nice ass." 

Sam looks at the angels bare butt. It's red where Sam's hand was squeezing it tight. And with that Sam's feels that familiar stirring in his dick. _Geez, Sam, calm your hormones._

"Yeah, pancakes sound good, just let me shower first." Sam stands up and heads to the bathroom.

************************************* 

The diner is just like every other diner. Sam and Gabriel slide into a booth and both order pancakes. 

Sam's phone dings with a text. "Dean says the case is a bust, I'm telling him to meet us here." 

Gabriel nods. "Have you ever done any sexting?" He asks. 

Sam coughs on his orange juice. "What?!" 

Gabriel shakes his head. "I think all these orgasms are lowering your IQ. I said, have you ever done any sexting." Gabriel repeats the words slowly. 

"Shut up, you ass." Sam sits back, he refuses to smile. He looks out the window. 

"You're also developing an ass fetish and you haven't even had any yet. Answer the question." Gabriel watches the waitress walk up and fill Sam's orange juice again. 

The waitress leaves and Sam looks back at Gabe. "How do you even know about sexting?" 

"Uh, hello. Look who you're talking to, sexting is right up my alley. Wanna try it?" Gabriel wiggles his eyebrows. 

Sam shakes his head and smiles. "This is a bad idea." 

"Oh goodie, I hoped you'd be on board, reluctant participation is always the best kind. I'll pick up a cell phone later," Gabriel says as the waitress puts their food down in front of them. 

They're almost done eating when Dean and Cas walk in. Dean slides in by Sam and Cas sits next to Gabriel. 

"So, a bust huh?" Sam asks. 

"Yeah, some crazy cat lady, total waste of time. I say we roll outta here as soon as we're done eating," Dean says. 

Sam nods. "Are you guys ready to go back to the bunker?" He sees Dean and Cas exchange a look. 

"Already? I thought you wanted three months." Dean waves to the waitress to come take his order. He looks at Gabriel. "Why are you eating? I thought you didn't eat anything but candy." 

Gabriel lifts his fork up, syrup pouring off the bite of pancakes. "I worked up an appetite this morning, Deano." He shoves the food in his mouth. 

"I don't wanna know." The waitress comes and takes Dean's order. 

Sam is thinking of his answer the whole time, when she leaves he sits back and looks at Dean. "I don't care if it hasn't been three months, if you guys are ready to head back it's fine."

Dean nods. "How about two more weeks? Two more weeks should be enough to convince you for good that staying in the bunker is better than life on the road. My back is killing me from that mattress last night." 

"I told you I can fix that, Dean." Cas looks concerned. Leave it to Cas to be concerned over a crappy mattress and a stiff back. 

"I'm sure you can, Cassy, I'm sure you can." Gabriel elbows Cas and Cas looks a little embarrassed. Gabriel pushes his plate away. "Now, anyone know where I can get a cell phone around here?" 

"What the hell do you need a cell phone for?" Dean is asking.

The waitress starts to hand Sam the check for his and Gabriel's food but Gabe snatches it away. "My treat," he says looking at Sam, he looks over to Dean, "keep your nose on your own face. Let me out, Cas." He pushes towards Cas in the seat, making the other angel slide out. 

Dean stands up to let Sam out. "I'm gonna go throw my stuff together so I'm ready to roll when you're done," Sam says. 

Gabriel is walking towards the register. "Are you checking out my ass, Sam?" He says over his shoulder, just loud enough for Dean to hear. Dean rolls his eyes. 

"Maybe," Sam mumbles as they walk away, making the archangel laugh loudly.

Sam heads to the motel and packs, then takes the time before Dean and Cas get back to search for a case. It's slow, there's nothing happening in any surrounding states, so he broadens the search. He keeps searching wider and wider. He finally finds something but it's a long drive, almost all the way across the country. It's a lot of time in the car, several days if they stop at night. 

He goes over the details with Dean when they get back to the motel. Gabriel strolls in with a new cell phone in the middle of the discussion. 

"Give me your cell phone number," he says to Cas. 

"I don't have one anymore, I'm always with Dean," Cas answers.

"Talk about a codependent relationship," Gabriel shakes his head, "Deano! Give me your cell phone number!" 

"No." Dean goes on talking to Sam. 

"Come on, you never know when you might need me, give me your number," Gabriel interrupts again. 

"No. Hell no. I will not give you my number. I don't want you prank calling me." Dean looks extremely irritated; he goes back to talking with Sam. 

Gabriel wanders over, listening in. He waits until there's a pause and leans down by Sam's ear. "Hey big boy, can I get your digits?" 

Sam snorts. "Digits?" He hands Gabriel his phone. "Here, get it yourself." Sam is pulling up maps online, trying to find the fastest route and any current construction.

Gabriel has Sam's phone for about ten minutes, and then Dean's cell phone dings. There's a soft ding from Cas' pocket a second later. He at least has the decency to look embarrassed when Gabriel lifts an eyebrow at him. 

"Liar, liar, pants on fire," Gabriel says, "I got both your numbers from Sam's phone, thanks Samsquatch!" He tosses the phone back to Sam and walks out of the room. 

"Dammit." Dean looks at his phone and shakes his head. "He text me and said Cas is looking at me like he has a hard on. I swear to God, I will block his number." Dean shoves the phone at Sam. "Block his number." 

Sam stares at Dean's hand and half smiles. "No, do it yourself." Sam starts packing up his laptop. 

"Come on, I don't know how." Dean tries to hand Sam the phone again. 

"No, Dean, I won't block his number for you, figure it out yourself." Sam grabs his stuff and starts to walk out. 

"Quit being a dick!" Dean says as Sam walks through the doorway. 

"I hope he sends you dick pics!" Sam yells over his shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

The drive doesn't go as planned. A flat tire the first day slows them down significantly. Dean can't get the lug nuts off to change the tire and he refuses to let anyone else help. Cas tries to explain that he's stronger, which Dean already knows and doesn't want to hear. The situation escalates when Cas makes a comment about not understanding why they have to travel by automobile anyway when he can just fly them around. Dean's bitch face is epic. 

That's several hours shot, and Dean wants to make up for it, so just a few gas station stops and they're driving through the night. Sam sleeps small amounts, but he's exhausted the next day. He can't imagine how Dean is feeling, and he _refuses_ to let Sam drive. 

Gabriel has figured out how to text without even touching his phone, so there is no hint that he's the one is messaging Sam constantly. Gabe put himself into Sam's contacts under the name "Angel," which cracks Sam up every time he sees it. The texts are pretty tame for the first day, just some mild flirting and innuendo, but when Sam wakes up the next morning the first one he reads gets him going.

 

4:32 am  
**Angel** : _You're sleeping with your head against the window and your long neck is open and just begging me to kiss it. I want to kiss and bite your neck so bad right now, Sam. I can hardly stand it._

7:12 am  
**Sam** : _I'm half hard and we're not stopping for another 12 hours at least. Great way to start the day._

7:13 am  
**Angel** : _Only half hard? I've got work to do._

7:15 am  
**Sam** : _Keep it up and I'm going to be seriously frustrated by the time we get there_

7:17 am  
**Angel** : _That's the goal. And then you take out all that frustration on ME._

Sam laughs out loud at that, making Dean look over at him. 

"What's so funny? Who are you texting?" Dean asks. 

"Nobody, I just read something funny," Sam says, looking out his window. His phone vibrates.

7:21 am  
**Angel** : _I like the game of hiding this from Dean, but I'm seriously considering climbing over that seat on top of you._

Sam smiles and slides his phone into his pocket. He sits back and tries to settle in for the long ride. 

Four hours later and Sam is done. He's stir crazy and his legs hurt and Dean won't shut the music off and he just needs _out of the car._

"Stop at the next gas station, I need some water and I wanna stretch my legs." He pulls his phone out and reads a couple texts from Gabriel. 

Dean glances over. "Yeah, ok," he says. 

The gas station is actually clean, and it has a small grocery section for which Sam is thankful. He uses the bathroom and then grabs some water bottles, a banana, an apple and a protein bar. He decides to walk a little and work out the tightness in his legs. He finds a gravel path marked "Nature Preserve" at the back of the gas station. It winds its way back toward a tree line.

As he takes off down the path chewing on his apple, Gabe appears beside him. 

"What took you so long?" Sam says, taking another bite. 

"Miss me that much, Sammo?" There's tall grass growing along the sides of the path and Gabriel brushes his hand over the tips, making insects take flight. 

Sam rolls his eyes, and then watches a huge dragon fly buzz past, its iridescent wings making a loud drone. He throws the apple core off into the distance and peels the banana. 

"You know, I know I'm old, but in all my years I'm pretty sure I can say that I've never wanted to be a fruit before. Never once crossed my mind. But I really wanna be that banana right now." Gabriel watches Sam's mouth longingly. 

Sam laughs and keeps walking. The farther away from the gas station they get, the closer Gabriel gets. Sam feels Gabriel's elbow brush his own, the sides of their hands bumping. Sam finishes the banana and throws the peel in a trash can on the side of the path. They're almost to the end of the gravel walk way. 

He feels Gabriel's hand slide into his, their fingers pushing apart and fitting between each other. Sam feels that tightness in his chest, those flutters in his stomach again. This isn't just sex for him, he hopes it's not for Gabriel either. _Stop being so serious, Sam._

Sam tilts his head back and looks up at the overcast sky. They've reached the tree line. He sees the leaves swaying above him and watches a chipmunk skitter up the side of a maple. 

"It must be strange, being beside something taller than you," Gabriel says. 

"Shut up," Sam whispers, looking down at the archangel. He kisses him then, slowly leaning down, the two of them watching each other as they get closer and closer. He sees Gabe close his eyes just before their lips meet, and Sam feels him relax and sigh. Sam slides one hand around to the curls on the back of the angel's neck, the other hand still entwined with Gabriel's. 

Gabriel's free hand slides around the back of Sam's thigh, just brushing the bottom of Sam's ass. The intimate touch makes Sam kiss the angel harder, pulling at the hair between his fingers. Gabe's hand slides up Sam's butt, and then he wraps it around Sam's back and locks Sam against him making a growling sound. Sam can't help but grind against Gabriel. 

Gabe turns his head away. "Your brother is looking for you," he says, his voice breathy and low. 

"God dammit," Sam whispers. He pulls back, trying to shake off the heat of the moment. Gabe's hand is still in his. They walk back toward the gas station, and the closer they get he can feel the angel pulling away, until eventually their hands part. Sam can't help feeling a little empty when the contact between them breaks. 

Sam clears his throat. "Man, I'd love a shower." He runs his hand through his hair. He feels sticky and greasy from sleeping in the car. Gabriel touches his shoulder and the feeling is gone. He feels clean and refreshed.

"Violá," the archangel says. 

Sam looks at him and smiles. "Thanks," Sam holds eyes contact until Gabriel looks away. He sees the angel smile a little shyly and it gives Sam a warm feeling in his chest. 

Gabriel knew that whatever this was with Sam was strong, but he's totally lost it now. A blow job and some frottage and he's head over heels. He'd felt like a teenager holding Sam's hand, and when Sam smiles down at him he knows he'd do anything to have Sam look at him like that again. Those hazel eyes smiling and warm, it makes the angel want to soar. They walk towards their brothers slowly, and Gabriel feels resentment that he can't have time alone with Sam. 

Back in the car again, sitting in the back seat next to Castiel. It's torture being this close to Sam when he can't touch him. Playing the game of hiding this from Dean is fun, but he won't be able to control himself for very much longer. Sam has his arm slung across the back of the seat, his hand resting by Dean's shoulder, just in front of Gabriel. Gabriel wants to touch those long fingers. 

Gabriel's phone dings. It's Castiel. 

11:45 am  
**Cassy** : _Be careful with Sam._

11:46 am  
**Gabe** : _I figured you knew, when did you figure it out?_

11:48 am  
**Cassy** : _When he wanted to get you cake._

Gabriel looks at Cas and nods. 

11:50 am  
**Gabe** : _I'm trying to be careful_

Cas looks back at Gabriel and nods. 

11:53 am  
**Gabe** : _You ever sext with Deano?_

Cas looks at him, "What's that?" he says out loud, breaking the silence in the car. 

"What?" Dean asks, looking at the angel in the mirror. 

Cas shakes his head and looks out the window again. Gabriel spends the next couple hours texting with Cas and trying to explain sexting. Cas takes things so literally at times, and Gabe finally gives up trying to convince him to be more coy and flirtatious. Dean is used to Cas being blunt. Gabe finally tells his brother that if he wants to text Dean and just say "fuck me," he should do it. Cas nods and puts his phone in his pocket. 

Dean's phone rings some time about 4 pm. He answers it and Gabriel knows he's talking to another hunter. Dean laughs at first and then starts cursing. 

"Are you serious, man? We've been driving for hours, we're over halfway there!" Dean listens for a second and then hangs up. He abruptly pulls the car to the side of the road. "I called another hunter before we rolled out yesterday, told him where we were heading. He just called to tell me that he heard someone else is on the case." 

Sam sits there quiet. He wants to go back to the bunker. It's been almost three months of this and he's tired. Why had he thought this was a good idea? _Two more weeks._

"What do you wanna do?" Sam asks after a couple minutes.

"You know what? Fuck it. How far are we from the gulf? What, maybe seven hours? You remember that place Dad took us a couple hours outside New Orleans, that little Cajun joint, the one right off the beach? Man, that was to die for. Let's go. Whaddya say, Sammy?" Dean looks so tired, but his face brightens a little when he starts talking about this. 

"Yeah, let's do it," Sam says, nodding. His phone buzzes and he pulls it out. 

4:09 pm  
**Angel** : _You ever get road head?"_

Sam looks back to Dean. "I'm driving, get out." 

"What? No way, I'm good. I just need some coffee." Dean's phone goes off and he pulls it out.  
His face looks a little bewildered and he turns his head slightly over his shoulder toward Cas. "You can drive after we eat, I want some actual food. I'll sleep a couple hours in the back seat after the next stop." Dean's face is a little flushed. 

4:14 pm  
**Sam** : _Did you text something to Dean?_

4:15 pm  
**Angel** : _No, that would be Cassy._

Sam snickers, he can't help it. Dean pulls back onto the road, takes the next exit and starts heading south, looking for a town with a place to sit down and eat. Billboards start appearing more and more frequently, and finally one with a big cheeseburger on it gets Dean's attention. 

"Oh, we're stopping there," Dean says, wiggling in the seat. 

Sam's phone goes off. 

5:24 pm  
**Angel** : _Come to think of it, I could go for an 8 in Sammich right about now._

5:28 pm  
**Sam:** _I like the sound of my meat between toasted buns._

Sam hears Gabe laugh softly in the back seat.

5:30 pm  
**Angel:** _Oh, Sam, that is GOLD. I do like hot meat between my buns._

They pull into the parking lot and Sam tries hard not to smile as he puts his phone away.

The four of them slide into a booth and wait for the waitress to come over. Dean and Sam look over the menu. 

"So, you thinking we drive through the night again? That should put us over the state line about 2 am, and then we could find a place to crash until tomorrow," Sam says. 

"We can do that, but I was gonna push through and get a place on the water. I wanna fall asleep to the sound of the gulf." Dean closes his eyes, imagining it. 

Sam's phone goes off. 

5:52 pm  
**Angel** : _I wanna crawl under this table and make you forget what you're talking about._

Sam's face blushes red and he clears his throat, eyes flashing to Gabriel for a second. 

"That's it!" Dean says loudly, grabbing for Sam's phone. "Who the hell are you texting?!" 

Sam and Dean are fumbling for the phone, fighting like children. Dean almost gets his hand around it but Sam's finger catches the corner and flips it back. It flips end over end, almost in slow motion, and lands perfectly in a glass of water.

"Dean!" Sam yells. The waitress was approaching but she veers away when she sees the chaos happening at the table. Sam pulls the phone out, the screen showing large blocks of red and blue before it goes black. "Shit!" Sam says. He tries to wipe it with a handful of napkins but he knows it's no use. 

Dean doesn't even look ashamed. "That's what you get for not telling me who you're texting." Dean looks smug; he waves the waitress back over. 

"May I, Sam?" Cas holds his hand out, asking for the phone.

"Sure, it's toast anyway." Sam sets it in the angel's hand and turns to the waitress to order. When she leaves Cas hands it back, it's working perfectly. 

"Thanks, Cas! What did you do?" Sam looks through his phone, everything seems normal. 

"What the hell, Cas? You some kinda engineer or somethin'?" Dean is looking at the phone like it's possessed. 

"No, Dean. I just removed the water and now it works," Cas says flatly.

Dean looks away and Sam slides the phone securely into his inside jacket pocket. The meal passes calmly and they linger a bit, glad to be out of the car. They're there until almost dark. Dean eats pie, Gabriel chats with the waitress, and Cas looks at the old jukebox in the corner. Dean wanders over to him after a while and plays an old Hank Williams song. 

They eventually wander back to the car and Dean and Cas slide into the back seat cozily. Sam figures what's coming but he doesn't care. He doesn't feel trapped with them anymore. Gabe slides in beside him and closes the door; he looks at Sam with glittering eyes.

Sam heads down the road and about a half an hour later he starts hearing those sounds from the back seat. Dean and Cas are kissing, soft moans drifting up for him and Gabe to hear. Gabriel turns to watch. It's all so familiar and yet totally different this time. 

Sam watches the rear view mirror and pretty soon Dean and Cas disappear from view. Gabriel immediately drops below the back of the seat, if Dean looks forward it will look like Sam's alone. The angel moves toward him, rubbing his nose over the top of Sam's thigh. 

He pulls Sam's shirt up and kisses his stomach, working at the button on Sam's jeans. Sam is hard in anticipation. He takes one hand off the wheel and helps Gabriel slide his jeans down his hips. His dick moves free of the fabric and he sighs. 

Gabriel doesn't waste a second; he's not playing or teasing. He wraps his hand around the base of Sam's dick and slides his mouth over the head. Sam sucks in a breath, trying to be quiet. 

He hears Dean grunt behind him; apparently Dean doesn't care if Sam hears him. Gabriel moves his head up and down in long, slow strokes. Sam breathes through his mouth, trying to concentrate on driving. He wants to close his eyes. _Keep your eyes open._

Sam puts his hand on Gabriel's back, rubbing circles and digging his fingers into the fabric of the jacket. Gabriel raises his ass and moans softly on his cock as Sam gets closer to the bottom of his jacket. Gabe moves closer, curling up a little, and Sam rubs his hand over the angel's ass. He feels Gabriel nod. 

Gabriel reaches down and undoes his pants, pulling them down, giving Sam access to bare skin. Sam rubs his palm over his lower back and slides his finger teasingly down the crack. Gabriel sucks hard on his cock and Sam's eyes close eyes just for a second. He opens them wide and tries to concentrate on the road. 

Dean gasps in the back seat and brings Sam back to reality a bit. _Keep it together, Sam._

Sam grabs a handful of Gabe's ass. He has a strong urge to smack it, but he fights it. Gabriel raises up, his head just under Sam's chin. 

"Fuck me with your fingers, Sam." He slides a little bottle into Sam's hand on the steering wheel. 

"Are you serious? I'm driving!" Sam whispers, but he's already opening the bottle. They're both trying to be so quiet, Dean is not. His breathing is even loud from the back seat. Cas is making soft sounds now too. 

Sam slicks his fingers and slides his hand down Gabe's back. He rubs the bare skin and slides his fingers down over the tight hole. Gabe still has his head under Sam's chin, kissing that little dip in Sam's throat. Sam feels the angel's breath hitch as he massages circles around the opening. "Sam," Gabriel whispers. 

Sam gently pushes a finger inside, and feels Gabriel shift and plant a hand on the driver's side door. Gabriel is practically sitting in his lap and Sam is still trying to drive. Gabriel kisses the side of his neck, below his ear. 

"More, fuck me, please," Gabriel says the words so soft Sam can barely make them out. 

Sam uses two fingers and slides them inside the angel. Gabe moans, it's a soft hushed sound that goes straight to Sam's cock. 

"I wish it was your cock, I want your beautiful cock," Gabe whispers. 

There's movement in the back seat and Gabriel drops down again, his mouth wrapping Sam's dick in tight wet heat. _Oh, God._ Sam wants to stop the car. He wants to stop and bury himself in Gabriel, lose himself inside the other man. He looks in the rear view mirror; Dean is slightly sitting up with his back up to the rear driver's side door, directly behind Sam. Cas is straddling Dean, and by the looks of it he's riding Dean with everything he's got. 

Sam looks back to the road and slides his fingers in and out of Gabriel again. Gabriel shoves his ass into Sam's hand and wraps his hand around Sam's balls, massaging. Sam leans toward the passenger side a little, giving him a little more movement with his arm and hand. 

He starts a rhythm with his two fingers and Gabriel follows it with his mouth on Sam. Sam feels Gabe's hand leave his balls and looks down; the angel is obviously jacking off in their rhythm. He can feel the Gabe's fast breathing on his inner thigh. 

Sam wants to fuck Gabriel so bad at this moment, feel those hot puffs of breath, the angel coming undone from his fingers working inside him. Sam is riding the edge, trying desperately to drive, to keep the car between the lines and going a consistent speed. Gabriel's head is bobbing up and down, hitting the steering wheel every so often but he doesn't seem to care. 

Sam starts long fast strokes with his fingers, almost pulling them out of the angel's ass. Gabriel matches him, doing the same with his mouth on Sam. Within a minute Sam is coming, and he comes _hard,_ the steering wheel jerking in his hand. 

"What the hell?" Dean says from behind him. 

"Nothing, Dean, don't pay attention," Cas answers softly, and Sam hears the sounds of kissing again. 

Gabriel sucks Sam down his throat, making sure to swallow every drop out of him. The angel raises up then and stops Sam's hand. He rolls over and lies on his back, putting his head in Sam's lap. He moves Sam's fingers inside him again and wraps his own hand around his dripping cock. 

Sam is looking over, wishing like hell he wasn't driving, but he's going to do his best. He feels inside Gabriel and find that sweet spot, making the angel stroke himself hard. Sam fucks him hard and fast with his fingers raking over Gabe's prostate on the way in and out. 

Gabriel comes hard, white ropes shooting up onto his chest and stomach. He keeps his mouth closed, trying not to make any noise, but he gasps, he can't help it. Sam's fingers inside him are pure sin. He's pretty sure the next time Sam will fuck him. Sam definitely likes his ass, that's for sure. 

Gabe has to lay there and compose himself for a second. He cleans them up with a wave of his hand. He lays still for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of Dean and Cas behind him. He waits until he can tell from their breathing that they're almost there and then he sits up, fixing his pants while Sam does the same. 

Sam and Gabriel listen to the men behind them coming. Dean cursing softly under his breath, Cas whining, his head back and his mouth hanging open. They catch their breath slowly, and then Cas slides over in the seat. They adjust their clothes, Dean having no idea that his brother and the archangel in front of him just did the same thing. 

Cas sits back in the seat and Dean lays down, putting his head in Cas' lap. Dean is snoring within five minutes. Cas sits contently, his fingers playing in Dean's hair as he looks out the window. 

Gabriel scoots closer, picking up Sam's hand from the seat. They ride in quiet, holding hands.

Sam drives and drives. About 3 am he feels himself getting tired. He can still hear Dean snoring softly behind him. His eyes heavy, the darkness beyond the headlights tempting him, the sound of the engine like a lullaby. He adjusts himself in the seat, the sound causing Gabriel to look over. Sam shakes his head.

"I'm gonna have to get some coffee," he says, his hand over his mouth stifling a yawn. He leans forward over the steering wheel, shaking his head again.

Gabe reaches over and touches his temple. "Better?" He asks.

Sam feels his mind clear, the fuzziness of imposing sleep fading away. He's wide awake. He sits back and throws his arm around Gabriel, pulling him to the center of the seat. Sam keeps his arm around the angel. 

"Better." They ride like this the rest of the way, Cas behind them looking out the window and holding Dean. 

They finally find a motel with a vacancy sign about 4:30 in the morning. It's close to the water and when Sam goes in to get a room it seems decent. Not great, but passable. He rents two rooms and walks back to the car. 

Dean is standing outside the car, leaning into Cas. "Morning." He says to Sam. 

"Yeah, almost. The sun will be up soon. You feel better after some sleep?" Sam asks. He's popping the trunk to pull his stuff out. 

"Yeah, thanks. You hungry? Let's go grab some grub, Sammy." Dean stands up straighter, stretching. "Let's walk across the street, I don't want to be in the car another minute. Sorry, Baby." Dean says, patting the side of the car. 

They walk to the small restaurant and eat in quiet comfort, and when they walk out the sky is just touched with a blush of pink in the east. They all walk toward the sand, none of them saying anything. Dean and Cas walk south, shoulders bumping and heads looking down at the sand, they sit a ways off. 

Sam and Gabe walk in the other direction, finally sitting down to face the sunrise. They watch, leaned back on their hands, legs stretched out in front of them. Neither one speaks as they see the shades of pinks and oranges spreading up. The sun looks almost neon, bright and coral pink. It's beautiful, reflecting in the waves on the water. 

Sam wants to ask the angel how he feels. _Do you feel the same way? Am I crazy? What's happening?_ He stays quiet, trying to tell himself over and over that it doesn't matter. _Slow down, Sam. Take it slow. It feels so strong because you've been alone so long._

Finally he sits forward wrapping his arms around his knees and he sees Gabriel sit forward too. The angel leans over by his ear. Sam turns toward him a little, but doesn't meet his eyes. He watches the sky. 

"This game is fun, but I don't care if Dean sees us right now," Gabriel says. He kisses Sam's cheek. Sam hasn't shaved in several says and he has a beard starting to come in. Gabe rubs his mouth across the whiskers, smelling Sam. Sam smells like Heaven, Gabriel's own personal Heaven. 

Sam turns into him then. The hunter's hands gently taking his face. Sam kisses him, and Gabriel feels a tightness in his chest. He wants to cry. This isn't natural, the intensity between them, and as much as he tries to justify or deny it, he needs to figure out what's going on. He's afraid Sam will run when he finds out. 

Sam breaks the kiss gently, biting Gabriel's bottom lip. "Let's go," he says. 

Gabriel stands and follows Sam off the beach, he looks down and sees Dean and Cas lost in each other. They're oblivious to the world around them. He matches Sam's pace as they walk to the motel. He watches as Sam pulls his bags out of the car and carries them to the room. 

Gabe walks in behind Sam and closes the door quietly, sliding the deadbolt in place. He turns and looks at Sam as the hunter pulls his shirt off. Sam stares at him, he doesn't look away. Gabriel leans back against the door and takes it in. 

Sam unbuckles his belt and pulls it off his waist, the leather making that familiar friction sound as it rubs over denim. Sam's unbuttons his jeans and pushes them down, stepping out of them. His boxer briefs are tight on his thighs and he's hard already. 

"I don't deserve this," Gabriel breathes out. 

"Neither do I," the hunter says. 

"No, you deserve so much more than me, Sam." Sam is slowly stepping toward him, crossing the room. Gabriel watches, he wouldn't close his eyes to save his life. Sam is so beautiful. 

Sam shakes his head. "You know my story, why I was born, what they did to me. They infected me with demon blood. I'm tainted, I've been called an abomination my entire life." Sam won't look away, but Gabriel can tell he wants to. He can see shame on Sam's face. "I don't deserve an angel."

Sam is in front of him now, a couple feet between them. Gabriel looks up into those hazel eyes. "I'm a pretty poor excuse for an angel. I'm a runaway, I run away from everything. I was a pagan, there's no bigger disgrace for an angel than that. I'm tarnished. You deserve the perfect life, and I can't give you that." 

"I don't want that," Sam says, moving closer.

And that, _those words,_ make Gabriel finally close his eyes. He can't believe any second of this is real. It has to be a cruel trick. A hallucination. Lucifer brought him back just to torture him, and he's laughing somewhere watching his little brother fall in love with a dream. 

"Hey, look at me," the words are soft; Gabriel feels the breath of them on his cheek. 

"You're not real, it's a trick," Gabriel keeps his eyes closed. He knows for sure now that if he opens them it won't be Sam standing there. It will be Lucifer. That's why this is so strong, it's not real. _None of it is real._

"What? Open your eyes, Gabe. Please?" Sam's voice is so gentle. 

He feels Sam's thumbs brushing across his cheeks, and Gabriel realizes he's crying. He opens his eyes and Sam is there. He's standing there, looking strong and perfect. Sam's eyes are searching his face. 

"Sam," Gabriel whispers. 

"Yeah, it's me," Sam leans down, pressing gentle kisses onto his eyes, his cheeks, his nose, and finally his mouth. 

Gabriel kisses Sam back. It's Sam, it's real, and Gabriel isn't letting him go. Sam is pushing at his clothes, trying to reach skin. 

Gabriel strips as quickly as possible, Sam helping and stopping him for kisses over and over. He's kicking out of his pants when Sam pushes him back against the door again. It's rough and Sam's hands are roaming his skin, like he wants to touch him everywhere. Gabriel wraps his arms around Sam's neck and pulls him down. 

"Should I stand on a chair?" Gabriel says, teasing. He can't help but tease and Sam can't help but laugh. 

"Shut up," Sam's voice is low, rough. 

"Mmm, I'm gonna climb you like a tree," Gabriel's voice goes lower too, and the words are said as he kisses and nibbles on Sam's neck. 

Sam laughs again, his hands pulling in the back of the angel's hair. "I said shut up, asshole." 

Sam pushes Gabriel up the door, off his feet. Gabriel knew he was strong but this catches him off guard. Sam grips his ass firmly and pulls the angel up to his height. 

"That works," Gabriel says, and he kisses Sam so hard and so long that they're both breathless and wanting. 

Sam is shoving himself against Gabriel's ass and Gabe can't take anymore. He wants Sam so much he's going crazy. He pulls Sam's head back by his hair.

"Put me down." Gabriel looks into Sam's eyes. His pupils are wide, his lids half closed. He looks at Sam's mouth, his lips swollen from kissing, thick stubble covering Sam's cheeks and jaw. Sam slowly slides him down the door.

Gabriel hooks his fingers in the waist of Sam's underwear and pulls them down. Sam steps out of them and backs away. He walks backward to the bed, never looking anywhere but into Gabriel's eyes. He sits back against the headboard and waits. 

Gabriel climbs onto Sam, he sits on his knees, straddling his lap. Sam's hard length pressing against the angels bare ass. Gabriel produces some lube from thin air and reaches between them. He grabs Sam and pulls his dick up, slicking him up and down. Sam's eyes almost close, but they don't. He stares at Gabriel never looking away.

Gabriel doesn't need any preparation; he raises himself up and slowly sinks down onto Sam. The look on Sam's face almost appears to be pain. His teeth showing, his brow tightening together. His hands on Gabriel's thighs, fingers pressing in hard enough to bruise. 

Gabriel pushes himself down more and more onto Sam's cock, feeling himself getting fuller and fuller. His braces his hands on Sam's shoulders, trying to keep himself steady. His legs are shaking. He watches Sam; he doesn't want to see anything but Sam ever again. He finally bottoms out, and he waits, watching Sam's face relax. The hunter's mouth opens slightly, his eyes closing for a second before they open again to look at Gabriel. 

Gabriel slides up Sam's cock, and Sam's hands move up to his waist, lightly touching his sides. Sam is trying to be careful with his touch. Gabriel lowers down slowly.

"Oh God, there's no going back from this," Sam says.

"No, I know," Gabriel rests his forehead against Sam's, he lets his eyes close for just a second, "do you want to stop?"

"No, hell no, don't stop, oh God," Sam's hands are skimming the angels skin, barely touching his back.

"Touch me, Sam, please you won't hurt me. I feel like I'm coming undone, hold me together." Gabriel does a slow roll of his ass down onto Sam and the hunter's fingers press deeply into the muscles of his lower back. "Oh, Father, help me," Gabriel whispers.

"It's ok," Sam says, their foreheads still together. He kisses Gabriel deep as the angel rides him. His hands rubbing over every inch of skin. "I'm not letting go."

Sam never imagined being inside Gabriel would feel like this. He knew it would feel good, the tightness, the heat; he wants to come within seconds. But he never imagined how _right_ it would feel. Those golden whiskey-colored eyes locked onto him, those breathy pleas for Sam to touch him, Gabriel rolling and grinding down onto Sam over and over. 

Sam can't even catch his breath it feels so good. He holds onto the angel, pressing his hands into skin so tight he knows it would hurt a human. Sam can't help it, he tried to be careful, but when Gabriel begged to be touched Sam gave up trying. 

Sam sees Gabriel reach down and wrap his hand around his own cock. Sam tries to wrap his hand around it, but Gabriel shakes his head. 

"No, hold on to me, I'm gonna come. I'm afraid I'll shatter, Sam. I feel like I'm gonna break," Gabriel says, rolling his hips again.

"Oh God," Sam's gasps. He pushes his forehead against Gabriel's hard, never looking away from those eyes. 

Gabriel moves his hands from Sam's shoulder to the side of his neck, his palm resting below Sam's ear. He moves faster, and he jacks himself off faster as he does. Sam feels Gabriel start to come, the muscles inside him clenching around Sam. It's more than Sam can take, and when he feels hot thick come hitting his chest from Gabriel he pushes over the edge. 

He clenches hard, trying to thrust up into the angel faster and harder. Gabriel rolls his ass on Sam, making the hunter cry out as he fills the angel up. He doesn't realize he's saying the Gabe's name over and over until he finally comes back to himself. 

Gabriel finally lets himself close his eyes, his head falling down to rest on Sam's shoulder. 

"You were praying to me, Sam, while you were inside me. I've never felt anything like it," Gabriel says. 

Sam doesn't know what to say, so he just wraps the angel tightly in his arms and holds him there. They stay like this a long time. Sam softens and finally Gabriel moves out of his arms. They lay down and Sam pulls the angel back against him. Sam holds his arm around Gabriel's waist and finally falls asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Gabriel needs to talk to Cas. He hopes his brother can help him understand what's going on between him and Sam. Whatever is between Cas and Dean seems to be just as strong. He waits, Sam sleeping soundly wrapped around him. He waits until he feels Dean sleeping, and then he reaches out to Cas with his mind. 

He and Cas materialize outside the motel, standing next to the Impala. Gabriel wants Cas to speak first, he wants him to ask what's wrong, start the conversation somehow. Cas doesn't, he stands quietly, his back leaned on the car. He waits. 

"What's happening?" Gabriel finally says. He knows Cas will understand his meaning. 

Cas sighs and looks at Gabriel. He doesn't speak though, he moves his feet and crosses his arms. He's quiet.

"I thought it was just me, but it's you and Dean too, isn't it? And Sam, it's something between Sam and I. I kept doubting that he felt it too, talking myself out of it until now. What happened when we were together, it's not normal." Gabriel looks away. 

"I know what you're feeling," Cas finally says, "I first felt it after the Leviathan ripped me apart. I died, and was resurrected again. Something really doesn't want the four of us to die." Cas looks into the distance, adjusting his feet. 

"I loved Dean from the moment I pulled him from hell, I won't deny that. But the first time I saw Dean after the Leviathan escaped through me, I had amnesia, I didn't remember him. I didn't even know that I was an angel. I walked up to my house and Dean was standing on the sidewalk. I looked at him and it was like... It was like my heart grew. I knew that house behind him, that woman inside, they were wrong, and this man was right. I went with him, I didn't know him, but I didn't have a choice. I would have followed him to Hell. I guess I did follow him to purgatory, but that was later." 

Cas clears his throat and looks at Gabriel. Those blue eyes watching. "I think it started for Dean after we came back from purgatory. He was so in denial about it that he probably couldn't even tell you when he first felt it. He fought it for years. He denied it, and I never pushed him. Maybe I should have but I don't think it would have mattered. When we finally," Cas pauses, blushing a little. "It doesn't seem real, does it?" 

Gabriel shakes his head, looking down at the pavement. Gabriel can talk sex all day, he can talk _dirty_ sex, but what just happened between him and Sam? It seems private, extremely personal, and he understands why Cas is blushing.

"Sam's soul, it's so bright. When I came back and first saw it, I was blinded." Gabriel looks at his brother hoping that Cas will understand this too. 

"Dean's soul is like that for me. It burns like the sun. Like he's the sun and I revolve around him. I think you might know what it is, you just don't want to accept it," Cas says. 

Gabriel lowers his head and nods. He dreaded this; he wouldn't even let himself entertain the thought before now. He'd pushed the thought away, locked it up behind a door. 

"The sisters." 

"Yes, the Fates. We ruined their plans one too many times, I think. So they linked us to a human that they thought would never accept us. They did pretty well too, although Sam came around a lot faster than Dean did." 

"So it's a lifeline?" Gabriel asks. 

Cas nods. "I did a lot of research when I finally figured it out, I tracked them and tried to summon them, but they won't talk. From what I understand if you try to break it you both die. And since none of us seem to stay dead, I imagine we just keep coming back to the same situation." 

"Why was I dead so much longer than the rest of you?" None of this makes sense to Gabriel. 

"I don't know. Sam was ok, he was alone but he seemed ok. I think I could pinpoint the day you returned, now that I know what has been happening. He just changed. I think Dean thought it was because of he and I, he was still fighting against what's between us but his resolve was fading. He thought Sam felt left out or jealous, but it makes sense now that I know you were back. Sam wanted you and he even didn't know you existed again." 

"And when he found out I was back he hated me. They picked a great one for me, those bitches. Why, though? Why me?" Gabriel shakes his head and laughs a little. He looks at Cas. "Never mind, I know the answer. I spent a lot of time ruining their plans over the years. They hate me with a fiery passion. The feeling is mutual." 

Cas smiles. "All of us have given them the hypothetical finger at some point, knowingly or not. We've made their jobs really difficult, mostly because we forget they even exist. I don't think we'll ever forget them again." 

"How am I going to explain this to Sam?" Gabriel crosses his arms and looks down. He knows there's no way to break this tie, he's not sure he'd even want to if he could really. He's messed with lifelines before with disastrous results, he won't risk injuring or killing Sam, it not worth it. 

"He'll fight it, Gabriel." Cas looks at him seriously. "Dean fought it so hard when I told him. Living with them and not being _with_ them," Cas shakes his head, "you'd rather be dead. My advice would be not to tell him." 

"Shit. Shit, Cas! I can't lie to him!" Gabriel can feel Sam stirring in bed. 

"I didn't say lie, I said don't tell him. If he asks then you'll have to cross that bridge. Maybe he never will." Cas doesn't even look like he can convince himself about this. 

Gabriel nods, looking away. He can feel Sam waking up. "Thanks, Cas. Sam is moving around," he says. Gabriel doesn't even want to meet Cas' eyes. He needs to think, and think hard. But he looks at Cas after a second, and he sees sympathy in his brothers eyes. 

Sam isn't fully awake and Gabriel puts himself beside the hunter in bed as he moves. Sam sighs; it's a warm contented sound that makes Gabriel's chest ache. Gabe is lying on his back, and Sam rolls toward him. He throws a long leg over Gabriel's and pushes his face into the angel's neck. 

The sisters had blessed him with something beautiful, something he'd never known before. But if Sam fought this, if he rejected Gabriel because of the situation, it would also be the angel's biggest curse. He doesn't know what to do.

Gabriel thinks about finding the sisters, but he knows it won't go as he wants. He's got too much history with them, and he'd never beg them to remove this, he'd never beg them for anything. He doesn't even know if they can remove it. He's seen their work before, he's seen humans, Gods, and monsters all beg and barter for their lives. The sisters always refuse. He's pretty sure that once they spin the thread they couldn't even change it if they wanted to.

The Fates are known in most early European beliefs. Some details vary, but mostly they're the same. Three sisters who determine the life of men and women at birth. They're known by many names, in Greek they're the Moirai, Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos. In Rome they're the Parcae, Nona, Decima, and Morta, in Norse they're the Norns and in Slavic they're Sudice. 

The Sudice was always Gabriel's favorite description of the trio. The oldest has a big bottom lip that forms a continuous salivating thread, the second has an inch wide thumb for drafting the fiber from her sister's saliva, and the last has a huge foot from pedaling the spinning wheel. 

When he'd met the three the first time he'd hidden himself and watched as they moved through a village. He saw the oldest spinning her golden thread over a sleeping and very pregnant woman. The middle sister entered the room and measured that thread, and he'd watched as she'd dropped it over the woman's belly. It disappeared into the womb. They'd walked past him then, not knowing he was there. 

He followed them as they walked slowly down the road to the home of a teenager. He was fevered and dying, his mother sobbing and wiping his brow while he writhed and seized from illness. It was devastating to watch. The third sister was seated across the bed from the mother, watching the woman pray for her son. He saw her pull the shears from her apron, gold and glinting, and she pushed them into his chest and snipped. The boy pulled in one last moaning drag of air and then fell limp and quiet. The three sisters walked out of the house, slow and purposefully, on to do more work. Or so he thought.

He'd watched the mother, distraught and wracked with grief. He wondered where her husband was, why wasn't he with his wife and dying son? He looked into her mind and saw that her husband had passed away a fortnight before, from the same illness that had just taken the boy. She'd had two daughters too, ages ten and nine, they'd died as well. She was alone now, completely alone, and somehow had been cursed with an immunity to the disease that had stolen her family from her. She wanted to follow them into the afterlife, she didn't want to live anymore, but the Fates wouldn't take her now. It wasn't her time. 

Gabriel looked at the boy's body, soaked with sweat from fever. He could smell death, it was clinging to everything in the shack. He shouldn't intervene, it wasn't his place. These affairs weren't his to meddle in, but he'd always had a soft spot for someone who so desperately wants their family to be whole. He'd reached out and touched the boy and watched him take a heaving breath of air. The mother fell back against the wall in shock. 

The boy sat up and looked around, he'd only been dead a few minutes but he had to reorient himself to his surroundings. Gabriel was still hidden, but the boy had enough of the afterlife clouding his eyes that he looked at Gabriel and saw him. He really _saw_ him, the angelic being. His eyes went wide and then he shielded them with his arm. Gabriel left, walking out the opening of the hovel.

The sisters waited for him on the muddy path outside the door. He thought he was hidden but they stared at him openly. They were pretty, all of them fair and young, standing in white flowing robes. He'd smiled thinking of the Sudice, spinster hags with a fat lip, a big thumb and a huge foot. 

"That wasn't your place," the oldest said. 

He inclined his head to her stiffly. "Am I to call you Clotho?"

The middle sister made a sneer at him. "You're to call us nothing, _Angel_." 

"I beg pardon," he smiled at the middle one, "I didn't mean to cause issue between us." 

The third sister had stepped towards him. "Cause issue? You undo our work and think it to cause _issue_? You have no respect for our work or beliefs, _angel_ ," they kept saying that word like it was a horrible thing, "I should cut your string immediately." She pulled her shears from her apron. 

He chuckled a little. "I don't have one."

The middle sister stepped up and placed her hand atop the shears, pushing them down. "You think your God and religion will take over the world, but it won't. We aren't going anywhere, take that message home to your _father_." 

"Ladies, I believe there's a misunderstanding. I'm not an angel, as you keep implying. I'm Loki." He'd spread his hands wide and bowed to them. 

The oldest sister stepped up in line with the others. "We're not implying anything, we see exactly what you are. Continue to call yourself a God and we'll continue to call you a fool, it's nothing to us either way." 

The words had run up his spine like a spider, fanning his anger. "You will not speak to me in such a tone, witch," he said to the oldest, and then he turned to the sister holding the shears, "and your scissors hold no power over me, don't delude yourself into thinking they do." He looked back to the oldest again when her heard her laugh. "Good to see they got the drooling fat lip right in your mythology." 

Needless to say that hadn't gone over well. 

The oldest had squinted her angry eyes at him and linked her arm with the middle sister, who had linked arms with the last. "Sister, fix it," the oldest said, and the vanished. 

He had no idea where they'd gone until he heard the wails of the mother from the hovel behind him. They appeared again a second later. 

"You can play as any God or angel you choose, and you can play with the lives of those that worship you, but you _will not_ intrude on ours. Do you understand?" The oldest sister said calmly. She appeared very calm, except that there was an angry wind whipping at her long hair and flowing robes, and there was no wind in the street. 

"If you bring him back I'll cut it again, over and over. The mother will not die yet, it's not her time, so don't think of quelling her. Leave it be, you've already caused her to lose her son twice, fool," the last sister said. 

And they vanished again. He didn't even get in a witty retort about her big foot. He thought for a long time about going in and bringing the boy back again, just out of spite at the sisters. In the end he couldn't do it to the mother, the woman didn't deserve the hand she'd been dealt, but that happens in every belief around the world. He had to walk away. 

Every future run in with the Fates had followed a similar pattern. He had avoided them a lot of the time but their paths always seemed to cross every few hundred years. When he was bored and in a mood he sometimes baited them, which never ended well. He'd watched them and the humans in their charge, and then he'd get bored with them again and move on for a few centuries. He'd watched humans try to summon them over and over with questions or or to beg to change the fate of someone they love, or their own. The sisters rarely showed. He'd tried to summon them himself, out of curiosity, but they'd ignored him. He figured they would. How they were still around baffled him, apparently there were just enough humans who still believed in "fate" to keep the sisters powerful. 

He never had any idea that they had a way to tie a lifeline between a human and an angel, much less a dead angel. Tying lifelines was done before the humans were born, it's a similar theory to a soul mate. He'd seen the sisters tie two humans together across the planet from each other, usually as a punishment for something a parent had done to the beat Fates. They'd sell out to a demon and get ten more years added to their life, essentially "beating fate." And something like this was their retribution, because the child would always leave the parent in search of the other end of the line. The two would move toward each other unknowingly, until they finally pull together. 

It can't be broken or undone. But how did they do it while he was dead? Why not leave him dead? Wouldn't that be easier on them? And why Sam? He'd obviously ruined his fate more often than not, but why in the world would they tie him to Gabriel? It makes no sense that he could see. 

Gabriel is so wrapped up in these thoughts and memories that he doesn't notice Sam waking up. Sam's arm is loosely slung across Gabriel's chest and he feels it tighten around him, Sam's palms rubbing his side..

"Hey," Sam says after a minute. He rubs his eyes and pulls his leg off of the angel. 

Gabriel turns his face towards Sam, he doesn't smile, he just studies him. "Hey." 

"You okay?" Sam asks. 

"Yeah, you?" Gabriel is still searching Sam's face. 

Sam nods and stretches, he takes a deep breath and yawns. "Can I ask you something?" 

A shadow seems to cross Gabriel's face; he looks into Sam's eyes for a second and then nods. 

"What happened before, when you thought I wasn't real. What was going on?" After the words are out Sam can see the shadows seem to lift from Gabe's expression. 

Gabriel rolls toward Sam, facing him. "For a second there I had myself convinced that this was a trick, just Lucifer playing a joke on me, he used to do that stuff all the time," the angel says. 

"Oh..." Sam has no idea what to say. He hates thinking about Lucifer, it makes him feel crazy, all those memories from after he got his soul back crowding in. Or the memories from before then, when Lucifer was _inside_ Sam, he hates thinking about that even more. He'd fought so hard, that coldness, coiling and snaking through Sam's body. He shivers thinking about it; he always has that reaction to memories of Lucifer. They just make him feel unclean. Tainted. More than the demon blood ever did.

"He wasn't always like that, Sam. The way you remember him." Gabriel looks at Sam's chest. "He was my big brother. He was the only one who ever really paid any attention to me. Michael was always busy, Raphael wasn't interested in me, and I drove him crazy. Lucifer and I were close though. He was funny and I wanted to be funny, just like him. I tried to impress him, I learned everything from him, and I loved him. When I ran away I knew none of them would care, and by then I knew Lucifer wouldn't care either. He had changed so much, but I hoped he would. I hoped that he'd try to find me. If any of them did it would have been him." 

Sam watches Gabriel, the angel still looking at Sam's chest. Sam's heart aches for him. No wonder Gabriel thinks so little of himself; no one has ever wanted him. Sam wants him though; he's figuring out that he wants him more than anything. 

"He didn't. He didn't look for me. He didn't care; he was too wrapped up in the fighting and his own problems." Gabriel meets Sam's eyes finally, sadness showing in the lines around them. "I watched him fall. You've seen angels fall like stars, but an archangel is like the sun falling from the sky." 

Gabriel searches Sam's eyes, looking at Sam so intensely, like he's searching for something.

"I don't know why I'm telling you all this, I know you don't care. You hate him, and you should. I guess I just want you to know that he wasn't always like that. The Lucifer you knew was cold and evil, but at one time he was my brother. He was my big brother." 

Sam nods, holding eye contact with Gabriel. "I know, I understand. I hate him but I understand what you're saying. He used me for what I was born to do, I get that, but he was your brother first. You should love him, you're supposed to. That's what family does."

"Not my family," Gabriel says.

"Then get a new one," Sam smiles a little. _Easy, Sam, don't get sappy._

Gabriel looks surprised for a second, like Sam just said something huge. He looks away and then back at Sam, smiling, his face softening. "I can't figure out what you're doing with me, Sam. You're quite a catch." Gabriel winks at him, trying to seem teasing and fun. Cas' words are nagging at him though, _I didn't say lie, I said don't tell him._ As much as Gabriel doesn't want to hurt Sam, he also doesn't want to see him run away. Sam's laugh distracts him from his thoughts. 

"Yeah, this guy I know keeps telling me that but I don't believe him." Sam rolls to his back putting his arms above his head. 

Gabriel rises up over Sam, looking down at the hunter and laughing. "Whatever, you're hot and you know it," he says. 

"Man, you go from really serious to screwing around so fast my head spins sometimes."

"What can I say? It's a gift, one of my many talents. I have so many talents." Gabe wiggles his eyebrows.

Sam snorts and shakes his head. "Shut up."

"See, you keep saying that, but you don't seem to be able to _make me."_ Gabriel's eyes are glittering with laughter but the rest of his face is serious, making him look mischievous. 

Sam grins at the challenge. "Oh I can make you alright."

Gabriel lifts an eyebrow at him. "Try me, kid."

"You really wanna do this? I've got a pretty big size advantage." 

"Oh come on, Sam. Haven't you heard what the ladies say? Size doesn't matter." 

Sam barely has time to move his arms and the angel is over top of him, pinning them down. Sam grunts, using all his strength to try and pull his arms free but it's no use. His muscles are bulging in his arms, tendons and veins protruding. He's trapped.

"Well isn't this lovely," Gabriel says, looking up and down Sam's body.

Sam smiles back, and then pushes up with his legs, bridging his back. He flips, rolling them over, putting Gabriel on his back. He's still holding Sam's arms though, so Sam can't move them. 

"I let you do that," Gabriel says. 

"Oh whatever! You'd never let me win and you know it!" Sam can't help but be a little proud. 

"That's where you're wrong. This is exactly the position I wanted to be in." Gabriel lets go of his arms and wiggles his eyebrows at Sam. 

"Oh really," Sam says quietly, planting his hands on the bed beside Gabriel's head. He leans down and softly kisses the angel on the mouth. It's gentle and slow, the opposite of the rough wrestling they just did. 

Gabriel takes his fingers and lightly tickles Sam's sides, making Sam lurch back. Sam almost giggles, he's so surprised. Instead he grabs the angel's hands and pins them above his head on the mattress, he's now in the position Gabriel was before they flipped. 

Gabriel smiles a huge grin up at Sam. " _Exactly_ the position I wanted to be in," he laughs. 

"Mmhmm," Sam murmurs as he puts his mouth against the angel's neck, "I suppose you had this planned all along, huh?"

"I did indeed, Sam. I'm the Trickster; I always get what I want." 

Sam bites Gabriel's neck, "I think I've got what you want," he says, rubbing his short beard along the angel's collarbone. 

"Give it to me." Gabriel hisses and squirms his wrists, but Sam doesn't let them go. 

"I plan on it." Sam is naked and hard, his cock hanging down between them. He lays his weight down on Gabriel, pushing the angel's thighs apart with his knee so he can get between them. Gabriel is rock hard too, pressed against Sam's stomach. 

Sam dips his head lower, licking and nipping at Gabe nipples making him moan. Sam is limited in movement holding Gabriel's hands above his head, so he lets them go and wraps one arm under Gabriel's waist and lifts him slightly, so Sam is pressing against his ass. Sam is ready, really ready, but he's trying to slow down. Play a little. 

The angel's hands tangle is Sam's thick hair. He's tugging Sam's head back up and when Sam obliges, Gabriel buries his face is the groove of Sam's neck. He kisses and licks, bites and sucks hard, making Sam thrust between Gabe and the mattress. Gabriel arches his back, his cock rubbing Sam's stomach. 

"Let me roll over," Gabriel says. 

Sam shakes his head. "Slow down," he groans as Gabe bites below his ear. 

"Why? We're both ready, not like we can't go again whenever we want." 

Gabriel is making way too much sense in this situation, Sam can't argue with this logic. Sam feels Gabriel pressing something against his arm, and he pulls the bottle of lube away and shifts to his side, letting Gabriel slide out from under him. 

Gabriel rolls to his stomach, his ass up off the bed. 

"Holy shit, I'm gonna blow my load just looking at that," Sam says as he pops the cap on the bottle and slicks himself. 

Gabriel laughs. "Well, you might wanna slow down a _little_. You really are an ass man, aren't you?" 

Sam gets on his knees behind Gabe and grips that firm ass in both his hands, spreading him open. "I am now, that's for sure. Do I need to get you ready?" 

"No, you won't hurt me," Gabe looks back over his shoulder. His arms are above his head, his pretty ass sticking up just begging Sam to fuck him. He pushes back towards Sam. "Come on..." 

Sam rubs the head of his cock over the hole, pushing in a little. He slicks Gabriel up and starts to shove himself inside. He has to pause for a second.

"Fuck, Gabe," Sam closes his eyes.

"Stop teasin' me, Sam," Gabriel whispers into the sheets, he pushes back onto Sam's cock again. 

Sam squeezes that ass, stopping the angel from hitting bottom. "Give me a second, God, it's so tight and hot." Sam starts in again, slow and steady, until he's buried inside Gabriel. Sam closes his eyes and pulls back, and then slides in frustratingly slow, and stops again.

Gabriel buries his face in the bed and growls. "Dammit," he says through gritted teeth. The angel rolls his ass against Sam, his hips shifting and twisting like Sam's seen strippers do. 

"What the fuckkkk," Sam huffs, "do that again." 

Gabriel does, rolling and twisting and shoving himself back onto Sam's cock as much as possible. He doesn't stop; it's just continuous movement of his hips. 

Sam's eyes almost roll back in his head. "How do you move like that?" 

Gabe laughs, he doesn't answer the question, and then he pulls forward and shoves back onto Sam. "If you're not going to fuck me I'll do it myself," he says. 

"Oh I'll fuck you alright," Sam grabs the angel's hips and slams back in him hard, grinding against his ass before he pulls back again, "I'll fuck you good." 

"Again..." Gabriel moans, the sheets ripping where he's pulling on them. 

"What, this?" Sam shoves himself in and grinds hard once more, his breathing getting faster. 

"Yeah, oh fuck, deeper, please." 

Sam almost can't hear the words; Gabriel has his face pressed into the mattress so hard. The sheets are ripping more and more where the angel is pulling on them, trying to get traction to keep himself in place with Sam riding his ass so hard. Sam puts an arm down on the bed beside Gabriel and shifts his weight, so he's raised slightly over Gabriel, and then he rolls his stomach, groin and hips into him over and over. 

Gabriel makes a "hhnnnngg" sound. 

"You like that?" Sam doesn't stop, and Gabriel is whining and clawing at the bed. Sam watches the angel's hands, his fingers are going to tear into the mattress soon. "Yeah, that's gonna get me off." Sam is out of breath, he sees Gabriel's arm move down his body and Sam knows he's close too. "Come on," Sam pants, "Gabriel..." 

"Yeah, say my name," the angel whimpers. 

Sam is fucking him so hard that sweat is starting to drip. He says Gabriel's name over and over, the word whispered and hushed, and he hears Gabriel making soft mewling sounds. And then Sam comes, shoving himself down into the angel so hard that Gabriel is pushed flat between Sam and the bed. Gabriel keeps rolling his ass, grinding into the mattress, and then he's coming too, whispering Sam's name. 

Sam lays his head between Gabriel's shoulder blades, resting there for a minute. "I need a shower," he says after he catches his breath, "and food." 

Gabriel doesn't say anything, he doesn't move. Sam runs his hand up the angel's side but he gets no response. He's lying totally still with his face down in the ripped sheets. 

"Gabe? You alive?" Sam moves off of him and flops on his back. 

"No, you fucked me dead, Sammo. I'm dead." He finally answers. 

Sam laughs hard and gets up, heading toward the bathroom. "Be ready in 20 minutes, we're getting some good food!" Sam calls out as he shuts the bathroom door.

The next few days they rent a car and drive to New Orleans each morning, leaving Cas and Dean to their own devices. Sam and Gabriel park and walk the city as much as possible. They visit churches and Gabriel studies the art and statues intently, pointing out things the artists got wrong, or sometimes right. At times he seems sentimental, at times he seems angry, and most of the time he's laughing. Sam feels strangely insignificant at these moments, wandering around an old city with a being older than time. He feels like a blip on the radar. 

There's a statue of Mary in a cathedral that catches Gabriel's attention, she's seated, her legs folded under her, her hands clasped in prayer. Gabriel looks at it so closely, he scrutinizes every detail. The statue is old but it's been well preserved and it's beautiful. 

Sam clears his throat and gold glittering eyes shift focus to him. "Is it true? Did you, uh, did you _know_ her?" He's sure his emphasis on the word 'know' will convey his meaning to the angel. Sam has read dozens of interpretations of the Bible, more than a few discussing the possibility of Gabriel having sex with Mary to deliver God's seed. Just thinking about this makes Sam feel blasphemous.

Gabriel looks back at Mary. "Yes, but not in the way you're thinking. I didn't touch her, I would have never. I was there delivering revelations, my father's message. She was beautiful and pure in a way that was ethereal, and she was going to carry the son of God, my father. I don't know how the rumors of her and I started, I always hated that. She shouldn't be tainted by association with me." 

Gabriel is so cocky most of the time and he seems so overconfident that Sam is always surprised when he makes comments like this. There are moments Gabriel's self-worth is so low it goes into the negative. He is truly an enigma. 

"Did she look like this?" Sam asks, mostly because he doesn't know what to say. 

"This doesn't do her justice, but they came close on her mouth." Gabriel turns to Sam and smiles slightly, he walks to him and takes his hand leading him from the church to wander some more.

They stroll through cemeteries that are eerily beautiful, the "cities of the dead" as they're called. The above ground tombs are sun bleached, some marble, some crumbling brick; some are covered in patches of moss. Wrought iron fences enclose some tombs together, and some are adorned with flowers, candles and hoodoo money. 

As they slowly wander through, the crosses and statues of angels from the peaks of the tombs cast strange and unsettling shadows on the ground. Gabe suddenly stops, captivated by a sculpture. Sam swears he hears Gabriel gasp when he sees it. It's a weeping angel, she's draped over a monument, her wings lying slack, looking almost wilted in despair, her face hidden, laying down in the crook of her arm. Her feet look like she crawled up on the tomb just moments before they arrived. Gabriel walks around it slowly, making several circles to take it all in. 

"I think I know her," he finally says. 

"Wait, you know the angel?" Sam's eyes go wide in surprise.

"I can't be sure, but something seems so familiar about her. Whoever sculpted this must have known my sister." He looks at Sam, he looks sad. "I wonder if she's still alive." 

Sam stares at the sculpture. What should he even say? "Do you want to find out? Cas may know."

Gabriel looks back to the statue for a long time and then finally at Sam. He moves away then, Sam trailing behind looking between the real angel and the replica. "No, I don't think I care either way anymore," he says.

They move on, each day exploring a different part of the city. Sam eats creole and Gabriel eats pastry in the French Quarter. They take their time, moving with the slow relaxed pace of the south. They enjoy each other's company, they laugh often. They visit dark old bars and listen to blues music that makes your hair stand on end. 

They wander into an old dive one afternoon, Sam orders a beer and he's sitting across the table from Gabe in a tucked away corner booth. The wooden table, the wooden bars, the backs of the wooden booths, all of it is marred from years of patrons carving their names over and over on top of each other. Sam traces them with his fingers, wondering about their stories. 

"You should carve your name," Gabriel tells him. 

"I forgot my pocket knife," Sam says absently. "This one says Amzie, that's a strange name." Sam trails his long fingers over the z.

Gabriel produces a pocket knife and slides it over to Sam. "That's an old name, I haven't heard it in a long time."

Sam wraps the knife up in his hand as the waitress sits his beer down, tucking it away from her view. 

"You don't have to hide it, sweetie, people carve on the tables all the time. It's kinda our thing. Reckon they'll have to get new table tops someday, these will get so thin." She smiles when Sam thanks her and leaves them again. 

"I'll carve your name." Sam looks at Gabriel as he takes a long drink of beer. 

"Don't bother; I've left my mark in plenty of places." Gabriel puts his hands on the table, rubbing his fingers together. Sometimes Sam says something innocent, like offering to carve his name and it makes that nagging guilt come back. _I should tell him about the sisters, about the lifeline. He has a right to know. But Cas said not to, he said to let it go and I don't want to lose Sam. I just got him..._

Sam watches the nervous movement for a while. "Do you miss it?" 

Gabriel cocks his head slightly, puzzled by the question. "Miss what?"

"Being a Demigod, or a God, Trickster, Loki, whatever. Do you miss it? I mean people worshipped you, right? What was it like?" Sam watches Gabriel's fingers go still and looks up into the angel's face. 

Gabriel's eyes somehow seem to collect the dim lighting in the corner booth inside of them. The gold shines, like a cat's eyes reflecting the light. Something in the set of his face changes slightly. He still looks like Gabe, but different somehow. 

"I don't think 'worshipped' is the right word. 'Appeased' is probably a more accurate description. They respected me because I didn't tolerate anything less, and I was always in _control._ It was very much about control most of the time." His eyes hold Sam's, the gold inside the dark brown ring is mesmerizing. "I'm still those things, Sam. The Trickster, Loki, Archangel, they'll never leave me." 

"Control, huh?" Sam asks.

Gabriel nods, watching Sam closely.

"And you always get what you want, right?" Sam is unconsciously opening and closing the blade on the knife. It makes a click, slish sound of metal sliding on metal. 

Gabriel flattens his palms to the table and leans forward toward Sam. He doesn't say anything, just inclines his head in a nod. 

"What do you want right now?" Click, slish, click, slish, click, slish. 

Gabriel cocks his head again and studies Sam's mouth, and then meets the hunter's eyes. "You," he says.

Sam opens the knife and stabs it down into the tabletop, then slides out of the booth and strides away. He's incredibly turned on all of a sudden, he needs out of this bar and he knows Gabriel will follow.

Gabriel appears beside him on the sidewalk. "Going somewhere?" The angel's demeanor has changed, he's not serious, he's back to playful. 

Sam turns and pushes him back into an old brick wall. His big hand tilts Gabe's chin up to him. "Get us back to the motel, I'm not driving two hours to get there." 

Gabriel barely smiles, his dimples touching his cheeks. "You in a hurry?" 

Sam leans down into his face, their mouths almost touching, and he nods. 

Gabriel leans into Sam, so their lips are lightly brushing. "What for, something you want?"

"You," Sam says, crushing their mouths together. Sam closes his eyes and the air rushes through his hair as he spins in what feels like a thousand circles. He opens his eyes again, dizzy and disoriented, standing in the motel room. He fights a touch of nausea after the shocking movement.

Gabriel touches his fingertips lightly to Sam's temple and the nausea fades. "Next time we'll get you some of those motion sickness pills, if you ever want to fly again, that is. You were looking a little green around the gills, kiddo." Gabriel is smiling up at Sam. 

Sam pushes Gabriel back and his hip bumps the TV, making it rock. "No, don't do that, don't change on me like that. You were serious and you were looking at me like you didn't know if you wanted to hunt me or fuck me. Your eyes, your eyes looked... Different. I don't know, but don't change and joke around now." 

A tightness flashes across Gabriel's face, his eyes narrow as he looks at Sam. He's thinking, figuring out how to play this. "You want serious? Are you sure? Are you sure you want to play with the big boys?" 

Sam crowds into Gabriel's space, pushing his feet between Gabriel's so they're touching chest to chest and all the way down to their thighs. Sam towers over him. The angel doesn't look the least bit intimidated, a cocky grin turning up one corner of his mouth. 

"I _am_ a big boy, Gabe. Or Loki? What should I call you?" 

Gabriel's eyes glitter with gold. "What you call me depends on what you want." 

Sam places his hands on Gabriel's hips, bumping him into the TV again. It slides sideways slightly, but Gabriel pushes back, not giving an inch. Sam tries to kiss Gabe but the angel turns his head slightly.

"What _exactly_ do you want here, Sam?" Gabriel places a hand flat on Sam's chest and pushes him. Sam takes two steps back; it looks like it takes no effort on Gabriel's part. 

Sam looks down at the angel's hand, he wraps his fingers around the wrist and tries to move it away. He can't. It doesn't budge. He looks back at Gabriel. 

"You're the one who wanted to play serious. Now answer my question." Gabriel extends his fingers, pushing away even more using only the strength of two fingertips. Sam's hand is still around the wrist, and when Gabriel has pushed Sam away as far as he can the angel pulls his arm back. Sam tries to hold the hand there, he tightens his grip, it doesn't even seem to register for Gabe. 

Sam stands his ground. He doesn't move forward but he doesn't retreat either. Sam's mind is coming up blank, what does he want? If he wants serious, controlling Gabriel then what does that mean? Why does the thought of it turn him on so much?

"I want," Sam looks down, he doesn't know what to say. Does he really want to be controlled? 

_No. Well, maybe._

"Look at me," Gabriel says.

Sam looks at Gabriel, noticing the tight lines by his eyes, the hard set of his mouth. 

"Tell me," Gabriel demands. 

Sam clears his throat. He's incredibly uncomfortable. And turned on. The two feelings are at war.

"Sit," Gabriel orders. 

Sam moves and sits on the side of the bed. Gabriel nods at him and Sam can't help feeling a little blush in his cheeks from the angel's approval. 

Gabriel is still standing by the TV. He crosses his arms and studies Sam. 

"I think that you're curious about me taking control, Sam. Is that it?" 

Sam nods.

"Okay, that's okay," Gabriel slips his jacket off and tosses it away, "Now, from your behavior I'm guessing you don't have much experience in this type of role play."

Sam shakes his head no.

Gabriel nods. "We'll try it but I'm going to be honest, Sam. I don't want to dominate you in any serious way. I'm going to ask you some serious questions and I need you to be very honest with me. Even if you think I won't like your answer, can you do that?"

Sam nods.

"I think I know you well enough that I already know the answer to this one, but I'm gonna ask it anyway. Do you want to be humiliated?"

Sam emphatically shakes his head no.

"I didn't think so. Do you don't want me to inflict pain?" 

"No."

"Do you want me to punish you?" 

"No."

"Do you want me to tie you up?"

Sam thinks about this for a minute. He's not opposed to the idea but it's not much of a turn on either.

"Not really, unless you want to," sam says.

"No, I don't want to tie you up because I like your hands too much, I want you to use them." 

Sam smiles again and looks away, blushing.

"You just want me to control you, tell you what to do?"

Sam nods.

"You want me to tell you all the things you do that I love, that drive me crazy. You want me to tell you to do them, how long, when, where?"

"Yes." Sam can't stop blushing, he has to be beet red.

"I'm getting from your reactions that you want me to praise you?"

This gets a serious reaction out of Sam, in his pants. His hands are sweating, he wipes them on his jeans. He nods.

"Yeah." 

"Yes, I can see you like the thought of that. It's pretty obvious. That's a praise kink, Sam, we can definitely work with that." Gabriel smiles. "That's perfect."

Sam smiles broadly. This is weird and he doesn't understand why he likes it. His expression must show his inner uncertainty with this situation because when Gabriel speaks next it's like he reads Sam's mind.

"There's nothing wrong with you. Lots of people like this type of thing. As long as you're enjoying it we'll keep going, if you want me to stop you tell me and I'll stop immediately. I'm not forcing you to do anything, understand?" 

Sam nods.

"No, you say it. You always answer me out loud." 

"Yes." Sam says softly. 

"Sir." 

"What?" Sam asks.

"You call me sir." 

Sam blushes hotly. Why is this such a turn on? "Yes, sir."

"Good, you learn so quickly, Sam." 

Sam looks down shyly.

"I love that shyness, keep that up."

Sam smiles softly, dimples showing in his cheeks for a second. He nods a little, wiping his palms on his pants again.

"Out loud." 

He meets Gabriel's eyes. "Yes, sir."

"Okay, now, what do I want first..." Gabriel looks Sam over, thinking. "Stand up."

Sam stands. 

"Move to the middle of the room."

Sam takes a few steps and then faces Gabriel.

Gabriel walks to him and circles around him, he makes a show of staring at Sam's crotch. He steps back a few steps, gold eyes looking Sam up and down. His expression is very serious. 

"Take your shirt off."

Sam reaches over his head and pulls his shirt off in one motion, he drops it on the floor.

Gabriel nods. "Pants." 

Sam unbuttons his jeans and hooks his thumb inside, he starts to pull them down.

"Huh uh," Gabriel shakes his head, "I didn't tell you to take your underwear off. They stay. For now."

Sam pulls them back up and then kicks out of his jeans. 

Gabriel looks him up and down and sighs.

"Turn." 

Sam raises his eyebrows and almost laughs. 

Gabriel looks Sam in the eye and cocks an eyebrow. "Now." 

Sam straightens his face and slowly turns in a circle, holding his arms out.

"You just answered a question for me," 

Sam finishes his circle and waits for Gabriel to go on.

"You're not really a sub. A true sub wouldn't have questioned that order, no eye raise, no laugh. This is good, because I don't want to be your Dom, not really. We're still gonna have some fun though." 

Sam waits.

Gabriel walks around him again. 

"I love that line of muscle where your shoulder meets your chest." Gabriel lightly trails his index finger down it. "I like it when you're on top of me, I can see that muscle flex and it cuts deep. Your veins stand out in your arms, I like that too." He walks behind Sam, running his finger across Sam's wide shoulders. He moves to Sam's front, putting his hand down. 

"Your body is a masterpiece." 

Sam doesn't react.

"On your knees." 

Sam kneels and sits back on his feet. 

"I can't decide what my favorite part of your body is, Sam. There are two I like in particular. Do you know what they are?" 

Sam stares straight ahead. "My cock."

"Look at me."

Sam looks up with his eyes. "My cock, sir?"

"Very good." Gabriel smiles at Sam. "Ok, so maybe there's three, I do love that perfect cock of yours. But for the purpose of this exercise it's between your hands and your mouth. I love the way you touch me with your strong hands, when you dig your fingers in, hold me tightly."

Sam can see Gabriel getting hard in his pants. Sam's underwear already has a wet spot on the front.

"But your mouth, that mouth is delicious. When you kiss me, anywhere, everywhere, I love that mouth. When you wrap it around my aching cock. I love that, Sam. I just can't decide." 

Sam is red again, he can feel the blush all the way down on his chest. God this turns him on.

"I think we have to use them both, very thoroughly, so I can make my decision."

"Yes, sir." 

"You like that idea?" 

Sam nods, he looks away for half a second, "Yes sir."

"Then let's get started," Gabriel steps closer, "take my pants off."

Sam reaches up and unbuttons Gabriel's pants, tugging them down so he can step out of them. Gabriel is hard and ready. 

"Kiss me, but don't touch my cock yet."

Sam kisses his way up and down each thigh, licking and blowing soft breaths on the skin, and then nipping. 

"Yes, just like that," Gabriel says. "Run your hands up the back of my legs." 

Sam starts at Gabriel's calf, his hands on each leg, slowly pushing them higher and higher.

"Dig your fingers in." 

Sam does, pushing his fingers into the angel's muscular legs. He kisses across Gabriel's stomach. His hands hit Gabriel's ass and they squeeze it tight.

"Put your mouth on my cock." Gabriel is looking down at Sam, watching. "Eyes open. Look at me when you do it." 

Sam keeps his eyes up, moving his face slowly closer. He slides his mouth over the tip of Gabriel's dripping cock, his mouth stretching full. 

"Good, Sam, you're mouth is so good." Gabriel's fingers push gently through his hair, a soft sigh escape the angel's lungs. "Work your mouth down slow." 

Sam does as he's told, keeping his eyes up. He pushes Gabriel down his throat and slides his mouth up and down, making Gabriel moan. 

"So good, so perfect for me... You should see how good you look with my cock in your mouth." Gabriel whispers, "suck tight on the head." 

Sam does and Gabriel's knees bend a little.

"Shit, you're so good, harder."

Sam blushes a little and tightens the suction more.

"Yes, ohhh. I won't be able to stand up if you keep doing that." Gabriel grabs Sam's face and pushes his cock back hard into Sam's mouth. "Look at you, I've never seen anything so fucking hot." Gabriel slams into Sam's mouth again.

Sam's cock is aching, the front of his underwear is soaked. He watches Gabriel, staring down at him with his pupils wide and desire in his half closed eyes. Sam has never been so turned on in his life.

Sam grabs Gabriel's hips tightly and hold him in place so he's pushed into Sam's throat. Sam swallows, knowing the tightness that will squeeze around Gabriel's cock when he does. 

Gabriel closes his eyes at the sensation.

"Shit, yes, yes, so fucking tight. You know what I want before I even ask for it," Gabriel moans.

Gabriel opens his eyes and looks at Sam again, lightly brushing his thumb over Sam's cheekbone. Sam closes his eyes a little and leans his face toward the touch.

"Why do you insist on making me come apart, Sam? It's like you want to take me apart piece by piece, oh fuck..." Gabriel breathes, his head falls back and his hips push forward as Sam swallows again. 

The words make Sam's heart beat strangely in his chest, like it loses its cadence and goes frantic for a few seconds. Emotion takes Sam over, strong and scary. He wouldn't deny that the physical connection between him and Gabriel is strong, but this emotion is more, so much more. He hasn't felt it in so long. 

Sam stands, he doesn't care about control or orders or anything right now, he needs to kiss Gabriel and he's going to do it. He kisses him gently, trying to show the angel what he's feeling without saying the words. He can't say the words yet, the thought of it is too much. Somehow Gabriel seems to understand, it's like he melts into Sam, his hands wrapping tight around Sam's lower back. 

Gabriel pulls away for a second. "I don't want to be in control right now, you don't do anything wrong, everything you do is right and perfect and I want you so much."

Sam pushes Gabriel back toward the bed and Gabe sits, he scoots back on the bed and lays down. Sam lays beside Gabriel and kisses him. He's soft and gentle, Gabriel is saying everything Sam needs to hear and Sam is determined to make this perfect.

They kiss for what feels like an hour, hands roaming on skin making goosebumps raise. They make out like teenagers, the heat between them almost burning, until they grind their cocks against each other in rhythm. 

Gabriel finally takes Sam's hard cock in his hand and slicks it with lube. The angel's eyes are almost closed, his pupils blown, just a thin gold band showing. "Please," he whispers while staring into Sam's eyes. 

Gabriel rolls to his back and Sam settles between his legs. Sam guides his cock to the angel's hole and rubs over it gently before pushing in. He watches Gabriel's eyes close and his lips part. Gabriel has his hands over his head. Sam pushes inside, he groans softly at the tightness. He laces his fingers with Gabriel's, palms together on each hand. It's so intimate and Sam feels that frantic flutter in his chest again.

Sam starts slow, looking down at Gabriel, watching his mouth as he pushes out short breathy moans. Sam can see small lines form at the corners of Gabriel's eyes as he pushes all the way inside. 

Gabriel's fingers tighten in Sam's hands. "Sam," he says.

It's so soft that Sam wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't been looking at Gabe's face. Sam squeezes his fingers, making Gabriel look at him with soft, dreamy eyes.

"What are you doing to me, Sam?" Gabriel asks. He doesn't seem to expect an answer, and Sam wouldn't have one if he did. "You feel so good." 

Sam lowers his head to whisper in Gabriel's ear. "So do you," Sam says. Sam wants to say more, he feels so much more in this moment but the words aren't there, just emotion. There's just Gabriel, the feeling of being inside him, their hands holding onto one another, the soft sounds Gabriel makes every time Sam pushes inside him, and overwhelmingly strong feelings. 

Sam knows how Gabriel felt before, like he's coming undone, piece by piece. He lets go of one Gabriel's hands and slides his arm behind the angel's lower back, arching him up off the bed. He feels Gabriel grab onto his other hand, so he's holding Sam's one hand in both of his above his head.

Sam fucks him faster now, long deep strokes, and he snaps his hips and he sinks deep inside. "Can you come?" Sam asks, watching Gabriel's face again. His eyes have closed and his head is pushed back, he nods slightly. 

Sam tightens his grip in Gabriel's palm over his head and cinches his other arm tightly around his waist. He rests his head in the curve of Gabriel's neck. Sam sinks into him over and over and just _feels._ He wants to say the words as he comes and pours himself into the angel, he wants to say words of love, but he can't. He can't. He's lost everyone he's ever said that to, some of them more than once. He can't say it to Gabriel, not yet, he's not ready. 

Sam comes but he doesn't stop, he groans into the angel's neck and loses his rhythm, but he never stops. He fucks Gabriel harder and longer, until Gabriel pushes up against Sam, arching his back even more, making Sam hit that sweet spot inside him over and over. Gabriel comes, his teeth gritting as he growls, thick white come slicking between them. Sam feels the tears touch his cheek as they fall from Gabriel's eyes. He doesn't say anything though, he doesn't mention it. He just holds him. He holds him until their breathing is normal and he thinks Gabriel has put himself back together, and then Sam rolls to his side and lays his head on the angel's collarbone.


	8. Chapter 8

Gabriel lays completely still for hours, Sam resting beside him. He's lost in his own thoughts. Sam wanting praise had been his undoing. Sam, of all people _deserves_ praise, but he's obviously lacked it. Giving the praise was easy for Gabriel, although the control he could take or leave. Seeing Sam blush, though, that shyness when Gabriel told him he was good, that went straight to Gabriel's heart. He wanted more than anything to make Sam feel as good as Gabriel sees him. 

And the lifeline. This lifeline is taking him over. He feels like he's losing himself in it, or maybe he's finding himself, he's not completely sure. Whatever is happening, it's pushed him into an emotional tidal wave and he's having trouble processing it all. 

He wants to tell Sam about the lifeline. There've been so many moments where he _almost_ said it, but he can't figure out what to say. The timing doesn't seem right. Sam seems so happy, for the first time he's really happy, and Gabriel doesn't want to jeopardize that. These are all excuses and he knows it. He doesn't want his own happiness taken away either. 

Maybe Sam won't be upset? Maybe he won't care about a lifeline tying them to each other? There's no way Gabe will get that lucky. The fates wouldn't have tied him to a being that would accept him so easily. They picked the hardest one, by far. How Sam had come around so quickly Gabriel doesn't know. He's surprised it didn't take centuries, or never at all. 

The three women knew exactly what they'd done. This is a punishment, but it feels like a gift right now. Until Sam finds out. 

Sam rolls to his back and stretches, yawning. He looks at Gabriel for a second. "What do you want to do today?" Sam asks. 

Gabriel shakes his head. "No plans, kiddo. You got any ideas?" 

"I thought about just hanging around the beach, maybe going for a run. Maybe drinking something fruity, what do you say?" Sam is propped up on his elbow. 

"I'm on board with everything but the running, you knock yourself out with that one." Gabriel sits up and scoots back against the headboard. 

"Listen, about before," Sam starts, "that control thing. I don't know what to say, I've never even thought about that stuff before. I don't know where that came from, the more I think about it the more I'm weirded out. Uh..." Sam trails off, he has no idea what to say.

"Sam, it's not weird. I've seen some _weird_ stuff that turns people on. Wanting someone to praise you and take control is not weird. Everyone wants to be told they're good and that someone wants them. Hell, I always wanted that too. Don't overthink it."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks," Sam says.

"You don't sound too sure about this, kiddo. What's up?"

Sam is quiet for a long time. He stares at the ceiling, making Gabriel wonder what he's thinking. He finally looks at Gabriel, but there's no smile, no nothing.

"I've always had other weird stuff too, maybe this is just part of that."

This catches Gabriel off guard. Other weird stuff? Where is this coming from?

"You're gonna have to give me more than that. What other weird stuff?"

Sam's face looks a little guarded for a second, he looks away and takes a deep breath, and then he looks back at Gabriel. "I've never told anyone this, but sometimes I think that the demon blood left traces of the demons somewhere inside me. That maybe that's where my anger comes from, the resentments I have such a hard time letting go of, weird stuff like this control thing. What if none of that is me? I've always wondered if all that demon blood maybe changed me, changed my personality, who I am deep down. I don't know, maybe it's stupid. Maybe I want to think that so I don't have to face the things about myself I don't like." 

"What?" Gabriel says, surprised. He sees embarrassment on Sam's face, like he's confessed something and now he's being mocked. Gabriel immediately throws the blanket back and straddles Sam's legs. He puts his hands on Sam's face and pulls it to look at him. "You listen to me, Sam Winchester. Are you listening?" 

Sam nods slightly in Gabriel's hands. 

"There is not even a drop of a demon in you. Nothing at all. Do you understand?" 

Sam nods again. 

"Good. I won't lie and say that the demon blood didn't alter _something_ in you, in your DNA, but all that did was make you stronger. It didn't leave traces of demons or affect your emotions, nothing like that. It strengthened you so an archangel could use you as a vessel because we need stronger humans to contain us. That's all. Got it?" 

Sam nods again, he seems a little reassured. "I guess there goes my excuse for why I can't keep my anger in check sometimes. I can't blame demons anymore." Sam smiles just slightly.

"We've all got demons to bear, it doesn't matter where they come from, kiddo." Gabriel kisses Sam's nose making him try not to smile. Gabriel sees those dimples in Sam's cheeks. "What I want you to remember from now on, when you think about these demons inside you, I want you to remember that you are _good_. And _I want you._ Got it?"

Sam blushes and feels silly. He wants to change the subject. "Where did you get your vessel?" 

Gabriel smiles, Sam is running his hands up and down the angel's thighs. If Sam needs to change the subject that's fine, Gabriel said what he needed to for now. 

"What, this old thing? I picked it up a few years back on clearance, enhanced it with a few pagan add ons and it fits like a glove. You like it?" 

"I'm growing pretty fond of it, yeah," Sam says, leaning in to lightly touch his lips to Gabriel's. 

"Aww, Samsquatch, you sure do know how to make a girl feel special." Gabriel kisses him back. 

Sam grabs Gabriel's ass and pulls him tight up to him. "Damn, I don't think I'll ever get tired of this, of wanting you." Sam kisses him harder. 

This is it, this is the moment Gabriel has been looking for. He could pull away from Sam and explain why this is so strong, what's causing it, and he tries. He starts to but Sam pulls away first. 

"Ok, no, this can wait, right? I wanted to run and I'm gonna run. Sure you don't want to join me?" 

Gabriel could still say something, he thinks of the words but when he opens his mouth, "Will you be shirtless?" Comes out instead. 

Sam laughs. "Yeah, I was planning on it." 

"Well then by all means, let me get my umbrella and my fan and I'll meet you on the beach. I'm always up for watching you hot and sweaty traipsing around sans shirt." And the moment is gone again. 

Sam is up, throwing on running shoes and out the door before Gabriel says another word.

They spend the day lounging after Sam's run. They meet Cas and Dean later that evening for dinner at a local beach bar. Somehow Dean still seems completely clueless about Sam and Gabriel being together, which leads to multiple innuendos from Gabriel about Dean being "dense." Finally Dean's had enough. 

"Quit being a triple-X sized prick," he says after a few whiskey on the rocks. "I don't know why my brother likes hanging out with you, I swear to God." 

"Well, I think there's more than one answer to that, Deano, but probably the most accurate is because he doesn't have to watch you and Cassy making out at every available opportunity. I mean, would you want to watch Sam and I make out? It's not like you and Cas are even discreet about it." Gabriel signals the waitress for another round. 

"You are such a fucking dick, you know that? Don't make me feel bad about this shit, don't do that, man. It not like I can help it." Dean slams a shot. 

Gabriel at least has the decency to feel a little guilty. 

"Gabe, shut up," Sam intervenes, "Dean, you got nothing to feel guilty about. I'm happy for you and Cas. Do I want to watch you make out? No. But I'll survive it. Don't listen to him." 

Gabriel sees Sam look at him and knows he's angry. He also sees something on Sam's face that says he caught that "I can't help it" comment from Dean. This could be important later. 

Seeing that look on Sam's face makes Gabriel do something he has never done before. He apologizes to Dean Winchester. Kind of. 

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings," Gabriel says. 

"Fuck you, you didn't hurt my feelings. God you're an ass!" Dean stands up and grabs Cas' arm, who's been watching this entire thing and not wanting to get involved at all. "Come on, Cas." 

They walk away and then Gabriel sees Dean marching back through the crowd. 

"I'm talking to Sam here so you just keep your trap shut." Dean looks to Sam. "You still ready to go home? To the bunker, I mean?" 

Sam nods. "Yeah, whenever you are. You said two weeks, we still got a week left though if you want." 

"No, I'm ready to be home," Dean says, making a pointed look at Gabriel. "We'll head out tomorrow and stop tomorrow night. We'll pull into the bunker sometime the day after. I'm not in a rush but I'm ready to be in my own bed." And with that he walks away.

"Sam-" Gabriel starts, but Sam cuts him off immediately.

"What the fuck, dude. I know you like giving him a hard time but you gotta lay off. Don't ever make him feel guilty for what's going on between him and Cas. Got it?" 

"I know, I'm sorry." Gabriel puts his head in his hands. "Sometimes I start with the jokes and I can't stop and they just get mean and I don't know. I'm sorry. I'll apologize tomorrow, a real apology. Ok? Don't be mad at me." Gabriel looks at Sam with huge puppy dog eyes. 

Sam fights his smile so hard. He looks away at the crowd of dancing women, his mouth turning down at the corners, but those dimples give him away. 

"Don't say any anything else to him, you'll just piss him off," Sam says. He smiles at Gabriel. "Besides, just think how much payback I'll get when he finally knows, we can make out in front of him all the time."

"Oh, Sammo, a man after my own heart. How soon can we tell him? You know how I love a good payback." Gabriel wiggles his eyebrows making Sam laugh loudly. 

"You think we can keep him in the dark until we get back?" Sam realizes after he's said it that he's asked Gabriel to come to the bunker with them, in a roundabout way. He feels a little awkward for a second but Gabriel doesn't miss a beat. 

"Challenge accepted. Two more days and then the big reveal." Gabriel winks. 

They hit the road late the next morning. Dean seems to have gotten over his irritation from the night before. They eat breakfast and load the car, taking their time, and then start the long drive north. 

Gabriel and Cas are quiet most of the day, both of them seemingly lost in thought. They stare out the window for long periods of time, making Sam wonder again what Gabriel is thinking about.

They stop a few times and once for a late lunch and to stretch their legs, and then they drive several hours without stopping at all. Finally Dean is getting antsy, shifting in the seat. He says he wants to make it about another hundred miles before they get a room, but he's stopping at the next truck stop. 

Sam nods his agreement. They pull in and Sam goes in to buy a water, Gabriel stays in the car. Dean and Cas both head to the bathroom which Sam assumes means that Dean wants time with Cas but doesn't want to make out in the back seat again.

Sam strolls back to the Impala and slides in the passenger side. Gabriel is watching people out the window, glowing neon lights reflecting in his eyes. 

"What do you think about when you're looking out the window?" Sam says over his shoulder. 

He sees Gabriel look at him. They're both quiet. 

"I think about a lot of things, Sam," his voice is calm, soft. He looks back out the window and goes on. "I think about home, what it used to be like. I think about family, my brothers and sisters. My father. I think about humanity. I wonder if my father knew all the things that would happen the second he set this universe into motion, and if he did, then why? Why would he leave?"

Gabriel's eyes shift up, looking at the sky. "I think about the stars. I remember my father rubbing his hands together and the stars flying from his fingertips like sparks from a match. They scattered and floated like embers, millions of beautiful lights in contrast with the endless blackness. I think about this world, and all the other worlds out there, what's happening on them. I think about how enormous the universe really is. I think how selfish humans are, how narrow their view is. They only see a fraction of life, of what's really present, even on their own planet. I wonder if humans are capable of comprehending it all. I doubt it." He turns his head back to Sam. 

Sam stares at him for a second and then turns, looking out over the hood of the car. He doesn't know what answer he was expecting, but that wasn't it. Sometimes it's easy to forget how ancient Gabriel is. He can seem so human one minute, and the next he says something that makes you feel minuscule in his presence. For some reason Sam doesn't want to see the people walking past the car right now, he looks down at his hands.

Gabriel appears on the seat beside Him, making the soft leather creak. His thigh is pressed tight up to Sam's, his shoulder hitting his arm. 

He turns, so his chest is touching Sam bicep. "Sometimes I think about you, Sam. I think about your skin and your eyes and your hair. How those dimples show in your cheeks when you smile, but they show even more when you're trying _not_ to smile at something I say." Gabriel reaches over and picks up Sam's hand. "I think about your hands, how big your hands are. What it feels like when you touch me. Your hands on my hips, while you push inside me, until all I feel is you, over and over. Until I don't remember if I'm angel, or human, or anything. All I am is impaled on Sam Winchester while he fucks me so hard that I can't think, and all I can say is your name. Just your name, Sam. I think about those things too." 

Sam tries not to smile, and then feels self conscious knowing his dimples are showing. He glances out the side window and feels Gabriel shift in the seat. He raises up so he's whispering in Sam's ear. 

"And sometimes I think about burying myself in you. I bet you're tight. And hot. I imagine fucking you slow and deep, making you pant and beg. I want to fuck you hard," Gabriel closes his eyes imagining it, "so hard, and make you come on my cock. I want you impaled on _me,_ until you're screaming _my_ name."

Sam can't move, he's so incredibly turned on right now. How does Gabriel do that? One second Sam is feeling minuscule and insignificant from something the archangel says, like a grain of sand in a sea of millions, and the next second Sam feels like he's the only person in the universe, and Gabriel's voice goes straight to his cock. How is this attraction between them so strong? Sam doesn't understand it. 

Gabriel moves his hair and kisses his neck. 

"Gabriel, we don't have time," Sam says, closing his eyes. 

"Don't worry, the lovebirds are having a quickie in the bathroom. You better hurry though, your brother is almost done." 

Sam turns and clamps his hands on Gabriel's face, kissing him hard. Their teeth hit, tongues shoving inside each other's mouth. Sam wants him so much, he wants him _now._ He doesn't care if people are around, if they can see in the windows. He doesn't care about any of that. All he cares about is Gabriel, and that mouth, those hands sliding through Sam's hair, pulling and pushing Sam's head around. 

Gabriel feels Sam's hands under his shirt, shoving up his sides. Pushing at the fabric, digging into skin. He kisses Sam harder. He leans his weight into Sam's chest, placing his palms on the window behind Sam's head. Gabriel pulls back. "Shit," he whispers. 

Gabriel is gone. Sam's hands are touching nothing, just air. He closes his mouth and looks behind him. Gabriel is pulling at the legs of his pants. "What the fuck," Sam says. 

The drivers side door opens and Dean slides in. Sam pulls on his jacket, trying to cover the tent in his pants, shifting uncomfortably. The door behind Sam opens and Cas gets in. The car starts and they pull away. Sam wants to beat his head against the window in frustration.


	9. Chapter 9

"You wanna eat?

Sam is completely lost in thought, staring out at the road over the hood.

"Hey, I asked you a question. Sammy!" 

His name finally pulls him out of his own little world. "Huh?" Sam looks over at Dean. "Oh, sorry. No, I'm ok. I'm ready for bed." 

Dean nods. He'd eaten enough junk in the car he probably feels sick, Sam thinks. Dean pulls up in front of a motel office, crooked vacancy sign flashing. Sam gets out and goes in. There's only one room available. Great. Sam pays and heads out to the car. 

"Bad news," he says as he ducks his head down by Dean's window, "just one room." 

Dean lets his head fall back and huffs. "Does it at least have two doubles?"

"Nope, sorry. Just one queen." Sam steps back as Dean opens his door. 

"Flip for it?" Dean says as he stands up, pulling his arms up behind him, wincing at the pull in his shoulders.

"Nah, you take it. I'll sleep in the car." Sam would feel guilty taking the bed, Dean's driven all day.

"Nonsense." Cas appears standing directly beside Dean. "You two need sleep, Gabriel and I don't. You sleep in the bed and we'll return in the morning." 

Dean and Sam look at each other. Sam knows Dean wants to sleep with Cas. He looks at Gabriel standing next to the Impala. Gabriel meets his eyes and lightly taps the roof of the car. 

"No really, Cas. I'll sleep in the car, I got a solid night's sleep last night so I'm good. You're letting me help you drive tomorrow though, Dean, no excuses." Sam stares at his brother until he finally nods reluctantly. 

Dean and Cas walk toward the room and Sam turns back to the car. Gabriel is still looking at him with those gilded eyes. 

"Is this a slumber party in your brother's precious Baby?" Gabriel says, smiling. 

Sam smiles back and heads to the trunk, pulling out a pillow and a blanket. He slides in the back seat and Gabriel slides in behind him. Gabriel leans back against his door and Sam turns in the seat, bending his leg between them so they're facing each other. 

"I've heard about the things people do in the back seats of cars, Sam. You plan on ravishing me?" Gabriel turns his head to the side looking at Sam with mock shyness. 

"Yeah, something like that," Sam tries not to smile. "I wish you hadn't said that thing about my dimples, now I think about it every time I try not to smile," Sam says looking away. He finally lets himself smile broadly. 

"I don't know why you even try not to smile, we both know I'm a riot. But I love those dimples when you do, so carry on kidding yourself, by all means." Gabriel looks at Sam and studies his face. 

It makes Sam feel even more self conscious and he feels himself blushing. He feels ridiculous, Gabriel has seen Sam in some very compromising positions as of late and Sam wasn't the least embarrassed then. But now he's blushing over _dimples,_ for Heaven's sake. 

"Are you blushing?" Gabriel says, squinting at Sam from across the car. "You are, oh kiddo, I'm dying over here. I love it when you're shy." 

Sam wants to hide his face, he can't stop smiling and his face is flaming in heat. He clears his throat and meets Gabriel's eyes. 

"Change the subject." Sam tries his damnedest not to smile as he says it. 

"Alright, what do you want to talk about?" Gabriel stretches his legs out towards Sam on the floorboard, bumping his foot.

"Uh, okay." Sam looks around. He wishes they were somewhere besides this car right now. Somewhere beautiful, with a big open sky. "What's the most beautiful place you've ever seen?" 

"In this world?" Gabriel sits up and takes his jacket off, throwing it over the front seat. He leans back against the door again and looks at Sam. 

"Well, what are my other options?" Sam can't wrap his mind around the thought of the places outside of earth that Gabriel has seen. "You know what, never mind. Just on earth, what's the most beautiful place you've seen."

"That's a tough one. Some of them don't exist anymore." He puts his head back, thinking. "I've always loved rainforests, so probably one of those." He finally says. 

"Really? I never thought of you as a rainforest guy. More of a big city or sunny beach party type," Sam says. 

Gabriel laughs. "Yeah, I can see that. I love the sounds of the rainforest though, the birds and water, it's alive in a way a place full of humans can't ever be. I don't know why, but they always bring peace." 

Sam nods. "So do you have a favorite?" 

"Maybe one per continent," he says. 

"Ok, so what's your favorite one in North America." Sam doesn't know why this interests him so much. He wants to pick Gabriel's brain, he loves doing this. 

"Redwoods." Gabriel states matter of factly. 

"Really?" Sam looks surprised. 

"Yep, you ever been?" Gabriel crosses his arms and huddles down in the corner of the seat a little, looking at Sam. 

"Yeah, when I was little. We drove through it, Dad and Dean and I. We probably stopped but I must have been asleep because I don't remember anything but seeing it from the car window." Sam had forgotten this memory until just now, he must have been no more than five or so. 

"That's a shame," Gabriel says. He looks at Sam intently, "I'll take you sometime." 

Sam smiles slightly and nods his head. "I'd like that." Sam feels silly about the butterflies in his stomach.

"You gonna sit so far away all night or what?" Gabriel looks almost sleepy, he's so cuddled into the seat. 

Sam leans over and puts his hands on each side of Gabriel's hips, and then raises up over the angel so he's above him. "You coulda moved closer at any time." He kisses him gently.

"I'm pretty comfy actually, I didn't want to move. This seat isn't half bad." Gabriel raises his head and kisses Sam again.

"Yeah Dean put extra padding in the last time he upholstered it, he says it was to make it better to sleep on but I think it's for the women. Or angel now, I guess." They kiss again. 

"Good ol Deano, he does have a good idea every now and then." Kiss. 

"Mmmhmm." Kiss. "I think I'm too tall for sex in the back seat of a car, Gabe. I don't know how this will work." Kiss.

"Sam Winchester, I'm surprised at you. Where there's a will there's a way." Kiss. "Lay down on your back." Kiss.

Sam moves back and lets Gabriel sit up, and then he lays down as flat as he can. His legs are bent against the opposite door and Gabriel has to lay down on top of him. 

"Are you ready? I think we're about to have our Titanic moment. Get your hand up to the window," Gabe says, and then presses another kiss to Sam's lips.

Sam laughs loudly. "Where do you come up with this stuff?" He looks up at Gabriel and thinks about how much he's laughed since the angel came back. More than he's ever laughed in his life. Those butterflies stir again. 

"What can I say, it's a gift." Gabriel kisses Sam while Sam is still laughing, just a soft press to those smiling lips. "I love the sound of your laugh, and I'd do anything to see that beautiful smile, kid." He kisses Sam longer this time, slower. Their tongues lightly touching, Sam biting Gabriel's bottom lip every so often. 

No one has said anything like that to Sam since Jess. It makes that ache in his chest come back, he gets that urge to look into Gabriel's eyes and profess his undying love. It just seems too soon, Sam feels immature, almost naive in thinking he could be in love already. He knows he is though, there's no other explanation. 

Sam tries to pour the emotions he's feeling into the kiss again. He holds Gabriel's face in his big hands and kisses him harder, deeper, making Gabriel moan into his mouth. Gabriel is lying chest to chest with Sam, and he grinds himself between Sam's legs now making both their breaths hitch. They're both getting hard, and the friction of Gabe grinding their cocks together speeds that up. 

Gabriel breaks the kiss and lays his face in the curve of Sam's neck. "You make me feel like a teenager again." He kisses the base of Sam's ear. 

"Were you ever really a teenager?" Sam runs his head up the back of Gabriel's head, feeling the soft hair slide between his fingers.

Gabriel chuckles softly. "Kinda, I think being fledging would be pretty close." 

Sam smiles and makes a mental note to discuss this later, he makes mental notes like this all the time and then forgets. And just then Gabriel snaps his hips and the heat and friction against Sam's jeans makes him lose all train of thought. 

They kiss and touch, hands gentle and slow, pressing into skin and pulling on clothes. They grind and moan, they lose their breath, they take their time. The windows are steamy, the light from the parking lot coming through them faded and fuzzy. It doesn't seem real, this feeling Sam has. It's like love, but amped up on steroids. It's love you could lose yourself in, that will take you over. 

He wants to say this to Gabriel, he wants to ask him if he feels it too. But the words won't come, not now. He knows they will, but not tonight. Instead he decides to show Gabriel in another way. He knows Gabriel wants him, but he would never ask, so Sam decides to offer. 

"I want you," Sam whispers into Gabriel's ear. 

"I want you too, Sam." Gabriel's voice is low and breathy.

Sam knows Gabe didn't understand his meaning. "No, Gabe, I _want_ you. I want you to fuck me..." Sam kisses a trail down Gabriel's neck and feels the angel go still. 

Gabriel puts his palm on the back of Sam's head, he's quiet for a minute. "Tonight?" He finally asks. 

Sam moves his head to meet the angel's eyes. "Yeah, tonight, if you want." Sam's brow furrows a little bit like he's not sure what Gabriel will say. 

"Oh, Sam," Gabriel says, his hand on the side of Sam's face as he searches those hazel eyes. "I want, believe me I _want_. But not in the back seat of your brother's car with your legs folded up like a baby moose. This won't work." 

Sam smiles. "Ok, then what do we do?" 

Gabriel thinks for almost a minute and then looks at Sam. "Hold on," he says. 

Gabriel wraps his arms around Sam's waist and flies. He moves them quickly and accurately, he knows exactly where he wants to go. They touch down a second later, he puts his hands on Sam's hips to steady him after the shocking movement. 

"You okay?" Gabriel says before letting go, he waits until Sam's nods and then he backs away. He watches Sam look around and take in where they are. Sam looks at the blanket from the Impala on the ground, the pillow laying there. He looks at the trees, the massive trees, with the bright moonlight filtering down through them. 

"Are we?" Sam finally asks, looking back at Gabriel. 

Gabriel nods, watching the wonder on Sam's face. It's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He wants to see that look as often as possible. 

Sam looks around, listening. The forest has grown quiet with their arrival. It's deceiving, the forest is alive. Gabriel lets him take it in.

"Are there bears and stuff here?" Sam says after studying their surroundings for awhile. 

"Yes. There's one about a half mile east. They won't bother us. I wouldn't let anything hurt you, Sam." Gabriel says. 

Sam looks at Gabriel then, he really _looks_ at him. Gabriel knows something is going through Sam's mind, it's written all over his face. He looks scared and almost excited at the same time. Sam closes the distance between them in two steps. 

"Gabe, why is this so strong? This thing between us, you feel it too right, am I crazy?" Sam looks a little lost, like a child trying to find their way home. It's not all out panic yet, but it's definitely fear. 

There it is. _No_ , Gabriel thinks, _not now. We can't do this now, Sam._

"Don't, Sam. Don't ask that, please," Gabe pleads, shaking his head. He won't look away, he won't run from this, he should have faced it way before now but he just couldn't.

"What do you mean?" Sam locks eyes with him.

Gabriel sighs. "We should have talked about this before now, I should have said something. I tried, I just," he pauses and shakes his head, he can see Sam's face changing. 

Gabriel sighs and walks away, his back to Sam. He wanders to a tree and turns back to face him. He leans back against the bark of the massive redwood trunk, putting his head back so he's staring at the huge dark canopy above him. 

"Tell me," Sam says, his jaw set. He's not angry, not yet, he's determined. 

"Fate." The word floats up towards the leaves. Gabriel lowers his head and looks at Sam. 

" _The_ fates?" Sam says. 

Gabriel nods. "The three sisters, you know them." 

"What? I don't understand." Sam crosses his arms, his shoulders hunched. He looks closed off and tight. 

"When you spit in the face of the Fates they tend to get pissy." Gabriel pauses and goes on. He's already started, he's going to say it all now. "Have you heard of a lifeline?" 

"You mean the Greek mythology lifeline? The one the Fates spin and snip?" Sam is too damn smart. 

"Yes. That lifeline can be attached to another person sometimes. I never knew they could link it to an angel, but since I technically died I imagine they did it before I came back. You have died so many times, who knows when they linked it to you. Whatever they did, however they did it, it's done. If we cut it, we die. And then if the past is any indication, we come back, again and again."

"I'm not following you here," Sam says. His face is changing from confusion to anger. "You're saying that the Fates have tied us together with a lifeline? Because we pissed them off?" 

"You may have pissed them off, but I'd say they have stronger feeling towards me. They're definitely not in my fan club." Gabriel watches Sam closely. He seems calm, but he can't hide the muscle twitching in his jaw. 

"And you knew about this?" Obvious anger crosses Sam's face for a second, and then he hides it again. 

"I didn't mean to hide anything, I wanted to tell you. I just didn't know how, or when." Gabriel sees something in Sam change then. It's obvious in the way Sam puts his head back, how he looks away. Gabriel goes on. "Maybe we should have denied this, maybe I should have stayed away and left you alone. Maybe _you_ could have denied it anyway, you're stronger than me, Sam. I wasn't strong enough. Maybe you could have gone your whole life and been fine without ever having known me again, maybe you could have found a woman to piece you back together if I'd stayed dead, or at least stayed away." Gabriel looks off into the foggy forest. He shakes his head and looks back at Sam. "When I came back and saw you, what I felt, I don't even know, Sam. I didn't understand it then and I still don't. I've never, _never,_ felt anything like it. And it keeps getting stronger." 

Sam is shaking his head, denying Gabriel's words, and Gabriel feels it like a knife in the gut, it physically hurts him. "We should have talked about this a long time ago, when it started, _before_ it started. I just, I wanted you so much. I need you..." 

Sam is still shaking his head and Gabriel has to look away. He can't watch Sam deny him of his feelings.

"So this whole thing, this whole time, you manipulated it to get what you wanted?" Sam is angry now, his tone sharp. He's trying to hold it back. 

"No, never! I wouldn't do that, don't think that!" Gabriel steps away from the tree and Sam takes a step back. Gabriel knows for sure he's defeated, Sam is shaking he's so angry. _I've lost him,_ Gabriel thinks. He lowers his head and shoulders and slumps back, sliding down the tree. 

"You do whatever you want, you're the Trickster right?" Sam is looking down at Gabriel. Part of him knows what he's saying is cruel, he doesn't even believe it, but he can't stop. 

"I knew, I knew if I mentioned fate or destiny you'd run. You'd fight with everything in you, and you'll win, Sam. Even my father knows, there's nothing stronger than a Winchester fighting their destiny." Gabriel looks up at him, eyes swimming with tears. "God, those three, they're the cruelest fucking bitches in the world. I imagine they thought you'd hate me forever, and you should have. You had every reason to. But now, to lose you now, after I've loved you, that's even worse." 

Sam sneers at him, watching the tears spill over Gabriel's cheeks. "Fuck this," he says "this isn't love, it's _fate_." Sam spits after he says the word, like he doesn't want the taste of it in his mouth. He turns his back and walks away.

"Sam, wait, please," Gabriel says softly, but Sam doesn't listen. He walks into the darkness as Gabriel sits crying. He sits like this for almost an hour, feeling Sam walk slowly farther away. Gabriel keeps him safe, clearing his path, and finally he knows he has to take Sam back to the car. 

He stands and disappears from the trees, moving up behind Sam before he knows he's there. He grabs Sam's arm and flies quickly back, landing directly beside the car they exited what seems like a lifetime ago. 

Sam reaches out and steadies himself with the car, putting his head down and taking a deep breath. "God dammit," he says. 

"I'm sorry," Gabriel says. 

Sam shakes his head. "What are you apologizing for exactly? Flying me back without telling me? Lying to me? Keeping secrets from me?" 

"Yes." It's all Gabriel says. He's apologizing for all of that, and for not being what Sam wants, for not being everything Sam deserves. 

Sam moves to the trunk and grabs his bag, throwing it over his shoulder. He looks at Gabriel and stares at him for a long time, and then turns his back and walks away, out of the parking lot, down the road, out of Gabriel's sight. But Gabriel can still feel him. He'll always feel him.


	10. Chapter 10

Sam walks and walks. He feels blisters starting on the outside of his feet. Cars pass but they don't stop. He doesn't want them to, he just wants to walk. He wants to run. Running makes him forget, it's always eased his anger. Losing himself in the music his feet make, slapping on the pavement. He can't run though, he's wearing boots, carrying a duffel bag. 

Maybe he should have waited on Dean and Cas, just rode back with them, but he couldn't. He needed to _move_. He couldn't be trapped in a car and he couldn't wait until morning to escape. He walks for hours, through the darkness. He stays as far off the road as he can, but he still feels like the cars are passing just inches from his shoulder. One sleepy driver closing his eyes could take him out. 

He'd just come back though. He always comes back. Sam can feel Gabriel following him. He's miles away now, but still moving behind Sam. _Go away, Gabriel,_ he thinks, _go away._

Sam feels a pull then, like he's on the end of a fishing like, a hook in his gut. He has to stop and double over. Gabriel left alright, and the feeling of it knocks the wind out of Sam. Wherever the angel went it was far, the line between them feels taught. He had no idea the line even existed until a few hours ago and it already feels like a part of his anatomy now. Once he knew what it was it made sense.

He hears a truck rumble up behind him, the air brakes hissing as it stops. Sam stands up and turns around as the driver leans out his door. 

"You okay?" The guy is about 50, wearing a baseball cap and a grey t-shirt.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." Sam waves and starts to walk away.

"You wanna ride?" The guy calls after him. 

Sam stops again and looks at the guy, taking in his appearance. He seems normal, not that his looks would be any indication if he was a serial killer. Sam's feet are hurting though. 

"I won't mess with ya, buddy, I swear. Where ya headed?" The guys steps down from his truck and walks toward Sam. His clothes are clean, he's close to six feet with a gut hanging over his pants. 

"Kansas," Sam says. 

The guy nods. "I'm goin' through Kansas, maybe I can get ya close to home or wherever it is you're goin," he extends his hand to Sam, "I'm Tim, Tim Brown. Everybody just calls me Brown though, even my wife." 

Sam shakes his hand and smiles weakly. "Nice to meet you Tim, I'm Sam." 

"Ah, call me Brown. Come on then, let's get on the road." He walks back to the truck. 

Sam's doesn't remember agreeing to the ride but he follows him anyway. 

"You don't mind dogs do ya?" The guy says over his shoulder. 

"No, I love dogs," Sam says. 

"That's a good man, Dottie will love you." He climbs up and shuts the door. 

Sam climbs up into the semi and throws his duffle bag on the floor. A small Boston Terrier wiggles up beside his seat, her ears laid back, tailless butt squirming back and forth. 

"Hey, you must be Dottie." Sam reaches down to pet her and she launches into his lap. He smiles then, a real smile, at the sweet little dog. 

"Watch it, she'll steal your heart," Brown says. 

"Yeah, I can see that, she's a cutie." She licks Sam's face, her big ears standing up. 

The guy slides the truck in gear and pulls back onto the road. 

"Didn't want a dog but my wife kept insisting sayin' I'm on the road alone too much. She took me to the pound one day and I had no intention of leavin' there with a dog. 'Til I saw that one right there wrigglin' around in a cage. I asked to see her and that was it, true love. Truth be told I think my wife's jealous now, says I give more attention to the dog than to her." 

Sam laughs, rubbing the little dot between the classic black markings on her head. He assumes that dot is how she got her name. She settles down on his lap and sighs. 

"You have car trouble or sumthin?" Brown asks, glancing over and smiling at the little dog. 

"No, no. I was traveling with my brother and just needed to be gone. I just needed out." Sam rubs his hand over the dog's back. 

Brown nods. "So where you goin' in Kansas?" 

"Lebanon, you know it?" Sam watches him slide easily through the gears. 

"Yeah, I'm going pretty close to there." He shifts and shifts, finally reaching the speed limit. 

Sam doesn't feel much like talking and luckily Brown doesn't seem to be much of a talker. Petting the small dog is comforting though and Sam gets lost in his own thoughts. 

Sam knows now that Gabriel has had the same feelings all along. He just never told Sam, even though he knew _why_ it was happening. Maybe he hid it because he was scared Sam would run, maybe that's the truth. Hell it probably is, anyone that knows Sam knows he would turn his back on anything related to "fate" or "destiny" based on principle alone. 

It's still not right, and the more Sam thinks about it the angrier and more resentful he gets. He thinks about half truths and omissions, the things he's dealt with in his family his entire life. It feels like a betrayal. A betrayal from someone who matters more than anything.

His phone rings about 7:30 in the morning.

"Dean," he says, "I'm ok, headed home. I'll be there before you."

"What's going on? Where are you? Where's Gabriel, is he with you?" Dean demands. 

"No, we'll talk about it later. Be careful." Sam hangs up. Dean doesn't call him again. 

Gabriel is still far, it feels like he must be on the moon or something. It's uncomfortable, physically uncomfortable. Sam thinks back and recognizes this feeling from before Gabriel first appeared. This was the longing he'd been feeling, like something in his life, or in him was wrong. 

Why would the Fates do this? Why him? Gabriel said they had reason to hate him, but why would they care about Sam? Maybe he'd averted the apocalypse with Dean and messed up their plans, but why just him and Gabe? 

And then it hits him, the words Dean had said a couple nights ago when Gabriel was giving him hell. 

" _Don't make me feel bad about this shit, don't do that, man. It not like I can help it."_

He'd tried to file them away, make a mental note to ask Gabriel or Dean about them later. Of course he'd forgotten. He's so easily distracted by Gabriel lately that he never remembers anything.

"Holy shit," Sam whispers. Dean and Cas, _Dean and Cas_ , it makes total sense now. Sam wants to slap his forehead, he'd been such a fool. How had he not known what Dean was going through? 

"You okay?" Brown says from beside him. 

"Huh?" Sam looks over a little bewildered. "Yeah, sorry. I think I just figured something out." 

Brown nods, focusing on driving again. He looks at Sam after a few minutes. "You know I've never picked up a hitchhiker before." 

"Oh really?" Sam glances at him hoping things aren't about to get weird. 

"Never," Brown shakes his head, "I just got this strong feelin' when I saw you, like I _had_ to stop. You ever had a feelin' like that?" 

_Gabriel_ , Sam thinks. He feels that uncomfortable pull between them again. "Yeah, I think I know what you mean," Sam says, looking out the window. 

They make good time, traveling in comfortable silence. Brown had picked Sam up about 4 am, and even with a few stops they pull into Lebanon in a little under 14 hours. Sam pats Dottie's head, hugging the little dog close as he says his goodbyes. 

He shakes Brown's hand. "I can't thank you enough for the ride, really. You're a lifesaver." 

"Yeah, you didn't turn out bad at all, maybe I'll pick up another hitchhiker," Brown says smiling. 

"Don't do that, please promise me you won't do that," Sam begs. 

"Nah, I's just kiddin'," Brown smiles, "think Dottie's gonna miss you though. She likes having someone scratch behind her ears for hours."

"Yeah, I'm surprised she's got any hair left," Sam laughs, "Dottie, you take care of Brown, okay?" The small dog turns her big brown eyes to Sam, whining softly. 

"Hey I really don't mind driving you to your house, you sure you wanna walk the rest of the way?" Brown asks for the tenth time. 

"Yeah, really. It's only a couple of miles and I wanna stretch my legs." Sam sets the dog down and watches her wiggle and sniff the ground. 

Brown nods and shakes his hand again. "Take care of yourself, Sam." 

"You too," Sam says as he starts walking down the road.

His feet are throbbing by the time he reaches the bunker but he doesn't care. When he opens the door and smells that familiar scent he wants to collapse. Why had they ever left? Why had Sam thought it was a good idea? 

He heads straight to his room and kicks his boots off, peeling the bloody socks from his feet. He showers and bandages the open blisters and then rummages through the cabinets. He finds a can of stew and heats it up and then heads to his room with the steaming bowl. He's trying to stay occupied. 

By 9 pm he's laying on his back staring at the ceiling. He's alone. He hasn't been alone in weeks, hell, more like months. Even before him and Gabriel became...whatever they were, he'd fallen asleep to the sound of Gabriel laughing at the TV most nights. At the time he'd thought he found it so comforting because he missed Dean, but now he recognizes it was because of the lifeline. 

So many things make sense now that he knows, but he also has a million more questions. He wants to research, and he will, tomorrow he will, but tonight he has to process. He has to stew in this bubbling anger he's been pushing down. He's glad he's alone, if Dean or Cas were here and said the wrong thing Sam would end up regretting something. As it is he's thankful more than words that Brown had been a quiet guy and that Sam had had the dog to distract him. The little dog had calmed him, maybe he should get a dog. That would drive Dean crazy.

He'd thought that this thing with Gabriel was finally something that was his, something _Sam_ wanted. Something he'd been looking for but couldn't find. But he was wrong. He was always wrong. Every big thing in his life had been set up, he'd been steered into every important decision by demons. He'd thought that Jess was his own, but looking back, she wasn't. They'd been put together by demons and she'd been used as a tool to push him down a path.

That hurt. Knowing that no important choice in your life has ever been your own is a terrible thing. And maybe this time it wasn't demons pulling the strings but it doesn't matter. Demons, Lucifer, the apocalypse, fate, it doesn't matter. All these things just use Sam as a puppet, when will he ever learn? His life isn't his own, it belongs to everyone else. And knowing that Gabriel knew about this and didn't tell him is even worse, it's a betrayal that Sam doesn't know if he'll ever get past.

He decides to start a list of things to research, just to get the questions out of his head really. He lays in bed and fills two pages with questions within an hour. They're basically all a different version of these three: 

How does a lifeline work?  
Why do the Fates make them?  
Can it be undone?

He feels that constant aching pull, like something is missing. He's so angry at Gabriel for it, like it's his fault, like Gabriel caused it. Hell, maybe he did, it's not like he would have told Sam. He hadn't told Sam anything up until now. These bitter thoughts are what he falls asleep to that night, making his dreams dark and seething.

The next day is no better. When he wakes up and feels that pull, he's instantly angry. He doesn't even get out of bed. He's not going to be able to concentrate on research and he has no appetite, so he lays there. 

Sometime late morning he hears movement somewhere in the bunker, he knows it's Dean and Cas. He's not going out there, he doesn't want them to come in either. He doesn't know what he wants, except for this ache to go away.

That afternoon Dean finally knocks. Sam sighs and resigns himself to getting this out of the way. 

"Yeah," Sam calls out. 

Dean opens the door and looks at Sam laying on the bed. He clears his throat and licks his lips, he looks like he's about to say something but he doesn't. He walks across Sam's room and sits in a chair by the wall. He's quiet. Finally he clears his throat again. 

"So Gabriel, huh?" 

Sam stares at the ceiling, he doesn't even want to hear that name. 

"Yeah." 

"Were you hiding it on purpose?" Dean asks. 

Sam is not in the right frame of mind for this conversation.

"You probably would have noticed if you weren't so far up Cas' ass," Sam says. 

Dean is quiet again for a long time. "You're right, Sammy. I'm sorry." 

Sam sighs, that familiar guilt settling in. "It's not your fault. Now that I know what you were feeling I understand." 

"Scary isn't it," Dean says softly. 

"Yeah. You fought it didn't you," Sam turns his head and makes eye contact with Dean for the first time, Dean nods. "How?" 

"Not very well. Alcohol and denial mostly. Once I admitted it to myself I couldn't maintain it anymore. I caved. I don't know how you're doing it right now, Sam." Dean crosses his arms. 

"It's not fun. Why didn't you tell me what was going on?" Sam sits up finally, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. That aching hole like something has been ripped off of his body flares. 

"You mean about the lifeline?" 

Sam nods. 

"No point. Nothing we can do, and I thought it only affected me. I would have told you if I thought for a second you had one too. Never even crossed my mind, but I've been pretty damn selfish." 

Sam closes his eyes, breathing. "You're not selfish, Dean. It's so damn strong." 

"I know. And it's like they put the end of the line in your cock, isn't it? I swear to God I don't feel whole unless-" 

"DEAN!" Sam says loudly, cutting his brother off. 

"Sorry, guess you don't wanna hear about that," Dean says, shifting in the chair. He smiles a little as he looks down. "So you're mad at Gabriel?" 

"Yeah, he should have told me." Sam runs his hands through his hair. 

"I can't believe I'm about to say this, Jesus, but go easy on him. This is messed up, figuring it out is almost impossible. Cas and I almost kill each other every other day." Dean shakes his head and looks at Sam. 

"It's not that easy," Sam says, "not for me." 

Dean looks at Sam for a long time, and finally stands. "Let me know if you need anything." He walks out and shuts the door. 

Sam lets his feet heal for three days. He wanders out of his room, pulls books out and puts them back, and wishes his feet were better. And finally he just _has_ to run. 

He pulls his running shoes on, laces them up, and steps outside. He stretches out and starts slow, jogging down the drive feeling that irritating line pulling at him. His feet hit the pavement of the road and he sets his pace, stretching out his stride. He hits a couple miles at this pace and doesn't even feel it, his legs are still itching, and so finally he opens up. 

He speeds his footfalls, hearing gravel fly off of his shoes. His breath comes faster, sweat running down the back of his neck. He goes faster, longer, pushing his limits. He hits four miles and his lungs are burning from the stress of this pace. His legs are tight and feel like fire. His whole body is starting to match the feel of that uncomfortable ache. 

He pushes more, another mile, his thighs and shins threatening to give out from the speed. He needs to slow down, or at least turn back towards home, otherwise he won't make it back. He turns on the next road and starts the loop around, he's got a long way to go. 

He presses harder, he can't help it. He feels the blisters on his feet burning, any healing they did is undone now. He pushes harder and longer than he ever has in his life. He wants to get this out, this feeling of anger and resentment and betrayal. He wants to leave it on the road in the blood from his feet and the gravel flying off them. 

He knows he can't though, it's not possible, so he pushes more. He pushes until he can't anymore. He's two miles from home on a deserted country road and he just _can't go any further_. He tumbles and slides to his knees, the gravel tearing at his skin. He sobs, hard heaving breathes. He hates this ache, he hates this feeling, he hates Gabriel. 

He feels him then, the tension on the line easing. The angel is moving closer. Sam sits on his knees feeling relief, and he hates that even more. He throws his head back and looks at the sky. 

"NO!" He screams. "NOOO!" He puts all the power of his lungs behind the word and bellows it out, it ends with broken wracking sobs as he feels Gabriel lurch away again. He collapses down onto his hands. He hates himself right now. He can't even walk, much less run. 

He stays like this for awhile, catching his breath, and then sits back on his knees. That's when he sees Cas, standing off to his side. It's the first time he's really seen him since returning to the bunker, he avoids Dean and Cas at all costs. 

Cas doesn't say anything, he just stands there. 

"You here to take me home?" Sam finally asks. 

"If you wish," Cas says. 

Sam tries to raise his knee to push himself up but he can't. He's physically done. 

Cas walks over and tries to touch his temple, Sam pulls away, shaking his head. 

Cas squats down beside him and grabs his arm, Sam feels that disorienting spinning sensation and then they're in the library of the bunker. Dean looks up from a laptop and launches out of his chair. 

"What the hell?!" He hits his knees beside Sam. 

"I'm fine, just overdid it." Sam finally manages enough strength to stand. 

"Cas, heal him," Dean says. 

"He won't allow it," Cas puts his hands in his pockets, "I tried." 

"Sammy," Dean says. 

"It's ok, Dean." Sam pulls away, lurching on broken feet back to his room. He doesn't shower or clean himself up, he just falls onto the bed and sleeps. 

He finally starts researching. Once he starts he drowns himself in the reading, finding any and every book in the bunker with even the most minute mention of the Fates or lifelines. Most of it is vague, very little of it gives any real information, but he reads it anyway. 

The whole time he feels that ache, that longing. Sometimes it's not as sharp, he feels like Gabriel is closer at those times. Maybe the angel needs a break from the constant pull. Even Sam feels it as relief, but he doesn't want Gabriel near him. He's realizing he's going to have to come to terms with this. He either has to figure out a way to break it or give into it. But he can't live the way he is, he knows that for sure. 

He loses weight, way too much weight. Dean brings him food. They rarely speak. Dean just wanders into his room and sets down food. Sometimes Sam makes himself eat it, sometimes he doesn't. He doesn't bother shaving. His beard itches as first, and then he forgets it, and then he starts rubbing his hands through it as he reads. He'll notice himself lost in some mythology and his hand is absently rubbing up his chin, or down his cheek. He's never had a beard before in his life. 

He lives like this for months, not leaving the bunker since that day he ran. His days and nights are mixed up. When he looks in the mirror he doesn't know the person standing there. This skinny guy with shaggy hair and a beard. He looks sick and broken, which pretty matches Sam's insides. 

Dean calls him Jesus once when he sees Sam in the library, and Sam almost laughs. Another time Dean looks at Cas and says, "Looks like we might have a Grizzly Adams on our hands, Cas." Cas says he's never heard of the Grizzly Adams species of bear. 

Sam actually laughs then, just for a second, and then he feels bad, just _wrong._ He hasn't laughed since he was with Gabriel. He doesn't want to laugh unless he's with Gabriel, but he doesn't want to be near Gabriel, and if that's not a fucked up feeling he doesn't know what is. He's always stuck in these situations where he's conflicted, it's a pattern in his life. He hates that Gabriel is the cause of another one. 

He spends hours every day for weeks and weeks thinking about all the moments that Gabriel could have told him. He goes over it and over it in his head. Every second they were together from that first moment Gabriel appeared on the hood of the Impala. _Why didn't he tell me?_

Cas walks into his room one afternoon and stops a few feet from Sam's bed. Sam doesn't speak to him. He doesn't want to interact with Cas. He knows Cas knew what was going on and he didn't tell him either. If they get into that Sam will probably explode. He stares at the open book on his lap. 

"You have to stop praying," Cas says matter of factly. 

Sam doesn't look up. _What is he talking about?_ "I'm not praying." Sam bites the words out. 

"You are, Sam. You don't even know it. You're going to drive Gabriel insane if you don't stop." 

Sam finally looks at Cas. "I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't _care_ if Gabriel goes insane." He looks back at his book. 

Cas steps up and grabs the book from Sam's lap, flinging it across the room. 

Sam looks up, Castiel is _pissed,_ and he's not hiding it. When he speaks again his voice is soft but forceful. 

"You will care, you'll care very much when you have an insane archangel tied to you with a lifeline, trust me." 

Sam turns his head away, staring straight ahead like he's ignoring Cas. It's impossible to ignore Cas right now. 

"All this wallowing in self pity, all this wasting away, all this _thinking,_ constantly _thinking_ about him, what do you think that is? Every time you think about Gabriel, what is that?" Cas pauses for Sam to answer but then goes on before Sam can form a thought. "It's _prayer._ Humans don't only pray to our father, they pray to angels, you know that. You want answers, you want knowledge, you keep searching, tell me, what's another word for knowledge? _Revelation._ So where do you think this praying goes? When people want answers or knowledge, who do they pray to? Who gives Revelation, Sam, _think_." 

Cas pauses, leaning down by Sam on the bed. "The Messenger. The archangel messenger gives answers. So maybe you're not saying Our Fathers or Hail Mary's, maybe you're not praying to _God_ , but you're still praying, and you have to stop. He can't take anymore." 

Sam probably could have taken this little speech with a grain of salt and let it go. He _might_ have been able to, until he heard that "he can't take anymore," it just sets him off. He turns his head again, meeting Cas' cold blue eyes.

"You know what I'm thinking about, Cas? Huh? I keep thinking of all the times he could have told me about this. From that moment he appeared on the fucking hood, all the times we were talking or quiet or laughing and he could have said, "Hey, Sam, there's something you should know." That's it. Why is that so hard? You could have told me too, ya know. You knew the whole time, didn't you? You didn't think this was something I should be informed about?" Sam turns toward Cas, making the angel move back so he can stand. 

"Nah, why tell Sammy, right? I mean everyone else knows what's going on, you, Dean, Gabriel, but Sam doesn't need to know. It only affects my ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE, CAS!" Sam is screaming, he can't hold it back now. Cas doesn't flinch though, he stands his ground and lets Sam unload. 

"WHAT RIGHT DID YOU HAVE TO KEEP ME IN THE DARK?! WHO GAVE YOU THE FUCKING RIGHT?! ANSWER ME, GOD DAMMIT!" Sam is in Cas' face, spit flying out as he screams, and Cas just stands there, looking calmly into Sam's eyes. 

Dean flies into the room, sliding to a stop. Cas puts his arm out, holding Dean behind him.

"It's alright, Dean, we're just talking," Cas says, never taking his eyes off of Sam. 

Dean is breathing heavily, looking at Sam like he's terrified. "Sounds like one hell of a talk." 

Sam is shaking, anger pumping through him. He wants to hit Cas, but he won't. He shoves his hair back from his face and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath to try to calm himself. Cas starts talking before Sam opens his eyes. 

"Gabriel didn't know. When he first came back, he didn't know exactly what was going on. What would he have even told you?" 

Sam opens his eyes and looks at Cas, those blue eyes have gone from hard and cold to soft and sad. 

"He didn't know for sure what it was until after... Until after the first time you and he," Cas pauses and Sam gets his meaning, "he called to me and asked what was happening. I knew that he had an inclining, he just wanted me to confirm it. That's when I told him not to tell you." 

Cas stops talking then. He stops and waits for Sam to really understand what he said, and then he goes on. 

"I told him not to tell you, because I knew what your reaction would be. I wanted Gabriel to have whatever time he could with you, Sam, because I knew when you found out you'd reject him. I wanted him to have some happiness, even if it was short lived. I know what he's going through now, and I know what torture it is. I've spoken to him and I know he doesn't expect you to ever open up to him again, and I knew that before he did. I didn't tell you because I wanted happiness for my brother, because I love my older brother just like you love Dean," Cas is crying, Sam watches a tear fall from the angel's chin. 

"He had a week. He had one week where he was happier than he's ever been. Where he could love and was loved in return, when he felt like he was part of a family again. So you can scream and rage at me all you want, but I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't go back and tell you. I wouldn't go back and tell Gabriel to tell you, because it's not fair. Maybe it's not fair to you, Dean would agree with you on that I'm sure, but I'm siding with _my_ brother now."

Sam is crying now, he feels the cold tears sliding down his cheeks. "God damn you, Cas," he whispers. 

"He wouldn't take back a minute with you, Sam, not one minute. Even if it means he'll live an eternity in hell. So you can be pissed and you can yell and scream at me, but for Heaven's sake, stop thinking about him. He's tortured enough." Cas turns and walks out, leaving Sam and Dean staring at each other. 

"I don't know how," Sam says to his brother, sitting back on the side of the bed. 

"I know, Sammy, hell, I know better than anyone. I know you wanna fight it and I know you hate him, but it won't get you anywhere. The only thing I can tell you for sure is you won't get anywhere." Dean shakes his head. 

"Don't you want it undone?" Sam wipes at the tears with his hands. "If you could have it fixed, wouldn't you? I mean how do you even work? You've never been happy in your life unless you were hunting, but now you just sit around here staring at Cas. What kind of life is that?" 

"No, you got it all wrong." Dean sits down on the bed next to Sam, turning his head to look at his little brother.

"In the beginning it's like that, I couldn't concentrate, yeah, it was scary as hell and I thought I was going insane. But that gets better. I could be out there working, Cas and I would probably make a hell of a team, but I'm not leaving you like this. I won't leave you alone like this. You're gonna die, don't you see that? You're pining away for someone that's right in front of you. People don't do that! Normal people don't deny themselves something they can have! Why should we?! Think about it, really _think_ about it." Dean slips his arm around Sam, trying to offer him some kind of comfort.

"I can't get past the anger, Dean. It keeps getting worse," Sam says. 

"It always does, it always gets worse before it gets better. Is there anything that would make any of this a little bit better?" Dean searches Sam's face, hoping he can help somehow. 

"Answers," Sam meets Dean's eyes, "I need answers."

Dean shakes his head. "You always do. I'm just afraid you won't like what you hear."

So Sam stops researching the Fates and lifelines, and he becomes obsessed with finding or creating a way to summon them. Every mythology is different, each having opposing information on how to get the Fates to appear. One thing they all agree on, the Fates are rigid and unforgiving. They will not change anything, not even the tiniest of detail in their work once they've set it into motion, and Sam realizes that he needs to comes to terms with the fact that it probably can't be undone. But he at least wants to know _why._

He narrows down his list of ingredients to use in his summoning, things that will at least get their attention. It should be like a call to them, hopefully one that they can't or won't ignore. He starts going through the bunker gathering what he'll need day by day, until the moon is full. 

The day of the full moon he carries a box into the library where Cas and Dean are sitting and sets it on a table.

"I'm going to try to summon them tonight," he says. 

Cas and Dean turn. 

Sam feels the tension on the line ease. It suddenly feels like he can take a deep breath, he can relax a little. He looks at Cas. 

"Did you just tell Gabriel?" He should have known this would happen. 

Cas nods. 

Sam stands up straighter. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. He's not going to stop me." 

"He wouldn't try to stop you, Sam," Cas says. 

Sam looks at Cas, that wasn't something he expected to hear. But Gabriel has made no attempt to contact him since he felt him coming that day he ran, so he probably shouldn't be surprised. 

"What's in here?" Deans asks, pulling out a small jar of blood. 

"That's the blood of a newborn infant, there's the blood of a lamb, a tortoise and an eagle, all those animals have been associated with the sisters over the years. I'll put my blood in too, the blood of a man whose "fate is sealed" as they say. There's flax and roses, both highly associated with them, I don't know why. There's a bunch of stuff in there," Sam starts putting everything back in the box that Dean has pulled out. 

"I'm going to get answers," Sam says. "Are you coming?" 

Cas moves toward Sam and Dean puts his arm out to stop him. Cas speaks anyway.

"I tried this, Sam, I tried a million things. They wouldn't come. They don't have to come unless they want to." 

"Cas, don't bother." Dean says. "Dammit, Sam. I should come, I feel like I have to, you're my little brother, I gotta have your back. But this," Dean shakes his head, "this isn't right. Even if they come do you really think they'll tell you anything? I can't keep you safe anymore, and I can't watch you do this to yourself. Gabriel will be there, although they hate him so I doubt that'll help. If you want to summon them go ahead, but no we're not coming. I'm not coming. And don't you mention a word about Cas and I to them. I don't want them messing with us. If you mess with them they'll mess with you, Sam. We're good, leave us out of this." 

Cas looks at the back of Dean's head, a soft smile turning up the side of his mouth. 

Sam grabs the box and nods his head at Dean, and then walks away.


	11. Chapter 11

He stands in the field, hidden. He's sure Sam knows he's close but he's ignoring it, concentrating on the summoning spell. He's seen humans do this a hundred times. Sometimes the Fates appear, sometimes they don't. He wonders how it will be today. 

Sam is burning something, sprinkling something else in the fire. It's all for naught. If the Fates want to speak to you all you have to do it ask. If they don't you could set yourself on fire on top of a volcano and dance the Rumba, they're not going to give a shit. 

He could just show himself, he wants to. He wants to appear and saunter up to Sam and say "How ya been, kiddo!" He wishes he could, but he doesn't want to see how Sam will look at him. He's heard every thought Sam has had about him for months. He knows there's no love left, it's contempt and hatred brooding in Sam's heart. He doesn't want to see it on Sam's beautiful face too. 

Not that he could see much through that beard anyway. Sam looks horrible. He's lost so much weight. He looks ill he's so gaunt, and Gabriel imagines that if he touched Sam he'd have organ failure starting. Cas said it was bad, but he hadn't imagined it was this bad. 

Cas had also said to stay away. "If he's determined to die fighting this then let him," Cas had said. 

Gabriel can't do that, if he felt Sam slipping away he'd be there, but Sam still feels as strong and determined as ever. 

Gabriel has almost given up numerous times on his end. He's sat with an angel blade to his chest, staring into space for days. Cas finally appearing and pulling it from his hands. The only thing that stops him over and over is knowing Sam would die too. He can't hurt Sam any more. He won't. 

Whatever Sam wants he'll give him, within his power, but one thing he knows for sure is he won't leave Sam again. Not after seeing how bad he is physically. He doesn't have to be visible, but he has to stay close. Hopefully just being close will get Sam eating and healing again.

The sisters appear suddenly, directly in front of Sam. He should have known they'd show up for Sam. Not for Cas, never for him over thousands of years, but of course they would for Sam. They probably couldn't resist just due to Sam's sheer determination of will. 

Sam stands up. They look him up and down but they don't speak, he's the one who called them, they wait. Sam looks at them, each of them, in their smart modern clothes, with their sensible shoes and their dark rimmed glasses. They look beautiful and stern. They bring that phrase "resting bitch face" to a whole new level. 

Sam finally focuses on the middle sister and says just one word. 

"Why?" 

She smiles. Her smile is kind and gentle. It's deceiving. 

"That's why you called us here? To ask why? Why should we answer you, Sam Winchester? That's a better question." Her tone is condescending, like she's talking to a small child. 

"Because you owe me," Sam says. 

_Wrong answer, kiddo_ , Gabriel thinks. 

She laughs, so do her sisters. The Fates laughing at you is never a good thing. Never.

"We _owe_ you? Please, enlighten us as to this debt we owe." 

Sam rubs his palm through the thick beard, and then pushes the hair off his forehead. 

"Maybe owe isn't the right word, I don't know." Sam puts his hands on his hips and looks down, thinking. 

Gabriel wants him so much. Sam is a mess. His cheekbones are so prominent, his clavicles protruding below his neck. Gabriel wants to bury his face in Sam's shoulder and wrap his arms around him. 

Sam looks back up at the sisters. "I know I've messed up your plans, but I didn't even know I was doing it at the time. I really didn't. It was never intentional. But this, what you did, it was on purpose, you planned it. That's why I'm asking why."

The sisters stare at him for a long time, their faces calm and showing no emotion. Finally the oldest sister speaks. 

"You think of this as a punishment, Sam. It can seem that way, but it depends on how you look at it. The people we've tied together with lifelines through the years, children of humans who tried to cheat us, did they think of it as punishment? The children not the parents. Those are the ones you've read of, correct? The parents thought of it as a curse, a punishment, because their precious child left, but the child did not. And what of the people you don't know about, writers, artists, musicians, what of them? Their love or their longing is their muse, would they think it a curse? I imagine if you asked them they'd say no.To them, to all of them, it was a _gift._ A blessing. They give themselves to it, they love stronger and deeper than even seems possible. They have a life, however long or short, that is something every other human on the planet only dreams of. Why must you see it as a punishment?" 

Gabriel wants to speak but he knows he shouldn't. He itches to ask them why they would bless him with anything, and if it's such a gift then why tie him to the one human in history that would fight it until the end of time. 

The youngest sister steps away slightly. She looks right at Gabriel. 

" _Angel_ ," she says. 

Sam turns and looks at her. 

Gabriel shows himself then, and he watches Sam turn away.

The youngest sister stays focused on Gabriel. "You had a question?" 

Gabriel doesn't want to ask it, he knows they won't answer, but his curiosity is too much. 

"If it's a gift then why is it so hard? Why would you tie me to someone who hates me?" Gabriel says the words and sees Sam's shoulders hunch, he sees the wince on Sam's face. 

The middle sister speaks now. 

"Because if it were easy you wouldn't accept it. Neither of you would. Lifelines are never easy, they aren't designed to be. You have to work to be deserving of something so great, _fool_." 

Sam closes his eyes when she calls Gabriel the name. Gabriel is used to it, he brushes her off. Sam is shaking. Is he angry at her or at Gabriel? Both, probably both. 

Sam's eyes are still closed. "Why do we deserve a gift?" 

The youngest sister walks to Sam, she's so small compared to him. She looks up into his face, his eyes closed to her. She touches his bearded jaw and he looks at her then. His face softens and she smiles. 

"You don't, child. Neither does the angel. Or maybe you deserve it more, it's a riddle really. And it's one you're not ready to solve." 

She pulls her hand from Sam's face and steps in line with her sisters again. 

"Can you undo it?" Sam says. 

Those words hurt. Gabriel wants to die then, just leave all this behind. He wants that darkness again, peace. Anything would be better than this. He tries not to cry, he tries even harder not to run. He knows the answer though. He's heard this question over and over and the answer is always the same. No. Parents ask it all the time, they want their child back, please undo it. No.

"Do you really want us to?" The oldest sister says. 

_What?_ Gabriel thinks. It can't be, could they really undo it? 

Sam stands very still, looking at the women, his hands still on his hips. He turns after a moment and looks at Gabriel, he really studies him. His face, his body, his hands clenched at his sides. He finds his eyes again, and Gabriel looks back into those hazel eyes, the longing for Sam breaking him apart. 

Sam turns back and the women are gone. They've vanished. 

_"No,_ " Sam whispers. He turns in a circle, he looks up at the sky, his face full of rage. "NO!" He yells out. He falls to his knees, his head hanging down.

Gabriel doesn't move, he wants to, he wants to run to Sam. He wants to run away. He wants to _move_ , but he doesn't. He stands there, watching Sam. They're so close, this is the closest they've been since that night in the Redwoods, but they feel further apart than ever. 

He watches Sam, sitting on his knees. His hands are resting loosely on his thighs, his head still hanging down. There's no sign that he's crying, or angry, or anything really. 

"I'm not leaving, Sam, you look like you're dying," Gabriel says. 

The words hang there. Sam doesn't move or acknowledge them. He just sits motionless. 

Gabriel stands for at least ten minutes, waiting. He starts to worry. Why isn't Sam moving? He almost seems catatonic. What's happening? He takes one step toward Sam, just a movement of his foot forward is all it really is. 

"Don't." Sam finally looks up. His nostrils are flared, his eyes bloodshot, but he's not crying. "Listen to me, Gabriel. I don't _care_ if I'm dying. I don't. And I don't know why I'm so angry about all this, I don't understand it, but I came here today thinking I would either undo this or accept it, whatever their answer was I'd live with it. But I can't. I just _can't._ I don't know if I ever can. I can't make you leave, but if you stay you have to know there won't be... There won't be an _us_." 

Gabriel nods. He hides himself again but he doesn't go anywhere. He watches Sam load up the things he used for the ritual and then he follows him home. He walks in behind Sam, fully visible, and when Sam goes to his room and shuts the door Gabriel wanders the bunker. He finds Cas and Dean in the library. They've been waiting, Dean looks worried sick. Sam didn't even bother to tell his brother what happened, that he's okay. 

Cas stands when he sees Gabriel, looking at him with a questioning face. Dean looks at Gabriel expectantly. Gabriel shakes his head no and slumps into a chair at the table. Dean buries his face in his hands and Cas sits across from Gabriel. 

"I won't leave him," Gabriel says, "I know he wants me to but I won't. He's so bad, I didn't realize... I _hate_ those bitches." 

"You wouldn't if Sam would get his shit together," Dean says looking up. 

Gabriel nods at him, he knows Dean is right. If Sam had accepted this, accepted _him,_ Gabriel would probably throw a party for the Fates. Start a new religion in their honor. As it is he wouldn't spit on them if they were on fire. 

"You know why Sammy's so pissed?" Dean looks between Gabriel and Cas. Cas looks blank, but after a second Gabriel answers. 

"Choice." Gabriel says surely. 

Dean nods. "Yep, you got to know him pretty well while I had my head up Cas' ass, as Sam says. Because he didn't have a _choice_. He's never had a choice. The Demon blood, losing Mom, traveling around on a never ending vendetta with our Dad, not finishing college, being a vessel, the apocalypse, on and on and on. All he's ever wanted was a choice and he doesn't feel like he ever had one. That's why he's always so pissed off." Dean sits back in the chair looking defeated.

"Sometimes choice isn't a good thing," Cas says. 

Gabriel chuckles a little and Dean and Cas look at him. "Oh come on, that's only said by people who _had_ a choice. If you have a choice and you make the wrong one it sucks, but it was still _your choice_. To not have a choice and the only thing in front of you sucks? That's no fun at all." Gabriel shakes his head. "This is the worst possible situation for Sam." 

"You don't suck." 

Sam says it from the hallway and Gabriel turns around looking for him, but Sam doesn't even look around the door. Gabriel didn't notice he was there, he was too busy listening to Dean. Sam finally steps around the door and looks at Gabriel, but he doesn't enter the room. 

"You don't." 

It's all Sam's says. He turns and walks away. 

"What the fuck." Dean's head is down shaking back and forth. "You got your work cut out for you, Gabe." 

That's the first time Dean has ever called him Gabe. It's either Gabriel, prick, asshole, dickhead, whatever, but never Gabe. 

Gabriel smiles a little and watches Dean and Cas stand and leave the room.

The bunker is huge, and Gabriel has nothing to do to keep himself busy, so he explores. It's multiple levels, all of them full of hidden rooms, bizarre contraptions, fascinating things in storage that Gabriel _really_ wants to get into but he knows he'll get in trouble for, it just sprawls on and on. 

He wanders, walking through the halls and opening doors. He passes Sam's door on his third day. He can smell Sam, he smells him so strong from the hallway. He loves that smell, he misses it. It's been so long. He actually feels himself get hard just from the smell, that hasn't happened since the Redwoods. He lost all desire after that night, but that smell, clean and masculine and _Sam_. Sam is there, right on the other side of that door. 

He makes himself walk away. He wishes he didn't know where Sam's room was. Now that he knows, and he can't forget it. He wanders more. 

Later he feels something from Sam, strong and intoxicating. He hasn't felt anything like this through their bond before. He opens a door and ducks inside. He doesn't want to run into Dean or Cas right now. He could always just hide if they come near, but he doesn't know what's about to happen and he wants to be sure he's alone.

Sam must not have been feeling desire either, not up until right this minute. Gabriel hadn't thought about it before now, but now it's all he can think about. Because now Sam is _definitely_ feeling desire, and he's thinking about Gabriel. Maybe it's because Gabriel is so close, or maybe it's because of what Gabriel felt in the hallway, whatever it was these thoughts are almost like prayer, and Gabriel can't turn it off. 

"No, Sam, don't do this to me, kid," Gabriel whispers, standing in the dark.

He locks the door and backs against the wall, in what appears to be a closet. It's musty, and mostly empty except for a dust mop, some buckets and... Shackles? 

This place is weird. 

Sam is fighting his arousal, just like he fights anything that has to do with Gabriel. But he's losing. Gabriel closes his eyes. He wants to tune this out, but it's like all those weeks of Sam thinking about him, thinking about Gabriel not telling him about the lifeline, reliving every detail of every second they were together. It was torture, Sam thinking about him nonstop. Saying his name over and over. 

Dammit, _Gabriel_ , why didn't he tell me? _Gabriel_ , did he ever think I should know? Why didn't _Gabriel_ think I should know something that affects my whole life? If _Gabriel_ really loved me he would have wanted me to know. I need answers, _Gabriel_ probably knows but he won't tell me. _Gabriel_ , why. _Gabriel_ , why. _Gabriel_ hate. 

It went on and on for weeks, and Gabriel had thought he wouldn't survive. In all his long life he'd never heard prayer that loud, that powerful, never. He assumed it was because of the lifeline. He'd reached out to Cas to ask him. 

His brother said Dean's thoughts about Cas were loud for him as well, but didn't sound as bad as this. He theorized that it had something to do with Gabriel being the Messenger and Sam praying for answers. Or maybe because Gabriel is an archangel? Or maybe because Sam had been prepared for Lucifer with demon blood, so he was stronger both mentally and physically? It was all conjecture, neither of them really knew why. All Gabriel knew was he was going crazy. 

It had eased after that, like Sam was trying to control his thoughts. He assumed Cas said something, and it had been non existent since he'd been in the bunker. But now, this was intense. He can't see what Sam's imagining right now, he probably could if he forced himself into Sam's mind, but he won't. He won't take away another choice from Sam, and he feels like Sam would want to be consulted about something so invasive. He recognizes his name though, Sam is thinking his name and trying not to touch himself.

Gabriel turns toward the dark corner and closes his eyes. "Stop, Sam, _please_ ," he whispers.

Sam's arousal is getting stronger and it's mirroring itself in Gabriel. In his pants to be exact. He adjust himself. 

"Father, if you love me, if you ever loved me, help me now," he says into the corner. 

Nothing. Of course. He's mad at himself for even asking. He bumps his head into the wall. 

His erection hurts. It physically hurts. His balls are aching. Maybe blue balls isn't real but that's what he imagines this feels like, times ten. He unzips his pants. He doesn't want to, he wants to ignore it and be strong. Sam is still ignoring it, but he's stronger than Gabriel. Sam must have nerves made of titanium or something. 

He pushes his head hard into the corner, maybe if he feels pain somewhere else he'll forget about what's happening below his belt. He hits his head against the wall. Nothing. He does it again, harder. He sees an explosion of stars behind his eyelids but it doesn't ease the discomfort. 

"Fuck, kid, how are you doing this? Just touch yourself," Gabriel says as he wraps his hand around his own throbbing cock. He strokes himself up and down, it doesn't ease anything but it feels good so whatever. His head falls back. "Come on, Sam..." 

He sees little flashes from Sam's mind each time he thinks Gabriel's name, they're just milliseconds, like photos, and Sam's emotions seep through with them. That first time he'd given Sam a blow job, Sam looking down at him on his knees. Gabriel straddling Sam and sinking down onto him that first time, Sam trying so hard to keep his eyes open, Sam feeling so overwhelmed. Sam thinking about Gabriel smiling, he misses that smile, he misses Gabriel's dimples. Sam misses _his_ dimples, if that's not torture Gabriel doesn't know what is. Sam thinks about that night in the car, Sam wanting to show Gabriel exactly what he was feeling, no, he doesn't want to know how Sam was feeling that night, it hurts too much. No, no, no. Sam's thoughts compound and amp up. 

Gabriel jacks off for a full five minutes and he's still no closer to release, he's still aching and hurting. He finally feels Sam cave. He wonders if Sam is feeling this from him. Sam has to be touching himself because there's a change, Gabriel suddenly feels himself moving towards coming. He flicks his wrist as he strokes and pushes his head into the wall, he wonders if Sam is touching himself the same way, if he's setting the same pace. 

"Shit, please, come on," He breathes. It's coiling in his belly, tight like a spring. He goes faster, imagining Sam. That long body, so heavily muscled. No, he thinks. He imagines Sam now, as he is right now, with the beard, thinner, he imagines touching him. Pressing his face into Sam's neck, smelling him. 

Sam starts coming first, Gabriel knows because Sam says his name. He hears it very clearly in his mind.

" _Fuck, Gabe, God dammit_ ," Sam says. 

Gabriel comes, for the first time in months he comes. He sweats and pants and his knees go weak. He grits his teeth, trying not to cry out in release. He swears, and finally leans his shoulder into the wall, sliding down. He'll just sits here and catches his breath, he might as well. No other place he needs to be anyway. 

"Father, please don't let this become a routine," he says to the ceiling, "I don't think I'll survive it."

But Gabriel has never been lucky, why start now? 

It's every few days at first, and Gabriel hides in that God forsaken closet every time. The minute he feels that wave of desire, of _lust_ wash over him he immediately jumps to that closet, running his hands down his face. If it didn't mean leaving Sam he'd go to the North Pole and sink himself in an iceberg, the angel equivalent of a cold shower. 

He endures it. He survives it. And when he finally sees Sam one day in the kitchen he swears he sees a blush at the top of his cheeks when he glances at Gabriel. 

Gabriel is sitting with Cas while Dean cooks, and this is the first time he's seen Sam in the weeks since he's been in the bunker. When Sam comes near him he hides, half out of fear at seeing the hatred when Sam looks at him and half out of wanting to keep Sam comfortable with him being here. But today he's curious how Sam will react. Will it be any different since Sam's libido is back?

Sam looks better, he's obviously gained weight, his muscle is filling back in, and he seems less angry. Before he'd seemed like a vibrating wire of anger, just waiting to snap. Now he seems, not quite relaxed, but almost _bouncy_ , Gabriel thinks. He moves like a boxer preparing for a fight. 

He's dressed in running gear, his shirt is sleeveless and the muscles and veins in his arms are showing. His beard is still thick and dark, hiding his face. He grabs a bottle of water. 

Dean turns around. "You feel up to running?" 

Sam is walking toward the door but he stops. "Yeah, I'm good." 

Dean nods, leaning back and crossing his legs at the ankle. "You be careful ok? I don't want a repeat of last time." 

Sam smirks, forcing a short laugh. "Yeah, okay, Dean." 

He's only a few feet out the door when Gabriel finally speaks. He looks at Dean knowing full well that Sam is going to hear this. It's probably a bad idea, which is pretty much Gabriel's last thought before any decision he makes in his life. 

"Don't worry, Deano, he's never really alone anyway." Gabriel winks at Dean.

Dean shakes his head and laughs. Sam doesn't respond at all, he just keeps going.

Gabriel starts hanging out in the library with Dean and Cas in the evenings. He's tired of staying to himself so much, and as long as he's not imposing on Sam he doesn't see what it could hurt. He tries teaching Cas chess but Cas is horrible at it. Cas doesn't see the point in games, but Gabriel keeps trying, every night going over the rules again. 

After a couple weeks, Sam starts wandering in for a few minutes here and there. He pretends to be looking for a book, searching the shelves, or he'll ask Dean a question, taking a mild interest in the chess board and then wander out again. Eventually Sam just comes in and sits down. He has to be just as bored and lonely as Gabriel, so none of them question him. He's not friendly towards Gabriel, he mostly ignores him, but he does speak to him. Sometimes.

"Come on Cassy, if you're gonna sacrifice things to me at least make them good. I don't want your Bishop, give me your _Queen_ ," Gabriel teases his brother one evening. 

Sam is sitting in a leather chair. He's sideways, his long legs hanging over one arm and his head tilted back over the other. He's staring at the ceiling acting like he doesn't care what's going on, but Gabriel is sure he's listening. 

"I don't understand the point of this," Cas says, his brows drawn together, "why do you like it so much?" 

Gabriel sits back, exasperated. "Geez, i know you don't like games, but you should get this. Chess is right up your alley." He crosses his arms and looks at Cas, thinking. "Ok, think of it like this. You understand war, right? You were always good in the war room, making battle plans, where to put infantry and all that. Think of it like we're at war. Strategize. Don't think of it as a game, think of me as the enemy and you have to win the battle." 

Cas studies the pieces and Gabriel watches the understanding dawn on his face. 

Cas looks back and forth between Gabriel and the board. "I want to start over." 

"No way! Suck it up, brother, you're getting your ass kicked here, bend over and take it." Gabriel chuckles. 

"You're mean, Gabriel," Cas says, his full mouth pouting, "why are you always making jokes at others' expense?" 

"Oh come on, don't get your feelings hurt. We can't both sit around being serious and pretty all the time, how would Dean ever choose between us?" 

Sam chuckles softly. Gabriel doesn't look up, but that's the first time Sam has laughed at something he's said in months. Gabriel lowers his head and smiles to himself. 

Dean laughs a little too, he glances at Sam and then over at Cas. 

"You are pretty, Cas," Dean says. 

Gabriel looks up at Cas and sees his brother blush. Cas meets his eyes and then looks down shyly at the chess board, one side of his mouth turning up in a smile. 

"Thank you, Dean." Cas looks so pleased. 

Gabriel laughs then, he laughs loudly, he can't hold it back. Sam laughs too. The sound of Sam's laugh is music to him. 

Cas concentrates fully on the game then, watching every move Gabriel makes. His eyes dart around the board, from piece to piece as he plans his next move. Gabriel can almost see the wheels turning in his brother's mind. 

"Oooh, my horoscopes a good one tonight!" Dean says as he flips through the newspaper. "It says I've got a sure thing headed my way. I bet I know what that is. Cas, are you my sure thing?" Dean looks over again. 

Cas doesn't move his eyes from the chess board. "Probably, Dean." 

Sam smiles up at the ceiling. 

"I figured," Dean flips the page, "hey, Sammy, it says you got some money coming your way. Maybe you can finally pay off those credit cards that are in someone else's name." 

Sam rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure John Smith in Arkansas will be happy."

"Yeah, that'll make his day," Dean looks at the angel's, "what's your sign, Cas?" 

Cas doesn't look up front the board. "I don't have one, I don't have a birthday." 

Dean bites the inside of his lip. "Huh, never thought about that. Ok, I'll give you one," he scans the paper, "You're a bull, you're definitely a Taurus." 

"Should I ask why? Do I want to know this?" Sam asks.

"Probably not," Dean replies, "ok, says here, "You don't feel like playing it safe today, you may want to step up to that hottie you think is out of your league." I'd advise you to follow your horoscope today, Cas." Dean shakes out the paper. 

"Gabriel, what about you, you got a sign?" Dean looks at Gabriel and he shakes his head. "Help me out, Sam, what's Gabriel's sign?" 

Sam looks back up and the ceiling and Gabriel figures he's not going to answer. "Leo," Sam says, "he's a lion." 

"Really?" Gabriel looks at Sam puzzled. "You think I'm a lion?" 

Sam looks up at him briefly. "It matches your hair."

Gabriel shrugs. "Makes sense." He looks at Dean. "Hit me, Deano! What's life got in store for me?" 

Dean clears his throat. "Uh, well," he pauses, reading over the paragraph, "geez, Sam, you really know how to pick a winner." He turns to Gabriel. "A trip to the ocean might be just what you need to ease the longing in your heart, but don't lose hope. There's an end in sight."

Gabriel turns his head, looking at the shelves of books. He feels Sam looking at him, he feels it in his bones. He meets Sam's eyes for a second, he doesn't know what he sees in them but it's not hate, not right now anyway. Gabriel closes his eyes before Sam can look away, he holds the image of Sam looking at him in his mind. 

"My soul is full of longing, for the secrets of the sea, and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me," Gabriel says softly. He finally opens his eyes, Sam is still looking at him. He doesn't want Sam to look away.

"Dude, did you just make that up?" Dean breaks the silence.

Sam slowly closes his eyes and then turns his head, looking at his brother. 

_Damn you, Dean,_ Gabriel thinks.

"It's Longfellow," Sam says. 

Dean nods, his eyebrows going up. 

"Checkmate." Cas looks up at Gabriel, satisfaction on his face. 

Gabriel is lost for a second, staring at Cas. He finally looks at the board. 

"So it is, Cassy, so it is. Good job." 

Cas smiles at him, obviously proud. 

"Thanks for the game," Gabriel stands and walks out of the library. He needs to be alone for awhile. 

These moments, these little moments between him and Sam where things seem like maybe some day they _could_ be normal again. Like they could get back to where they were, those are few and far between but they're so precious. Gabriel clutches at them like life preservers. Gabriel and Sam are on a long and winding road that he hopes leads them somewhere they can be together in the end.

It's less than an hour before he feels that familiar desire from Sam. He moves to the closet. He doesn't feel like doing this right now. He sighs. 

He stands there, waiting uncomfortably. Sam doesn't do anything. He waits. _Come on, get it over with._ He's feeling a little tired, irritated even, with this. He's beyond frustrated. Maybe Sam feels better after he gets off, but Gabriel doesn't. It doesn't relieve anything for him. 

"Gabriel..." 

He hears his name very clearly in his mind, because Sam says it out loud. 

"Can you come here for a minute?" Sam's voice is calm and soft. 

_Oh what the hell, Gabriel thinks, this evening has been pretty weird already and my horoscope says my there's an end in sight. Might as well see what this is about._

He appears in front of Sam's door. He's not going to pop up in Sam's room, it just doesn't feel right. He knocks lightly. 

"Come in," Sam calls out. 

Gabriel opens the door. Sam is sitting on his bed with his back to the headboard. He's looking at his hands in his lap. Gabriel shuts the door but he doesn't move closer. He keeps his mouth shut and waits for Sam to tell him what's going on. 

Sam doesn't look up when he finally speaks. "This happens to you too, right? When it happens to me?" 

"Yeah," Gabriel says. 

Sam nods, fidgeting his hands. "I don't ever, um," Sam takes a deep breath and blows it out, "do you," he pauses, his eyebrows tightening together, "do you feel better? After, I mean. When you're done, is it better?" 

"No." 

Sam nods again. "Me either." Sam clears his throat. "I was wondering if you want to," Sam shakes his head a little, "uh, you know..." Sam looks from his hands to the opposite wall. 

"Are you asking me if I want to have sex?" Gabriel can't believe this is happening. 

Sam nods, still looking at the wall. 

"No," Gabriel says, his voice sharp. "You won't even look at me but you think we're gonna have sex?" 

Sam looks over then, finally meeting Gabriel's eyes. He looks ashamed, his eyes pleading, his hands worrying together in his lap. He's not angry right now, he just looks lost. 

"Sam," Gabriel feels his irritation fade when he sees Sam's face. "I'm sorry, I wish we could. I want to, I mean I want _you_ , it's not that. But I can't. The next time we do that," Gabriel closes his eyes, " _if_ we ever do it again, I don't want you to hate me, okay? I don't want it to be something you regret, and right now I know you would." He opens his eyes and looks at Sam. 

Sam nods. 

Gabriel turns to leave, facing the door. He stares at the door for a full minute before he puts his hand on the doorknob. _Dammit._

"Father help me, I'm an idiot," he whispers. 

He opens the door and walks away from Sam. 

Sam fights it that night, the lust, and this time he wins. Gabriel feels it slide away.

"Hey, Gabe!" Dean calls from the kitchen. "You wanna watch a movie with us?" 

Gabriel is standing in a storage room, looking through a box full of Norse God paraphernalia. He's trying to distract himself from feeling like a fool for turning Sam down last night, and he's failing miserably. He hasn't seen Sam today, he wonders what Sam will do when he sees him.

Dean is two floors up but he hears him clearly. 

Gabriel appears in Dean's room where they're all gathering. Dean has pulled a couch and chair in the small room. It's cramped but kinda cozy too. Gabriel sits on the couch, Sam is in the chair and Cas is on the bed trying to work the remote.

Dean comes in a few minutes later with a huge bowl of popcorn. He plops down on the couch beside Gabriel, popcorn flying out over the sides. Cas glances at the mess absently and then goes back to trying to skip the previews. 

"I got it, Deano," Gabriel snaps his fingers and the popcorn on the couch and floor disappear. 

"Thanks!" Dean shoves popcorn in his mouth. 

"So what're we watching?" Gabriel says, settling in with his arm across the back of the couch. 

"The latest X-Men," Dean mumbles out while chewing. 

"Hell yeah! I love me some Wolverine!" Gabriel exclaims. 

"Right? Sam's always trying to tell me the Professor Xavier is the cool one, _he's got mind control, Dean, he could destroy Wolverine with his mind._ Pshht. Whatever. I want adamantium claws and unlimited healing ability." Dean looks at Gabriel and puts his hand up for a high five. 

Gabriel is surprised, he and Dean are getting along better than when they were all on the road, but this show of solidarity is still kind of amazing. Gabriel high fives him. 

"Yeah well, Sam can say he's not a Wolverine fan all he wants but I think he's trying to steal his look. All bearded and muscle, next thing you know he'll be wearing tank tops and spandex." Gabriel looks at Sam and smiles. 

Sam looks like a scolding parent about to lose their shit, his bitch face is glaring at Gabriel. 

_Uh oh. Guess I know what Sam will do when he sees me now, didn't even take two minutes._

"Are you guys trying to irritate me?" Sam asks. 

"Huh?" Dean can't form any other words, his mouth is too full. 

"You guys, being all chummy, what's up with that?" Sam looks back and forth between Dean and Gabriel. 

Gabriel ignores him, he's not going to engage in this. 

"Whatever. Just because you're not nice to him ninety nine percent of the time doesn't mean I can't be," Dean says after he swallows. 

"I might buy that if you were ever nice to him before, Dean, but it's like you're doing this intentionally now and it pisses me off." Sam stands up, he's going to leave the room. 

Until Dean stands up too. "You're always pissed off, and you know what, the entire fucking world doesn't revolve around you. He doesn't deserve you being a dick to him all the time. He didn't cause this, maybe he didn't handle it perfectly, but you know what? Get over it already. Cas pisses me off all the time and I get over it, Jesus, grow up." Dean shakes his head. 

Cas takes an interest in the conversation when he hears his name, looking up. "Dean, I-"

"Not now, Cas," Dean flails his hand behind him, waving Cas off. 

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" Sam steps closer to Dean. 

Gabriel stands up, he's between the brothers, both of them considerably taller than him. 

"Boys, boys!" He says loudly, "Please, no need to argue, there's plenty of me-" 

"SHUT UP, GABE!" Both brothers yell in unison. 

Gabriel sits back down. 

"See, like that! You're calling him Gabe? Since when do you call him Gabe?" Sam says loudly. 

"Listen kids, if you insist on fighting I'll go get my blow up pool, we'll coat you both in oil and Cas and I can at least enjoy ourselves while you wrestle it out, come on now." Gabriel smiles up at them.

"Fuck you, _Gabriel_." Dean looks at him through angry squinting eyes. 

Gabriel looks directly at Sam. "There you go, he hates me again. Happy?"

Dean looks back at his brother. He moves away and sits beside Gabriel. He offers Gabriel popcorn, Gabriel knows it's an offer of friendship but he shakes his head. Sam turns to leave. 

"Sam, wait," Gabriel says. 

Sam's stops but he doesn't turn around. 

"You stay, I can make this a lot easier on everyone." He snaps his fingers and he's laying on a bed in any empty bunk room. He's not going to listen to Sam attack Dean or Cas just because they're not rude to him, it's not fair to drag them in the middle of all this. He'll just stay here. 

He lays there for a full day staring at the ceiling and zoning out. He'll die of boredom within a month like this, he'll never last. He thinks and rethinks. He's not going to rehash the past, all the times he screwed up with Sam. He's going to decide what to do from now on.

He's going to fix this. He has to. If Sam is tied to him then they're going to live a long time, and it's sure as hell not going to be like this. He has to start mending things with Sam, making it clear that he wants to be with Sam but only when Sam wants him back. 

Some time mid morning Dean calls for him. He ignores him. If he goes Sam will be irritated, and that not his goal right now. He's got to stop pissing Sam off. Dean calls again. And again.

Cas appears by his bed. "Dean wants to speak with you." 

"Yeah, I figured that," Gabriel says, not looking at Cas. 

"Well I was able to find you so you're not hidden, are you upset with Dean?" 

"What?" Gabriel sits up. "No, why would I be upset with Dean?" 

"I don't know, everyone seems to be upset with someone all the time. Well, it's mostly Dean and Sam, or Sam and you, but still, I never know who's fighting. I've given up trying to keep track." Cas puts his hands in his pockets. 

Gabriel nods his head. "What does he want?" 

"We're leaving." Cas disappears. 

"Huh, interesting," Gabriel says to the empty room, and then he follows his brother. 

They're in the room where the boys work out. Dean is standing in front of a weight bench where Sam is sitting. Sam stands up. He's wearing sweatpants, the legs pulled up by his knees so his calves are showing. He's shirtless, and he's really bulking up. His chest and arms are big, his stomach flat and hard. His skin is covered in a sheen of sweat. His beard is shorter, he's cleaned it up. It's still thick and dark but it doesn't look messy now.

 _Holy hell_ , Gabriel thinks. He looks at Dean. 

"Are you a sadist?" Gabriel says. 

Dean doesn't know what to say, his eyebrows raise slightly. "What?" 

"Shut up, Gabriel." Sam says, annoyed.

"We've already established that you can't make me, so stop telling me that." _Dammit, Gabriel, THINK before you speak!_ He's screaming at himself internally. He closes his eyes. _I'm such and idiot._

"You talk way too much." Sam puts his hands on his hips and looks down, it almost looks like he's smiling but Gabriel doubts it. Sam's body language is all about irritation right now. 

"Both of you shut up," Dean says, "you both talk too much." 

"No I don't." Sam looks up, totally offended.

"Well, you are right now. Look, I'm trying to tell you," Dean pauses, looking back and forth between Gabriel and Sam, "both of you, that we're leaving." 

There's a long silence, it grows uncomfortable.

"Okaayyyy," Sam finally says, he drags the word out like he's asking for more information. Dean doesn't say anything further. "Where are you going?"

Dean crosses his arms and plants his feet further apart. He leans back a little, his posture defensive. He's preparing himself.

"I got a call, there's a case and Cas and I are gonna take it." 

Sam processes this for a moment, looking at Dean. He glances at Cas who meets his eyes without hesitation. He looks back at Dean.

"I'll go with you. I feel good, I'm ready to work," Sam says.

"No." Dean doesn't argue, he just states it flatly. 

"Why not?" 

"Because you're better, you don't need us with you now. Cas and I don't want to be in the middle of _this_ ," Dean motions between Sam and Gabriel, "and because I'm bored and I want to be alone with Cas. So no, you can't go. Sorry, Sammy." He crosses his arms again. 

Dean's reasons are solid. Sam seems to want to argue but he finally nods. 

"How long will you be gone?" 

"I don't know. A while. If you need me just call. Gabe, if you need Cas just do that thing you do," Dean waves his fingers around his head, "in the meantime, work your shit out. Got it?'

Sam doesn't acknowledge what Dean says, he turns and goes back to the weight bench and lays down below the bar. 

Dean looks pointedly at Gabriel, they stare at each other for a long time. Gabriel doesn't know if he should thank Dean or beg him to stay. Both scenarios seem like he'll lose.

" _Stop hiding_." Dean says to him, he enunciates very clearly like Gabriel is hard of hearing. It's probably the best advice Gabriel has ever been given in his entire life. Following it will be the hard part. 

Gabriel nods.

Dean and Cas turn and leave.

Gabriel stands for a minute, wondering what to do. Not hiding means not jumping out of the room and staying to himself, but he can't follow Sam around everywhere. That would really piss him off. Sam just told him he talks too much so he doesn't say anything. Finally he starts walking toward the door, figuring he'll go sit in the library or something.

"Hey," Sam says. He's laying on the weight bench with his hands on the bar. 

Gabriel stops and looks over. 

"Can you spot me?" 

"Sure," Gabriel responds, he doesn't know what Sam is asking for. Spot him, like see him? Should he make a joke here? Probably not. "You have to tell me what that is though."

Sam smirks a little. "Just stand behind me and make sure I get the bar back up, I'm trying to max out." 

That doesn't really clarify anything for Gabriel. He walks to the bench and moves behind Sam's head. He watches Sam adjust his hands, turning them back and forth on the metal bar. Sam pushes it up out of the arms and starts lifting. After a couple times the veins start protruding in his neck, his face red and sweating. His teeth are showing as he struggles, determined to keep going. His arms start shaking and Gabriel thinks he's going to have to pull the bar away from Sam but he manages to get it back into the arms on his own. 

Sam sits up and shakes his arms out. He rolls his head around, stretching his neck. He stands and starts adding more weight. 

"You ever work out?" Sam asks casually. 

Gabriel looks at Sam like he's grown three heads, luckily Sam isn't looking. 

"Can't say as I have, Sam." 

"Yeah, that was a stupid question." Sam lays down again. 

"No such thing, I've told you that before." 

Sam nods, lifting the bar and forcing air through his mouth. He does another set, his face beet red. 

"So, you could make yourself be in really good shape right?" Sam is sitting up again, rolling his neck back and forth. 

"Sure, I guess." 

"I always feel better when I'm in shape." Sam stands and walks to some other machine. He's pulling something on a cord? Gabriel has no idea.

"The vessel doesn't matter as long as it can hold me on a cellular level. It wouldn't matter if it had a six pack or weighed four hundred pounds. As long as it can contain me everything else is just vanity." Gabriel pauses, _oh shit_ , he thinks. "Not that you're vain, you're not, humans would feel better if they exercised, that makes sense. It's just, for me to exercise I'd probably have to lift a building or something." Gabriel is falling over his own words. 

Sam smiles a little. "So you could lift that no problem?" He inclines his head toward the weight bench where Gabriel is still standing. 

Gabriel looks down at the bar, round weights stacked on each end. He nods. 

Sam stops whatever he's doing and puts his hands on his hips. "Do it." 

Gabriel looks at the bar again. He grasps the center of it in his right palm and curls it up toward him. He touches his knuckles to his chest and then places the bar back in the arms. He looks at Sam. 

"I'm pretty sure I could lift ten thousand times that," Gabriel says. 

Sam laughs. 

_I don't want to hear anything but Sam laughing for the rest of my life._

"Good thing I don't have a fragile ego." Sam grabs a towel and rubs his face. 

"Well, I may be able to lift more but you sure as hell look better doing it, Sammo." 

Sam chuckles. 

_This is almost normal._

"It's weird to think that that's not you." Sam inclines his head at Gabriel's in general. "It's not _you_ , I forget that sometimes, ya know?" 

"Yeah, but that's not really you either." Gabriel inclines his head towards Sam. 

"What do you mean?" Sam is wiping sweat off his arms with a towel. 

"Well, this body I'm in is a vessel for an angel, right?" 

Sam nods. 

"Your body is a vessel for your soul. It's no different really, you just can't see other people's souls so you think of them as the body they inhabit. They exist together but your body doesn't need a soul to function, and your soul can live outside that body. So I guess it's different than me, but similar. They're both you, like two pieces of a puzzle. You're not really _you_ unless they're together." 

Sam turns away a little. "I hadn't thought of it like that. I should have, I lived without my soul for a while." He busies himself with wiping down a machine. "Good thing people can't see my soul, it's probably black." 

"No it's not," Gabriel says, obvious surprise in his soft voice. "It's bright white, with a touch of yellow in places. Sometimes when you're mad it blushes red over the center, and when you're calm it tints blue and green. It's beautiful. It's the most beautiful soul I've ever seen."

Sam glances at Gabriel from the corner of his eye. He looks uncomfortable, like he doesn't know if he should speak. 

Gabriel realizes after the words are out that this is probably way too much for Sam. He's barely tolerating Gabriel's presence most of the time. Hearing Gabriel prattle on about the beauty of his soul probably isn't something Sam is interested in right now. 

_Smooth, Gabriel. Fuck it up again._

Sam finally walks out of the room without another word.

Desire builds in Sam throughout the day, like a slow tide rollin in. It finally hits Sam full force that night. It slams into Gabriel as he lays on the bed of the empty room. He's not hiding, but Sam has been in his room since he left the weight room, so this is as good a place as any for Gabriel to stare at the walls. His first instinct is to jump to the closet, but Dean and Cas are gone now. 

He lays there and closes his eyes.

"Gabriel." 

It's Sam. _Please don't ask me again, Sam, I'm not that strong._

Gabriel stands in front of Sam's door and knocks. 

"Yeah," he hears Sam say. 

Gabriel enters the room and closes the door. 

Sam looks at him tonight. He doesn't appear nervous or angry. He sits on the bed and watches Gabriel close the door behind him. 

"Ok, so I've had time to think about it and you were right. I would regret it." 

Gabriel winces. Hearing Sam say it is like a knife in the gut. He nods. 

"Sorry," Sam says. 

"It's okay, kiddo. I knew it was true, it's just different hearing it from you." 

Sam meets his eyes for a second, he looks like he wants to say something. He opens his mouth but then closes it and glances away. He clears his throat. 

"So since we've ruled _that_ out, I wondered if you might have some other idea for us to get some relief? I'm uh," Sam pauses, "it's really uncomfortable for me. Before I could run or work out and take the edge off but that's not touching this. Guess the upside is I hit a new personal best today. Felt pretty good about it too, until you lifted it with one finger." Sam smiles. 

Gabriel laughs and runs his hands over his head. _Okay, take the edge off, take the edge off, edge, edge, hmm..._

"Yeah, we can at least try I guess. I'm pretty damn uncomfortable myself, I'd welcome some relief." Gabriel smacks his hands together thinking. "Okay, let's think here, take the edge off. Uh, what about," Gabriel goes quiet, he gets an idea then, "you ever try edging Sam?" 

Sam shakes his head. 

"You know what it is?" Gabriel slowly steps further into the room. 

Sam gestures to the chair across from the bed for Gabriel to sit. "Yeah, I think I know the general concept." 

"Pretty simple really, or the idea is simple anyway. Not as easy as you think it would be to deny yourself release." Gabriel sits in the chair. 

"Wait, so you don't get off? How will that help?" Sam's wearing a V-neck white tshirt and there a little blush working up his neck. 

"No, you do. Eventually. You just take the long way around, get closer and closer, pull back and start again, but you'll get there in the end. A lot of it is about learning control, and it makes the orgasm stronger, which is how we'll get some relief. Hopefully." 

Sam nods. "Okay. Are you sure you want to do this?" 

Gabriel's immediate thought is a huge _HELL YES!_ But when he takes a minute to think it through he decides he needs to set some rules, both for himself and Sam. He doesn't want Sam regretting this either. He finally nods. 

"Yeah, but I think we need some ground rules." He watches Sam, his hands are covering his lap. Gabriel knows why, he's hard as steel in his pants as well, but he's not gonna cover it. 

"Like what?" Sam's eyes keep moving to Gabriel's crotch and then they flash away. 

Gabriel leans his head back against the wall, compiling a list in his head. 

"Well, I think it's a good idea that I don't touch you. I won't move out of this chair and you don't get out of bed. I'll talk to you but that's all." 

Sam nods, agreeing with these stipulations. 

"I'll guide you through what to do, but if at any time you want to stop you tell me. I'm going to watch you, your breathing, your face, how you react to things, looking for when you're ready to come and then lead you back from the edge. If I tell you to pull back but you want to come, or you need to come, then do it. You listen to your body. This isn't sadism, I don't want to hurt you." 

Sam nods his agreement again. "Anything else?" 

"Just one thing," Gabriel leans forward, he looks at the floor and collects his thoughts and then looks very pointedly at Sam, "you can't resent me for this or hold it against me tomorrow. We're not in the throes of passion here, Sam, I'm not manipulating you, you're logical and clear headed, even with that hard on you're hiding. So if you choose to do this don't throw it in my face later, got it?" 

Sam looks down at his lap for a few seconds and then slides his hand apart. He's wearing pajama pants and his erection stands straight up when his hands are out of the way. He looks back at Gabriel. 

"Let's do it."

Gabriel sits back again, he takes a deep breath. "Ok, let's just start how you usually would."

Sam takes a shaky breath and blows it out. "Okay." He lays down on his back and unites the drawstring on his pants, slipping his hand inside. He closes his eyes as he rubs his hand up and down. 

"God damn, my balls _ache_ ," Sam says. 

"Yeah, mine too. Pretty sure I could break a board with this thing." 

Sa laughs, he laughs really hard and Gabriel just watches him. When Sam stops laughing Gabriel starts the instructions.

"Okay, pull it out, I need to see what you're doing." 

Sam opens his eyes a little, he's blushing. He doesn't move. 

"Oh come on, Samsquatch, it's me. You know me inside and out, you've been balls deep in me, no need to be shy. Although you know I love it when you're shy." Gabriel stands and tugs the legs of his pants down and then sits again.

Sam's face flames and he laughs a little. He pushes the waist of the pants down his hips, just enough that his erection is out. He rests his hands by his sides and waits. 

Seeing Sam's long hard cock is almost more than Gabriel can take. Lust twists in his gut and he feels a rush pre-come, dampening his pants. He wishes Sam was naked. He wants to roam his eyes over the feast of Sam's body. He wants to see those muscular thighs, that flat stomach, strong arms. Why is he doing this to himself? For Sam. Because Sam needs relief, and so does he. 

"I always was a glutton for punishment," Gabriel whispers softly. "Okay, keep going." 

Sam smiles up at the ceiling, still looking awkward and uncomfortable. Sam slides his fingertips down the shaft and then wraps his palm around it, closing his eyes again. He starts slow, building up a rhythm, gradually speeding up, he starts flicking his wrist the faster he goes. 

Gabriel watches him closely, looking for signs that Sam is getting close. He's watched Sam enough to know his cues, and it doesn't take long before he sees them. Sam's breathing increases, until it's shallow and irregular, like he's holding every other breath. His eyes tighten, his lips pull back from his teeth. His hips start moving on the bed, raising up a little, his feet are flexing.

"Okay, Sam, slow down. I want you to redirect, focus on my voice okay?" 

Sam takes a breath, he stops his hand totally for a second and then starts again slowly. 

"Now, take your palm off of it, just use your fingers, lightly up and down. Take your other hand and pinch your nipples, as hard or as soft and you want. However you like it." 

Sam does as he's told. His left he slides under his shirt, exposing his stomach. His other hand loosens, his fingertips sliding gently up and down. Gabriel sees goosebumps raise on Sam's stomach as he lightly pinches his own nipples.

"Good, that's good. Can you feel it easing back?" 

Sam nods, he slips his hand down and massages his balls. His big hand cupping them, trying to ease the ache. 

Those hands are a weakness for Gabriel. He knows Sam thought he was teasing when he's mentioned them in the past, but something about those hands turns him on. They're so big, so strong, they dwarf everyone else's hands. The long fingers, Gabriel loved to brush his fingers across the back of Sam's knuckles. He wants Sam to put those hands on him again. He wants Sam to touch him so hard that his fingerprints are embedded in Gabriel's skin. 

"Heaven help me, I love your hands," Gabriel whispers. He palms his cock in his pants. 

Sam raises his head and looks at Gabriel, seeing his hand on his crotch. 

"I kinda figured you'd want to get off too," Sam says, moving his hand back up to lightly trace his cock. He slides his thumb through the precome and closes his eyes for a second. 

"I will, don't worry," Gabriel watches Sam's hand, "this is my exercise in control. Or torture, depends how you look at it."

Sam lays his head back. 

"Does that feel good? That light touching?" 

Sam nods. 

"You think you could get off just from that?" 

"I doubt it," Sam says. 

"Okay, that tells me you're far enough back from the edge. I want you to take that other hand off your nipple. Good, now, fingertips on both sides of that beautiful cock, lightly up and down. Move your fingers together, up and down, up and down, you got it." 

Gabriel watches. Sam doesn't think he can get off from light touching, but sometimes that light teasing touch is more arousing than anything else. Sam's breathing changes fast. 

"You're getting close, I want you to change your movement. One hand up, the other down. There you go." 

Gabriel unzips his pants, tugging them down his hips so his cock is free. He mirrors Sam's movement. He puts lube on Sam and on himself. 

"Is that?" Sam glances at him and sees Gabriel's cock, he groans. "Oh God, I want you to touch me, Gabe," Sam says, his head pushing back into the pillow, he pushes himself up a little so he can see Gabriel better.

"I want to, Sam, I do, but we're not doing anything you're going to regret. Remember?" 

Sam nods, his eyes tightening. 

"Slow down, okay, now take your palms and slide them up and down the sides, keep your fingers off, nothing tight. See how I'm doing it?" 

Sam looks up again and copies Gabriel. "Holy shit," he whispers. 

"Slower Sam, focus on my voice. Concentrate on your breathing. Take big deep breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Slow down, you're too close." 

Sam is riding the edge, a tiny bit of come dripping off his cock. He's not pulling back enough. He groans in frustration.

"Hands off, stop. Breathe. Squeeze your pelvic muscles. That's good, you were too close there, you okay?" 

Sam nods again, his hands in fists at his sides. 

"Now take your thumb and run it up the underside, base to tip. Perfect. Again. Flick your thumb over the head, yeah. Is it pushing back?" 

"Yeah," Sam breathes, "I don't know if I can keep from coming again." 

"That's ok, we're not going to stop it next time. Keep doing that with your thumb. Reach down and massage your balls with the other hand, ease the ache a little." Gabriel is doing all this on himself too. "Fuck that aches," Gabriel says. He puts his head back against the wall and closes his eyes for a second, when he opens them Sam is watching him. 

"Is this because of the lifeline?" Sam asks. 

"Rub your palm over the head, through the come." 

Sam does, he flinches a little and his hips jut up. 

"I just wanted to see you do that," Gabriel smiles and Sam chuckles softly.

"Yeah, it has to be. We can't be apart because of it, and even if we're close it doesn't ease this pull to physically be together. I'm sorry, Sam," Gabriel rolls his palm over the head of his cock, sucking in a breath. 

"It's not your fault, God I hope this works," Sam says, watching Gabriel, "I need to get off." 

"Yeah, me too," Gabriel locks his eyes with Sam, "at least you're not blaming me for it happening anymore." Sam is doing exactly what Gabriel is doing with his hand. "Okay, both hands now." 

Sam and Gabriel take both hands, and stoke up tightly over and over. When one hand slides off the head the other hand is starting up from the base. They never look away from each other. 

Sam's pupils are huge, his mouth open a little. His breathing is fast, his shirt is still hiked up a little and the muscles by his hips are tensing.

"Let it happen now, come on, relax and let it go," Gabriel thrusts up into his hands. 

Sam does the same. "Fuck, yes, oh fuck," Sam whines.

They both come, watching each other. Gabriel groans loudly through gritted teeth, almost a growl. It's an erotic and lustful sound. 

Sam holds his breath, listening, and finally takes a huge gasping breath when it's over. 

They stay like that for a long time, quiet, just listening to each other breathe.

"Any better?" Gabriel finally asks. 

"I don't know," Sam says, moving his hands off of his cock. He holds them up, they're covered in lube and come. "Maybe a little." 

Gabriel waves his hand and the mess is gone. He nods, it's not much better for him either.

"Thanks." Sam is fixing his clothes. 

Gabriel doesn't know if he's thanking him for the cleanup or for trying to help. He figures probably both. He tucks himself back in his pants and stands. 

"No need to thank me. Try to get some sleep, kiddo." Gabriel stands and walks toward the door.

"Gabe, can I ask you something?" 

Gabriel stops with his hand on the doorknob, he partially turns to look at Sam. 

"Anything, Sam. You can ask me anything."

"Why didn't you chase me? When I left in the woods that night, or when I walked out of the parking lot, or when I was running that day, why didn't you chase me? Try to make me stay? I know I told you not to, but I keep wondering why." 

"Would it have mattered?" Gabriel asks. 

Sam is quiet for a minute. "I don't know," he pauses, he seems to decide something and he looks back and Gabriel, "if I'm being honest, no. It would have made it worse." 

Gabriel nods and turns back to the door about to leave. 

"You didn't answer my question though, you didn't tell me why," Sam says. 

Gabriel stands there looking at the grain of the wood, imagining how old that tree was before it was cut down. He doesn't want to answer this, but he finally decides that if Sam's going to be honest so is he. He's going to be honest and upfront from this point on. Gabriel leans his head on the door and sighs softly.

"Sam, I don't know, I wanted to follow you. I really did, but I knew you'd just hate me more for it. And I think deep down that I was hoping you'd come after me. I wanted someone to think I was worth going after, just once. I wanted you to try and find _me_ ," Gabriel stands up straight again and opens the door, "I won't ever lie to you, I won't keep anything from you either. Even if it's something you don't want to hear." He closes the door behind him.


	12. Chapter 12

And so begins their nightly routine. They wander around each other during the day, not hiding but not interacting much either. And then night comes, and Sam always calls, and they try to ease their discomfort together. It goes on for weeks, Sam begging Gabriel to touch him each time, and Gabriel _almost_ relenting. 

The only way he gets through it is by telling himself it'll be worth it in the end. Sam is moving towards him again. It's like Sam is at the end of a long tunnel and no matter how much Gabriel wants to start walking towards Sam he can't. He has to plant his feet and wait. Sam will come, he'll make his way sooner or later. 

Gabriel leaves Sam's room one night, that heavy ache still present. He wanders slowly through the halls, eventually going to the empty bunk room he lays in. He rests on the bed, closing his eyes. 

Sam is getting better and better at edging. Pushing himself to the brink and pulling back. He watches Gabriel closely now too, he recognizes the cues of Gabriel's body. They tell each other things they want to do, things they like, things they want. 

"I want to lick that drop off your cock." 

"I want to squeeze your ass, God, I love your ass." 

"I want to run my tongue over your nipple." 

"I want you to bite my neck." 

"I need your hands on me again, your hands would feel so good."

"Talk to me, tell me how it feels."

"Look at me, open your eyes, I want to see your eyes."

"I know I tell you to shut up all the time but I love your voice."

"I want to see you naked, Sam." 

"You first, Gabe." 

Gabriel strips his clothes off in a flash, Sam watching with a smile on his face. Sam stands up and takes each piece of clothing off slowly, Gabriel staring at every inch of Sam, memorizing his body.

It goes on and on, working each other up. Gabriel thinks about it all day and all night after he leaves Sam's room. He can't stop. But when he sees Sam during the day Sam is like a different person. He's quiet, reserved, at times he still seems resentful. The anger seems to be gone, he doesn't sense hate, but Sam still seems _off_. He's just not ready.

The cell phone dings by the bed. He looks at it. He only kept it to read through the old texts between him and Sam, just to remember the fun they'd had with it. Trying to remind himself how it felt to have fun with Sam.

Gabriel picks it up. 

**Sam** : _Hey._

 **Angel** : _Hey._

 **Sam** : _We should go do something tomorrow night, get out of here for awhile._

Gabriel smiles, he has to tease Sam a little or he wouldn't be himself. 

**Angel** : _Are you asking me out on a date?_

 **Sam** : _Shut up._

Gabriel smiles. His phone immediately dings again.

 **Sam** : _Is that a yes?_

 **Angel** : _YES._

The phone is silent for awhile, and then it dings.

 **Sam** : _We're moving toward "us" again, aren't we?_

Gabriel thinks. He didn't expect Sam to come to terms with this so quickly. Since Dean and Cas left, since they'd been meeting every evening in Sam's room, he didn't think Sam was really accepting what was happening. He thought Sam was still denying it. He thought Sam's resentment was another form of denial, but maybe not.

How should he answer this? He could write a novel, pour his heart out, but he finally decides to keep it short and direct.

 **Angel** : _I hope so._

Gabriel lays the phone aside. He shouldn't get his hopes up here. He knows he shouldn't. Maybe they're on their way back to something but they aren't close yet. Gabriel could say something stupid and set them back a mile. He will, he always says something stupid. 

He lays there in the quiet, keeping himself content knowing that at least Sam wants to be around him, and not just for their nightly sessions. Sam wants to leave the bunker, with Gabriel. That's a miracle. 

Two hours later the phone dings.

 **Sam** : _So do I._

He sees Sam in the kitchen the next morning. Gabriel is looking for chocolate, there is none. Dean probably ate it all before they left. He could snap some into existence but deep down he knows that this is just an excuse to be in the kitchen at the same time as Sam. 

Sam wanders in after his workout to make his oatmeal. His hair is sweaty, his old shirt has a small hole in the side, the sleeves are cut off. One leg of his sweats is pulled up. Sam rubs his hand through his beard and looks at Gabriel.

Gabriel almost trips over a chair. 

"Hey," Sam says. 

"Hey," Gabriel pulls the chair out and sits down. 

Sam makes his food and sits across from Gabriel to eat. 

"What do you wanna do tonight?" Sam asks. 

"I don't really care, it'll just be nice to get out for awhile." Gabriel picks up the salt shaker, he drains it and refills it with his mind, over and over. He has too much nervous energy, he always has. 

"Wanna go to a movie?" Sam is watching the salt shaker. 

Gabriel sets it down. "Sure," he says.

"Anything in particular you wanna see?" Sam takes a bite of oats.

Gabriel thinks for a minute. "I haven't paid any attention, I don't even know what's out. You pick." 

Sam nods. "You may regret that, Dean says I have horrible taste in movies." 

Gabriel laughs. "Then I'll pick the next one." 

Sam smiles, a big genuine smile. "Ok, we'll leave about 7:30, the movie starts at 9. That'll give us time to get into town and stuff. I imagine you have to have candy and all kinds of junk, right?" 

"Are we driving?" This thought hadn't occurred to Gabriel.

"I'd like to, we'll just take the old truck. It's a beater but it's reliable. I haven't driven in a while, I kinda miss it." Sam takes another bite and swallows. "Unless you don't want to." 

"Nope, fine by me," Gabriel says. 

Sam finishes his food and leaves the table to wash his bowl. He looks at Gabriel as he slowly wanders toward the door. 

"7:30?" He stops by the chair. 

"It's a date." Gabriel winks. 

Sam stands in front of the mirror, studying his reflection. He turns his head this way and that. Should he shave? Would Gabriel want him to shave? Why is he so nervous? 

He's accepted the fact that being with Gabriel is inevitable. That choice was taken away from him, he may resent that but he's come to terms with it. He's even realizing that Gabriel fits him. Maybe he never would have seen it because of their past, he might have overlooked it completely if he hadn't got to know him, but he sees it now. 

Gabriel is funny and he lives to make Sam laugh, which Sam doesn't do enough of. He's smart, to the point that Sam finds it intimidating at times. He's self deprecating, he uses humor to lessen how little he thinks of himself. No matter how angry Sam has been at Gabriel, not matter how much Sam wanted to believe he hates the angel, he's never hated Gabriel as much as Gabriel hates himself. That night after Sam had spoken to the Fates, when Sam had listened to Dean and Gabriel talking about him, he'd heard Gabriel say that he was Sam's only option and that he sucked. Sam's instinct had been to protect Gabriel from himself. 

Looking back on that moment speaks volumes. All these nights spent with Gabriel, Sam wants the angel more and more, and Gabriel is always the voice of reason. 

"I want to, Sam, I want you so much, but I don't want you to regret it." 

Sam knows that he won't regret it now. He thinks about it all day, every day. He thinks about what they said to each other the night before, the way Gabriel looked at him, he thinks about how much he wants Gabriel to touch him. But when he sees Gabriel in the light of day it's so awkward. Neither knows what to say, how to interact.

Sam misses the ease they had between them, walking the streets of New Orleans. He misses those small touches almost as much as the passionate ones. He misses Gabriel bumping him with his shoulder as they laughed, the angel sliding his fingers loosely between Sam's. He misses sliding his hand across Gabriel's lower back as he pushed the angel in front of him going through doors. He misses Gabriel brushing his fingers across Sam's knuckles, he'd done that so often it started to feel soothing, reassuring. 

And then it had all been ripped away. Ripped apart. And now they're like dance partners with broken legs. They're standing in front of each other, poised and ready, but they're hearing different songs, they're broken and disjointed. Hopefully this date will be a step to putting them back on the same song.

Sam has dealt with his anger, it did get worse before it got better. But it's definitely better now. He still doesn't understand why Gabriel didn't tell him as soon and he knew, but since Gabriel wasn't certain until after they'd been together the first time it almost makes sense to Sam. If Sam could have chosen he would have wanted to know in the beginning, before anything happened, like with Dean and Cas. It twisted him up too much finding out after. 

It's been six months now since he found out. The anger has faded, there's no hatred, the resentment has moved to the Fates, he'll always resent them for taking away his choice. 

He finally decides to shave. When he looks in the mirror after the beard is gone his face seems foreign, and then it's like it slides into focus and it's him. It's Sam. It's like another piece of normal coming back. 

He took too long deciding if he should shave, he's running late. He dresses and grabs his keys and walks to the door of the bunker. 

Gabriel is leaned against the door. He turns his head as Sam approaches, his mouth open about to speak, and he freezes. He stares at Sam's face. 

Sam stops a few feet from the angel. 

"Your reaction could be good or bad," Sam says. 

Gabriel stares up at him. "You shaved." 

"I didn't know if I should or not, did you like the beard?" 

"Well, I liked imagining what it would feel like to have you rub it on my thighs, but I didn't realize how much I missed that handsome face until I saw it just now." 

Sam laughs. "So either way is good? If I grow it back..." 

"You can rub it on my thighs, yes," Gabriel smiles, "you could put a paper bag over your head, Sam, I'd still have the hottest date in the world." 

"Shut up," Sam blushes. He pushes the door open and they walk out into the clean night air. 

They drive into town, no rush, just the two of them in the cab of the old truck. There's little conversation but it's still comfortable. 

The movie theater is packed. The lines for everything are huge. Sam looks at the concession line and groans internally. 

"You want anything?" He asks Gabriel. 

Gabriel surveys the people. "Uh, well, if you want to stand in those lines I'm game, but whatever you're wanting I can snap up when we get in there. Your choice." 

"Yeah, I think I'll take you up on that," Sam says, walking towards their theater. 

A group of seventeen or eighteen year old girls check Sam out, obviously pointing and talking behind their hands. Laughing and giggling. Sam is oblivious. Gabriel grins. 

"Think you got a fan club, kiddo." He nods his head toward the girls.

Sam glances over and the girls yelp. One of them feigns fainting. Sam turns away quickly.

"God, I think I'm old enough to be their dad," he says uncomfortably. 

Gabriel laughs. "I'm pretty sure none of their dad's look like you, Sammo. Hence the infatuation." 

Sam shakes his head and looks for empty seats. He always gravitates to the back because he's tall, but Gabriel is short and he wants him to be able to see. He finally finds a couple seats and they work their way in. There's a tall guy behind Sam, he won't block his view. 

They sit down. This is the closest they've been. They haven't touched one another since that night in the Impala, months ago. They don't know how to navigate the one arm rest between them. 

Gabriel clears his throat. "Ok, popcorn? Candy? Drinks?" 

"Do you like popcorn?" Sam asks. 

"Not really, unless its caramel corn."

"I haven't had caramel corn in forever, let's do that." 

Gabriel snaps his fingers and hands Sam a tub of caramel corn. It smells sweet and salty. The woman in front of Sam turns around. 

"Where'd you get that, it smells like Heaven," she says.

"I know an angel in concessions, made it special," Gabriel winks at her. She turns back around and the previews start. 

Gabriel times his movements so that he and Sam won't bump hands in the caramel corn. The movie starts and a half hour in Sam is paying no attention. He's too distracted by his proximity to Gabriel. He's almost _trying_ to touch the angel, wishing their elbows would bump, or that he could get their hands to brush, but Gabriel is careful. He's told Sam over and over that he won't touch him until he knows Sam won't regret it. He was serious. 

Sam takes a bite of caramel corn and pain shoots through the right side of his upper jaw. He immediately hisses and closes his eyes. It feels like he lost a filling. _Shit._

"What's wrong?" Gabriel whispers. 

Sam looks at him, holding his face. "My tooth," he says softly. 

Gabriel puts his hand out, his immediate reaction to touch Sam and heal him. He pulls back. He looks at Sam questioning. 

Sam pulls his hand away and nods. 

Gabriel still hesitates. 

"Please," Sam whispers. 

Gabriel reaches toward him slowly, giving Sam time to pull back, to stop him. He gently lays his palm on Sam's face and Sam feels that warm tingle as his tooth heals. Gabriel's hand lingers. Sam closes his eyes, he raises his hand and places it over Gabriel's, holding the angel's hand on his cheek. Sam leans into the touch, craving it. 

The guy behind him clears his throat and Sam remembers where they are, what's happening. Sam opens his eyes and looks at Gabriel. The angel's face is soft, looking at Sam like he's an unexpected gift. 

"Let's get out of here," Sam says. 

Gabriel stands and they slide out as quickly as possible. Outside of the theater the awkwardness of not touching is back. The space between them in the truck feels like a black hole. The silence is strange now.

Sam drives. He knows where he wants to go. He heads out of town, he drives for almost an hour. 

"Where are we going?" Gabriel finally asks, looking out the window. There's nothing out there but fields and darkness. 

"You'll see, we're almost there." Sam turns onto a small dirt access drive and follows it to the backside of a field of corn. There's nothing back there. He shuts the lights off and kills the engine and then looks at Gabriel. 

"Come on," he says and exits the truck. He lowers the tailgate as Gabriel walks around the bed. Sam slides up and sits, looking up. 

Gabriel slides up beside him, not close but not miles away either. 

"This is why I wanted to drive." Sam takes in the stars. They're far away from town, the stars are bright and shining, the moon is a crescent. 

"This is a good reason to drive." Gabriel is looking at Sam, but he finally lays back and stares up. 

Sam lays back beside him.

"Thank you," Sam says, studying the stars. 

"What for?" 

"Fixing my tooth." Sam looks at Gabriel, the angel is looking at the sky. 

"Don't mention it. Least I could do, I'm the one who likes caramel corn." 

"Maybe next time I'll break my hand." Sam is still watching Gabriel, the angel finally turns his head toward him. 

"What?" He says in confusion. 

"Well that's the only way I can get you to touch me, right? Maybe I can get you to hold my hand if I break a finger or something." 

Gabriel looks back up at the sky and takes a deep breath. He covers his face with his hands for a second, seemingly blocking out the world. 

"Sam, please don't tempt me," he says softly into his palms. 

Sam reaches over and pulls Gabriel's hand away. Gabriel has his eyes closed. He doesn't stop Sam though, he allows him to lace their fingers together. 

"You keep saying that, "don't tempt me", but temptation implies this is wrong. It's not _wrong._ Maybe it wouldn't be smart for us to have sex right now, but why can't we touch?" Sam wants Gabriel to look at him but his face is still turned toward the sky. 

"It wasn't very long ago that you thought this was wrong, remember?" Gabriel finally looks over at Sam. 

"Ok, wait a second. You told me a few weeks ago that I can't throw things in your face, right?" 

Gabriel nods. 

"Then don't do it to me. Maybe you accepted this faster, maybe you didn't get pissed or angry, but I did. I can't help my reaction, but I'm getting past it, don't throw it back in my face, Gabe." 

Gabriel looks down at their hands. 

Sam said all of that and didn't pull away, he held on to Gabriel's hand. 

Gabriel squeezes Sam's fingers between his. He meets Sam's eyes again and nods.

"Deal," he says. He looks back at the stars.

"For the record I'd like to say I think it's a very good idea for us to have sex." Sam says, blushing. 

Gabriel laughs loudly. "How the hell am I the voice of reason here, kiddo? Did we swap roles or something?" 

"I don't know, you think there's any way I'll get lucky on the first date? This is technically our first date, ya know," Sam says. 

"I suck at smart and sensible, I'm going to come to my senses eventually and you're going to regret teasing me like this. I promise." Gabriel smiles. 

Sam looks at the sky. He takes a deep breath and let's it out. 

"Man it's nice to be out of the bunker, isn't it? I was feeling so closed up, like I was trapped, I couldn't hardly breathe anymore. Even getting out to run didn't help, probably because you weren't with me. You should come with me when I run." He looks at Gabriel. 

Gabriel looks over Sam's face for a second and nods. 

"Come... Take me out of this dull house. Let me have all the freedom I have lost... For I would ride with you upon the wind, run on the top of the disheveled tide, dance upon the mountains like a flame." 

Sam's mouth opens a little, just sort of falls open in an o. He can't help it, the words are so beautiful, and fitting. They match what he's feeling exactly.

"Who wrote that, I don't recognize it," Sam finally says softly. 

"Yeats," Gabriel says. 

"You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now." Sam watches Gabriel's reaction to these words. 

The angel closes his eyes tightly. He sits up, pulling his hand away from Sam. He looks down at his hands as Sam watches his back.

"Yeah, I do, Sam. I know because I want it too. The last time I told you we'd go as fast or as slow as you wanted and we went pretty damn fast, right? Look how well that went. I don't want to mess this up again. I'm terrified I'll mess it up, I fuck everything up." 

Sam sits up. "I kno-" 

Gabriel touches his thigh and cuts him off. "No, I'm not done. Everything is going to be your choice from here on out, you call the shots. Okay? I don't care what we do, where we go, it's your choice, I just want to be _with_ you." 

Sam looks at Gabriel. He knows Gabriel thinks he's doing the right thing, but the angel doesn't seem to understand that what he's saying isn't what any normal person would want. 

"What?" Sam says after a minute. "I don't want that. I mean I want choices, yeah, most people would, but I don't want to make _every_ decision. You don't want that either. Do you really wanna live like that?" 

Gabriel sits quietly. He looks from Sam to his hands. He finally slides off the tailgate and moves away. He gets about halfway up the bed of the truck, walking towards the cab when he turns back to Sam. 

"Can we just go back?" 

Sam stares at him. _What the fuck is even happening?_

"Did I say something wrong?" Sam asks. 

Gabriel shakes his head. "No, I did. I always do." 

Sam stands and turns toward Gabriel. "No you didn't, Gabe, what the hell are you talking about?" 

Gabriel is gone. Sam feels that aching pull, like he's a fish on a hook again. _God dammit._ He slams the tailgate up and gets in the cab. Gabriel better hope he's in the bunker or there'll be hell to pay. 

Sam knows Gabriel is there closer he gets. The further he drives in the direction of the bunker the easier it is to breathe. The ache lessens. The drive gives him time to cool off. He's going to figure this out. Tonight. 

He pulls in and walks in calmly. Gabriel is nowhere to be seen. Sam wanders around, finally going to his room, Gabriel isn't there either. He stands in the middle of the room. 

"Gabe, I wanna talk to you, please?"

Gabriel appears in front of him.

"You ready to talk?" Sam asks. 

Gabriel looks at him. "We can try, but you're probably going to end up pissed." 

Sam shakes his head and paces back and forth. Where should he even start? With tonight? No, they need to get into the original issue, where this started. 

"You know why I think I've been so pissed off this whole time?" He turns and faces Gabriel running his hand through his hair. 

"I know, Sam, choice, lies, omissions, I understand. You don't have to explain it to me, kiddo," Gabriel says. 

"Yeah, that stuff, what happened between us was part of it. You not telling me when you found out. I can almost understanding that now though, why you didn't want to tell me. But the bigger part of it is that choice thing. Having a choice in who I'm with. I just, I always thought that I'd at least get to choose who I _love_ , ya know? I always imagined that would be my biggest most important choice, and they took that away..." 

Gabriel sits down on the bed, looking at his hands. In some small way Sam just said he loves him, it wasn't direct, but it was there, and this sure as hell isn't the way Gabriel thought he'd feel when Sam said those words. In the same breath Sam said Gabriel isn't what he wants. He wouldn't _choose_ to love him, if he'd had a choice. Gabriel shouldn't be surprised, no one has ever chosen him.

"I'm so sorry. None of this is fair, it's not." He looks up at Sam, tears threatening to spill over. "I know I'm no prize, I wouldn't want me either, but if it's any consolation I'd choose you. Out of everyone and everything in the world I'd choose you a hundred times over, every single time." Gabriel hangs his head down. 

_Dammit,_ Sam thinks, _he took my words wrong._

Sam leans over and puts his hands on Gabriel's knees, he rests his weight on them as he kneels down in front of the angel. He touches Gabriel's chin, slides his hands up his face, pulling it up to meet his eyes.

"Hey, you're not the only one who says things wrong sometimes, I just stuck my foot in my mouth. You're not a consolation, okay? You're better than that. You're the jackpot, anyone would be lucky to have you. _I'm lucky_ , even though I've been too blind to see it. You know what I think?" Sam rubs his thumbs over Gabriel's cheekbones, brushing the tears away. "I think the sisters knew we were right for each other when they did this. They knew we'd _both_ choose each other, eventually. They just sped things up. That's what I believe, okay? I believe that we're _choosing each other."_

Gabriel closes his eyes.

Sam kisses him lightly on the cheek. "I'm going to love you because I choose too," he kisses his other cheek, "and because I want to," he kisses his nose, "and because I _need_ you." 

Gabriel closes his eyes tighter.

"Gabe? Will you look at me, please?" Sam says. 

Gabriel shakes his head no. 

"Why not?" Sam keeps touching Gabriel's face, his thumbs lightly rubbing back and forth, wiping the tears away. 

"Because I'm having trouble believing this is real again, kid, and I _really_ want to believe it. I want it to be real so much. I want to believe you just said you love me, but if I open my eyes and you're not there I'll go insane, I know I will." More tears spill over, hot on his cheeks, Sam's thumbs push them away. 

"It's real," Sam whispers against his lips, "it's real. I love you, I do. I love you, Gabriel, please look at me, I want to see your eyes, _please_." Sam is begging, his voice shaking. 

Gabriel slowly opens his eyes, Sam just centimeters away. Sam is crying too, those hazel eyes standing full of tears. 

"Don't do this, Sam," Gabriel whispers, he sees confusion in Sam's eyes, "don't do it if you're not ready. You can't take it back, I can't go back again. Are you sure?" 

Sam smiles a little and nods, and then he presses his mouth to Gabriel's. Sam kisses him, hot and needy, both of them crying. 

Gabriel sobs. His hands immediately on Sam's face, in his hair. He pushes toward Sam, pushing into the kiss harder. 

The angel pulls back a little. "Are you sure? Tell me you're sure," he kisses Sam again before he can answer. 

Sam pulls back. "I'm sure, I love you, I'm sure." He kisses Gabriel but the angel pulls away. 

"Say it again," he looks at Sam, "please." 

Sam stares back into those golden eyes. "I love you." 

"I love you too," Gabriel says, "so much." 

They don't kiss, they just look at each other, touching the others face. Sam is trying to keep himself in check, he can tell Gabriel is overwhelmed right now. Emotion is high and Gabriel is trying to take this in. So is Sam. 

"I'm going to ask you one thing, kiddo. I'm an idiot, I am, but I have to." Gabriel shakes his head. 

"No you're not, Gabe." 

"You don't know what I'm asking yet." 

Sam smiles. "True." 

"Wait until tomorrow. This will still be here, I'm not going anywhere. When we're together it's so strong, it's not normal. It ties us up in knots, we get so tangled up in it. Just give yourself one night, wake up in the morning and make sure you're still ready. Don't do something you'll regret, we don't have to go so fast. We have time." 

Sam studies Gabriel's face. This is important to the angel, and if the roles were reversed it would be important to Sam too. He'd want to make sure Gabriel was ready to move forward. 

"We're both idiots," Sam says, leaning his head against Gabriel's. 

"Is that a yes?" 

Sam nods. "But you're not leaving. I'm not letting you go. I'm not going to be lonely tonight, I'm not watching you walk out of this room. I'm gonna sleep with you up against me, we can leave all our clothes on I don't care. Don't leave me tonight, please?" 

Another tear slips down Gabriel's cheek, he nods at Sam.

"Stop crying, I'm right here," Sam whispers, "we're right here," 

"I can't help it, Sam." 

"Come on, lay down." Sam stands and strips down to a white undershirt. He kicks his shoes off and lays on the bed. 

Gabriel does the same, laying next to Sam. 

"Roll over," Sam says. 

Gabriel turns away and Sam presses himself to the angel's back, fitting them together. Sam wraps his arm tightly around Gabriel and presses his nose into Gabriel's hair, breathing him in. He's missed this so much, he almost feels whole. It's happening so fast again, he's letting it though. The fight has been wrung out of him, time always does that. It wears the demons out and they lose. 

Sam is hard as a rock, trying to ignore the urge to grind against the angel. Gabriel asked for one night, Sam is going to give him that. He tightens his arm. 

"I'm not gonna sleep," Sam whispers into Gabriel's hair. 

"I can make you sleep," Gabriel says softly. 

"Probably the only way I'm going to survive until tomorrow." 

Sam feels Gabriel touch his upper arm. Sleep slides over him. 

Sam wakes to the feeling of Gabriel brushing his fingers back and forth over his knuckles. Sam's arm is still loosely wrapped around Gabriel, his hand resting right below his ribs. Sam smiles and shifts a little. 

"Sorry I woke you," Gabriel says softly, "I love your hands."

"I love it when you do that." Sam stretches his legs out and sighs. 

"Just nervous energy." Gabriel's fingers slide back and forth again.

"Why are you nervous?" 

"I'm always nervous, I'm always about to mess something up." Gabriel's fingers move back and forth. 

Sam slides his arm lower, around Gabriel's waist, he tightens it like a vice. 

"Is it tomorrow yet?" He buries his face in the soft hair, kissing the base of Gabriel's neck.

"Yes," Gabriel runs his hand down Sam's forearm, "you sure you're ready for this?"

"I'm ready," Sam kisses Gabriel's neck again, "are you?"

"Yeah, I am. And I'm done being the voice of reason, you're going to have to take over that job, Sam." Gabriel pushes his ass back against Sam. 

"I'll get right on that in a few days." Sam grinds his hips. "First I wanna do everything we've talked about. I've got a list.."

"That might take weeks, kiddo." 

"I'm willing to risk it," Sam slides his hand under Gabriel's shirt, "Mmmmmm..." 

"Are you telling me we might go weeks without anyone being sensible?"

"MmmHmm," Sam puts his palm flat on Gabriel's stomach and holds him in place, grinding hard against him. 

"This idea is growing on me." 

Sam's hand slides down, rubbing over the outline of Gabriel's hard cock in his pants. 

"Something is growing alright," Sam says.

"If it grows anymore it's gonna explode." Gabriel wraps his hand over Sam's and presses it tight against his hard on. 

"Would you shut up," Sam lightly bites the back of Gabriel's shoulder. 

"Nah, I know you like my voice, kid. I got your number, I'm gonna use it." 

"You're such an asshole." Sam squeezes his hand. 

"You know me so well." 

Sam laughs a little. He makes a frustrated groan. "Why do we have all these clothes on?" 

"Now _that_ is an excellent question, we need to rectify that problem immediately." 

Sam rolls away and stands while Gabriel rolls to his back. Gabriel watches Sam pull his white undershirt off, he follows Sam's hands as they unbutton his jeans and push them down. Gabriel doesn't move. 

"Man, my father did bless you with one hell of a body," Gabriel says, eyes roaming over Sam. 

"Yeah, well, I'm in better shape than usual. I've had a lot of frustration to try and work out." Sam crosses his arms. "Why am I naked and you're still dressed? That's not how this works."

"I know how this works, Samsquatch," Gabriel slides out of bed and stands in front of Sam, "see, you like my voice, and I like your _hands_." He runs his fingers across the back of Sam's knuckles. "And now you're going to use those hands to take all these clothes off. That's how it works." 

Sam smiles down at him. "Oh I see, so this is a little game?" He takes his hands and skims them up Gabriel's stomach, pulling his shirt up. 

"No, it's not a game. I think this time, this first time we're together again, we should take our time and make sure we get what we want. So tell me what you want." Gabriel's eyes catch the light. "Anything in particular you want to hear?" 

Sam tugs the shirt up and off. He runs his palms across the tops of Gabriel's shoulders, watching him close his eyes at the touch. He unbuckles Gabriel's belt and pulls it out, it makes that distinct fabric against leather sound. 

"Yeah, there's something I want to hear, but it's not you talking." 

Gabriel opens his eyes. "Well this sounds interesting, what is it?" 

"I want to hear that sound you make." He unbuttons Gabriel's pants and slides his fingers inside the waist. "You know the one." He traces his fingertips across the angel's stomach. "The low growling sound when you make when come." He unzips the pants and leans down, pushing them to the floor. As he stands he stops and leans in beside Gabriel's face. "I want to hear that sound right in my ear." 

Sam rubs his hands around Gabriel's lower back, feeling skin, gripping his ass. He pulls the angel in tight to him. He leans down, kissing him, slow and long.

Gabriel reaches up and touches Sam's face. He slides his hands back through Sam's hair. He pulls a little, leaning into Sam. He makes a soft sighing sound. 

Sam let's one hand wander up Gabriel's back. He pushes it into the hair on the back of his neck, cradling Gabriel's head in his big hand. Sam turns and sits, pulling Gabriel down with him. He lays back on the bed, putting Gabriel on top of him. Sam's hands push at Gabriel's skin, moving over his back and thighs. 

Gabriel nips at Sam's neck, moving down to lap his tongue over Sam's nipples. He reaches between them and wraps his hand around Sam's cock. 

"God, I was stupid," Sam says, "why did I ever fight this? What sane person would fight this?" 

Sam twists his hands in Gabriel's hair. Gabriel is sliding lower. 

"You're not stupid, Sam. You're strong. I've never known someone so strong. I'm stupid, I'll never be stupid like that again." Gabriel licks his tongue over the tip of Sam's cock. "Actually, in the interest of honesty here I'm going to tell you that I _will_ be stupid like that again. I always say that and I always do something stupid, so prepare yourself." 

Sam looks down at Gabriel and laughs. "Yeah, well, I always say I'm not gonna get mad again, I'm not gonna lose my temper, but I do. So prepare yourself for _that_." 

Gabriel slides his mouth down Sam's cock. 

"Jesus, fuck," Sam curses and drops his head back. He can't control the instinct to thrust and he pushes up towards Gabriel's face. 

Gabriel wraps his arms under Sam's hips, holding him up off the bed. It takes away any movement Sam would have, and Gabriel pushes Sam deep down his throat. 

Sam's hands fist over his eyes and he groans from behind gritted teeth. 

"God that's good, that feels so damn good," Sam says. "Get up here, Gabe." 

Gabriel pulls his mouth off. "I just got started," He lowers his mouth onto Sam again. 

"I know but I wanna touch you." Sam slides his fingers through Gabriel's hair. 

Gabriel gradually lowers Sam's hips back onto the bed, going slow to give himself a little extra time to torture Sam with his mouth. Sam writhes and bucks his hips as Gabriel allows him movement again, and then Gabriel slides his mouth off and climbs up Sam's body. 

Sam moves his hands over every inch of Gabriel he can reach, his hands pushing and pulling at skin. He grinds himself against Gabriel's cock, both of them gasping. He grips the thick hardness of Gabriel in his hand. 

Sam's emotions are running him over again, just like that night in the Impala. Only this time he can say it, he can tell Gabriel what he's feeling. 

Gabriel is biting and sucking hard on Sam's neck, no doubt leaving bruises, but Sam doesn't care. Gabriel is thrusting into Sam's hand and Sam feels hot precome in his palm. Sam's other arm is latched around Gabriel's back. Sam holds him there and rolls the angel, so Sam is on top of him. 

Sam puts his hands on the bed and pushes up, raising himself over Gabriel so he's looking down at him. 

Gabriel meets his gaze. The angel's eyes are hooded, half closed, his pupils blown. He looks up at Sam with desire on his face, his hands sliding up and down the muscles in Sam's arms. 

"I love you," Sam says softly. 

Gabriel smiles, his dimples showing for a second. He touches Sam's face with one hand, watching Sam close his eyes and move toward the touch. "I love you too." 

"I want you so much," Sam whispers, his eyes still closed. 

"What are you waiting for?" 

Sam opens his eyes again. He feels Gabriel's hand, slick and hot, slide up and down his shaft. It's all he can do to keep his eyes open, keep looking at Gabriel. He feels Gabriel's arm around his back, pulling Sam's lower body down, until he's lined up just right. 

Gabriel rubs the head over Sam's cock over his hole, slicking himself. He lets Sam push in a little. 

Sam watches the angel's eyes close as he slowly sinks into him, and then finally Sam can't keep his eyes open either. It's too much, the tight heat, he has to just feel it for a minute. He stops, holding his breath, waiting for Gabriel to adjust. 

"Sam," Gabriel says. 

Sam opens his eyes but Gabriel isn't looking at him. The angel still has his eyes closed. His mouth is open, his eyes a little tight. Sam watches his mouth fall open more as he pulls out and pushes back in. 

"You feel so good," Gabriel whispers. His hands move to Sam's ribs, gripping him tight on the sides. 

Sam can't think enough to form words right now, he moans. Nothing compares to this feeling, there's nothing he could do with his hand that would come close to this. It's like two different worlds of sensation. Sam swears he feels something inside him ease, like an ache that's soothed, some tension uncoiling. 

He moves in Gabriel, his hips taking over because his brain won't function. He's nothing but instinct right now, pure desire. He ruts into Gabriel. 

He feels Gabriel moving after a few minutes and some sense returns. He opens his eyes to see Gabriel watching him. The angel is panting, raising his hips in an effort to keep Sam hitting that sweet spot inside him. He's starting to make soft whining sounds. 

Sam wraps his arm under Gabriel and pulls him up higher, slowly stroking over that spot inside. He hears that low growl starting. He puts his head down by Gabriel's mouth. 

"Come on, baby, give it to me," Sam slides hard over that spot, "let me hear it." He speeds up, gradually, pushing on that spot inside Gabriel over and over. 

Gabriel's hands are slipping on his sides, trying to hold on. His head is pushing back. He's taking little huffs of air, that sound growing louder and he gets closer. 

Sam is riding the edge, he's holding on, using everything he knows to do to keep from slipping over. He steadies his breathing, he concentrates on Gabriel, he watches the signs. The angel is _right there._

"Come on," Sam slides his cock over that spot again, "let it go," again, "come for me," again, "wanna hear it," again, "that's so fucking good." 

Gabriel turns his head towards Sam's ear, letting out that guttural growl. Sam feels hot slickness coat his stomach. He almost comes, _almost_ , but he manages to hold on. He slows down, letting Gabriel ride it out, until Sam is barely moving in him. He waits on Gabriel's to catch his breath. 

"Did you get off?" Gabriel finally asks. 

"No," Sam says, kissing his neck, "not yet." 

"Oh shit," Gabriel breathes, "I've created a monster."

Sam laughs softly against his neck, barely moving his hips in and out, just short shallow movements. "I've always been a monster."

Gabriel runs his hands through Sam's hair. "You're not a monster, you never were." 

"I am," Sam meets those gold eyes, "I'm your monster, and you're my angel." 

"Sam," Gabriel says. 

He says Sam's name like a prayer, and then he presses a kiss to Sam's mouth. 

Sam pushes in again and Gabriel pants, he's still sensitive. The wetness between them is getting sticky. 

"Turn over." Sam pulls back, sitting on his knees. 

Gabriel flips and Sam grabs his hips and pulls him back. He doesn't hesitate or wait, he pushes inside, deep and slow. He closes his eyes again, just feeling. 

"Oh fuck," Gabriel groans. 

"Yeah," Sam breathes, "you gonna be able to come again?" He slams into Gabriel again. He opens his eyes and sees Gabriel nod into the pillow. 

"You could fuck me a hundred times and I'd get off every time," Sam slams home, "ohhh..." Gabriel moans out. 

"I could fuck you a hundred times in a row too," Sam drives in hard, "mmmm, never get tired of that, Goddamn." 

Something about this position, the angle, gripping Gabriel's ass tight in his hands, it's too much. Sam is trying not to come as he works up a rhythm. Gabriel starts pushing back to meet him. Sam has to wrap his arm around Gabriel's waist to stop him. 

"Don't, don't you move," Sam says, "gonna make me come, I wanna last." 

Sam hears the sheet ripping. "Fucking kill me, Sam," Gabriel mumbles, "that big fucking cock, fuck me, harder." 

"You talk like that, that's hot as fuck, Gabe. Dammit." Sam slams in again. 

"You want me to talk? Ohhh fuuuuck..." Gabriel tries to lift up and Sam slams in so hard in pushes him back down. 

"Yeah, talk, yes, yes," Sam is sweating, grunting and fucking Gabriel with everything he's got. 

"Come on, fill me up, yeah," Gabriel gasps, "uhhh, tearin me up with that big dick, fuck, that fucking perfect cock, yes, fuck me," he grabs his own cock and starts jerking. "Come for me, fill me up, ohhhh..."

Sam can't take anymore, he tumbles over the edge, his hips losing their rhythm. His gut tightens, his thighs shaking, he hears Gabriel making that growling moan. Sam is lost, he comes so hard, long and hard, he sees stars he closes his eyes so tight. He feels that coil inside him loosening more as he slows and stops. He listens to Gabriel breathe. Sam wipes sweat off his face. He feels lighter, easier, sleepy. 

He slides out of Gabriel and lays on his side. "That is not normal. How did I not notice that before?" 

"You did, you just didn't ask right away," Gabriel says rolling to face him. 

Sam smiles a little. "That's true. I knew it was fast, it was so strong. I thought I was going crazy, I tried to deny it." 

Gabriel nods a little. 

"Now I know why Dean and Cas couldn't keep their hands off each other. I'm surprised they didn't dump me on the side of the road." 

Gabriel laughs at that, looking back at Sam. Sam can tell he's staring at his dimples. 

"Is it always like this for people with lifelines? This strong?" 

Gabriel shrugs. "I don't know. I never paid attention. As far as I know there's never been another angel tethered to a human this way, except for our brothers." 

"It's interesting," Sam says. 

"It is. Dean said something that night after you summoned the Fates. He said I only hated them because you wouldn't accept it, and he was right. I'll have to tell him that, he'll get all smug about it I'm sure. But I think I'd actually thank them if they were here right now." 

Sam studies Gabriel, looking over his face. "So would I," he finally says. 

"O, I am fortune's fool..." Gabriel whispers to Sam. 

"Romeo and Juliet?" 

Gabriel nods. 

"Shakespeare did love the theme of fate." Sam thinks about this for a second. "Did he know them?" 

Gabriel grins a little. "I hope so. He painted a nasty picture of them, I'm not sure if love is the right word, he may have loved the theme but if he knew them he didn't love _them_ , ya know?" 

"What do you mean? He painted a picture of the Fates?" Sam raises his head and rests it on his arm, thinking.

"The sisters, in Macbeth. He calls them weird over and over, did you not put that together?" 

"The witches?" 

Gabriel sits up and faces Sam. "See, he only calls them witches once, he calls them weird a lot more. The word weird comes from Old English "wyrd", which means..." Gabriel gestures to Sam. 

It dawns on Sam, how had he never put this together? It's a translation error, as the language evolved the meaning of the word changed as well. 

"Wyrd means Fate," Sam says, his eyes wide. 

"Exactly. You're so hot when you're smart." Gabriel winks and continues.

"So, continuing our literature discussion, Professor Winchester, how did Banquo describe them?

_What are these,_  
_So wither'd and so wild in their attire,_  
_That look not like inhabitants o' the earth,_  
_And yet are on't? Live you? Or are you aught_  
_That man may question? You seem to understand me,_  
_By each at once her choppy finger laying upon her skinny lips._  
_You should be women,_  
_And yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so..." ___

Gabriel pauses his recital, giving Sam time to process. He smiles.

"He basically calls them dumb, withered and ugly, they don't look human, and he gave them _beards_ , Sam. Can you imagine how outraged they probably were?" Gabriel is laughing. "Oh, Shakespeare, he is a hero of mine. I want to believe he actually knew them, I hope he did." 

Sam laughs then, just a chuckle at first, but the more he thinks about it the funnier it strikes him. Eventually he's laughing out loud at the thought of Shakespeare bent over a desk, quill in hand, pondering the most offensive description of the Fates he can come up with. It's just classic. 

As he settles back and as his laughter fades he can feel Gabriel staring at him. It feels like he's staring at Sam's soul, and he probably is. It feels exposing. Sam closes his eyes. 

"I love it when you laugh like that," Gabriel tells him softly. 

"What color is my soul when I laugh?" Sam keeps his eyes closed and waits for an answer, but Gabriel doesn't give him one. He finally looks at the angel, he sees a softness in his eyes, he looks gentle, relaxed. For the first time in a long time Gabriel looks relaxed.

"Purple. There's purple right here," Gabriel touches Sam's chest gently, "it's my favorite, that color when you laugh." 

"Is there anything wrong with my soul?" Sam watches Gabriel closely, gauging his reaction to the question. 

He can see Gabriel's guard go up, that tenseness returning. Sam can't help it, he's wanted to ask this since that day he was working out. He didn't have the guts that day, he'd walked out of the room when he got irritated with himself over struggling with the words. He can ask it now, he trusts Gabriel to be honest with him.

"What do you mean?" Gabriel asks.

"Well, my soul was in the cage for a long time. I know it didn't come out unscathed, I went insane after they put it back in. I wondered if it's still damaged." 

Gabriel's looks at Sam with that intense eye contact that makes him squirm. 

"It has some," Gabriel looks away and then looks angry for a second, he looks at Sam again, "there's a few spots. It's not damaged, it's all healed. It's more like..." He trails off, his brows furrowing as he thinks. 

"Gabe," Sam starts to speak and Gabriel looks at him seriously. The angel shakes his head no, so Sam stops and waits. 

"I don't know how to describe it. I guess they're like scars. Places that healed, like a scar." Gabriel looks at his hands. 

"What color are they?" 

"Gray," Gabriel says to his hands, "they're a faint gray." 

Sam looks up at the ceiling. "I knew that somehow. When I have nightmares they're always gray." 

Gabriel moves towards Sam, laying alongside him. He touches Sam's stomach, his palm sliding around him. 

"You have nightmares?" he says against the curve of Sam's shoulder.

"Yeah, I used to a lot. I haven't had one in a long time. They were always gray, just endless gray, and I could hear Lucifer laugh. I remember his laugh from when he was inside my head." Sam feels goosebumps stand out all over his body. "That laugh was so loud in my dreams." 

"I'm so angry at him," Gabriel says. "I've stopped trying to figure out what happened to him, what went wrong, now I'm just angry." 

Sam nods. He moves and slides his arm under Gabriel, pulling him closer. He rubs his hand up and down the angel's back. 

"Yeah, I get that." If anyone understands anger it's Sam. "I'm sorry. He should have gone after you." 

"I'm not angry at him for that, I got over that a long time ago. I'm angry at him for what he did to you." 

Sam tightens his arm and kisses the top of Gabriel's head. 

They spend the next few days like this, not leaving Sam's bedroom, wrapped up in each other. Talking, laughing, bickering over stupid things and then making up. 

Gabriel snaps up food for Sam. They eat candy, well Gabriel eats more candy than Sam, but Sam indulges. Sam sleeps and Gabriel watches him. As the days go on Sam tries to explain why there are things he wants to do, instead of Gabriel just snapping them up or fixing it. He wants to exercise. He wants to shower.

Sam really _wants_ a shower. Gabriel can't understand why. 

He follows Sam to the bathroom, determined to prove to Sam that this isn't necessary. He can make Sam feel just as clean by touching him. Why spend all that time standing under a stream of water when they can just stay in bed? He watches for less than two minutes before he says, "ok, I get it now," and he steps under the water, sliding his hands over wet soapy skin, wrapping Sam in his arms. 

They start wandering out of Sam's room. Sam to work out and Gabriel to roam. He needs to occupy his mind or he'll get bored, which leads to trouble. 

Gabriel is standing in the library one afternoon, flipping through old books for something interesting to read. For as big as the bunker is the selection of books is horrible. It's all nonfiction, facts and lore. Who wants to read that? 

Sam strolls in. He's barefoot, just out of the shower. His white t-shirt sticking to his damp shoulders. His hair is dripping water, he's wearing loose sweatpants. Gabriel wants to eat him alive. 

"You showered without me?" Gabriel pouts. 

"Yeah, sorry. I really stunk after my workout. I didn't figure you'd want to smell me." 

"You never stink, Sam. You smell like you, just stronger." Gabriel turns back to the shelves, pulling out a particularly old book. 

"Yeah, well, it was definitely strong today." 

Gabriel chuckles a little, looking down at the book in his hand. He turns a page. This one's boring too. He slides it back. 

"For having such a huge library the content really sucks," Gabriel says. He moves across the room and climbs up the rolling ladder, inspecting a higher shelf. 

"Dean said that too when we first moved in. He always complained there wasn't enough porn." 

Gabriel laughs. "Doubt he's worried about that since he's got Cassy." He turns partially, grinning down at Sam. "Do you think he's into gay porn now?" 

Sam makes a disgusted face. "I don't know," he shakes his head, "I don't care."

"Are you?" Gabriel turns fully on the ladder. He's about halfway up, standing backwards. He crosses his arms and watches Sam, grinning like a Cheshire Cat. 

"Am I what, into gay porn?" Sam walks towards him. 

Gabriel nods. 

"I don't know," Sam stops below Gabriel, his hands on his hips, looking up, "no, I don't think so. I don't think about porn at all really, I just think about you." 

"Oh ho ho, Sammich, you smooth talker," Gabriel steps down a rung on the ladder. "You gonna wine me and dine me too?" 

"Shut up," Sam puts his hands on the sides of the ladder. His face is about even with Gabriel's shins. "Why are you even up there, can't you just snap your fingers and have whatever book you want?" 

Gabriel sighs, looking around at the shelves stacked full of leather bound books. He takes another step down.

"I think you're rubbing off on me. Climbing ladders, taking showers, oh the _humanity_." He looks back at Sam and steps down another rung. "The Men of Letters must have been really _boring_." 

Sam rolls the ladder back and forth a foot or two. 

"You think everything's boring." 

One more step down, Sam is about even with his thighs now. 

"Not you, I don't think you're boring." Gabriel watches Sam look up at him, he stops moving the ladder.

"Now who's the smooth talker," Sam chuckles. 

"One of the nicer things I've been called, I gotta say." 

Sam moves his hands to the rung where Gabriel's knees are, his forearms touching the angel's legs. 

"You gonna catch me if I fall?" Gabriel asks. 

"You can fly." 

"Details, Sam." 

Gabriel watches Sam reach up and unsnap his pants. He feels Sam's fingers grip the zipper and tug it down. Sam bites his lip and he pulls back and forth on the fabric covering Gabriel's thighs, until Gabriel's erection finally moves free. 

Gabriel steps down one last rung. Sam's face is lined up perfectly. 

"I'll be spending a lot more time in this library if this is the kind of service it offers its patrons," Gabriel says. 

"Yeah, I bet you will." Sam kisses each hip, across Gabriel's stomach. He massages his thighs, using his strong hands to wrap around Gabriel's legs. He nips at the sensitive skin where Gabriel's leg meets his groin.

Gabriel watches, looking down, his arms still crossed. Sam lightly touches his tongue to the tip of Gabriel's cock, catching a drop of precome. Sam puts his nose against Gabriel's stomach, kissing him, smelling him, and Gabriel finally uncrosses his arms and puts his hands on Sam's head. 

Sam slides his mouth down over Gabriel's cock. 

"Damn," Gabriel says, his voice is low. 

Sam sucks hard on the head of Gabriel's dick, just how he likes it. Gabriel feels that weakness in his knees, it happens every time. It's like Sam sucks so hard he pulls the strength from Gabriel's legs. 

Gabriel holds Sam's head and thrusts into his mouth. He feels Sam's hands slide up his thighs to his ass, Sam pulls him forward, pushing Gabriel further down his throat.

"Your mouth," Gabriel fists his hands, "so good." 

Sam squeezes Gabriel's ass. Gabriel feels Sam press himself forward, wanting friction to grind against. 

"You gonna fuck me, Sam? Right here in the library? You gonna fuck me up against these books? Huh?" 

He feels Sam suck hard, his hands moving aggressively over Gabriel's ass and thighs. Sam's hands twisting in his skin, pulling and gripping. 

Gabriel keeps talking. 

"You like that idea? Fuck me hard, push me up against these old books, hard and hot and fast." Gabriel moans as Sam swirls his tongue. "Come on," 

Sam pulls off for a second. "Shut up, I can't think when you talk like that," Sam lowers his mouth over Gabriel again. 

"I don't want you to think, I want you to feel. I wanna feel you, oh fuck," Gabriel pulls Sam's hair, "wanna feel you fuck me with that perfect cock, come on, don't make me beg." 

Sam growls in frustration, he sucks hard one more time, helping support Gabriel as his knees go weak. Sam moves back and yanks Gabriel's pants roughly down his legs, almost pulling him off the ladder. He holds Gabriel steady as he pulls one foot out of the pants and steps down a few rungs. 

When Gabriel gets the right height Sam slips his hands under Gabriel's arms and lifts him. Sam has already untied his pants and pushed them below his rock hard cock. He kicks the ladder and it rolls away, crashing into the wall. Sam pushes Gabriel back against the shelves of books and pins him, holding him up. 

"So fucking strong," Gabriel kisses Sam and he moans in frustration. He uses his mind to slick Sam's cock with lube and pulls back from the kiss. "Come on, I'm ready." 

Sam shoves in hard and Gabriel hears Sam take a deep breath. Gabriel's hands clench, fisting in Sam's shirt. He grips Sam's shoulders and holds on as Sam sets a fast pace. 

Sam is lost, he's running on desire. His face tucked into Gabriel's neck, nipping at Gabriel's skin, hips snapping up. He's not hearing or seeing anything, he's just feeling. 

Gabriel hears a door. The door to the bunker. _Oh no. No. No. No._ Once Gabriel recognizes the sound of the door he knows it's Dean and Cas.

Sam isn't aware of them entering the bunker. The thought wouldn't have crossed Sam's mind, their brothers have been gone almost a month. They didn't know they were coming back, Cas hadn't bothered to tell Gabriel and Dean hasn't called in days.

"Sam," Gabriel says, trying to get his attention. He knows Sam would want to stop. It doesn't phase Sam, and like it or not Gabriel is going to come soon. Dan and Cas be damned, that cock of Sam's puts him in ecstasy. 

He tries again, "Sam," he touches Sam's head. 

Sam grunts and bites his neck again. "Oh shit," Gabriel says. 

Dean is close. Cas is trying to catch him. Cas has figured out what's happening in the library and he's trying to intercept. Dean is headed right for them. 

Cas jumps to Dean's side. He pulls on Dean's arm, Gabriel hears all this even though he's about to come, he's almost there. 

"Sam, shit, _Sam listen_ ," Gabriel can't stop the growling sound from escaping his throat. 

Sam is fucking him hard, so hard, and Sam's breath is huffing in and out fast and hot on Gabriel's neck. 

"Dean!" Cas says loudly. Dean isn't listening, he's mad at Cas or something, trying to get away from him. "Dean, stop!" 

Sam suddenly registers that voice. He goes very still. He doesn't have time to even set Gabriel down. 

Dean's boots hit the floor in the library. 

"What the..." Dean's voice isn't loud or angry, he just sounds astonished. 

Gabriel is hidden behind Sam's wide shoulders, and Sam has his back to Dean. Neither can see Dean's face, and neither tries. There's only a few seconds of silence but they seem to go on for an eternity. 

"DAMMIT SAM!" Dean suddenly bellows. 

"Set me down," Gabriel says. 

As soon as Gabriel's feet hit the floor he snaps them to Sam's room. He should have thought of that when Dean was approaching, but his brain was frazzled with sex. 

"Shit." Sam looks like a deer in the headlights, his eyes huge. "What the hell are they doing back?" 

"It sounded like they were fighting." Gabriel doesn't know what to do with himself. They're both still naked from the waist down. Is Sam done? Because Gabriel is not...

"You heard them?!" Sam is exasperated. "Why didn't you say something?" 

"I tried! You were distracted and I was pretty damn close to getting off and then you heard Cas and," Gabriel throws his hands up, "I don't know! It happened so fast!" 

Sam sits on the side of the bed, his head hanging down. 

"God, Dean is never gonna stop bitching about this." 

"Oh whatever. He'll get over it." Gabriel steps up to Sam. "Now, more importantly, are you done because I am most certainly _not_ done." 

Sam laughs, he looks up at Gabriel smiling. Just as he's about to speak there's a knock on the door. 

"Here we go," Sam says. He stands and fixes his clothes. He waits on Gabriel to do the same before he opens the door.

Cas is standing there. 

"Dean would like to speak to you both." 

"You playing messenger today, Cassy?" Gabriel crosses his arms. 

Cas doesn't reply. 

"Trouble in paradise?" Gabriel is cocky. 

Cas finally looks at his brother. "Nothing like the trouble you had. It will pass." He turns on his heel and strides down the hall, his coat blowing behind him. 

"Well," Gabriel says, "Sassy Cassy is in the house." 

"I think you hit a nerve." Sam looks over at Gabriel, his eyebrows raised. 

"Yeah well, probably gonna hit a lot more before this conversation is over."

Sam snickers and follows Cas, Gabriel behind him. 

Dean is still in the library. He's sitting on a couch waiting. Cas sits beside Dean and Gabriel and Sam sit on an opposite couch. 

Dean looks at them both. "I want that fixed." He points to the ladder. It's hanging sideways at the end of the room, one roller still connected at the top.

Gabriel snaps his fingers and it's in perfect working order.

"Ok," Dean starts," I don't want to think about what I saw _ever again_ , but we need to set rules since Cas and I are back. I'm not walking in on that shit any more. Got it?" 

Gabriel can already tell that Dean isn't in the right frame of mind for this conversation. He's irritated and short. Gabriel sits back and puts his arm on the back of the couch, behind Sam.

"First of all, none of that." Dean points at Gabriel.

Sam glances over at Gabriel. "Of what?"

"That," Dean waves his hand between Sam and Gabriel, "no public displays of affection."

"Excuse me? How long did I have to watch you and Cas make out?" Sam is immediately offended, he puts his hand on Gabriel's thigh just to piss Dean off.

Gabriel smirks.

"Anyway," Dean clears his throat and goes on, "no sex in common areas."

Gabriel leans forward, this isn't going to go well. 

"No, you hypocrite, need I remind you that you two had sex all over this place?"

Sam leans forward too. "WHAT?"

Gabriel looks at Sam. "Oh yeah. You were locked in your room for months and they did it _everywhere_."

"That's different, we were alone." Dean has the audacity to look smug.

"Like hell you were! I was here too. You guys had sex right over there, Cas bent you over that table." Gabriel points to a library table down and to their right. "I know why you called him a bull, I heard you two."

"GABRIEL!" Sam yells.

"What the fuck, were you watching us?" Dean is moving from irritation to anger.

"No I wasn't watching. I only watched you that one time in the car and you didn't even have sex." Gabriel shouldn't have said that last part, he knows it as soon as it's out of his mouth. 

"Do what?! When in the car? When did this happen?" Dean leans up, his voice raised.

"It doesn't matter, Dean, the point is you're yelling at us for something you yourself did," Sam is done with this, he's channeling some old brotherly resentment here obviously.

"They had sex in the kitchen too, Sam," Gabriel says, he's gonna make this situation worse. He's antagonizing but he doesn't care.

Sam closes his eyes. "Oh my god, I don't want to know this."

"How the hell do you know that?" Dean looks like he's about to punch Gabriel.

"Uh, because I can hear? I can hear at least a hundred mile radius. There's a couple three towns over having sex right now, you hear that Cas?"

Cas cocks his head, he nods. "She just yelled 'Paul'?" 

"That's them. So if I can hear _that_ , don't you think I'm gonna hear you tell Cas to wrap his pretty lips around your cock?"

"No, this isn't happening. No. Nope. I'm done. I don't need to know this." Sam is covering his ears like a child.

"Jesus Christ." Dean sits back. "Then how the hell did you not hear us coming home?"

"Little occupied, Deano, your brother was-"

"NO! Don't you say another word," Dean holds his finger up, cutting Gabriel off. 

Sam is humming to block out sound.

"Oh shut up, Sam, we're all adults here." Dean looks at Sam like he's a bratty two year old.

"Oh really, Dean? You wanna hear about how your brother just sucked my dick so hard my knees went weak? Or how he fucked me-" 

"God dammit, Gabe!" Dean yells

Cas squirms in his seat. "Gabriel, please, you're making Dean uncomfortable."

"Oh please, Cassy, don't chastise me. I know the dirty things you do with that pretty mouth. I heard you use the F word. " _Fuck me, Dean, please, harder_." I'm telling Dad, you're gonna be in so much trouble."

Cas Flames red. 

"What the fuck, you prick." Dean is seething.

Sam stands up. 'Ok, that's it, time out."

Cas stands too. "Yes, I think we need a break." 

Dean hangs his head down. "Sit down, Cas." 

"I'm not a dog, you can't give me commands," Cas says, anger flashing across his face. 

Dean looks up at Cas. "Yeah? Well I'm not a child so stop treating me like one!" 

"Come on, Gabe," Sam says softly.

Gabriel sits back to watch.

"I wouldn't treat you like a child if you didn't act like one." Cas crosses his arms. 

"I don't act like a child!"

" _Now_." Sam moves behind the couch and touches Gabriel's shoulder. He sighs loudly but doesn't move. 

"Gabriel, I swear to God I will carry you." Sam waits while Gabriel stands up. 

"You're no fun." Gabriel walks out of the library with Sam. 

"Sammy!" Dean yells just before they turn the corner.

Sam turns.

"We're not done, meet here in three hours and we'll finish this." 

Sam nods and walks away. 

Three hours later Gabriel is having a hissy fit.

"Gabe, you are not going. You'll just make it worse. This is no big deal, I'll agree to no sex in common areas and we'll get over it." 

Gabriel pouts. "But what about the weight room, you really liked it that one time, remember? On that arm thingy?" 

Sam smiles a little. "Yeah, that was fun." He stares off for a second. "We'll survive it. Hell we could skip out to wherever we wanted, right? We've never done that, we should try it." 

Sam steps closer and slides his hands around Gabriel's waist, leaning down to whisper in his ear, "Besides, rules are made to be broken."

"Oh, kiddo, now you're speaking my language." 

"Just stay here, okay? It'll go faster and there'll be less yelling if you just stay here." Sam kisses Gabriel's ear.

"Fine." Gabriel gives in, rolling his eyes. 

"Don't be mad at me, I'll make it up to you later..." 

Sam trails kisses around to Gabriel's mouth. 

"Now you're really speaking my language. Tell me how you'll make it up to me, don't keep me in suspense."

"Hmmm, let me think on that. I'll get back to you."

Gabriel whines and Sam pulls away. Sam starts to walk away and then turns back to Gabriel.

"Quick question though, if you're blindfolded can you still see?"

Gabriel is obviously taken aback by the question. His mouth opens and closes, his eyebrows raised in shock. 

"What? I... Why?" He finally manages. 

"Just answer the question. If I blindfold you to take you somewhere do you have some sixth sense that's gonna let you see anyway?" Sam waits a second, "How many senses do you even have?" 

"Well," Gabriel says, still confused, "more than you I guess. And, uh, yeah, yeah I guess I could still see. I could try to block it out though, how long are we talking?"

"Hour? I'm not saying anything else, I don't even know if that's what I'm planning yet, I'm just asking." 

"Okay, I am all kinds of curious about this one, Sam." 

Sam smiles and leaves to go meet Dean.


	13. Chapter 13

Sam wanders into the library, Dean is sitting exactly where he was a few hours before. Dean looks calmer now, relaxed. He watches Sam walk into the room, looking him over.

"You look good, Sammy," Dean says as Sam sits down. 

"Yeah, I feel good," Sam smiles.

"Getting laid will do that for ya." Dean laughs.

Sam nods. "Yeah, something like that. How was your trip?"

"Boring." 

This answer surprises Sam. "Really? With Cas? Figured you guys would stay busy."

"No Cas was fine. There's just nothing happening out there. You thought it was slow when we went on the road, you should see it now. You can't find a ghost for a thousand miles. It's scary." 

"Yeah, I been looking for a case and haven't found anything, it's bizarre right?" Sam asks. 

"You ready to work?" Dean asks.

"I'm good, Dean. I really am. Better than I've been in a long time. I was thinking about finding a case and seeing what Gabe thought about taking it but there's just _nothing_. So I guess we just sit here and stare at each other."

"Great. Sounds like Heaven," Dean says sarcastically, "how are things with you and Gabe? Can I call him Gabe, that against the rules?"

"Yes, shut up, Dean. They're good, it's fine now. I finally got my head together and it's," Sam pauses and smiles a little, "it's good." 

"So he's treating you right? I don't have to kick his ass?"

Sam laughs at this. "I've seen him lift weights, I'm pretty sure he could take you." 

"Yeah, whatever." Dean smirks. 

"What about you and Cas? Sensed some tension earlier." 

"What, that? That's nothing, just a regular Thursday for us. Half the time he's driving me crazy and the other half," Dean stops short, "the other half I wanna do _other_ stuff." 

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't need any details of your _other stuff_."

"Me neither, Sammy. I also didn't wanna see your bare ass while you're plowing an angel into the library wall when I walked in the door." Dean is laughing, he's not angry anymore.

"Whatever, Cas rode you right behind me while I was driving the Impala, remember? You think I wanted that burned in my brain?" Sam is laughing too.

"Hey, you coulda told me to stop," Dean looks away, "not that it woulda mattered," he says under his breath. 

"It's okay, I was busy in the front seat anyway." Sam waits for Dean to register what he just said. He sees surprise and then a little disbelief flash over Dean's face.

"Seriously? Then? Man, I did have my head up Cas' ass," Dean shakes his head, "wait a second, while you were driving baby? Dammit, Sam, this is why I don't let you drive! You could have wrecked!" 

Sam laughs a little, Dean is obviously irritated, but Sam can't help it. "You're trying to tell me you haven't done it?" 

"That's different," Dean says seriously, he cracks though. He smiles a little. He holds his hand up a second later. "Hold up, that night you left, when you guys stayed in the car, did you..." 

Sam's laugh fades when he thinks back on that night. He shakes his head no.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," Dean says.

"No, it's okay. I was just thinking about what was gonna happen before he told me about the lifeline," Sam clears his throat and looks away. He stops talking. "It didn't go as planned." He finally says.

"Is this something I want to ask about?" 

"Probably not," Sam says. 

Dean doesn't seem to know what to say. He furrows his eyebrows and looks at his hands, finally looking back at Sam. 

"Listen, I know I was a dick earlier, and I'm not saying I want dirty details or anything but if you want to talk to me I'm here. I might give you shit but I'm here if you need me. Got it?"

Sam nods. He doesn't want to talk about this but he does at the same time. He's been thinking about it again, letting Gabriel fuck him, and he's curious about how it will feel. He doesn't want to ask Dean that question but who else can he ask? If he asks Gabe he'll tell Sam he doesn't want or need it, he's done that before. 

Sam wipes his hands on his pants. "Ok, um. Well, that night I left I decided I was going to let him," God he doesn't want to talk about this with Dean, "you know what, never mind. It's not a big deal." Sam shakes his head.

Dean looks at him seriously. "Are you saying what I think you're are? Have you not let him..."

Sam flames red and looks away.

Dean doesn't laugh or mock him, he just stares at Sam.

"Why?" Dean finally asks. 

Sam didn't expect that question. "I guess I'm just kinda worried it'll," God dammit he does not want to talk about this with Dean. He looks away again.

"Hurt? Is that what you're scared of?" 

"No, I mean, I don't know," Sam looks at Dean, "I don't know what to expect or something." He can't put into words what he's thinking, which is ironic because it's usually Dean who has that problem.

"I'm not gonna laugh at you," Dean says sternly, "is that what you're afraid of?"

Sam smiles a little. It's that, and also the fact that Gabriel and Cas are probably listening to this whole conversation with their superman hearing. 

"Do you trust him?" Dean asks.

Sam thinks for a second. "Yeah, I do," he says.

"Then it'll be fine."

"That's it?" Sam asks. 

"Yep, pretty much."

Sam is at a loss for where to go with the conversation. Should he ask anything else? What Dean said didn't answer any of his questions. 

"He trusts you, right?" 

Sam looks up, "Yeah I guess," Sam finally says. 

"You guess?"

Sam stares at Dean, this is in no way what he was originally curious about. Did Dean misunderstand Sam's meaning before? He hadn't outright asked the question, maybe they got their wires crossed. 

"I don't know if we're talking about the same thing here, Dean." 

"We are. Look, he obviously trusts you because he lets you plow him into the library wall, which is an image I _really_ wanna forget but I keep having to talk about." Dean shakes his head. "He trusts you even after you pushed him away for months, and he went through some serious shit in that time, right?"

Sam is so lost, what the fuck is this conversation about? Is this a bad dream? 

"What? Yeah, but that's-"

Dean holds his hand up again to silence Sam. "I know, I'm not saying you didn't have your reason. I'm saying he let you back in, he trusts you. You have to get to that point too."

"I am at that point." Sam says.

"Yeah but you hesitated when I asked you."

"Are you my brother? Has Dean been swapped?" Sam is staring at Dean like he has two heads. "I wasn't asking about any of this, I was asking if anal hurt."

Dean closes his eyes tightly and shakes his head. 

"I _know_. Jesus, I know what you were asking. I'm saying that when you're ready and you trust him, it'll be fine." 

"Okayyy..." Sam drags the word out, he hopes this conversation is over but at the same time he has no idea what it was even about.

"Just think about it," Dean leans forward, "So, no sex in public places. Neither one of us are gonna follow this rule, but whatever. Try not to get caught, okay? You hungry? Beer?" 

Sam stares at Dean for several seconds and finally gives up trying to figure out what any of this was about.

"Yeah, fine. What do you want to eat?"

"I'll make us somethin'. Been on the road too long, I'm sick of pizza and takeout." Dean gets up and slaps Sam on the shoulder as he walks by. "Meet me in the kitchen in forty five." 

"Okay," Sam says. His mind is still working on what Dean had said. He heads to his room to see what Gabriel is doing, if he heard that strange conversation. 

Gabriel isn't there. He obviously hasn't left; Sam doesn't feel any nagging or aching pull. Where would he be in the bunker? Sam could pray and Gabriel would appear, but he wonders if he can find the angel. He's been more and more curious about the lifeline and it's side effects lately, if something is telling him to go right when he walks out of the bedroom then maybe that's accurate? After all, if some lifelines are born half a world apart and move toward one another he should be able to find Gabriel in the bunker.

He goes right. He wanders, thinking, _where would he be_? He's over thinking. He loses the feeling of what direction to go. It would probably be easier to find Gabriel if he didn't know he existed, then he wouldn't be _thinking_ about it, he'd be following gut instinct. Pretty ingenious how this works. 

He clears his head. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

_Down._

He finds the first stairwell and goes down. He steps into the basement corridor. _Left or right?_ He looks around trying to keep his mind open. 

 

_Right._

He walks slowly, just kind of _feeling_ his way. If he didn't think he'd walk into a wall he'd try closing his eyes again. He passes a door and stops. He does close his eyes. 

_There._

He opens the heavy steel door and finds Gabriel staring at a table full of broken pottery. 

Gabriel looks up. "What's up, Samson?" 

Sam smiles. "Samson? That's a new one."

Gabriel nods looking back at the pottery; he moves a few pieces around. As Sam walks in he can see there more than just pottery pieces on the table. There's iron and stone. 

"So are you my Delilah?" 

"No, most definitely not. On second thought I don't like that name, I won't be calling you Samson anymore." 

"Not a fan of hers I take it?" Sam looks over the table.

"Is anyone? She sold him out for money. Not my style." 

Sam nods. "What is all this?" 

Gabriel looks at Sam and leans his hip against the table.

"Norse stuff I've found around this place when I get bored. I've been trying to piece it together but I don't think any of it goes. How's Deano?"

"Fine, he's cooking. I have to be back in about half an hour. You found all this here?" 

"Yep." 

"Wow. This is impressive." There are bits of paper, fabric, tools, pieces of bone, jewelry, lots and lots of metal. It's incredible when Sam starts really looking. "What are you doing with it?" 

Gabriel shrugs. "It made me a little nostalgic at first, so I started gathering it all together here. Now I don't know what to do with it. Like I said, none of it goes together. It's just here." He looks over the table, touching a piece of bronze with his fingertips. " _These fragments I have shored against my ruins..._ " He says.

Sam watches the angel closely, he'd whispered that T.S. Eliot quote softly to the pieces of his history lying on the table. 

"You okay?" 

Gabriel meets his eyes and smiles softly. "I'm good, kiddo. The Eliot words just seemed to fit, ya know?" 

Sam nods and looks back to the table. "Sometimes I'm amazed by the stuff the Men of Letters had. Why would they have this stuff?" Sam picks up a bracelet. "Was this for a child?" 

"No, a woman," Gabriel smirks, "not everyone has massive hands like you. So how'd you find me? Been coming down here for months and this is the first I've seen you." 

"Yeah, I don't usually come down here unless I'm looking for something. I was looking for you, so I decided to follow my gut and it led me here." 

"Well we'll be horrible at hide and seek now won't we." Gabriel takes the bracelet still in Sam's hand and looks at it closely.

"Yeah, no doubt. So did you hear all that with Dean?" 

Gabriel glances up. "No, should I?" 

Sam is surprised. "No, I guess I just assumed you'd hear and I wondered what you'd say."

"About what?" Gabriel looks genuinely curious.

"You really didn't listen?" Sam is relieved; he didn't want to explain that strange talk with his brother.

"Should I have?" Gabriel looks a little cross for a second. "I don't know what happened, I wasn't listening. Why would I? I'm not going to eavesdrop on you, is that what you think?" 

"No! No, it's not that at all, I swear," Sam steps closer, "it just got weird and I don't know what we were even talking about at one point and, hell I don't know." Sam is rambling a bit. "You just said you hear for a hundred miles and I guess I thought you'd probably be asking me or something. It's stupid."

"I also said that just because I _can_ hear for a hundred miles it doesn't mean I'm _listening_. I don't want to listen to all that, ninety nine point nine percent of the time it's boring. Unless you guys were discussing sex, other than Dean's rules about sex," Gabriel watches Sam's face and then brightens up, "were you talking about sex?!"

Sam laughs and looks away. 

"You were! Tell me now. Did he spill dirty details on Cas? Did he?" Gabriel is like a kid, dramatic and over excited.

"No, no! He sure as hell didn't, and I didn't ask. Quite frankly I don't know what we were even talking about for part of it," Sam shakes his head, "it was weird." 

Sam watches Gabriel deflate a little. "I'm sorry," Sam says.

"Eh, no big deal. There's always next time, maybe Dean will reveal some dirty kink at dinner." Gabriel wiggles his eyebrows.

"Oh, God, I hope not. I really don't want to know that shit," Sam laughs. "That's not what I was apologizing for anyway. I'm sorry I thought you'd listen. I shouldn't have assumed that."

Gabriel looks up at Sam smiling. "No harm done, Samsquatch, you don't know until you ask."

"I'm still working on this 'make it up to you' idea, I think I'll go to town tomorrow and grab some stuff. We haven't been apart in months, you think we'll survive?" Sam leans down a little, watching Gabriel look at his mouth. 

"I don't know, Sam, maybe we shouldn't risk it. I could always ride with you," Gabriel moves his arm to put the bracelet back and intentionally bumps Sam's crotch. 

"I'll tell you what, you stay here and if it gets bad I'll call for you. I want this to be a surprise. You're really hard to surprise, you know that?"

"I don't know that anyone's ever tried to surprise me before, kiddo. Except that time you got me cake."

"Well, it's nothing big so don't get to excited," Sam says.

Gabriel kisses him. "Too late, I'm already like a kid on Christmas Eve." His eyes sparkle.

They eat dinner together, the four of them comfortable and at home. They talk about how calm things are, how strange that is, what it could mean. They wonder what they should do. Sam and Dean aren't sure of their purpose outside of hunting; it's been so long since they've done anything else. Cas has been hunting with them so long that being a soldier in Heaven now feels foreign to him, it's not his home, and he wouldn't leave Dean for one minute anyway. Gabriel could be the Trickster, deal out some just desserts, a bit of karma here and there, but he can't leave Sam. He wouldn't if he could.

They end the evening lost in thought. It's unsettling to Sam and Dean, and they all retire for the night with questions gnawing at them. Sam knows he won't sleep, his brain is buzzing, but he feels Gabriel rest a palm to his cheek and he's out.

He wakes the next morning, refreshed and alert and bounds out of bed to head into town. Gabriel watches from the warmth of the bed. He may not sleep but he loves lounging in the cozy smell of Sam's bed. 

"Ok, I'm going," Sam says as he's dressing, "if you get uncomfortable call me, don't just show up. If get uncomfortable I'll call you. I'm thinking of it as an experiment."

Gabriel smirks. "Of course you are," he rolls his eyes. "Whatever you're planning better be spectacular, Sam, I expect to be wined and dined and treated like a lady."

"Shut up," Sam laughs, "I doubt it'll be spectacular but hopefully it'll turn out nice. Don't get your hopes up too high." 

"Too late!" Gabriel yells after Sam. 

Sam drives the old truck into town, feeling that ache return in his gut. It's nagging and he can't forget about it, but it's manageable. Nothing like before. He pulls out his phone and texts Gabe.  
Sam: _You okay?_  
Angel: _Yep, you?_  
Sam: _Same. Be back by 5, be ready._  
Angel  
: _FIVE?!?!?! What am I gonna do for seven hours?!_

Sam laughs out loud before texting back.  
Sam: _Calm down, drama queen, you'll be fine._  
Angel: _Fine? I'll be bored is more like it._

Sam slides his phone away and walks into the sporting goods store. He spends several hours there, scouring for things and checking off his list. He texts Gabe as he snacks on a muffin, just before he enters the hardware store. He feels okay, he feels the pull toward the angel, toward home, but it's not overpowering.  
Sam: _What kind of trouble are you getting into?_  
Angel: _Who, me? Now, Sam, you know I'm a perfect angel._  
Angel: _Ok, so I might have *accidentally* walked in on our brothers making out. Dean cursed really loud. You know what they say about paybacks._

Sam can just imagine Gabriel wiggling his eyebrows with that last comment.  
Sam: _Oh yeah, I bet he's in a lovely mood now._  
Angel: _Well it didn't stop them. I heard Cassy moaning five minutes later. I'm in the basement now._  
Sam: _Ew. TMI. I'm heading into a store, I'm about halfway done._

Sam shakes his head and heads inside. It doesn't take him long to gather what he needs and then he heads to the grocery store. He knocks his list out and then drives towards his destination to get set up. He's done around 4:30 and rushing back to the bunker.

He steps through the door and Gabriel is standing right there. Sam can't help but smile and breathe a little easier. 

"Hey," he says. 

"Miss me?" Gabriel asks, crossing his arms. 

"Maybe just a little, but the quiet was kinda nice." Sam steps up, trying to move around Gabriel.

"Whatever, quiet is overrated. So where is it?" 

"Where's what?' Sam raises his eyebrows. He tries to step around Gabriel but the angel steps into his path.

"You _know,_ the surprise," Gabriel huffs, "where's my surprise, Sam?" 

"It's not here," Sam says vaguely, finally managing to skirt around Gabriel's side. 

"Not here?! Then where is it?" Gabriel says to Sam's back.

"Not here," Sam calls per his shoulder, "I'll shower and we'll leave."

"Oooh a shower, I love showers!" 

Sam hears Gabriel's feet following him, he puts his hand up.

"Nope, not this time, this is a quick one," he starts walking again. "Dress warm, it's gonna be cool outside." 

"Dress warm? I'm an angel..." Gabriel mutters. 

Sam grins and hurries in the shower. He dresses, grabs a couple things and throws them in a duffel bag and then heads toward the library. 

Gabe and Cas are playing chess, both concentrating fully on the pieces. Since the game finally clicked for Cas they take it very seriously. 

"You ready?" Sam says. 

Gabriel holds one finger up, not looking away from the board. 

Sam tosses the bag down in a chair by Dean. Dean looks up at him from his magazine.

"Big plans tonight, Sammy?" 

"Yeah something like that." 

Dean tosses the magazine on the table in front of him. "Is it what I think it is?" 

"I don't know what you think it is but I'm not gonna tell you. I don't want angel ears to hear and ruin the surprise." 

"I heard that," Gabriel mumbles. 

Sam lowers his head and smiles, nodding a little. "See?" he says to Dean. 

"MmmHmm. I know what it is and I'm not gonna think about it," he stands and walks from the room, "you kids have fun!" He calls back as he rounds the corner.

Sam waits a few more minutes and finally slings the bag over his shoulder. 

"Ok, guess I'm going by myself." He walks out of the room knowing Gabriel will be along shortly.

He reaches the garage before Gabriel finally makes his appearance.

"Let hit it, Samsquatch!" He says as he grins broadly. 

Sam throws the bag in the bed of the truck. "Did you win?" 

"We paused the game. Dean will probably move the pieces around again but whatever. So, where we headed?" 

"You'll find out, not much longer," Sam says. He pulls a handkerchief from his back pocket and walks around Gabriel. "Ok, so I'm gonna blindfold you, you said you could block out the rest of what you see, right?" 

Gabriel closes his eyes and feels Sam slide the fabric over his eye lids. 

"I'll try, give me a second." Gabriel concentrates. He should be able to do this. He thinks harder. It's not working. "I don't know, Sam. Maybe I can't turn it off..." He tries again. Nope. 

"We'll figure it out," Sam says. He walks in front of Gabriel and adjusts the cloth. "Tell me what you see." 

"Ok, uh," Gabriel looks around, turning his head which isn't really necessary, just habit. "Take you for instance. I see your face, the angles and curves. I see every strand of hair on your head. I see your shirt, but I also see your skin underneath. I see your heart beating, the strong muscles contracting and relaxing, I see the air filling your lungs, the tiny sacs filling, the blood coursing up to pull the oxygen from them. I see the electricity in your brain firing like mad because you're trying to process everything I'm saying. I see your eyebrows raising, your mouth opening-"

"Ok, wait, stop for a second," Sam wipes a hand down his face, "I, what the... You _see_ all that? I can't, I don't know what to say to that."

"I see it like you see the rust and peeling paint on this truck," Gabriel says, patting the side of the vehicle. 

"Um, yeah, I thought maybe I could help but I don't have any ideas on how to tune that out." 

Gabriel nods. He tries again but there seems to be no way to stop the stream of info plugged into his consciousness. 

"Didn't you say you can tune out people talking? Like, you hear it but don't listen?"

Gabriel thinks for a second. "I think I know what you mean." 

"Yeah, like when I've been staring at a computer screen for too long and suddenly I realize I'm not focused on it anymore, it just faded out. I could see it but I wasn't _looking_ at it. Can you do that?" 

"Yes. That I can do. I can tune out but I can't block out. You're so smart, damn if that isn't sexy, kiddo." 

Sam smiles shyly. "Shut up, I'm not that smart." He opens Gabriel's door and pushes him inside.

Sam drives them out of the garage and away from the bunker; all the while Gabriel leans his head back and focuses up at the stars. He tunes everything in the peripheral out and just lets himself zone out at the stars. He has no idea how long he sits like this but eventually he hears the groaning rusty metal of Sam opening his door. 

"Ok, come on," Sam says, taking his arm. 

Gabriel stands and Sam immediately pulls the fabric from his face. Gabriel looks at Sam and sees the apprehension on his face. He turns and looks behind them. 

It's dark out now. There in the spot they drove to on their date, at the back of a field far from the road. There's a tent set up with streams of tiny lights dangling from the top, illuminating the entrance and trailing over the top and sides. The opening is folded back and he can see inside the tent. There's two large air mattresses set up, both covered in nice sheets. There are small candles flickering softly scattered around the inside. Lanterns hang down from the top and are set up around the outside. There's wood for a fire stacked not far from the tent opening, and Sam is setting coolers out of the back of the truck. 

Gabriel watches Sam open the duffel bag and throw blankets and pillows inside the tent. Sam hasn't said anything yet, he's busying himself with tasks. 

Gabriel is astounded by what he sees. The thought of Sam taking the time to do this is overwhelming. He feels a warmth grow in his chest. 

"You did all this today?" Gabriel asks. 

Sam glances at him and nods. 

"For me?" 

Sam stops rummaging in the cooler and really looks at Gabriel. 

"Yeah. Well, for us I guess, but yeah." Sam stands up and shakes water from his hands. "Do you like it? I know it's not much, it's probably a little cheesy. I was trying for romantic but I think I went overboard with all the solar lights. Plus I didn't get them set up in time, they needed six hours of sun to fully change and they probably only got about four but hope-"

Gabriel charges toward Sam and cuts him off with a kiss.

"Shut up," Gabriel whispers against Sam's lips. 

"Isn't that my line?" Sam says. 

Gabriel looks around again. "I love it." He looks back to Sam. "Really." 

Sam flashes a shy smile but Gabriel can see him relax. Sam leans down and resumes pulling food from the cooler while Gabriel watches. He pulls out wine and fruit, cheeses and breads. Gabriel watches cautiously. 

"Don't worry, this isn't for you." Sam pulls another cooler from the truck bed and slides the top over. "This is." 

Gabriel looks over the side and sees mounds of candy within. 

"Oh, Sammo, just when I thought it couldn't get any better," he looks up at Sam, "it just got better." 

"I brought the stuff for s'mores later too," Sam says. 

"You are so getting lucky tonight, you know that right?" 

Sam laughs and dives back into the food. They talk and eat, comfortable and teasing each other. Sam goes to start the fire, getting all the supplies in order and looks irritated at Gabriel when the angel snaps his fingers and the fire roars to life. 

He sits on the tailgate of the truck. "Get up here," he motions Gabriel over with his head. 

Gabriel moves to sit next to Sam but Sam grabs him by the waist and slides Gabriel up between the V of his thighs. Sam's chest presses tightly to Gabriel's back and he runs his hands around the angel's waist. "This is nice," Sam whispers in Gabriel's ear. 

"Mmmm..." Gabriel leans back into Sam.

"So I was thinking about before, when you described what you see," Sam says.

"Oh, no, are these deep thoughts, Sam? I don't think I can do deep thoughts right now, I ate too much candy." 

"I don't know, they're not _that_ deep I guess." 

"Fine, lay it on me, kiddo." 

Sam squeezes his arm tighter. "Ok, so I was thinking on the way here, the way you see things, how you see deeper into stuff. You see..." Sam thinks for a second. "You see _more,_ right?" 

"I don't know if it's more really, I think it's just a different level of perception." 

"Explain what you mean," Sam coaxes. 

Gabriel sighs and thinks. He doesn't know how to explain it, he doesn't think he can. He finally settles on poetry to do it for him. 

"To see a world in a grain of sand,  
And Heaven in a wildflower,  
To hold infinity in the palm of your hand,  
And eternity in an hour."

Sam smiles against his ear. "Blake?" 

Gabriel nods. 

"It's beautiful but I still don't understand."

Gabriel chuckles. "I don't know, it just is." 

"Okay, fair enough. My question was, can you show me what you see? Can you somehow give me a glimpse of that?" 

Gabriel thinks. "I don't think so. I love you Sam, you're intellect is wicked, don't take me wrong here, but I don't think a human brain could process the extra sensory input. It just doesn't have the wiring for it." 

Sam nods and is quiet for a long time. 

"What if I was your vessel?" 

Gabriel can't think for a full thirty seconds, it's like time is frozen as he tries to process Sam's question. 

"What?!" He finally barks out. "What the fuck?! I thought we weren't getting deep here; this shit is like Mirena Trench deep! I, have you, what?" Gabriel is sputtering, trying to turn in Sam's arms but Sam has them locked around him. 

"It's just a question!" Sam says, laughing. "Calm down, I was just curious, okay? If I was your vessel would I be able to see what you see?" 

"I don't know! I don't like this question, it weirds me out. I have no idea and I don't want to find out." 

"Yeah, but, think about it a different way. What if you got hurt and you needed a vessel, could you use me? I contained Lucifer; I could hold you too right?"

"I'm not going to get hurt, Sam." 

"I'm just saying, what if you did? What if you were going to die and you needed to jump to another body. You could possess me, right?" 

"I'm not a demon, I don't _possess_ people. I have to have permission."

"Okay, so I'm giving you blanket permission then, if you're ever in need of a vessel for whatever reason you can use me." 

"I don't want to use you, what are we even talking about now?" Gabriel is trying to squirm and look at Sam but Sam still has his arms locked. 

"Is it because of the demon blood?" 

Gabriel stops moving. "Sam, if you don't let me turn around I will _make you._ Let go of me." 

Sam loosens his arms and Gabriel turns in his lap so he can see Sam's face. 

"Listen, I don't want to use you as a vessel because I love you. I don't care about demon blood. Yes you could contain me, your body is the strongest body on this planet I imagine, but I don't care about that either. I'm not going to die. I decided that when I was sitting on the rim of a volcano with a blade to my chest. I'm not. So stop thinking about this." 

Sam furrows his brow. "When was this? When were you on a volcano?"

"It doesn't matter-"

Sam grabs Gabriel by the shoulders and shakes him. "It _does_ matter, tell me." 

Gabriel watches Sam, seeing the anger and concern written on his face. Sam waits, looking directly into Gabriel's eyes. Finally Gabriel closes his eyes.

"O happy dagger!" Gabriel says, touching his chest. "This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die."

"Quit quoting poetry, especially not Romeo and Juliet, that's fucking morbid," Sam says sternly. "Wait, are you saying, were you suicidal?" Sam face is shocked and scared. He searches Gabriel's face with wide eyes.

"I don't know what I was. I was miserable, I do know that, but I knew if I tried to kill myself that you'd die too, and then we'd come back and you'd be _really_ pissed at me." Gabriel smiles to try and ease the seriousness of the moment but Sam doesn't return his smile. Gabriel touches Sam's face.

"I sat on that volcano because it reminded me of you. Every time you thought about me it was like a prayer, and I'd reach out to you and all I felt was seething, boiling, heat and anger. You were like a volcano, so I stayed there. I wanted to be dead, I wanted peace and to not feel the only person in the world that I loved hating me with every fiber of their being, but I didn't want to hurt you. So maybe I held the blade to my chest for a few days, maybe I even pushed it in and got a glimpse of my grace a couple times, but I didn't do it. That's what matters, right?"

Huge tears fall down Sam's cheeks. "I'm sorry," he says softly.

"No, hey, it was my fault I was in that pla-"

Sam puts his hand over Gabriel's mouth. "That's not what I'm talking about," Sam's voice breaks, "I'm so sorry; I never even asked what you went through. I was so focused on myself and my anger, _I'm sorry_."

"It's okay-"

"No it's not!" Sam says, his voice is ragged and hoarse.

"Stop and listen to me, hear me, okay?" 

Sam nods a little. 

"I told you that night I was staring at your door that I'd always be honest with you, even if you didn't want to hear it, right?" Gabriel waits until Sam nods again. "Okay, so maybe you didn't want to hear what was going on with me, and that's okay, but you asked so I told you. But one thing I didn't get to say was that I tried to be realistic, face the fact that I'd lost you, I reminded myself of that constantly. But even though I kept telling myself those things -- that you'd never get over your anger, that I'd fucked it up for eternity, I never lost hope. I still had hope. And look now, that hope found wings, right? That's good. I think we had to go through what we did to appreciate what we have. So we could choose each other, you said that, remember?"

Sam smiles a little at those words, wiping at his face. He laughs softly and meets Gabriel's eyes.

"Hope is a thing with feathers,  
That perches in the soul,  
And sings the tune without words,  
And never stops at all."

Gabriel grins at Sam, dimples dotting his cheeks. "You took the words right out of my mouth." He kisses Sam gently, feeling his breath hitch as the tears fade away. 

"So I don't want to use you as a vessel," Gabriel holds his hand up when Sam starts to cut him off, "but I understand that there's blanket consent if the need ever arises. I might like to be inside you in other ways someday though..." He presses a kiss to Sam's cheek, right by his ear. 

"That's the other half of this surprise," Sam says softly. 

Gabriel leans back and looks into Sam's eyes, he sees Sam smile and nod and Gabriel smiles back. 

"Sam, I was just teasing you," he whispers.

Sam puts a finger to Gabriel's lips to quiet him. "You need to learn when to stop talking. I _want_ this. Got it?" 

Gabriel kisses Sam some more. He takes his time, giving Sam a chance to change his mind, just in case. But he doesn't, and eventually Sam rolls to his stomach with his head turned toward Gabriel. He smiles faintly.

Gabriel moves behind Sam, he's in no way going to do anything until Sam is relaxed and prepared, but he senses Sam tense when he touches his waist. Sam's arms are bent like he's going to do a push up. His muscles are tight, flexed, like he's going to spring away. 

"Sam, we don't have to do this, we can wait until another night." 

"No, I want to," Sam says over his shoulder. 

"I can use my grace. I can make it so you don't feel anything but pleasure this first time. Do you want me to do that?" 

Sam shakes his head. "No, I want it to be real. I want to feel it."

"Ok, then relax. Trust me. I won't hurt you, I would never hurt you." Gabriel looks at Sam's wide shoulders, impossibly broad. He moves one hand up from Sam's narrow waist and massages the muscles bunched by his neck. There's a deep V cut into the muscles below Sam's shoulder blades. Gabriel traces it with his fingers. 

He feels Sam relaxing, the tension easing under Gabriel's fingers. He kisses down that tight V in Sam's back, gently touching his lips to Sam's shoulders, the sides of his ribs, over his lower back and down the crease of his butt. Gabriel can feels Sam melting into the mattress, relaxation taking him over. He spreads Sam open and kisses slowly closer to his hole. 

"Uhh..." Sam says hesitantly as Gabriel mouth closes in on its target. He sees Sam raise his head a little. They haven't done this yet, he wondered how Sam would feel about rimming. 

"It's a night of firsts, I've wanted to do this for a long time, kiddo. Just relax, same as with anything else, you don't like it we stop." 

Sam lays his head back down and Gabriel resumes circling his target. He presses barely there kisses all around Sam's hole, feeling him tense and relax each time. When he finally presses his mouth to it he hears Sam's breath hitch, a hiccup type sound, and when he lavves his tongue over it Sam moans softly. 

Gabriel works slowly, opening Sam up with his tongue. Feeling Sam grind down against the mattress with his cock, hearing him whine and groan and make soft keening sounds with every kiss and flick of Gabriel's tongue. 

"So good for me, I love the way you respond, Sam," Gabriel says, his voice low and husky.

Sam is so relaxed now, and Gabriel takes his finger and starts a the slow circle around Sam's tight hole. He starts breathing a little heavier, his hips moving to push back against Gabriel's fingers. 

"That feel good?" Gabriel says, his voice low and soft. 

"Yeah," Sam whispers, turning his face into the sheets. 

"I won't hurt you, I promise. Okay?" 

Sam nods. 

Gabriel presses a finger gently inside. He pushes in just far enough to touch Sam's prostate and pulls it back out. He does this over and over, Sam responding more each time, until he's moaning and grinding hard into the mattress. Gabriel pushes another finger in. He feels Sam tense, but only for a second. 

He kisses the dimples on each side of Sam's lower back, he trails kisses over the soft and relaxed muscles on each side of Sam's perfect ass. He presses his lips to the sensitive crease where Sam's upper thigh meets those beautiful cheeks. He starts moving his fingers, spreading them apart, scissoring them to open Sam up little by little. He slips a third finger in.

"Fuck me, please," Sam whines. 

"Are you sure you're ready?" Gabriel slides his fingers out and Sam pushes back toward his hand. 

Sam nods.

Gabriel lines up behind Sam. "Okay, I'm gonna go slow," he rubs the head of his cock around Sam's ass making Sam whine, "tell me if you want me to stop." 

He presses in, slowly working in just the head of his cock. Sam tenses up again and Gabriel stops. 

"Sam," he says softly, it's a question to make sure that Sam wants him to continue. 

"I'm okay, you're just thick. Keep going," Sam breathes out, making a conscious effort to relax. 

He eases in, quarter inch by quarter inch. He listens to Sam breathe, when he feels Sam tense he stops, but Sam always tells him to keep going. He's finally all the way in. He waits, letting Sam adjust, feeling Sam relax around him inside. 

"Holy hell, you're so fucking tight. I've never felt anything so good, I'm gonna come if I'm not careful." He pulls back a tiny bit and pushes back in, just a shallow thrust of his hips. 

Sam makes that soft keening sound. 

"Hey, talk to me, you okay?" He holds himself still when everything in him is telling him to bury himself in Sam deep and hard. 

Sam nods, he drops his lower back and pushes into Gabriel a bit, making Gabriel grip his hips tighter. 

"Come on," Sam says, the words breathy. 

Gabriel pulls back and little more and slides in, Sam makes that same sound. 

"Sam, does it hurt? Tell me."

Sam raises his face. "It burns a little but it's okay, it doesn't hurt, Gabe. Move again," Sam looks over his shoulder, "please." 

Gabriel watches Sam's face as he pulls back and moves in. 

Sam closes his eyes, his mouth relaxing open. He makes that sound, like a soft whine. He nods his head barely when Gabriel is all the way in. "Yeah," he whispers. He drops his head back down. 

Gabriel pulls out more, almost all the way this time, he hears Sam take a deep breath. He pushes in slow; it's so hard to keep from pushing in fast. He slides his hands up Sam's back. Sam grunts when Gabriel is all the way in. 

Gabriel should talk to Sam, he knows Sam likes that, but for the life of him he can't even think. Sam is sheathing him so tight, slick heat wrapping around his cock. It's more than Gabriel can take. He has to concentrate. He's afraid if he tries to talk that he'll forget, he'll slam in and it will hurt Sam. _Don't hurt him._ He doesn't want to ever hurt Sam. Be easy. Slow, out and in. 

Sam is making sounds, grunts and moans, they're soft and deep. They egg Gabriel on; they go straight to his cock. He tries not to speed up, he tries so hard. 

"I'm sorry, those sounds, I'm sorry. I'm trying to be easy, I don't want to hurt you." 

Sam doesn't answer. "Uh, uh, uh, huhh, oh, yeah..." The small sounds escaping with each thrust of Gabriel's hips. 

"I'm sorry," Gabriel whispers, "be easy, easy, I'm sorry, don't hurt," his eyes are closed, he doesn't even realize he's saying it out loud. 

"Gabe," Sam whispers. "Gabe," he says a little louder when Gabriel doesn't respond. 

Gabriel freezes. 

"I'm sorry," Gabriel says immediately. 

"You're not hurting me, would you stop talking about it please? I was enjoying it until you started that." Sam raises his head up to look over his shoulder again. 

Gabriel pulls out. 

"Fuck," Sam shuts his eyes at the sensation. "What are you doing?!" Sam's tone is sharp. 

"Flip over, Sam." Gabriel moves away to give Sam room to move. "I want to see your face, I want to hear you." 

Sam turns and smiles a little when he realizes Gabriel isn't stopping. He lays back. 

Sam is so much taller that Gabriel can't be inside and kiss him at the same time. He doesn't care. He moves Sam's legs wider apart and slides in again, easier this time. Sam is so relaxed. 

Sam's face, his beautiful face. His eyes immediately close, his jaw falls slightly. Gabriel hits bottom, all the way in. 

"Uhhh," Sam grunts softly. 

"That sound, more, give me more, come on," Gabriel pulls back and slides in, he's still careful, easy. 

He slides his hands down Sam's thighs, lifting his knees higher. He can tell he hits Sam's sweet spot, Sam's face changes, he sees his chest and arms tighten. His Adam's apple bobs with the soft hitch of his breath, and Gabriel can see a faint shimmer of sweat starting in the hollow of Sam's throat.

"Good?" Gabriel asks. 

"Yeah, please fuck me," Sam says softly. 

And Gabriel loses his control. He pulls back and slams into Sam, forcing a low growl from his own throat. Sam makes a soft sound, his head arching back. 

Gabriel starts a slow rhythm, so slow, but forceful. Each time Sam makes that soft sound, so soft it almost can't be heard. It's a soft little "oh" every time Gabriel hits home. Gabriel gradually speeds up and so does that noise. 

"That sound, I can't take it, I'm gonna wring every one outta you, so fucking perfect." 

Sam is a little louder now.

"How does it feel, tell me how it feels," Gabriel says. 

"Good, so good. I feel... Full. Like my whole body is full." Sam rolls his head to the side.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. That's how I feel when you're inside me. Like you're filling up every inch of me." Gabriel goes faster, harder, gritting his teeth.

"Yeah, that's it, please," Sam turns his head back and opens his eyes a little. His pupils are huge, almost no hazel showing. "Don't stop." 

"Look at you, fuck, Sam, begging me. I'm not stopping, I couldn't if I wanted to. Fuckkk, feels so good." Gabriel is going to lose it, seeing Sam like this is too much. He's trying to hold on for Sam.

"Oh, God," Sam reaches down and grabs his hard cock, "yeah, fuuck, oh fuck." 

"Come on, I can't," Gabriel pants, tries to hold it back, he watches Sam's hand. He sees Sam start coming, feels Sam's ass squeezing around his cock tightly as Sam comes, he yells Gabriel's name, and Gabriel buries himself so deep in Sam. Deep and hard, growling low as he rides out the orgasm. 

He slowly regains his senses and looks at Sam. His eyes are closed, his hand still wrapped around himself, his stomach and chest spotted with come. He pulls out and watches Sam shiver. 

Gabriel lays his hands on each side of Sam's waist and leans down, licking at the drops of come. He licks and bites the skin, savoring the salty taste of Sam. Sam's hand is loose around his own cock and Gabriel gently pulls it away. He sucks the tip into his mouth hearing Sam pull in air. 

"I don't know how it keeps getting better," he licks and sucks again, cleaning every inch of Sam, "it does though, it gets better every time." 

Sam is still hard, no sign of getting soft at all. 

"I've gotta get you clean, Sam," he licks up and down the shaft, "you got a job to do." 

Sam slides his hands over Gabriel, pulling the hair at the back of his neck. 

"Mmmm... A job, huh? Well I can't slack off at work, my boss won't have it." 

"I nominate myself to be your boss," Gabriel slides his mouth over Sam's cock, swallowing it down. 

"Yeah, hell yeah, you can be whatever you want," Sam pushes up into Gabriel's mouth, "I love the way you suck my cock." 

Gabriel pops his mouth off. "I love the way you taste."

Sam moans. "This is the best angel clean up ever." 

Gabriel chuckles as he licks his way up to Sam's chest. "I'm pretty fond of it myself." He licks that dip at the base of Sam's throat.

"That felt so good, we should have done that a long time ago," Sam says. 

"Had to be when you were ready," Gabriel kisses up Sam's neck, biting at his ear, "now you're gonna fuck me. That's your job." 

Sam wraps his arms tight around the angel's waist and pulls his hips down toward Sam's hard cock. 

Gabriel slicks Sam with lube as he lines them up.

"I love my job," Sam says as he pushes into Gabriel. "Don't move," Sam holds Gabriel in place, thrusting up into him from the bottom.

Gabriel drops his head to rest on Sam's shoulder. “Uhhnnggg, shit,” Gabriel moans, “you just got a raise and a promotion.”

Gabriel bites and sucks on Sam's neck, leaving marks. He claws into the sheets, trying not to dig too far into the air mattress. Sam fucks him, hard and fast and long. Gabriel loves every second of it. 

"So full, your cock makes me feel so full, I love that feeling," Gabriel moans, "I love you." 

"Love you too, so much," Sam says as he nuzzles his face into Gabriel's hair.

"Gonna come," Gabriel pants into Sam's ear, "I'm close." 

He feels Sam's arm around his waist loosen and a hand slip between them. Sam's hand grips Gabriel's cock and wraps it tight. Gabriel groans loudly. 

"Come on, come with me," Sam whispers. 

Gabriel can't hold it back any longer, and neither can Sam. They come together, whining and gasping into each other's skin as they feel the tension reaching its peak and then slowly coming down. They rest, wrapped up in each other. 

Gabriel tucks himself into Sam's side after a while, his arm draped over Sam's ribs. 

"You still weirded out by the thought of being inside me?" Sam chuckles softly.

Gabriel rises up and looks at Sam strangely.

"What?" Sam asks. 

"What's with this vessel obsession? I don't imagine you enjoyed being a vessel, why are you thinking about it?"

Sam thinks for a second. "I don't know, I guess I think it'd be different with you. You don't need to use me and I trust you, I just wonder what it would be like..." Sam pauses, thinking. "It was just so quiet in the truck while I was driving and I let my mind run away with me imagining what you see. It's fascinating-” Sam looks up at the ceiling of the tent in frustration, he's not expressing his thoughts the way he wants to. “You know what - this is stupid, sorry. I can tell it's really bothering you." 

"No, hey- I'm honored, I am. Your trust is a beautiful thing, I didn’t think about it like that. Thank you for trusting me, Sam. I mean it. And that natural curiosity is part of who you are; it's part of what I love about you.” Gabriel looks over Sam's face and the corner of his mouth turns up in a slight smile. “We'll talk about it again sometime, but for tonight let's let it go."

Sam nods and pulls Gabe closer, feeling him relax into his side. Sam slides into a sound sleep. 

Gabriel thinks and thinks. What a gift Sam is offering. It may be weird and it may creep Gabriel the hell out, but there's really nothing Sam could offer him that would be a bigger honor. Gabriel can't imagine ever doing it though, he just can't. He can't even entertain the thought. Thinking about it makes him anxious. 

A human offering himself as a vessel may be an honor, but the angel is still _using_ them. The person is pushed back, down, out of the way so that the angel has complete control. Some angels create distractions for the humans consciousness, replay memories or create illusions, but some angels don't bother. He knows Lucifer wouldn't have bothered with that. Sam would have been conscious and watching every evil and destructive thing his brother had done.  
That makes Sam's offer even more of an honor, but in some way Gabriel feels that Sam wouldn't offer that if it wasn't for the lifeline. He can't imagine Sam wanting to ever be a vessel for another angel, wanting to lose that control. He's probably only offering because of the intensity of the lifeline, and that just seems wrong.

He needs air. 

He slides out from under Sam and snaps himself to the tailgate of the truck. He's naked. He doesn't care. He lays his head back and looks at the stars. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He never imagined being this content. It's the first time in his life that he's felt whole and happy and loved unconditionally. It's a miracle.

" _Angel_." 

The voice chills him to the bone. His eyes fly open and he immediately stands. 

The sisters take in his naked vessel with no reaction. They see _him_ anyway, they see the angelic being. 

He doesn't speak. 

"What a domestic scene you have here. Much different than the last time," the oldest says. 

"What say you, angel? You won't even speak to the sisters to whom you owe your happiness?" The youngest raises an eyebrow at him in disdain.

"I don't imagine you did it thinking I'd be happy," he says, seeing them smile in unison, "I imagine you thought Sam would hate me forever."

"Mmm, yes. Why he's accepted you we'll never understand." The youngest laughs softly at her words. 

"He didn't have a choice, thanks to you," Gabriel says. 

"That's why it's funny. He didn't want _you,_ why would he? Do you know what his answer was when we asked him if he wanted it broken? He looked at you, have you asked him what he thought in that moment?" 

Gabriel had wanted to ask Sam this question but he'd been terrified of his answer. He'd never ask because if Sam told him what he suspected was the truth Gabriel, would be crushed. He didn't want to know if Sam really wanted it broken. He wants to believe Sam looked at him and wanted him. It probably wasn't true. 

"That's what we thought," the oldest says, "too afraid of the truth." 

Gabriel is shaking slightly, he can't think about this. He doesn't want to. They're being cruel. They always are. 

"I discussed you three with Dean and Cas that night, I thought I'd thank you the next time I saw you but I can't seem to make myself say it." 

The middle one steps forward a fraction. "That's okay; you don't want to thank us yet." 

She raises her arms in unison with her older sister and Gabriel feels restraints binding him tight. No, not restraints, not even ropes, more like... _Webs,_ he thinks. He feels thin webs of fiber, sticky and restraining. He can't flex his grace, he can't move. His wings feel pinched tight to him, painful they're pressed so close. He tries to break the confinement, he flexes, light pouring off of him. He feels a few fibers around his back snap but he doesn't have any more movement.

"Hurry!" The oldest and middle scream in unison.

The youngest is watching him with wide eyes. She snaps to her senses and disappears. 

_No... NO! SAM!_ He tries to yell but his voice doesn't leave his throat. It's like the words get tangled in the web. He feels like a fly trapped by a spider, he's been wrapped in a cocoon. He flexes again and feels the middle give way. He can move his hips, hands and lower arms. 

"Now!" The two sisters scream in unison. 

Gabriel feels a gut wrenching pain. It feels like he's lifted off the ground from the force of the pain in his midsection, it takes over all of his senses and he sees blinding white. He collapses forward, the web is broken but he can't even catch himself. He lands face first and then he hears Sam screaming. 

He crawls toward the tent trying to see where the sisters are. He turns his head but he can't locate them, they've disappeared. 

"Sam," he whispers feebly at the entrance to the tent. 

Sam is gasping and shuddering, turned to his side and tightened into a ball. His hand digs into his chest. 

Gabriel claws and crawls toward Sam. "Sam," he says a little louder. The pain is fading; he manages to move a little faster. He pulls at Sam's arms. "Sam, look at me!" He says in the loudest voice he can manage. 

Sam opens his eyes, tears streaming out of them. "It hurts." 

"I know," he wraps his arms around Sam and flies. 

He lands them in the library of the bunker. He has no control and they slam down on the hard floor. It knocks the wind from Sam and bruises him badly. Gabriel immediately tries to heal him. It takes everything in him, but his grace hasn't fully returned. He slides away from consciousness as he sees Sam's eyes opening. _He's okay..._


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey!" Sam shakes Gabriel roughly. "Gabe?!" 

Nothing. 

Sam sits up and looks around the library of the bunker, and then back at the angel. Why does he look different? Something feels wrong. When he looks at the angel it's like there's a disconnect. He feels hollow in the pit of his stomach.

What's going on? What happened? He remembers pain, horrible, excruciating pain. Gabriel crawling to him and then the out of control landing. Something serious happened. He studies Gabriel, shaking him again. _The line, I don't feel the lifeline._

Sam starts to panic at that thought. He jumps and runs. 

"DEAN! CAS!" He charges toward Dean's room. _Please be there._

He flings the door open to see Dean standing there, him and Cas leaning on each other. Dean looks grey, pale. He looks in pain. Cas seems to be recovering, he stands a little taller and takes on Dean's weight. It happens in a second, like strength is pouring back into Cas. He touches Dean's temple and the color returns to Dean's face. 

"Sammy, what happened?" 

"The line- I think something happened to the lifeline. I think it broke. Gabe's in the library, something's wrong." 

They run, all of them run, even Cas who could fly. 

Cas kneels beside his brother. "He's alive, just resting. Tell us what happened, Sam."

"I don't know, I was asleep and I remember pain. Like, really bad pain, and then I hit the library floor really hard. I felt him heal me and I sat up and tried to wake him and then I ran to your room." 

"Where were you?" Dean asks. 

"We were camping about an hour away."

"And nothing out of the ordinary happened?" Dean starts pacing, looking at Gabriel's body. 

"No, nothing." Sam thinks hard. Had anything out of the ordinary happened? He remembers their strange conversation about Gabriel using him as a vessel, he thinks about the sex, _oh God, I'm naked. Gabriel is naked..._

He hadn't even noticed this. Dean and Cas didn't appear to either. Sam grabs a blanket off the arm of a chair and covers Gabriel with it and then moves toward the door. 

"I'll be right back, I'm gonna grab some pants." He jogs to his room. 

He feels lighter; he doesn't feel a line linking him anywhere. It feels freeing in an unsettling way. He realizes now how accustomed he'd grown to that feeling. He quickly rummages through a dresser drawer and pulls on a pair of sweats. He stands at his dresser for a few minutes, just staring at the wall. 

What does this mean? He's free? Gabriel looks so different now, is that because the only feelings Sam had for him were through the lifeline? How will Gabriel feel now that he's free? Will he want to stay here with Sam? Does Sam want him to? 

Sam starts to panic himself again. Gabe isn’t even awake yet. Should he call him Gabe? _What the fuck, Sam, stop freaking out._ He shakes his head to clear it and then jogs back to the library.

He steps around the corner and sees Dean holding Cas' face in his hands. The angel is crying quietly, Dean leans in and kisses him softly. "Doesn't matter at all, you hear me?" Dean mumbles against Cas' cheek. 

Sam clears his throat to announce his presence. 

Dean pulls his hands away and turns, Sam can see tears in his eyes. Cas pulls Dean back, his arms low around Dean's waist. 

"It's okay, we're okay, shhh..." Dean hushes him. 

Dean and Cas stay close to each other, giving reassuring touches and soft words for the next ten minutes. Sam watches Gabriel's body, lost in thought. 

It's broken, the lifeline is gone he's certain, and they're still alive. Sam can't help but feel a little relief in that. He feels bad for feeling relief but he can't help it. He's not forced to be with Gabriel now. He has a choice. Does he want Gabriel? He doesn't know. He doesn't know if Gabriel will want him. Is Sam okay if he doesn't? 

"I think we need to try to wake him," Dean finally says, "we need answers." 

"Gabriel? Can you hear me?" 

Gabriel hears a voice at the end of the tunnel, it's low and scratchy. It echoes. He's not sure which way to go. 

"Gabe, hey! Wake up! You've been out for almost a half hour, man!" Another deep voice, it rumbles like an engine. 

"You try, Sammy. His eyes are darting around, he has to be close to coming to," the low rumble says.

 _Sam._ He tries to think. _What happened?_

"Gabe, come on, wake up." 

Sam's voice. He follows it like a familiar trail leading out of the darkness. He feels a hand tapping his face. His vessel's face. It snaps him back fully to awareness. 

His grace is back to normal. He opens his eyes. Something is wrong. He looks at Sam and something's _wrong._

"Sam? What happened?" 

It floods back then. The sisters, the web, the pain, Sam screaming. He looks Sam over. He's wearing sweat pants. He was naked when they landed on the floor. How long has he been out?

"That's what we wanna know," Dean says.

Gabriel sits up, a blanket falls from his chest. He looks at Dean and Cas, then back at Sam.

"Are you okay?" he asks Sam. 

"Yeah. I mean, the pain is gone, so I think so. What happened?" 

Gabriel looks at the floor. "They cut it."

The room stays silent for a long time, none of them looking at each other.

"We assumed, but why?" 

The question comes from Cas, sounding soft and scared. Gabriel looks at him. Cas looks terrified. 

"What did you do?" Cas asks. 

"What?! No, it wasn't me," Gabriel looks at Sam and Dean but he can't read their expressions. "It wasn't, I swear. They just showed up. I was looking at the stars and they appeared and said not to thank them yet. They bound me with, with some kind of web? And then the youngest went after Sam and it _hurt_ \- and I could hear Sam, he was screaming, and I got to him but I could hardly fly and we landed and I hurt him and my grace..." He trails off, finally looking at Sam. "After I healed you I guess I needed to recharge." 

Sam is looking at him but Gabriel has no idea what he's thinking. Sam doesn't look the same. There's no pull to him. He's almost like a stranger. He watches Sam move to a couch and sit.

"Yeah it hurt like hell," Dean says. 

"No- did they cut yours too?" Gabriel moves to stand but Cas pushes him down. 

"Rest," Cas says flatly. 

Gabriel stands anyway, the blanket falling to the floor. He sees Sam look away quickly, obviously uncomfortable. Sam has never looked away from him being naked before. 

Dean clears his throat.

Gabe grabs the blanket and wraps it around his waist. 

"How?" He holds the blanket around himf awkwardly, "how did they get in here?"

"They didn't. I was beside Dean, I felt it- the pain, and then he woke screaming. No one was in the bunker but us." 

"I don't understand..." Gabriel looks back to Sam. He's looking down at the floor.

He sees Dean and Cas move beside him, a small movement. Dean's hand touching Cas' lower back. Dean isn't wearing a shirt, just shorts and socks. Cas is wearing an old t-shirt and Dean's sweatpants. Cas turns himself in toward Dean. He doesn't embrace him or even touch him, he just turns and Dean slides his arms around his waist. It's obviously a familiar movement to them, probably like Gabriel rubbing the back of Sam’s knuckles. That thought hurts a little. 

Sam is watching them too. When he notices Gabriel looking at him he looks to the floor again. 

"Are you sure you're okay, Sam?" Gabriel asks. He takes a step toward Sam.

Sam stands. "Yeah, I'm fine. Here, sit down." 

Sam walks away, putting distance between the two of them. 

_He doesn't want to be near me._

He looks back and Dean and Cas. He doesn't want to look there either. Cas standing in Dean's clothes, both still comfortable in each other's arms. It doesn't seem to matter that the line is gone, their bond seems strong. 

He stands there looking down. He doesn't know what to do or say. None of them seem to.

"Why? They told me it was a gift..." Sam finally says. 

Gabriel looks up. Sam won't look at him. He looks lost, his eyes up toward the ceiling. 

"It was," Gabriel says, "it was one they could take away. That's why they gave it." 

"Just to take it away? But why?" Sam asks again. He finally looks at Gabriel. There's no smile, no warmth in his face, he's just... Sam. 

"Because it's cruel and that's who they are." Gabriel watches Sam nod and turn toward him. He doesn't take a step though. Gabriel wants to, but he doesn't know what Sam wants. _Say something._ He can't think of anything appropriate. 

"It's done," Cas says. "These questions won't change that."

Sam and Gabriel look at him. He's moved out of Dean's arms, he's standing next to him now. Dean's hand is on the back of Cas' neck, like he's about to pull him closer again. 

"It doesn't change anything anyway. Right?" Dean looks between Sam and Gabriel. 

Neither says anything. Sam won't meet Gabriel's eyes. 

"Dean, I think they need some time to talk," Cas says. 

Dean and Cas turn slowly and walk away.

And then it's just Gabriel and Sam. 

Sam runs his hands through his hair and then rubs a palm over his face. He puts his hands on his hips and stares at the floor. He looks awkward. Gabriel has never seen him so uncomfortable. 

"Listen, Gabe, Gabriel," Sam corrects his name, he's never done that before, "I uh, I don't really know what the right thing is to say here..." Sam glances up. 

The right thing to say? The right thing to say for what? To say he doesn't feel the same anymore? 

_He wouldn't want you._ The fates words ring in his head. 

"You don't have to say anything, Sam, it's ok." 

"I think I just need some time. This is- it's just a lot to take in. I don't know." 

"It's okay, kid-" Gabriel squeezes his eyes shut, " _Sam._ It's okay, Sam." If Sam is using correct names Gabriel assumes that he should do the same. Everything about this feels wrong.

Sam looks even more uncomfortable. His arms and chest look tight and he crosses his arms. 

"Yeah, I guess you don't have to stay here though, right? I mean, you don't have to be bored anymore, you can go wherever..." 

Gabriel has no idea what to say to that. That's not what he wants, he doesn't want that at all, but does Sam? He appears to, he looks closed off and indifferent. Gabriel nods. 

"Right. I'm gonna go try to get some sleep, it's still the middle of the night..." Sam stands there for a second and then turns and strides from the room. 

Gabriel is left standing there, watching Sam walk away. He's in a room that just a few hours ago would have felt warm and comfortable, like home, but now it's cold and empty. He feels alone, but he's knows he's not. 

"You get all that, Cas?"

He turns and to see his brother behind him. 

Cas doesn't acknowledge the question. "Are you alright?" 

Gabriel smirks. "Never better." 

"Please don't use sarcasm. I think you need to talk to Sam." 

"I did, he doesn't have much to say." Gabriel drops the blanket and snaps his fingers. Why hadn't he thought of snapping up clothes before? His brain feels like it's finally coming back online. "You better get back to 'ol Deano, he's not tied to you anymore. He can run away." 

"He won't." 

"How do you know? First red head in a bar will probably leave you sitting in the dust." 

Anger flashes across Cas' face. "I know because he's not _you._ He won't run. Don't be cruel; this night has had enough cruelty." 

Gabriel looks down at his feet. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"I really think you should follow Sam..." Cas looks like he's pleading. 

"Listen, Cas, he said what he needed to. He cut me loose, told me I didn't have to hang around and be bored. I know what that means, I'm not stupid. I'll catch you later." Gabriel snaps. 

Cas looks around the room searching for Gabriel. Gabriel is standing there watching, cloaked and completely hidden from his brother.

He watches Cas shake his head and sigh. "You're wrong, brother, sometimes you're very stupid,” Cas whispers.

Cas jumps to Sam's room, Gabriel follows.

"Dean, I don't want to talk about this right now." Sam hadn't been in his room more than two minutes when Dean barged in. 

"What the hell are you doing? Go talk to him!" Dean had barked. 

Sam can't do this right now, he just can't. His head is swimming. He hasn't had a second to gather his thoughts since he'd felt Gabriel heal him on the library floor. He'd just sat there, looking at Gabriel's unconscious vessel beside him. 

"He's gone." Cas says.

No he's not. He's right there, looking at Sam. 

"What?!" Dean exclaims, turning toward Cas. "What the hell?" 

"He said Sam told him to leave." 

Technically not what Sam said, but Gabriel got the hint.

"What?!" Dean yells again, turning back to Sam. 

"No- no I didn't- that's not what I meant! I just gave him the option in case he wanted it. I guess he did." 

No, he doesn't. But Sam looked like a deer in the headlights and Gabriel feels the same way. If Sam is giving him options it's probably because Sam wants those options. That's usually the way it goes.

"You're a goddamn idiot, Sam. I can't even..." Dean shakes his head. "They put the two most emotionally stunted people together and created chaos, and you're letting them." 

_That was a shitty thing to say, Dean,_ Gabriel thinks. Maybe a tiny bit accurate, but shitty nonetheless.

"Fuck you, Dean. Like you're the poster boy for emotional health. And Gabriel isn't a person, he's an angel." 

_Attaboy, Sam._

"I know enough to realize I'm still in love with him," Dean juts his finger toward Cas, "I don't need a lifeline to tell me that! Are you really saying that the lifeline is gone and now you feel _nothing_ for him?" 

"No, I'm not saying that, I don't know what I feel! It's only been a half hour, what the hell?! Can't I take a minute here?!" 

And there it is. He doesn't know how he feels. That sums it all up.

"Looks like you got all the time in the world." Dean moves toward Cas, grabbing the angel's hand and pulling him to the door. 

"I'll pray to him tomorrow, or in a couple days. I just need a minu-" 

Sam's words are cut off by Dean slamming the door.

 _Tomorrow. A couple days._ He watches Sam put his head back and look at the ceiling. He watches him shake his head and sit on the side of the bed, head hanging down. Sam stares at the floor for a long time. _Or never. He'll never pray to me._

 _Why can't something be normal?_ Sam wonders. He knows the answer to that though, because he's Sam Winchester and Gabriel is an archangel. You don't get any more abnormal than that. He doesn't understand his feelings. He can't work them out this fast, it's all so _fast._ Why does everything happen so fast between the two of them?

Gabriel doesn't know what to do with himself. What should he do? 

Sam Is lost in his thoughts thinking about Gabriel standing there in nothing but a blanket, he looked fragile, even though Sam knew he wasn't. Sam had started to call him Gabe and then corrected it. Why had he done that? It was weird. 

And then Gabriel had started to call him kiddo and corrected that. He'd called him Sam instead. Not Samsquatch or Sammich or Sammo, nothing familiar, just Sam. 

And then Sam had given him an out. Why had Sam even said it? It didn't need to be said. Was he trying to push the angel away? And then Sam had run. He'd run to his room and wanted to run back to the library and Dean had barged in and now...

Gabriel watches Sam for so long. Sam doesn't move, he doesn't lie down, he doesn't cry, he can't even hear him breathe. He's silent, motionless. Gabriel has no idea what he's thinking, but he can't stand here watching Sam stare at the floor for hours. He has to leave. He has to.

He jumps back to the tent and looks around. The fire is out. The lights are fading. He doesn't want to look at this. This reminder of what he and Sam were just hours ago. He wants it gone. Erased. He snaps his fingers and returns it all to the bunker, including the truck.

The area is empty now. _That's better._ No. It's not. It's _wrong. ___

He sheds his vessel and flies. He flies so high he soars. Rolling and tumbling, arching far away from the earth. He flies through the clouds, through the atmosphere, past moons and planets. He soars, reveling in the feeling of freedom, no tether binding him to earth. Nothing pulling him back toward... _Home._

It's not really his home. He'd tried to make it his home for longer than he remembers, but it never was. Neither was Heaven. He had no home. Sam had been the closest thing to home he'd ever found. That smile, those dimples, his eyes shining with laughter. That was his home for a brief moment, but no longer. It's gone, he lost it. He loses everything. 

He doesn't have anything to do. He doesn't want to do anything. So he floats, lost in the beauty of suns, distant stars, planets, galaxies, nebulae, comets zipping by...

The next day doesn't bring any answers for Sam, and neither does the one after that. He thinks and thinks, and then he thinks about his thoughts and what Gabriel was probably thinking and then he gets mad at himself for overthinking. He runs on it three times in one day, feet slapping pavement, but still doesn't have an answer. 

Dean doesn't talk to him. Cas probably would but he doesn't try. What would he say? How's Gabriel? Have you talked to him? If Sam is wondering shouldn't he just ask him himself? If Gabriel is a staying away wouldn't that mean he's fine? 

He's probably on a beach somewhere watching bathing suit clad bodies. Or he's out doing Trickster stuff. Maybe he's doing porn. That thought makes Sam want to throw up. Maybe he's in a rainforest somewhere. That thought hurts a little. 

Three days out and Sam needs to talk to someone. Not about Gabriel, he just needs contact with another person. He finds Cas and Dean in the library. Dean immediately walks out, talking into his phone. 

"Hey, Cas, can I ask you a favor?" Sam says hesitantly. 

"What is it, Sam?" 

"Can you take me to get the truck? I need to get the tent and stuff and get the truck back here. I'd ask Dean but I don't think he'd be open to the idea." 

"No, he wouldn't. He thinks you're being obtuse." 

"That's a nice way to put that I'm being an idiot," Sam laughs a little, "what do you think?" 

Cas looks at Sam, he studies Sam's face. _Angels have a way of looking you over that's very exposing,_ Sam thinks. 

"I'm afraid that once you realize what you had it will be too late."

Sam looks away. "You don't think he'll give me some time? Let me figure this out?" 

"Consider who you're talking about. When he hides- and he _will_ hide, you won't be able to find him and you won't pull him out with prayer. He will shut down, he will be done. For millennia, Sam. Remember that."

"I'll remember.”

“I don't know where he is, I haven't tried very hard to locate him, but I'm afraid he won't wait long. He has no family, no home. You understand?”

Sam stares at the wood grain of the library table. Those words make his heart ache, a physical ache in his chest, not just the metaphorical aching heart.

“Can I ask you something else?" 

Cas inclines his head. 

"How do you know? How do you know Dean still loves you?" 

Cas looks at him, his head cocking to the side slightly, and then pity seems to touch his blue eyes. "Because I asked him." 

Sam stands silently looking at Cas. _Why is it so simple for them?_

"The truck and equipment are in the garage."

Sam doesn't understand at first. He was too lost in thought about how easy things are between Cas and Dean. 

"What? When did you bring it back?" 

"We didn't. It was there the next morning."

 _Gabriel._ Sam nods. 

"I think you should know that we're leaving." 

Sam is shocked out of his thoughts again. "Where are you going?" 

"The unsettling calm seems to have passed. There is a case, we'll be leaving shortly." 

"Dean doesn't want me to go?" 

"Dean wants you to get your shit together."

Sam almost smiles. That's verbatim from Dean's mouth; he's heard it a million times. 

"Yeah, I'm sure he does. So the calm is over? You think it was the Fates?" 

"I don't know. We may never know. Maybe they made the calm so that you and Gabriel had no distractions, to move you closer together faster. Dean thinks so. Whatever it was, it's over." 

Dean is moving back toward the library again, wrapping up his conversation. His voice is getting closer. 

"Listen, Cas, you keep him safe okay? And I won't wait too long." 

Cas doesn't say anything. Dean enters as he ends the call. 

"Ready?" He looks at Cas, who nods. "You tell him?" He motions toward Sam with his head but he doesn't look at him. Cas nods. 

Sam turns to leave; he's almost out of the room when Dean yells.

"Sammy!" 

Sam turns.

"You get your-"

"Shit together, yeah I know Dean. You take care of Cas." 

Dean nods to him and Sam walks out.

It takes less than 24 hours for Sam to pack up the truck and leave. He can't sit in the bunker by himself, he'll go stir crazy. He searches for a case and finds one within minutes. The calm is _definitely_ over, and everything supernatural seems to be making up for lost time. He drives five hours straight, wraps up a routine salt and burn and gets a hotel room. 

Two nights later the dreams start. Maybe 'dream' isn't the right word, more like a feeling. Or maybe the _essence_ of a feeling. He wakes up with no specific memory, but it's almost like he's sentimental, his thoughts immediately going to the archangel. But that's got to be normal. It's probably just a leftover side effect from the lifeline. It'll pass. 

Days pass. He's no closer to figuring out his feelings about Gabriel. 

He misses him. He knows that for sure, he'd never deny it. But that's just because they'd become so familiar. They'd been like each other's shadow, never far apart. Maybe he just caught himself opening his mouth to ask Gabriel a question out of habit. Maybe he was lonely because he hadn't been alone in so long. 

Because how was he functioning so well if it was really love? Wouldn't he be a sobbing mess? Any other time he lost someone he loved he'd cried, broken down. He recovered quickly though. Maybe he didn't love as deeply. Maybe it's not real love? Is he capable of love? 

Yes. Absolutely. He loves his brother. He loved his dad and Bobby. That's not romantic love though. That's family. He loved Jess. Maybe losing her had broken something in him? Does he love Gabriel? He asks himself that a thousand times a day. The more he asks it the more tangled up he gets. 

He takes case after case, never slowing down. He works as hard as he can. A couple weeks out he feels good. He clears up a tulpa in a couple days. He just needs to stay busy, keep himself occupied. He's going to be fine. And he hasn't heard from Gabriel, so he must be fine too. 

He thinks about texting the angel, checking in to see how things are. What would he say? Everything that comes to mind seems ridiculous.

Dean finally calls late one evening, as Sam is driving into the sunset. 

"Where the hell are you?!" 

"Hey, Dean. I'm good, thanks for asking. I just wrapped up a case in Illinois. You at the bunker?" 

"Is Gabriel with you?" 

"What? No, why? Is something wrong?"

"Have you talked to him?"

"No, what's going on?" Sam is starting to panic. 

"Jesus, you're an asshole."

"What are you talking about? And you're a dick."

"You just leave him hanging like that, Sammy? For over a week? I didn't even do that to chicks I didn't give a shit about, that's just mean." 

"Whatever! He hasn't shown up either. He could have shown up at any time. I'm sure he's fine. I'm fine, even though you didn't ask." 

"Sure you are. You can't hunt by yourself." 

"Yes I can." 

"No, head this way and we'll meet up." 

"No, Dean. I don't..." 

"You don't what, spit it out." 

"I don't want to see- I can't- with Cas- you and Cas right now- I just- I can't watch you two together."

"Dammit, it's not like that! We're normal now, we're not gonna climb each other in the back seat. I promise." 

"I know, that's not what I meant. I just need some time, okay?" 

Dean sighs heavily into the phone. "Yeah, alright. You get into trouble you better call me. Or pray to Cas, you hear?" 

"Yeah, I know. I'll be fine though." 

"I'm sure you will- one more thing, Sam."

"I know, get my shit together."

"No, get ahold of Gabriel."

"I will." 

Dean hangs up. 

He won't. He's pretty much decided now. If Gabriel loved him he would be here. If Sam can function this well then he needs to just let Gabriel be. Move on. They need to move on. 

So he works. And works. He's focused, more focused than he's been in a long time, probably since he lost his soul. He has a conscience now though, so he wants to help people, not use them. He knows that's a good thing. Dean calls and checks on him. He always asks about Gabriel but Sam blows it off. 

Gabriel floats for days, or maybe weeks, it's hard to tell without night and day. He thinks about Sam. About Dean and Cas. He wonders how they're coping with the line broken. Are they still together? What's it like for them? 

Does Sam miss him? He wonders that a million times, but there's no prayer. He knew there wouldn't be. Sam is so strong, much stronger than Gabriel. He decides he needs to return to earth. He needs to see Sam, he needs to be certain that Sam is okay. 

He knows something for certain now. After all this floating and thinking he's come to the conclusion that he wants Sam. No, not just wants. If he just wanted him Gabriel could pretend he doesn't care. He's used to not getting what he wants; he learned that early on with his family. No, he knows now that he _needs_ Sam.

He's always been good at running his mouth, _I'm the Trickster, I always get what I want._ Bullshit. That's total bullshit. He wants a family, he wants it to be whole, and he wants a family that _loves him_ like he loves them. He'd had the beginning of that with Sam, just a taste. 

He knows he'll never love anyone or anything the way he loves Sam Winchester. Never. He's as sure of this as he is that the sun will rise again tomorrow. And the lifeline has nothing to do with this. It may have been strong and life altering, but this love he's left with is pure and true. He wants to tell Sam that, but he doesn't think he'll have the guts.

He flies slowly, telling himself there's no rush. It's not true, he's dying to see Sam, but he's terrified of what he'll find. He's terrified that Sam will be fine without him, especially since he's just figured out how much he needs Sam. He draws closer to earth and decides to look in the bunker first. He assumes that's where the three of them will be. They're not there, it's vacant and cold. 

He picks up his vessel, slipping it on like and old coat. He hides himself completely. He flies up and looks over the earth, listening. He sees Cas first, he flies closer. Dean and Cas are in bed. Cas is resting his head on Dean's arm while Dean talks on the phone. 

"You think you could help us with this one? This is a big nest, we could use the help."

He can hear Sam though the phone.

"Sure, text me the info and I'll start driving." 

"Sounds good," Dean says.

"Ok, see you soon."

"Wait- Sam?"

"Yeah?" 

"You pray yet?"

"No, Dean, I'm fine. I'm sure he is too."

"I doubt that. On both counts."

“I'll be there day after tomorrow.”

He hears the click of Sam hanging up. 

Gabriel moves to sit on the curb by the hotel. He can hear Dean and Cas talking. 

"He seems to be getting along well, Dean, maybe you shouldn't worry." 

"Yeah, maybe. You hear from Gabriel?"

"No. He won't answer my calls, so to speak."

Gabriel had heard those calls. He'd ignored them. He didn't want to answer the inevitable questions. He just couldn't do it, it wasn't in him anymore. He can't lie and laugh and blow it off like nothing happened. Like nothing is wrong. Everything is wrong. He'd played that game before when he left heaven, the laughing joking trickster who doesn't care about anything. Fuck that, he's done with it.

He wanders a little. He doesn't want to see Sam now, he doesn't want to burden Sam with this pitiful unrequited love. He's glad Sam is fine but he can't face it. He doesn't want to see it, the thought of that makes him want to wither and die. Maybe he should. He probably should, but he's a coward.

He moves east, away from Cas and Dean and Sam. He doesn't want to go anywhere near Sam's path. He finds a dog. A small dog, a runt really. She's in a ditch dying and lonely, her litter mates dead and cold around her. She's just a puppy, she should be full of life and mischief but instead she's been neglected, abused and discarded. The garbage bag the puppies were stuffed in flutters away. She looks at him with sad and desperate eyes, she's desperate for relief and she expects no kindness. 

He knows how she feels. 

He heals her. She's shaggy and brown, and when he stands she wiggles in circles around his feet making him smile. He hasn't smiled in a while. He picks her up. 

What should he do with her? He wishes he could give her to Sam. Sam loves dogs. 

"Hey, sugar, aren't you a pretty girl? Now what am I gonna do with you, huh?"

She squirms and wiggles and licks his face. He should find her a home. He wants to keep her for himself. 

He knows what he's going to do now. He's going to hide. He's going to bury himself, cover himself in miles of deep, dark earth. He's going to block out the world, hear nothing, see nothing. He'll sleep, or the closest thing to sleep that there is for an angel, like a stone statue in hibernation. The dog can come. When he wakes in a hundred years she'll be just as she is now, suspended in time.

And by then Sam will be gone. He'll be in Heaven, at peace. And Gabriel can move on. Hell, maybe he'll wait two hundred years. Or five. It doesn't matter. As long as when he comes back he doesn't have to face Sam. He doesn't have to see Sam living life just fine without him. 

He sinks down, lower and lower, into the deep cool dampness of the earth. The little dog sleeps, content and relaxed tucked into his chest. She knows she's safe. He smells the earth one last time and then let's it cover him completely. It wraps him tight in darkness, and he shuts down. 

***************************************

"Big nest, Sammy, you sure you're up for this?" Dean asks, he's strapping a machete to his thigh. 

The vampire nest is a block up, they're armed to the gills and they have an angel with them. How much more ready can they be? 

"Please, I'm in better shape than you. I'm ready; you just try to keep up." 

"Alright, Cas, fly us in." Dean stands rail straight. He hates this, but it was his idea.

"I want to reiterate that I don't think this is a good idea." 

"WE KNOW!" Sam and Dean say in unison. 

Dean grabs Cas' hand and Cas grabs Sam by the shoulder. 

The room they land in was supposed to be empty. They were supposed to have a few minutes to get their bearings and pull their blades. Instead they're immediately surrounded by nine shocked vampires. The element of surprise is the only thing in their favor. 

Dean stumbles, fighting disorientation. Cas grabs his upper arm. 

"What the hell, Cas, this isn't the right room!" He yells, swinging his machete. 

"This is the room you told me." Cas pulls a blade and takes off a vampire's head. He turns and one is too close to swing at. He puts his palm on its forehead and fries it.

More vamps rush into the room. 

"Behind you, Sam," Cas says. 

Sam spins, blade up. The vampire is short though, a woman. The blade drives into her skull at about eye level and sticks. 

"Shit!" Sam swears.

Dean cuts her head off. 

Sam pulls another blade and puts his back to Dean's. They cut them down as they come, swinging and heads flying. More pour in through the door. The ones who don't rush Sam and Dean are cut short by Cas. They're an efficient team, fast, comfortable with each other. 

Sam moves toward Cas as a vamp approaches from behind his right shoulder. Cas spins, cutting behind Sam and Sam chops the head clean off. Three vampires run from the room. 

There are five remaining, moving at Cas and Dean.

"You guys got this?" Sam asks, but he doesn't wait for an answer, he follows the vampires out. 

Sam sees them cut behind a door and he slows down. He eases up, blade held at chest height between two hands. He hears rustling in the room, a weak cry. Was that a child? He needs to look around the doorframe but he's exposing himself when he does. He steadies his breathing and tries to be calm and fast. He moves quickly, just a quick scan. 

He saw three kids in the far right corner. He hears one cry a little louder. He moves across the doorway to check the room from the opposite view. He ducks his head in. Nothing. There's a closet on the left. The vamps must be hiding in it. 

The hall is clear. Cas and Dean should be along any second. He slowly steps into the room. He looks at the kids and places a finger to his lips, quieting them. He motions for them to leave the room. The older two get up but the smallest refuses, she curls up tight. She's quiet though, she doesn't make a sound. Her eyes are huge and light brown, almost golden, like Gabriel's eyes. 

_What the fuck, Sam, get your head together._ Why the hell is he noticing her eyes? One of the older kids, a boy, picks her up and carries her from the room. He looks about ten, she's probably four. He looks at Sam with those same eyes. _Must be brother and sister._ They run out. 

_Focus._ He moves toward the door. _Slow, Sam, breathe, breathe, pull the door open and swing. Now!_

He pulls the door and swings at air. There's nothing there, an empty closet. Sam cut the pull string for the naked light bulb, he watches it settle on the dirty floor.

_What the hell?_

He hears a foot squeak behind him. He turns in time to see a vampire with its head half attached. Blood is pouring from its neck, its shoes are squeaking through it. He raises his blade as Dean rounds the corner and Sam severs the head. 

Dean laughs a little. "Almost got ya-" Dean looks up, his voice cut off and his eyes wide.

Sam knows he's in trouble.

"CAS!" Dean yells, "HELP!" 

Sam raises his blade and turns but strong arms lock around his shoulders. He feels a mouth at his neck. He sees vamps rushing forward from behind him.

"Dean," he says in a shaking voice. 

Dean is cutting them down, trying to make a path to Sam as Sam is pulled away. 

_Where are they all coming from?_

He feels teeth sinking in.

_Oh shit, no no no..._

"Dean!" He tries to yell but he's pretty sure there are sharp pointy teeth in his vocal chords. What comes out doesn't sound like Dean, it doesn't sound like a word at all. Just strangling. It sounds like Sam strangling. 

_GABE!_

Panic rushes him. He fights hard but he's contained in rigid arms. 

_I'm an idiot._

Sam feels himself weakening. He's still alert though. He's alert enough to know that what you think about when you're having the life sucked out of you is probably the most important thing in your world. And what's he thinking about?

 _Gabriel?! Help!_

He's thinking about an archangel.

_Gabe, if you can hear me I'm an idiot. I love you, I do. I love you even without the lifeline. There's a vampire chewing on my neck…_

He feels things getting fuzzy; he knows it's from losing so much blood so quickly. He feels the pull of the vampires mouth on his skin. His eyes close.

He forces himself awake. He sees a glimpse of a trench coat. 

_Gabe, if I live you- No, I'm gonna live, Cas is moving toward me. I'll live, and you better be there when I wake up. You hear me, Angel?_

His vision tunnels, black closing around the edges. He tries to fight it. He hears the sickening sucking sound of the vampire against his neck. He hears Dean in the distance. Cas is far away…

_“Cover your eyes, Dean!”_

He's out.

Gabriel hears nothing, no desperate strangled prayers of a dying man, no drunken muttered words begging for him. He won't know about the text messages delivered to the phone in his pocket asking if he's okay, if they can talk. He's oblivious, he's muted everything. He's hiding.

Sam wakes slowly. He doesn't want to wake up at all. He's tired, he feels exhausted, and he's so warm down in this bed. Blankets are tucked around his neck, his head resting on a soft fluffy pillow. He wants to go back to sleep for a long, long time. 

But he has to pee. 

"Gabe, need to pee and I don't wanna get up," he mumbles. He's asked this before and Gabriel always takes care of it. 

"Sammy? You awake?"

Sam opens his eyes wide. "Dean?" He struggles into a sitting position and looks around.

_Oh shit, the vampires…_

He puts a hand to his neck. "Where am I? Where's Gabe?" He'd prayed, he'd finally prayed. Gabriel has to be close.

Dean shifts his eyes, furrowing his brow. 

"Uhhh... You're in a hotel, with me and Cas. A vamp had you, Cas healed you as best he could but he was pretty low on juice from healing the kids and fighting and everything. You've been asleep for almost twelve hours. Any of this ring a bell?" 

"Where's Gabe?" Sam throws the blankets back and regrets it; it's freezing in the room. He doesn't want to get up but he really has to pee.

Dean opens and closes his mouth, obviously confused and concerned. "Did you lose some time or something? You have a concussion? Haven't seen him in what, four? Five weeks? Lifeline was cut..." Dean shakes his head. "You're freaking me out here." 

"Oh, yeah," Sam says, he stumbles a little on his way to the bathroom. Dean doesn't know he prayed to Gabriel. He doesn't know Sam expected the angel to be there when he woke up.

Dean slides his shoulder under Sam's arm and supports him. 

"Cas is out too, he was stumbling he was so out of it. He'll get you back to a hundred percent when he can." 

"I'm fine, Dean, just tired. I need to pee and sleep, I'll be fine." 

Dean waits outside the bathroom door and helps him back to bed. 

"You remember now?" Dean watches him warily as he lies down.

"Yeah, I remember. What about the kids? They alright?" 

"Yeah, fine. Some of the older ones were pretty weak. They raised those kids as feeders, poor things. That's sick. Cas healed them though, he came as fast as he could when I yelled for help but that vamp almost had you dried up." 

"Where the hell did they all come from?" Sam is getting warm and sleepy again. He yawns. 

"False door at the back of the closet. The one with her head half off was trying to get there, I followed her and ran into you. When you turned around they swarmed, probably another thirty rushed out. Cas finally had to go all white nuclear light to get to you. Why the hell did you go off on your own, Sammy? You know better!" 

"I know, sorry, Dean," Sam says sleepily. 

He hears Dean move away to the other bed. He'd noticed a human shaped form huddled under the blankets. He hears Dean mumbling as he settles on the creaking mattress.

“Thought I lost you, and Cas was almost wiped clean out. You two scare me to death.” 

“Sorry,” Sam whispers.

He thought Gabriel would be here. Gabriel was his last thought when he was dying and his first thought when he woke up, and he's not here. He didn't come. Sam loves him but he doesn't love Sam...

Sam wakes again but there's no false hope is time. He opens his eyes and knows Gabriel isn't there. He hears the TV. He doesn't move. He doesn't want to face Dean or Cas. 

He thinks about texting Gabriel. What would he say? He reaches to the bedside table trying to be discrete and grabs his phone. What the hell should he say? He stares at the bright screen. He lies still until he falls back asleep.

He wakes up occasionally, drinking from the glass of water beside the bed. His thoughts and dreams run together fitfully. He holds the phone while he sleeps. 

"Sammy," Dean is shaking him, "hey, come on you need to eat." 

Sam rolls to his back and stretches. He is hungry, his stomach growls loudly when he smells the food. He sits up and looks around, blinking his bleary eyes. 

Cas is sitting on a tiny couch, almost a love seat but a bit bigger. It probably has a pull out bed. He looks as tired as Sam feels. Dean is pulling take out containers from a bag.

"No rabbit food today, you need some protein." Dean shoves a styrofoam clad burger into Sam's hand. 

"Cas, would food help you?" Dean asks.

"No, thank you, Dean. I'm almost back to normal." 

Dean watches Cas for a second and then sits beside him. 

Sam takes a bite of the burger. "Damn, that's good," he moans. 

"I'd give it a solid five, you haven't eaten in days, so your opinion doesn't count." 

"Days?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, almost three. I was getting worried you might've turned into sleeping beauty. Thank God you're awake, with that hair you're not gonna have any princes lining up."

Sam smirks and eats some French fries. 

"You okay, Cas? You look about like I feel." 

Cas looks confused for a second and then nods at Sam. "I feel much better. I think I'll be able to heal you fully tomorrow."

Sam feels his neck. "What's left to heal?" 

"I need to restore your blood counts to normal, that's all," Cas says.

"Don't worry about that, food and sleep will take care of it." Sam sits back against the headboard. He feels better since he's eaten. He walks to the bathroom without stumbling. He drinks a ton of water. 

He sits back on bed to watch TV. He can see Dean and Cas beside each other on the tiny couch. Dean has his arm slung behind Cas, easy and comfortable. They aren't talking or even touching really, but they seem so familiar. It makes Sam shift his eyes. He can't focus on the show. 

Gabriel hadn't come. Sam had prayed and he hadn't come. Sam feels nauseous. He lies down. 

"Sleeping again?" Dean asks. 

"Too much food, my stomach hurts." 

Dean doesn't say anything else.

Sam pulls the blankets up over him, peeking out a small hole. He feels like a kid and Dean has a girl in the room. He feels like he should pretend to sleep, but Cas and Dean aren't doing anything. They're watching TV, and one of them may be snoring. Yep, it sounds like Cas. 

Why does Sam need to hide from them? He's not hiding from them. He's hiding from the fact that Gabriel didn't come. Gabriel doesn't love him. 

He closes his eyes tightly and prays for sleep. _No reason to pray for anything, Sam._

He runs his hand around under the blankets until he finds his phone. The battery is at five percent. If he texts him now it probably won't even go. _Fuck it._  
Sam: _I’m sorry if I bothered you when I prayed._

He lies perfectly still for a long time after he plugs the phone in. Eventually sleep rescues him. 

"Dean, I'm fine. I'm totally fine. It's been eight days, I'm leaving." Sam takes a drink of his smoothie. Checks his phone. Nothing.

"No, Sam, you're not. I know you're not back to normal. Give it two more days."

"One." 

Dean takes a bite of eggs and looks Sam over. "Fine. But you eat _real_ food for the rest of the day. None of that crap." He waves his fork at Sam's glass. 

"Fine." He rubs his fingers over the phone again. Texting Gabriel at night is something he regrets every day, but even so he can't help keep the phone within inches of his hands.

"I don't know why you're in such a rush anyway; the three of us are a good team. How many hunters can take out a poltergeist like that one in an hour? That thing was nasty." 

Sam looks out the window. Dean knows Sam is back to normal or they wouldn't be hunting again, Dean just doesn't want him to leave. Sam could probably stayb too. Dean was right, him and Cas are normal. He might see little gestures, smiles, a small touch between them, but they hide it well. That's the thing though; they shouldn't have to hide it. It's not fair to them.

So Sam is leaving. He's made his mind up. He'll stay one more day, two more meals, and then he's leaving. He doesn't want to have to pretend anymore anyway. He's miserable and he wants to be miserable alone. He wants to wallow in self-pity and miss Gabriel. He wants to lay in bed and pine and think about how stupid he was. He probably won't let himself do it but he wants the option.

"So what's the plan today? You got a case?" Sam asks as he downs the fruit and vegetable concoction. 

"Nah, thought I'd take Cas to see a movie. Wanna come? He's never been in a movie theater."

Sam thinks about the last time he went to the movies, Gabriel and the caramel corn. He fiddles with the phone. It's become like a late night journal, texting Gabriel memories, regrets, how he misses him. There's never a response. Sam has never felt so pathetic. He wishes he'd never sent that first text.

"No thanks."

"Fine, no movie. What do you wanna do?"

"No, it's fine, you guys go. I'm gonna get the truck ready to leave, change the oil, clean it up." 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah, positive. Where is Cas anyway?" 

"Dunno. He said he wanted to stretch his wings." 

Sam raises his eyebrows. “What does that mean?” 

Dean shrugs and goes back to eating.

Sam lied. The truck has been ready for two days. He has nothing to do; he just didn't want to sit in a dark movie theater with Dean and Cas. 

So he sits in the motel room with the curtains drawn staring at the TV. He half sees it and half hears it. He feels like a pathetic loser, the phone perched on his knee. This is ridiculous. Good thing this is the first time he's been dumped, he obviously isn't coping well now that the realization has set in. 

Is this the first time he's been dumped? He has to think about that. He was dumped as a teenager but he doesn't remember being devastated by the experience. Probably because they left that town the next day. But as an adult? Yeah, it is. 

They've always died before now. _That's fucking depressing._ Yeah. And what's more depressing is that he thinks it might be easier when they die. 

_Holy shit, Sam, you're a horrible person._

He is. He knows it. But with death it's final. There's no wondering. 

_What did I do wrong? What if I'd said this, done that, what if I'd told him how happy he made me, what if I'd said I love you that one time, what if I'd prayed sooner, prayed harder, what if I'd text him before?_

There's a constant slew of what ifs from a break up. You might have regrets after someone dies but they aren't out there living their life without you. Making you wonder every fucking second what they're doing, who they're with, are they happier without you, do they ever miss you? 

This sucks. 

_You're going to hell, Sam.;; Yeah. Been there, spent time with his brothers. If I go back we'll swap stories._

__Jesus, get ahold of yourself!_ _

_Sam needs out of this hotel, he's going crazy. Where the hell is he going to go? It's 2:30 on a Monday, there's no place to be, nothing to do. He drives around the no name town and finally sees the sign for a bar._

_The Butter Butt._

He laughs when he sees it. Gabriel would have loved that. He thinks that shit all the time. Gabriel would have laughed at that, Gabriel would have cracked a joke right now, Gabriel would have loved that little couch in the hotel. It would have pressed us up against each other and he'd have been in my lap in no time- 

Fuck it. A beer sounds good. He sits at the bar and looks around. It's actually really nice, not at all what he expected. It's definitely a top shelf place, very nicely put together. He might not be able to afford many beers here. 

The bartender comes in from the back. Skinny guy, plain, typical bartender's outfit. 

"Will you be dining with us, sir?" 

"No, just a beer."

"Yes, sir, would you like to see our menu?" 

"You have a beer menu?" 

He lays it in front Sam. "We carry a large array of craft and microbrewery selections, as well as your more traditional fare. Do you have taste preferences?" 

This is more than what he wants to think about. "What's on draft?" 

"Of course, sir. We have Michelob, Coors, Coors Light, Budweiser, Bud Light, Ice House-" 

Sam's afraid he's going to go on all afternoon. "Bud Light. Please."

"Excellent selection, sir." 

"Probably not, I'm not a connoisseur." Sam chuckles a little watching the bartender pour his beer. 

"You are while you're here, sir."

"Stop calling me sir," Sam downs half the beer. 

"Okay, what do you prefer?" 

"Just call me Sam. How much is this?"

"$11.25, Sam." 

Sam almost spits out his beer. 

"Would you like to start a tab?" 

Sam slams it back. "Oh, what the hell," he squints as he pulls a credit card from his pocket and looks at the bartender's name tag, "Jeffery?" 

The guy smiles a little when he looks at Sam's card. "Call me Jeff, Sam. Or is it John?" 

"John Samuel. I go by Sam." Sam doesn't even blink.

Jeff nods and slides the card away. 

Sam slows down, but he's about five beers into a deep conversation about break ups when someone enters the bar. He doesn't notice until she slides up on a stool one over from him. The entire bar is empty, why the hell would she sit so close? 

And then he looks at her. Petite, athletic, short skirt, long reddish blonde hair, blue grey eyes. She smiles up at him. 

He has to pee. Like, right now. He hadn't thought about it until this very second but now he has to go and he's not sure if he'll make it. 

He grabs his phone off the bar and as he stands up he sees her smile falter. He walks very quickly to the back of the bar.

"Sam? Can I help you?" 

It's Jeff.

"Uh, bathroom?" 

"Other way, around here," Jeff motions to near where Sam was sitting.

"Right." Sam almost jogs. He definitely doesn't notice the woman looking him up and down. He doesn't see that at all. Nope. 

He feels better after the bathroom. Why was that such an emergency? He's fine. He sits beside the woman again, that one empty stool between them. She's sipping wine.

"You're tall," she says. 

_And you're observant. Bet nothing gets past you._ Good thing he's not a few more beers in or he'd have said that out loud. Gabriel would have said it. _Dammit, Sam._

"Uh, yeah." He smiles and sips his beer. 

"I mean, I thought you were tall when I sat down but when you stood up I was surprised. How tall are you?" 

"6'4, last I checked." 

She smiles broadly. "Sam, is it?" 

"Yeah." 

She holds her hand out to him. _Manners, Sam._

"I'm sorry, and you are?" He folds his hand around hers. Her hands are tiny.

"Juliet, nice to me you."

"Juliet?"

Her smile falters again. "Yes..."

"Like Romeo and Juliet?" 

"Oh please, please don't give me some pick up line about how you'll be my Romeo. I didn't peg you for the type." 

"No, no! I just uh, I don't know," Sam laughs a little. "Thanks for not asking me if I play basketball." 

She looks confused for a second. "I don't get it."

"'You're tall', is usually immediately followed by, 'You play basketball?'" Sam shakes his head. "Such a stupid question."

She laughs a little and holds her wine glass up and toasts him. "To no stupid questions." 

"Uh... Yeah." Sam smiles meekly. He probably shouldn't be talking to an attractive woman; everything she says is reminding him of Gabriel. 

Two more beers and he's thinking he should forget Gabriel completely. And he's going to. Starting now. Right now. No, now. _Now._

Whatever. Maybe if he talks to this chick he'll forget. What was that Dean always said?

_"You gotta get under another one with another one and you'll get to forget the first one!"_

No, that's not it. Maybe it was inside another one? He's buzzing, he can't figure it out. It doesn't matter anyway. 

She's obsessively checking her phone every two minutes. So is he, truth be told. 

"Expecting someone?' 

She smiles a little and nods. 

"He's a jerk to keep you waiting." He's heard Dean use that line a thousand times and women sworn all over it. 

"Well she's a girl, so..." 

Her eyes shift to the soccer game on the TV behind the bar.

"Oh, meeting a friend? Hope she's okay."

"She's my fiancé."

This is the point where Dean sinks. Or walks away. Or very rarely he smiles broadly when two women ask him to join. _Bastard._

"Sorry, I'm the jerk." 

Gabriel would laugh at Sam so hard right now. He'd probably set this up as a prank just to see Sam squirm. 

_Wait a minute._

"You're fine, happens all the time. Hetero people just assume, it's human nature." 

If Gabriel is playing a prank Sam should prank him back. Right? But what if this isn't Gabriel?

"Well that makes it twice as bad. I just got dumped by a guy." 

Sam finishes off his beer and waves to Jeff. There's still no one but him and Juliet in the bar, it's really slow. Jeff is stocking shelves and chatting with them.

Jeff slides another beer over. "Might need to slow down a bit, Sam."

"Nah, I'm good."

Jeff nods.

"You got dumped? I can't imagine that," Juliet says. 

"Why's that?" Sam looks at her. 

"Well, because you're hot. I mean, do you look in a mirror?" 

Sam smirks. "Thought you liked women." 

"I'm gay, I'm not blind. So what happened?" 

This is awfully personal question from someone he just met. Strange. 

"Um," Sam pauses, "it's a really long story."

"Yeah, break ups usually are..."

Sam looks down at his beer. "I guess he didn't love me like he thought, or like I thought. And he was probably bored. He was always bored." 

_What the fuck, Sam? Why did you blurt that out?_

His tongue is feeling thick. Maybe he should slow down. He takes another drink. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," Juliet looks so sympathetic, "he sounds like the jerk."

"Nah, not really. He was…" Sam thinks, what was Gabriel? "He was funny. He was always making me laugh. He had those eyes, you know the ones, the kind that one second they look at you and it chills you to the bone and the next second they look at you like you hung the moon. You ever had somebody look at you like that?" 

Juliet shakes her head.

"And he was smart. Like, wicked smart. We used to talk about theology and philso- phil-," Sam's having trouble saying the word, "phil-os-o-phy for hours and he'd make me think about things that just blew me away." Sam looks at her. "He was a good guy, well, not really a guy..."

"Oh, is he trans?" 

"What?" Her meaning dawns on Sam after a couple seconds. Even though he's realizing he's drunk he knows he can't answer this honestly. He can't tell her his ex wasn't trans, he was an archangel. Not a good idea.

"N-no- just, no. He's a guy, just not your average guy I guess."

She nods a little. "Well, I'm sorry he got away if he's not really a jerk. Those eyes you talked about, and smart to boot? Brains and beauty, that's a deadly combination."

Those words, they rattle something in his sluggish brain. Why are they so familiar? 

"Yeah," Sam says. He thinks harder. _Brains and beauty..._ She's talking but he's not listening. And then it clicks. Gabriel had said that exact thing to him that first day he came back, when he was circling Sam like he was a meal the angel wanted to devour.

"...she wasn't a very nice person but, man, she was good in bed, her tongue was magic I swear to God." Juliet is saying. 

Jeff is hanging on her every word. 

"S'where'd you meet him?" Sam asks, finishing off his beer.

"Who?" Juliet looks at him funny. 

"Gabriel. You meet a guy named Gabriel lately?" Sam is sure now that he put her up to this. Positively certain. He looks her up and down. 

"No, not that I remember." She looks confused. 

"Sure you did. Short guy, light brown hair, golden brown eyes. He likes candy. Probably eatin’ a sucker. He's always eatin' suckers." 

She shakes her head no and laughs a little. "Who doesn't like candy? I love it." 

"What's your favorite?" Jeff asks. 

"All of them." She smiles at Jeff. 

And that's when it dawns on Sam. This could actually _be_ Gabriel. Wouldn't an epic prank like this be right up his alley? Switch vessels and saunter in here to try to get Sam to hit on him? That's classic. 

"Whass it feel like?" Sam asks. His head is starting to spin a little. He's not holding his alcohol well, maybe he's not back to 100% yet. "Maybe I shoulda let Cass heal me..." He mumbles.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that last part. What does what feel like?" Juliet looks at him.

"Bein' a man and then bein' a woman, swishing like that. Does'at messs you up?"

"I don't think I'm following you," she looks at Jeff and shakes her head. He shrugs back. 

"Sure you do, Gabe. Can I call you that again? You had sex as both? Whass it like? I know thass you, you'd pick her for the ass and thighs," Sam shakes his head knowingly and winks, or tries to wink anyway, "I know." 

"Are you calling me a man?" Her face looks outraged.

"Okay, woah, he's pretty drunk, I should have cut him off an hour ago-" Jeff tries to intercede. 

"Why didn't you jusss introducce yourself as Angel? I would have picked up on it fasster. Juliet is clever though, Gabe, you always make me think, thass why I love you. So tell me what it feels like! Are you wearing a bra? I bet thass weird. Can’I feel ‘em?" 

She slaps him straight in the face. 

"WOAH! Ok, I'm kicking him out, calm down! I'll try to get him a ride," Jeff is trying to placate her as she throws money down for her tab and gathers her phone and purse. 

"Don't bother!" She yells as she bolts out the door. 

Sam is trying to find his face with his hand. It stings and he wants to rub it but he keeps missing.

"What the hell, man?!" Jeff exclaims. 

"Dude, that wass totally him." 

"I have _never_ met someone as messed up over their ex as you are." Jeff shakes his head. "Do I need to call you a cab or can somebody come get you?"

"Nah, I'm good. Juss give me a little while to sober up."

"No, dinner rush will be starting soon, you gotta go, Sam. And you sure as hell can't drive. Do you have someone or not?" 

"Yeah, course I do, lemme call 'em." Sam picks his phone up but it's doesn't seem to be working right. He finally gets Dean's number to come up but when he puts it to his ear it's on speaker phone and he can't get it off. Then the screen goes black. 

"Y'ello." 

It's Dean. He sounds so dumb when he answers the phone like that. Sam snickers. 

"Hey, c'you guyss come get me?" He finally manages.

"Sam?" 

"Duh."

"Are you drunk?" 

"What? No," Sam giggles, "okay maybe a little."

"Maybe a lot," Jeff pipes in. 

"Who's that?" Dean asks. 

"Oh thass Jeff." 

"Who?" 

Jeff pulls the phone out of Sam's hand. "Hey! Don't be stealin' my phone!" 

"Is this Gabriel?" 

"I'm sorry, what? Sam, where are you?" 

"He's in a bar over on Ninth, it's called The Butter Butt. Is this Gabriel?"

"No, I'm not Gabriel. I'm Dean, his brother. Who are you, Jeff?" 

"I'm the bartender; I'm trying to make sure he makes it home okay."

"Well thank you for that," Dean must turn his head because his voice gets softer, "come on, Cas, Sammy's drunk." He puts his mouth back to the phone, "We're on our way."

Sam lays his head down on the bar. It feels like seconds later that he hears Dean's voice.

"Sammy!" Dean shakes him, "get your drunk ass up! You're too big to carry, princess."

Sam groans. He hears the conversation but he keeps his head down. 

"I'm sorry to tell you this but his credit card was declined." 

"Well, of course it was, Jeff. Of course it was. Because that's the kinda day little Sammy's havin'," Dean shakes him again. "Let me ask you a question though, why were you asking if I was Gabriel?"

"He's been talking about him for hours, when he called for a ride I figured he was drunk dialing an ex. They always do." 

"Talking about him for hours, huh?" Sam hears Dean pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. "Not a peep for weeks, Sammy, and then you get drunk and pour your heart out to the bartender?" He jerks Sam up. "How cliché. Come on, big guy." 

"Wait! Listen he's a really nice guy but he had me worried, does he have something a little off?" 

"Off?"

"Yeah, there was a woman in here, total babe, and he started accusing her of being Gabriel. It got weird. He finally asked her if she was really a man or if she used to be a man or something, it got really jumbled, and anyway, she slapped him and left." 

Dean looks like a fish, his mouth opening and closing. Sam is so hammered he's not following the conversation anymore, but he laughs at Dean's face.

The room tilts and he leans into Dean. Cas steps up to help support Sam. 

"Cas," Sam hugs Cas around the neck, "Cassy, love you buddy." 

"Yes, Sam, I feel strong affection for you too," Cas says.

"Such an angel," Sam whispers, "I miss Gabe." 

Dean and Cas are dragging him out the door. 

"I know you do," Cas says.

"Can you make him come? I wanna see him," Sam leans on Cas heavily and Cas finally just picks him up. "Oh fun! Does'he carry you like thiss, Dean?" 

"Shut up. You talk too much when you're drunk."

Cas puts Sam in the back seat like a child and snaps his seatbelt around him before sliding in the front seat beside Dean. 

Sam lays his head back. "Gabe talks too much too. I'wass always tellin him to shuddup. That chick was him, guys. She was. He's messin with me." 

"Sure, Sammy," Dean says, pulling away. 

"I love him so much..."

"Oh God, Cas, can you shut him up?" 

"I could make him sleep but I think it might be pertinent to listen to him right now. He's being very honest."

"I prayed and he never came, I thought he'd come but he didn't and I don't think he loves me."

"When was this? When did you pray?" Dean demands, looking at Sam in the rear view mirror.

"When the vampire had my neck," Sam tries to touch his neck but his hand won't raise, "prayed n'said 'I love you, if I live be there when I wake up', but he wasn't." 

"Shit, Sam! Last week? You didn't pray until last week?!" 

Sam shakes his head no. 

"I told you not to wait, Sam." Cas hangs his head. 

"I know, imma idiot, I know. I juss, I thought I didn't love him, I was fine, and then I was gonna die and he's all I thought of. Why'sss it so hard for us and so easy for you guys?" 

"What? It's not easy for us, you big doofus! It's not easy for anybody, but it's not rocket science! I don't know what's going on with you." Dean is shaking his head, pulling into the hotel.

Cas carries him in and puts him on the bed while Dean pulls his shoes off. 

"Hey, Cas, c'you see my soul?" Sam asks as Cas steps away from him.

Cas arches an eyebrow. "I'm sorry?"

"Yeah, y'know, Gabriel could see my soul and tell me what color it was. C'you do that? What color is it right now?" 

Cas looks at Sam surprised. "I- I'm not sure what you mean," Cas shakes his head at Sam, "I didn't know he could do that." 

"Forget it, Cas, he's drunk. Who knows what he's talking about," Dean says.

Cas nods. "I'll be back," he says before he disappears. 

"Where'd he go?"

"Probably to look for Gabriel again." 

"Oh. He could see my soul y'know. He could," Sam says seriously.

"I'm sure he could." Dean tugs the blankets up over Sam's legs. 

Sam watches his brother mill around the room. "I miss it," he finally says.

"I know you miss him, we're gonna figure this out okay?" Dean moves closer and sits on the side of the bed. 

"No, I miss _it._ I miss him, and the lifeline, I miss'em both. I wanted it gone and now I want it back so much it hurts. I want him back." 

Dean looks shocked and then he looks away. He's quiet for a long time before he looks at Sam again. "I actually think I know what you mean," he says.

"Gabe woulda quoted some pretty poetry right now." Sam slurs sleepily.

"I know," Dean pulls the phone from Sam's hand and puts it by the bed. He slaps Sam's leg as he stands up. "I know he would. Sleep it off." 

******************************************************  
Gabriel hears nothing, no desperate strangled prayers of a dying man, no drunken muttered words begging for him. He won't know about the text messages delivered to the phone in his pocket asking if he's okay, if they can talk. He's oblivious, he's muted everything. He's hiding; it's what he does best.


	15. Chapter 15

"This is not a good idea," Sam says. 

He looks out the hotel window. He was supposed to be gone from here three days ago. He would have been gone, on the road, alone in his self-pity and pathetic loneliness. But no. He got drunk and spilled his guts, and now Dean and Cas are _determined_ to fix it. Dean had flat out told him yesterday, "You wanna leave? Then go, but we're still gonna do this. So you might as well see it through." So Sam is resigned to his fate. _Fate._ He hates that word.

"You've said that multiple times, Sam. Unless you have another idea this is a good place to start." Cas turns back to Dean.

Sam cuts in. "So let's say they are the daughters of Zeus and Themis, and that's not even for sure, but the only God that the mythology says has any possible power over the Fates is Zeus. He's dead, we saw him die, right? So what can Themis do? What if we piss off a Greek goddess for no reason? I'm just saying we need to think about this a little more." 

"I think you're scared," Dean says.

"Hell yeah I'm scared! Every time we come up against anything Greek it's bad, like really bad, Dean. They're fucking scary!" 

"We're not going up _against_ her, we're asking for help. She can refuse." Dean puts down the pen he's holding. "No, you're scared this will work. You're scared of facing Gabriel. You're scared to ask him to put the lifeline back."

"We don't even know if it _can_ be put back! And it doesn't even matter; he obviously doesn't want it back! Why won't you listen to me?” 

“Because I don't believe that. Not for one damn second.” Dean pokes his finger into the table enunciating the words. 

“Listen to me, please, I can't do this.” Sam is begging, he feels like he's floundering.

“Can't? Yes you can, you just don't want to. There's a big difference.”

“Dean-”

“Save it, Sam. We're doing this.”

“Please LISTEN!” Sam has reached his wit's end; he's got to do something to get through to Dean and Cas. 

Cas looks up and focuses on Sam when he hears the raised and desperate tone.

“If he loved me he would be here. Don't you get that? Think about it. If he wanted to be here he would. Having some Greek Goddess summon him here isn't going to fix this. You can't fix this, Dean!” 

“That's BS, Sam. You know why? Because I watched that guy hang on your every word, he worshipped you. he looked at you like you hung the fucking moon. When you walked into a room, even when you hated him he'd light up like fireworks were shooting across the sky. It may have started because of the lifeline but that's not all it was. He _loves_ you. We're gonna figure this out. Now sit down and shut up.”

"He's right, Sam. Gabriel is my brother and I love him, but he tends to get himself extremely messed up at times. I'm certain this is one of those times.” 

“Don't-” Sam starts, covering his face, “don't give me false hope. Please.” 

“It's not false hope. The way he acted, the way he felt about you, you can't tell me that he can just turn that off, little brother. He can't just snap those magic fingers of his and make that go away. So if we've gotta call a goddess to lend us a hand we're sure as hell gonna ask her.”

“She's not a goddess, she's a Titaness," Cas says. 

"What's the difference?" Dean asks. 

They go on with the conversation like Sam isn't standing there trying with all his might not to cry. 

"Titans are primordial deities," Cas turns back to his book, like this explains everything.

"Oh, well then. That explains it all," Dean says sarcastically. Cas nods.

"No it doesn't, Cas, it explains nothing. What are you talking about, primordial deities?" Dean demands.

"I wish you wouldn't use so much sarcasm, Dean, it makes it hard to navigate our conversations," Cas sets his book down, "Titans are the children of Gaia and Uranus." 

Dean snickers, but Cas and Sam ignore him.

"Or Mother Earth and Father Sky, if you prefer. Titans are older than the Olympians, the order of Gods that includes Zeus. They're said to have been giants, with great strength and intellect. They were eventually overthrown by Zeus and many of their own children. Themis rules over order and law, both natural and manmade, and she cuts fact from fiction, that's certain. There's no middle ground. So don't lie and don't call her a goddess, just to be safe." 

"See, that what I'm saying! _Just to be safe?_ They're giants? This isn't a good idea," Sam is terrified of going into this halfcocked, and of everything Dean said. If he's going to face Gabriel again, and he knows he needs to even if it's just for closure, but why does it have to be in front of Cas and Dean and some Titaness? And what if the archangel doesn't want the lifeline back? He doesn't appear to love Sam now, why would he want it back? These are questions Sam doesn't want to ask without privacy.

"You should be comfortable around giants; I don't know what you're worried about." 

Sam narrows his eyes at Dean. 

"Besides, we're not threatening her, we're asking for information, advice, that's it. If we're not demanding anything it should be fine. Right?" Dean looks at Cas.

Cas nods. "That's the theory." 

Sam groans. 

Cas goes on. "She's said to "give good counsel," which seems to be what we need right now."  
Cas picks up his book and starts reading. "Wait, this says she later becomes the Goddess of Divine Justice, so it's probably fine to call her a goddess."

Sam lays back on the bed. "This is a horrible idea. _Horrible._ "

"In every description of her she's said to be kind and fair, Sam. It all states specifically that she's not wrathful. It should be fine," Cas says. He's trying to be reassuring. Sam is not reassured.

"Besides, we still don't know how to summon her," Dean drops his pen and leans back in his chair. "When you summoned the Fates do you think they came because they had to?" He looks over at Sam.

Sam stares at the ceiling seriously considering this. "No. I think they came because they wanted to. It fit into their plan." 

"That's what I think too," Dean rips a paper out of his notebook and throws it away. "I think we just ask her. We just call out to Themis and ask her to come. I don't think we can make her."

"I always heard it said of the Greek gods, "you don't summon them, they summon you." Cas closes his book and sets it aside. 

"You think she'll have the scales with her? The blindfold, the sword, all that stuff?" Dean asks.

Sam laughs, he can't help it. "I doubt it."

"That's what all the pictures show, that'd be awesome," Dean mumbles. "Ok, so when? When are we doing this? Now?" Dean stands up and walks to the fridge, grabbing beers for him and Sam. He tosses one over when Sam sits up.

"Tomorrow. Can we please wait until tomorrow?" Sam pleads.

Dean and Cas exchange a look and Dean nods. 

"Can you try one more time, Cas? Please?" Sam looks at Cas, he's almost begging.

"Sam, I've looked a hundred times. I've called to him a hundred more. He's nowhere I can find." 

Sam sighs.

The next morning Sam is climbing the walls. He didn't sleep for a second and Dean is taking forever to get ready. 

"You hungry?" Dean asks, packing up his bathroom stuff. 

"No, and we're not eating." Sam sits in a chair watching Dean in irritation.

"What? But I'm hungry," Dean looks appalled.

"I want to get this over with."

"I need to eat first, I don't wanna be hungry when we're talking to a goddess."

Sam rolls his eyes. "Whatever, just hurry up." 

They rush through breakfast at a nearby diner and Sam manages a few bites of toast but nothing else. He feels like his insides are shaking.

"Where should we do this?" Dean sips his coffee. "Inside? Outside? What if she does have the blindfold and the scales, will people notice?" 

Sam sighs. He's exhausted and amped up. He drinks more coffee. 

"I think it should be inside. Some place quiet and private, where no one will intrude," Cas says. 

Dean and Sam both nod. 

"Okay, it's 9:30 on a Sunday morning. What fits that description? I'd say a church, but you know, _church_ is happening." Dean looks between Cas and Sam. 

"A library." Sam throws his coffee back and stands up. He walks to the register and pays, leaving Dean and Cas pushing up from their chairs as he walks to the car. The two of them are so slow it's ridiculous. 

The library is closed.

"Shit!" Dean cups his hands around his face and presses it to the glass. "What kind of a podunk town doesn't open the library on Sunday? Illiterate, bastards. People wanna read on Sunday too!"

"I don't think there's any type of an alarm system," Sam says, looking over the back door. “And we want it closed, Dean, how would we do this here if it were full of people?” 

Dean shouts and jumps back three steps. 

"What?! What is it?" Sam runs over and looks in the window.

"Fucking Cas! I hate when he does that."

Sam can see Cas standing inside the library looking around. Cas walks toward the door Sam was just standing at. He flips a lock and lets them in. 

"There's no alarm," Cas says. 

Dean pulls Cas aside by the arm. 

"What have I told you about scaring me like that? I almost pissed my pants!" 

"I apologize if I frightened you, maybe you should relieve yourself more often." Cas walks back to Sam. 

The library is large and has multiple levels. Sam studies the map of the building. 

"Okay, where should we do this?' Dean asks, looking over Sam's shoulder. 

Sam points to a small room on the lower level. "There. Nonfiction Law and Business." 

They head down the stairs. 

Sam feels like he's got electricity pumping through his veins, he's so on edge. He shouldn't be this nervous; nothing will probably even come from this. Themis probably won't even show up. Why would she? Especially if the Fates aren't even her daughters. 

Dean flips the lights in the room. It's large and modern, open and clean, with a few tables and chairs down the center. It's carpeted and extremely quiet. It's that artificial quiet that presses in on you and makes you want to scream just so you can hear something. 

"Ok, who's gonna do this?" Dean asks, looking between Cas and Sam. 

Sam raises his eyebrows. "Uh, one of you two. This was all your idea." 

"I don't think she'll answer to me, I'm not human and I don't worship her as a deity," Cas says. 

"You two are such babies, you leave all the real work for me," Dean mumbles as he steps to the center of the room. He stands thinking with his hands on his hips. "Okay, uh, Themis, Goddess- or Titaness, whatever you prefer, we're asking for advice. We had an encounter with the Fates, who may or may not be your daughters, we're not sure. And uh, we were hoping you could guide us in what to do, could you help us? Please?" Dean looks around but nothing happens. "Themis? Your Holiness?" 

"Don't call her that, Dean," Cas says.

"What the hell, I don't know!" Dean whispers. 

"Why are you whispering?" Sam whispers back. 

" _I don't know! It just feels like I should!"_ Dean throws his arms up, whispering loudly. 

Sam steps up then and sighs. "God, I don't want to do this..." 

"Don't invoke God when you're calling to another deity," Cas instructs.

Sam closes his eyes in irritation. "You're right, I'm sorry." He clears his throat and drops his shoulders, trying to relax. He keeps his eyes closed as he starts talking again. "Themis, Goddess of Divine Order and Law, we ask your counsel on an issue regarding the three sisters of Fate. They tied my brother and I to angels using a lifeline and then they broke them, and I uh, I can't find that angel now and I'm hoping you can help me find him, or guide us in how to put the lifeline back, I mean, if he wants it back, I just-"

"Sam!" Dean says, hushed but urgent.

Sam opens his eyes.

She appears in front of them. She's tall, but not a giant. Not that Sam has actually seen a giant, but Themis can't be over 5'10, giants have to be taller than that. Her white gown drapes down from one shoulder, the other olive skinned shoulder is bare. The cloth is cinched tight around her small waist, falling perfectly over her curvy hips. Her dark hair hangs in curls, and her green eyes look at the men before her with obvious curiosity. She takes in the room surrounding them and nods approvingly. 

"With whom do I have the pleasure?" she asks.

Sam looks at Cas and Dean. "Sorry- I'm sorry, I'm Sam Winchester, this is my brother Dean, and that's Castiel."

"I'm an Angel of the Lord," Cas says. 

"I am Themis," she says in a gentle voice (she pronounces it Tim-ès). Her eyes are kind, her posture perfect. 

"Thank you for coming," Sam smiles a little. 

"Of course. I am so rarely called to these days, and when you mentioned my daughters I was curious."

"So they are your daughters?" Dean asks.

"Yes," she sighs softly, "they tied you to _angels_?" She looks between Sam and Dean, watching them nod. She shakes her head. "I don't understand those girls, lifelines are a beautiful thing. I imagine being tied to a being so powerful was intoxicating, no?" 

Sam and Dean nod again. 

"I understand why you'd want that feeling returned."

"Can you help us find the angel?" Cas asks, he looks at her curiously. 

"You can't find your own kind?”

"Unfortunately not this one. He's an archangel, if he hides then no human or angel can detect him." 

"His name is Gabriel," Sam says softly. 

"I don't know a being named _Gabriel_." She shakes her head, her curls swaying. 

"You may know him as a Trickster," Sam steps closer. 

"Or uh, the one with the horn things, Hiddleston played him," Dean supplies, snapping his fingers trying to remember. 

"Loki, Dean, that's Loki," Sam says irritably.

"We can't find him anywhere, will you be able to?" Dean ignores Sam.

"I'm a daughter of the earth and sky. If he's on earth or in the heavens I will see him."

"He's not in Heaven, I've looked," Cas says quietly.

"I didn't say Heaven, I said _heavens_."

Cas cocks his head. "Of course, my mistake."

She looks Cas up and down. "You're very sensible. I like that." Cas doesn't reply.

She looks at Sam. "Can you think of him? I may be able to see him through you." 

Sam closes his eyes and pictures Gabriel. His face, his eyes, his smile, his voice. He pictures Gabriel's vessel, will that even help? She's quiet for a long time and Sam finally opens his eyes to look at her. 

"I'm not seeing- oh wait, yes, there he is," she says softly. She steps back and Gabriel appears laying on the carpet at her feet. She looks down at him, “He was very well hidden.”

He appears to be asleep, his arms wrapped around a stuffed animal against his chest. He's covered in black soil that falls into the carpet. He doesn't move at first, he's still like a statue. 

And then his eyes barely open, just a fraction. His fingers grip the stuffed animal a little tighter. It looks like he takes a breath. He sees the feet in front of him and he follows them up to the woman standing there. He looks completely confused. He opens his hands and a tiny dirt covered dog runs out. 

The puppy circles the woman's feet and whines excitedly. "Well aren't you a beautiful one?" The woman says gently as she reaches down to stroke her head. 

"What the hell?" Gabriel finally says. He stands, dirt cascading from his hair and clothes. He faces the woman. 

"Your presence was requested," she motions behind him.

He turns and takes in Sam and Cas and Dean. "What's happening?" He looks directly at Sam. "What's going on, Sam?"

Sam's mouth is so dry he feels like his tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth. That was fast, this is happening so fast all of a sudden. He can't think. "We- can we talk?" 

Gabriel looks around the room searching for any small detail out of place. Something is going on here; he can't imagine anyone that could pull him out of hiding except _maybe_ one of his brothers. He doesn't trust this. 

"Why?" He asks Sam. _Oh father help me, Sam looks so perfect standing there._

Sam closes his eyes. He needs to brace himself for what Gabriel might say here. This may not be a moment where Sam's dreams come true; he needs to be ready for that. It's actually probably not going to be the moment his dreams come true, if he's being realistic. He opens his eyes and meets Gabriel's. He needs to get right to the point.

"Do you love me?" 

Gabriel cocks his head slightly. "You know that, I told you that many times." _This isn't real, Gabriel. Don't believe any of it._

"No, that was before, I mean since the line was broken. Do you love me now?" 

_Oh please be real, what if it's real? Don't be cruel to him thinking this is a ruse. What if really is Sam? Just be careful._

"Sam, why would that change anything? I know you were confused, you wanted time and I gave it to you. I knew you'd never pray, I knew it when I left that night. And you didn't. I don't know what's happening." He glances over his shoulder at Themis and then back at Sam. “This isn't-” 

Sam feels like his heart is going to race out of his chest. He steps closer to Gabriel and then stops. 

"Real?” Sam finishes the angel's sentence and sees something flash in those golden brown eyes. “Yes it is. You didn't answer the question, do you love me _now_?" 

"Yes, kiddo, of course I do." Gabriel furrows his brow and looks at Sam seriously. "Of course I do..." 

Sam is shaking; he feels it in his hands and shoulders, in his breathing. "Do you want it back? Do you want the lifeline back?" 

"What? Is that even possible?"

"Just answer the question, Gabe." Sam steps closer into Gabriel's personal space; he wants to put his hands on Gabriel's dirty face. He could, he's close enough now, but he holds himself in check. He wishes they were alone.

Gabriel looks up into Sam's eyes. He can see Sam trembling. _Don't be too eager, turn the tables and see how he reacts. Throw in a detail your brothers wouldn't know._

"Do you love _me_? You were fine, Cas said you were getting along well..." 

"What?! Were you eavesdropping?" Dean says from the side of Gabriel. 

Gabriel ignores him. 

"Yes, I love you. I was so stupid. I didn't realize it until I almost died, and then I got drunk and I thought some woman was you and she slapped me, and then Dean and Cas wouldn't let this go and they said we should try calling to Themis, but you were gone and I thought you didn't miss me or love me. Where have you been? If you love me why didn't you answer when I almost died? Or when I text you-" 

_It's him, Heaven help me it's Sam and this is real. And what the hell, even if it's not, if I can have a few more moments of Sam loving me I'll take it. Even if they're fake._

Gabriel hushes Sam and reaches up to touch him. He puts his dirty hands on Sam's face. "We're both fools. I ran away, I always run away and it's always, always, the wrong decision. When will I ever learn? I hid. I thought you were fine, I thought what you felt must have only been because of the lifeline; I didn't want to burden you with how I felt. I didn't want you to feel an obligation to some ancient dimwitted angel.” Gabriel closes his eyes. “Yes I want it back but we don't _need_ it. I'm never leaving you again." He pushes up on his toes and presses his dirty lips to Sam's, soft and sweet. 

Sam clutches Gabriel's face between his palms. "You said that before, you said you wouldn't leave before." Sam's voice is trembling with emotion.

Gabriel turns his face into Sam's palm, kissing it softly. His lips brush the sensitive skin when he speaks again. "I know, I'm sorry." 

“I prayed to you, Gabe,” Sam whispers. 

Gabriel's eyes go wide in shock and then fill with tears. They spill over tracing lines down the dirt on his face. “When? I didn't hear-” 

“It's okay; we'll talk about it later.” Sam kisses the angel again wishing with all his might that they were alone to discuss this. 

Gabriel steps back and looks at the dirt on Sam's mouth. "Got a little something there," Gabriel snaps his fingers and Sam feels the dirt disappear. Gabriel is also clean, and so is the little brown ball of shag sitting at his feet. Gabriel picks her up. "We got a dog," he says, smiling up at Sam. 

"No- oh no you don't. I'm not cleaning up after that thing in the bunker," Dean is very stern. 

"Good to see you too, Deano, come on now, you know you missed me! Get over here and give me a hug!" Gabriel turns to Dean but he shakes his head. 

Gabriel stands beside Sam and faces the Goddess. "So, Themis, is it? You're the Mother of the Fates I take it. They must make you so proud." His statement is dripping with sarcasm, even Cas wouldn't mistake it.

"Gabe! We need her to help us, shut up!" Sam mutters out the side of his mouth.

"Oh, now I know this one," she looks over Gabriel with distaste, "I don't like you." 

"No one does," Gabriel says.

Sam reaches down and very purposely takes Gabriel's hand in his. 

"He does," Themis says, looking at their hands. "So you're in agreement that you want the lifeline returned?" 

Sam and Gabriel look at each other.

"It's not necessary, Sam," Gabriel whispers. 

"I know, and if it can't be done then we'll be fine, but if it can, if it can then I want it back." Sam looks at Themis and she looks up. 

"Girls, I need to speak to you," Themis says to the ceiling. Nothing happens; she looks back and forth over the top of the room. " _Now, girls_." 

The Fates appear and cautiously take in the room. They look between their mother and the angels and humans in obvious shock. 

"You called our _Mother_?" The middle one demands of Gabriel. 

"Wasn't me," he nudges his head towards Sam. Their hands are still linked between them; his other hand holds the excited puppy. 

"Mother," the oldest says curtly. 

"What was the meaning of this?" Themis waves her hand between the couples. 

The Fates don't respond. 

"Girls."

"They mess everything up!" The youngest says loudly, she sounds like a child having a temper tantrum. "They're always messing up our plans! We decided to teach them a lesson." She looks proud.

Themis looks at the men and angels, studying them. "Yes, I can see how they have that effect. But what you did, it isn't _natural_ , girls. You shouldn't have meddled in human affairs that don't concern you. And you certainly shouldn't have meddled with angels. Maybe they've altered your plans a time or two but it wasn't intentional. What you've done wasn't fair, it was cruel. You get that cruelty from your father. I don't like it."

"Those two killed our father," the oldest points at Sam and Dean and then at Cas, "that one unsunk the _Titanic_ , do you know how much work that created?" And then she points at Gabriel. "And _him_ , it was always intentional from him."

"Wait a second-" Dean starts to interrupt their conversation but Themis holds up a hand to shush him.

"Yes, well, that one has a touch of chaos in him. It's to be expected. But they didn't kill your father, you know that. Your father was done in by his own folly, it was inevitable, they aren't at fault for it." She looks very sternly at all three sisters. "And you three know the future you created with this little game. If I'd allowed the angel to sleep what would have happened when he woke and that human had perished centuries before? When he realized his error?" 

The sisters actually look sheepish.

"Yes, I thought you knew. You get your vision from me, it should be clear. They want the lifelines returned."

"No." The sisters say in unison. 

“Wait-” Gabriel cuts in, Sam squeezes his hand tightly but the angel goes on. “I just want to be sure I understand. You three planned this whole elaborate scheme to get back at us for messing up your plans?” 

The sisters stare at him and don't respond. 

“And I'm imagining that I've been the biggest irritation to you right? I mean, we've been butting heads for a long, long time ladies. I'm kinda impressed.” 

“Gabe-” Sam's tries to quiet him. 

“No, it's okay Samsquatch. I'm just appreciating their work. I've planned things out like this before; I have to take a second here to give them a little kudos. Bringing me back from the dead, convincing us it was a gift, creating the calm so we'd have nothing to do but grow closer, and then breaking the line? If I had a free hand I'd clap for you right now. I'm sure you had a grand old time standing around watching us like puppets on your strings.” 

The youngest has the stupidity to smirk and make a soft chuckling sound. 

It doesn't go unnoticed by their mother, and hearing the details of her daughter's master plan has the effect Gabriel was hoping it would. Her eyes flash like lightning and her face goes cold and hard.

"Girls, I may not be able to command you but I am your mother and you know I can punish you. I've let you be for years, but this- I won't have this. It wasn't a just punishment for these four, it was mean and spiteful and I raised you to be fair and just. You need to make this right, and the only way to do that is to restore what you broke."

The sisters look at each other and finally back at their mother. 

"Make them promise to never interfere in our affairs again." The oldest demands.

"How can we know when we're doing that?" Sam asks. 

They look at Sam through angry eyes and finally look at Gabriel.

"You, angel," the middle ones says, "you promise to never meddle with us or the humans in our charge. You make an oath this day, if you break it your punishment will be swift and severe. Do you agree?" 

Sam can see Gabriel bristle. _Uh oh_ , he thinks. He squeezes Gabriel's hand again and sees him still. 

"Can you restore it?' Gabriel asks.

The sisters nod.

"I agree.” Gabriel squeezes Sam's hand. “I won't give you the satisfaction of ever breaking this again. Mark my words, you'll never _punish_ me."

“I really wish you'd shut up,” Sam whispers.

The sisters step forward and look at Sam and Gabriel. The youngest reaches out and touches Gabriel's chest. "This won't work," she says. 

"What do you mean?" Themis asks. 

They half turn to their mother, still studying Gabriel. "They must share the same space, he can't be in that body," the oldest answers. 

Sam looks at them "Share the same space?" 

"Yes," the middle one looks at him, "he has to leave that body."

"I can't do that," Gabriel says, "I can't leave my vessel, my true form would kill them." He means Sam and Dean, everyone in the room understands that. 

"We can't tie the line to you _through_ that," the youngest motions her head toward his vessel. 

"Then how can you tie it to me?" Sam questions. 

"Because you're a matched pair. It allows access to your soul, but his doesn't match him, it's like armor, a barrier." 

Gabriel looks up at Sam. "I'm sorry," he says. 

"Then how did you place it in the first place? When were they in the same space with the angel in his true form?" Themis asks. 

"They were both dead. We can place the humans end through his body, but the angel will have to leave the vessel or be dead." The oldest smiles a little. "We could always _kill_ you." 

"No," Sam states flatly. 

Her smile fades. 

"But you said occupy the same space before," Sam continues, "what if he was inside me, what he left that vessel and used me, could you place it then?" 

"Sam, no," Dean says softly in disbelief. 

Sam looks at Dean and Cas. Dean looks mortified and Cas looks to be in shock. Dean starts shaking his head no. 

"It's okay, Dean, Gabe and I talked about this before." 

"What?!" Dean's face flashes disbelief.

"I don't want to do this, Sam, I told you that. I don't want this," Gabriel says softly at his side. 

Sam looks down at him. "You don't want the lifeline back?" 

"Not like this..." 

"It's not forever," Sam looks at the sisters, "would it even work? Can you do it?"

“It's an interesting idea,” the youngest looks between Sam and Gabriel, “yes, it would. This is an ingenious idea.” The sisters nod to each other.

"How long will it take?"

"Not long," the middle says. 

"Come on, Gabe, it's okay. We can do this." Sam smiles at Gabriel. 

Tears fill Gabriel's eyes again. He lets go of Sam's hand and turns into him, pressing his face to Sam's chest. This isn't the reaction Sam expected. He seems to be listening to Sam's heart, his ear pressed tight to Sam. Sam wraps his arms around the angel, the puppy squirming between them.

"Are you sure?" Gabriel says into the fabric of Sam's shirt, he listens to Sam's strong steady heart. He doesn't seem to be nervous at all judging by his heart rate. 

"Yes." 

"Sam, don't," Dean says. He steps closer. 

"Dean, it's fine. It's Gabriel, I trust him, it'll be fine," Sam looks between Cas and Dean, "if you want it back you'll have to do this too." 

Dean loses all his color, the blood draining from his face. Cas shakes his head no. 

"N-no," Cas stutters, "I can't." 

Dean turns to face Cas and stares. 

"We have things to do," the youngest sister says, "are you ready?" 

"Don't be rude," Themis warns. 

"Will this hurt? Because it really hurt when you cut it," Sam asks. He sees discomfort on the sisters faces. 

"I'm so disappointed in you girls, this was just _wrong_." Themis looks at Sam and steps close to him and Gabriel. She touches Sam's arm. "It will hurt, child, it will hurt very much, but they'll be quick I'll make sure of that." 

The oldest steps closer and Gabriel tenses. "She's right, it will hurt. We tie these before birth so there's no memory of pain; it was the same when you were dead. When you returned the memories of the pain were erased. We can't avoid that now." 

She almost looks like she's going to apologize, but she doesn't. She looks back at her sisters. 

"Are you ready?" The middle asks Sam and Gabriel. 

"As I'll ever be," Gabriel says, "can someone hold my dog?" 

Cas crosses the room and holds out his arms. "Give me the animal." 

Gabriel kisses her head. "You go play with uncle Cassy now, okay?" Gabriel hands her over. 

Cas adjusted the scruffy ball of energy in his arms. "Are you sure about this, Gabriel?" 

"Hell no, but I'm doing it anyway." Gabriel faces Sam. "You're never getting rid of me again, this seals the deal."

Sam looks at the angel seriously. "Good."

"Whenever you're ready," Themis steps away.

"Wait," Gabriel says, looking over his shoulder at the fates, "give us a few minutes when I get in there. This is gonna be disorienting, just let us have a few minutes, okay?" 

The sisters nod. 

Sam looks over at Dean again. His brother looks panicked. Sam nods and he sees Dean take a deep breath and nod back at him, an unspoken and hesitant approval. The puppy squirms in Cas' arms and he almost loses his hold. 

"Gimme that thing," Dean says, pulling the puppy away, "you're gonna let it fall and break a leg." The puppy climbs his chest, licking his chin and Dean flips her to her back and rubs her belly. She's instantly calm. 

Sam smiles and looks back to Gabriel. "What are you waiting for?"

The angel's head goes back, or more accurately the vessel's head goes back. The fact that it's a vessel has never been clearer to Sam than it is in this moment. The mouth opens and a stream of light pours out. Sam closes his eyes. What should he do? Does he need to do anything? 

But his body takes over. His mouth opens without him thinking about it and he feels energy moving into him. It feels like a strange and powerful vibration at first, extremely powerful. Where Lucifer was cold, Gabriel is warm, so warm. He feels like stepping from the shade into the bright sun on a chilly autumn day, that feeling of the sun penetrating your bones with its warmth. Sam feels that from his toes to his scalp. His arms move up from his sides as he feels the power radiate to his fingertips. 

He doesn't lose control of his body though, he's not taken over, but he knows Gabriel is there. The angel doesn't hide inside him, it's like they exist together in the same space in these moments. Sam opens his eyes and feels his vision go topsy turvy for a second. It's like his eyes can't focus, the sisters in front of him seem to have something moving under their skin. 

He blinks and tries again but it's still there. It's hard to see. 

_It's not your eyes, Sam, it's them in their true form._

It's not a thought as much as a sudden understanding, but he knows it comes from Gabriel. 

He looks at Themis. The woman is still there, but now there's a figure within her, no, there's a figure towering through her. It rises up, way above Sam's head, higher than the ceiling. He can see through the ceiling, through the roof and to her head above them. The figure is blindfolded, its arm holding a set of scales. He looks to her other side and sees the sword tightly gripped in her hand. 

Sam can't quite grasp what he's seeing, this must be the other form of Themis.

He hears a loud booming from above him but the mouth doesn't move, this form doesn't move at all.

 _Yes, child_ , it says. This is the giant, the Titaness, her other form. 

_Dean would love this_ , he thinks. 

He feels a rumble in his mind, something low and deep. It reminds him a little bit of thunder. Not loud, clapping thunder that makes you cower, but cozy distant thunder on a rain soaked day. Or no, maybe not thunder, maybe it reminds him of the bass that vibrates off of the cars some kids drive. The ones you pull up next to at a stop light and feel that vibration in your head and heart, your hands and feet, and it makes the Impala rattle. It conveys a happy feeling, and he knows it's Gabriel's laughter. It warms Sam even more. The Impala would be rattling right now.

He looks to Dean and Cas. He's almost distracted by Cas for a second, the sheer brightness and enormity of the angel's true form is more than he can take in or fathom. But what pulls his eyes away is looking at his brother. With Gabriel's vision layered over his human eyes he can see into Dean, and it's not his brothers heart or lungs or bones that catch his attention. It's his soul. Sam can see his soul. 

Dean's soul is bright and white, clear and shining like he's lit from within. The emotion of seeing this almost takes Sam to his knees. Tears burn and he blinks hard, pushing them away. He wants to cry and hug Dean and stare at him forever. His brother's soul is so pure. 

"Sammy?" Dean says, worry obvious in his tone. 

Sam feels tears sliding down his cheeks. 

"I'm okay," he wipes his face and closes his eyes for a second.

_Thank you._

_Least I could do, kiddo._

Sam laughs, he can't help it. He opens his eyes again and looks at the fates. He nods. 

_Sam, I'm going to tuck you away for a second, you don't need to feel this._

_I'll be okay, Gabe._

_I'm not asking._

The oldest sister steps closer and Sam sees a golden thread hanging down from her raised hand. She reaches toward him and feels her touch his chest.

And then he's pulled back, away, into a wave of something that feels warm and seems the color of gold. It feels so familiar, this gold, and he doesn't understand why. He relaxes into it though, he lets himself sink in. The connection to his body drifts away, forgotten.

He sees memories sliding by. Just fractions of seconds, but they're clear and the emotion tied to them is strong. 

Sam on a roof, laying down beside Gabriel, not even aware that the angel was there.

Sam closing that hotel room door behind Dean and Cas, looking up and seeing Gabriel, coffee splashing up his jeans. 

Gabriel watching him run naked to the bathroom, worried that Sam is overthinking, panicking. 

Gabriel looking into his face as he lowers himself onto Sam that first time, feeling like time had stopped, like entire the world had shifted on its axis. 

Gabriel sitting in that chair on the other side of the room, feeling like Sam was a world away as he watched Sam touch himself. Gabriel feeling desperate to get up and cross that room and put his hands and mouth and entire _being_ on Sam.

Gabriel looking at the stars from the bed of the truck, leaned back against Sam's chest, feeling like Sam is the strongest and truest thing he's ever known. 

All these memories flash in front of Sam in a matter of mere seconds. All of them accompanied by the strongest feeling of love Sam has ever known. Stronger than Sam can really imagine.

And then he sees after the lifeline was broken. Gabriel watches him, reading his body language, knowing Sam was confused and overwhelmed. He sees himself turning toward Gabriel and he remembers that exact second. Sam had wanted to step closer, cross the room in big fast strides, kiss Gabriel hard and hot and just see what he felt. How it would feel to kiss him without the lifeline. 

_Why? Why didn't I do it?_ He knows if he had it would have been clear how he felt, if he'd only taken ten seconds instead of panicking, denying. He's seeing this moment from Gabriel's side now though, and he feels Gabriel desperate and pleading internally for Sam to come closer. Sam could kick himself for being so stupid. 

He sees a memory from before Gabriel went below ground, of him sitting outside Dean's hotel. Gabriel believed Sam to be fine, out there hunting, living a life that Gabriel wasn't a part of, that Sam didn't want him to be part of, that's how Gabriel felt. 

_No wonder you left._

_Sam-_ Gabriel starts to convey a thought but another memory slides into view.

He sees the angel bending down to heal the frightened and dying dog. He knows Gabriel wanted to give her to him. Gabriel holds her tightly to his chest. 

Sam feels strong feelings from the angel, feelings of hurt and a touch of anger. Not anger towards Sam, but anger Gabriel feels toward himself. His feeling of being worthless, of not being enough for Sam, of thinking Sam is better off without him. Sam could go on and be normal, live a good life, and Gabriel would just hide until it's over. Until the temptation and fear of seeing Sam again has passed.

_I told you I'd fuck this up again, I told you to be ready for that._

_No, you didn't, I did,_ Sam thinks. He wishes he could touch Gabriel, pull him close, put his hands on him. They're closer than they've ever been but Sam wants to be closer.

Sam hates himself for the pain Gabe went through. Dean was right, he's seriously emotionally stunted.

Another memory from Gabriel becomes clear. He sees him floating in space, stars shining bright by the millions, the sun so close it would kill every living thing, except and angel. The sun is beautiful, so beautiful it hurts.

_Like you, Sam. You're my sun._

Cas had said this about Dean, Sam sees a flash of this memory. Cas had said it about his brother and Gabriel had thought it was beautiful and perfectly said and exactly how he felt about Sam.

God, the way Sam feels about Gabriel. He can't even express it.

_You feel like my sun, warm and strong and right. What if you're my sun? How can we both be the sun, Gabe?_

Sam hears words of poetry in his mind, they're melodic and he imagines he sees music notes following their trial across his thoughts. 

The rising sun  
Blesses my mind  
With joy.

The setting sun  
Blesses my heart  
With peace.

They seem to come from a clear female voice, and he wonders if it's possible that it could be Emily Dickinson reciting them. 

_That fits, angel. You're my joy._

_And you're my peace, Sam._

Another image moves in. Swirling colors fill Sam's mind, purples, blues, pinks, oranges. There's no left or right, no right side up or upside down. There are black spots and bright blinding beacons that flood everything with light.

_Are you looking at nebula's? Is that seriously what that is?_

He feels that low rumble of laughter. 

It dawns on Sam that while Gabriel was floating in space he was driving around in a beat up old truck, and that his memories are open to Gabriel too. The angel can see it all, everything, all he has to do is look. 

_I won't do that, Sam, not unless you want me to._

Sam opens himself up, relaxes his mind. If Gabriel will be so open with him then Sam is definitely going to reciprocate. He thinks about what he wants the angel to see. _All of it, everything, no more secrets, no more questions._

Sam focuses on how he felt before the line was broken. He remembers falling asleep with his head pillowed in Gabriel's lap while they watched old episodes of Friends. He remembers how content and happy he felt, how almost normal his life had seemed. He thinks about how he'd drowsily opened his eyes sometime later, waking up because Gabe was laughing at something Phoebe had said, and feeling fingers playing in his hair. He'd loved that moment, he'd wanted it to never end. 

He thinks about all the laughing he'd done in their time together, more than he'd ever laughed before. How much joy that simple thing had brought him. Laughing was always joyful, but laughing with Gabriel made him feel like they shared something special and meaningful. Happiness, they shared happiness.

Sam remembers that waitress, the broken hopeless woman she was when they walked into that diner. He thinks about the transformation she went through after just an hour of Gabriel building her up. That encounter had made him proud to know Gabriel; it had made Sam love the angel before he knew their love was even possible. 

He remembers Gabriel staring out the car window. Sam constantly wanting to know what he was thinking, how he was feeling. Gabriel's eyes turning to focus on him, making a shiver run through him. 

He thinks about sharing food and history and music in New Orleans. Gabriel standing in an old cathedral, the sunlight streaming through windows painting his face with the stained glass colors of saints. Sam remembers it so clearly, he can still see the dust floating in the air as the angel studied a statue so intently. Sam loves this memory; he loves the overpowering emotion that comes with it. How he knew in that very instant how much he loved the archangel. He wishes he had a photograph of it. He'd even text Gabriel about it one night.

He remembers the night they went camping, Gabriel leaned so far into the cooler full of candy that it looked like half of his body was gone. He was digging and rummaging around and then suddenly his head popped out. “Pop Rocks?” The angel questioned holding the package of candy up in his hand. “Oh, Sam, I know what these are for.” He'd wiggled his eyebrows lewdly at Sam making him laugh hard and long. Sam had always wanted to try that but he'd never had the guts to ask someone, when he saw them in the store he knew Gabriel would be game and he'd tossed them into the cart with a chuckle. Laughter. Gabriel brought him so much laughter.

He pulls up a memory from after the line was broken; from the time Sam thought he was fine. He wasn't fine, he was distracting himself and in complete denial, he knows that now. He never stopped moving, never stopped thinking of Gabriel even though he wouldn't admit it to himself. 

He shows Gabriel his thoughts in that time. _Where's Gabriel? What is he doing? Who is he with? Is he okay? Does he miss me? Does he love me? If he loves me why isn't he here?_

He thinks about the hunt with Dean and Cas, the memory of the vampire causes a surge of warmth through Sam, it feels protective and powerful. The memory of his desperate and dying prayers makes it recede, almost like it recoils as Sam thinks he's dying, as he prays. 

_I was a fool. I shouldn't have left. I should have been patient._

Sam hears this clearly from Gabriel, he wonders if he actually said it out loud. But wouldn't it have been in his voice if he had? This is weird.

Sam remembers the woman in the bar, his irrational drunken thoughts that she was the angel. This causes deep and low rattling rumble.

_You thought she was me because of her ass and thighs?_

_No, that's not the only reason. She said some stuff, and- I don't know-_

Sam didn't realize you could trip and stumble over thoughts like this.

_I was really drunk, okay?_

Pain sears him. It hits him so hard his spine vibrates, he can't even scream it takes his breath so fast. 

He feels himself wrapped tightly into Gabriel, inside himself, and the pain recedes. 

_Holy shit,_ Sam thinks. 

_I'm sorry, I let myself get distracted by the memories. We're really bad at communicating, you know that? This could all have been avoided._

Sam laughs to himself. Or to Gabriel and himself, since he's in there too.

_Yeah, we need to work on that._

He feels a strong reverberation through his insides, but it's not him. It's Gabriel.

_Give me a second here, Sammich._

Sam knows they're tying Gabriel's end. He's terrified as he feels the angel tighten and shrink away from him. He knows he's trying to protect Sam but the feeling of him pulling back is disorienting. Gabe couldn't have been in there for more than five minutes but he feels like a piece of Sam already. It only lasts a few seconds and he feels the tightness of the angel relaxing.

_Are you okay?_

_All good._

Sam looks at the fates. "It's done," the youngest tells him. 

_You feel any different?_

_No, but we probably won't while I'm in here. We can't get any closer than this, it's when I go back that the line will stretch._

That makes sense.

_We need to make a promise, Sam, and we need to keep it._

Sam waits for Gabriel to go on, curious as to what he's going to convey. 

_We can't hide our feelings, our love, again. It's not fair to each other._

Sam's stomach feels light and fluttery. When Gabriel thought of their love the surge of emotion was so strong. It sends Sam's heart beating out of rhythm for a second. 

_So that's what that feels like..._

_What?_ Sam questions. 

_Butterflies in your stomach, I always wondered._

Sam laughs again.

"Sam?" 

His brothers voice draws him back to reality. He looks at Dean, the white shining soul beaming at him. 

"What's going on? Is he staying in there?" 

Sam feels Gabriel rumble with a laugh. He takes over speech for a second, it's bizarre to feel his mouth move, hear his own voice, but it’s not him saying the words. He has no idea what Gabriel is going to say.

"Don't worry, Deano, we're just working a few things out. Be back in a jiff." 

"God, that's creepy as hell," Dean mutters. 

_That was weird, this could get really weird_ , Sam thinks. 

_That it could, Sammo. It could also get pretty interesting._

Sam feels a swirl of energy in his lower belly, right above his cock. It starts to stir.

_GABE! No! Not now._

Deep bass rumbles fill his head and then he feels his skull tilt back. Gabriel bleeds away, pouring away from Sam leaving him feeling slightly cold and empty. 

Gabriel opens his eyes; he's back in his own vessel on the floor. It would have collapsed when he left it. He looks around with quick flashing eyes and then stands. Gabriel feels a slight nagging pull. The lifeline is there. 

Sam looks at the sisters. "Thank you," he says. He looks at Themis, "and you." 

"Of course, child." She bows her head to Sam and then to Gabriel. He nods back.

"All good?" Dean asks. 

Sam looks over at their brothers. "Yeah, all good, Dean." 

Dean has the puppy sprawled on her back in his arms, his fingers lightly rubbing little circles into her tummy. She looks totally relaxed, not her hyper self from ten minutes ago. 

"Okay, give me my dog back." Gabe crosses the room and Dean hands her over. "Did you play with Uncle Dean? Hmm? I know, ladies always love him. Don't get too attached, Cas has a tendency to get jealous." Gabriel whispers into her neck. He sees Dean smirk as he turns and strolls back to Sam. 

Gabriel returns to Sam's side and looks up, meeting his hazel eyes. He just has to give Sam a hard time for a second, until they're alone, and then he'll give him a hard something else. 

"You're tall, you play basketball?"

Sam rolls his eyes. "Shut up you asshole, give me the dog," Sam pulls her up to him and sniffs her tiny head, "you look like Toto, yes you do. What's her name?" 

Gabriel shrugs, he hadn't thought about that. All he'd thought about before he went underground was Sam. 

"I don't know, I just call her Sugar." 

Sam looks at her sweet scruffy face. "That fits, actually." Sam wraps an arm around Gabriel's shoulder, the other holding the ball of energy. 

Gabriel wants to hug him, kiss him, pull him as close as possible, but now isn't the time. They need to see this through, get out of this room. 

"Yeah it does, Samshine," Gabriel says, looking up at Sam. 

Gabriel sees those dimples flash in Sam's cheeks, that tiny shy smile tease at his mouth. Sam knows where the name came from. 

Themis turns to Dean and Cas and moves a few steps closer. "You're certain you do not want the lifeline returned? Once we leave the offer will be lost." 

Gabriel and Sam watch their brothers closely.

Dean and Cas look at each other. Cas seems to see something in Dean's expression, something no one else in the room can read. The angel shakes his head slightly.

"No, Dean, I can't-" Cas starts to say, but Dean kisses him hard and fast. 

"Look, Cas, look-" Dean's arm goes out to point at Sam and Gabriel, "if they can do it so can we!" 

Cas shakes his head harder, his eyes narrowing slightly. "It's not a competition." 

Dean puts his palms on the side of Cas' face. "No- no, that's not what I meant. I meant that they're okay. They're fine, we will be too. Do you want it back? Because I do, I want it so much. If you really don't want it back then, okay, I won't ask again. Are you sure?"

Cas steps closer so his feet are between Dean's, their chests pressed together. His hands move to Dean's hips, their mouths hovering so close. He looks around Dean's face like he's studying art, wanting to see and remember every detail. 

"You're certain? You have to be absolutely certain," Cas says.

"Yes, I want it, Cas," Dean answers, there's no question in his voice, "do it now." 

Cas kisses Dean, gently cupping Dean's face. The light, the essence of Cas bleeds between their mouths, transferred during the kiss. 

"Man, that's so romantic, why didn't I think of that?" Gabriel looks down, toeing the carpet like a regretful kid. He can't help it, he wishes he'd done that, it's so cool.

Sam kisses the top of his head. "Maybe next time." 

The Fates move away from Sam and Gabriel toward Dean and Cas. Cas' vessel, the body of Jimmy, slides to the floor. 

Gabriel turns toward Sam and stands on his tip toes to whisper in his ear. "You're getting kinky. I like it." 

Sam grins broadly. 

Dean and Cas, or maybe Dean/Cas? It's an interesting question, Gabriel muses. If Dean is in control it would be Dean, if Cas were in control it would obviously be Cas, but when they're coexisting like he and Sam just did, then what? Dean's body turns around to face the fates. 

Deans eyes look at Themis and shoot up to the ceiling.

"Holy shit, that's _awesome_ ," Dean whispers. 

The sisters step closer again. 

"Cas," Gabriel calls out. 

Dean's head turns and looks at them, his green eyes flash bright white blue for an instant and somehow Dean's posture seems to change. His shoulders seem stiffer. 

"Pull him back and keep him held tight, don't get distracted. Don't let him feel it." 

Sam grabs Gabriel's hand, he laces their fingers together tightly. 

Dean doesn't move. "Yes, brother." 

Gabriel looks up at Sam. Sam is looking at him with shining eyes. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you feel anything when they were tying your end," he whispers to Sam. 

Sam shakes his head earnestly and looks away.

The oldest sister's hand seems to disappear into Dean's chest, but he doesn't react in any way. His face looks blank and empty. Dean is in there, Cas is just protecting him.

It doesn't take long; the oldest sister pulls her hands from Dean’s chest and watches as the other two sisters measure and cut the golden thread. The oldest pushes her hands in again, going back in to tie the other end into Cas. 

There's a tenseness that crosses Dean’s features, a grimace that Gabriel almost doesn't catch. He knows the pain Cas is feeling, like a giant hooked needle is piercing through his grace. The pain was horrendous, but Gabriel would endure it for the rest of his life if it meant he'd be with Sam. 

He's still not sure this is real, waking up to Sam asking if he loved him, if he wanted the lifeline back. He never believes anything good is real, because he rarely has anything good. And Sam is so good. He keeps trying to anchor himself, it's real. It is. He's been inside Sam, which was strange and beautiful. He'd shown Sam what he felt, or he'd tried to at least, he tried to convince Sam that they had to be better at this. He saw what Sam had went through, how Sam had felt even though he wouldn't tell him. 

Gabriel feels Sam's strong hand in his, he focuses on it. _It's real._

Deans features relax. His eyes close briefly and then they open again. He studies the women for a second and then glances at his brother. He looks at Gabriel, his eyes shifting up, taking in his full form. 

“Dude, how many wings do you have…” Dean says. 

Gabriel smirks. “More than Cas.”

Dean's head tips back and Cas pours from him, back into the body on the floor. Dean blinks, clearing his eyes. Cas’ vessel stands and looks at Dean, one side of his mouth turning up ever so slightly. He takes his place next to Dean and faces everyone in the room.

“Thank you,” Cas says, looking between the Fates and their mother. 

The three sisters turn and move together back to Gabriel and Sam. They focus solely on Gabriel The oldest speaks, the three of them taking each other's hands.

“A word of warning. These lines are cut from the same thread. If _you_ ,” she looks at Gabriel and then behind her at Cas and Dean, “or any of you, intentionally interfere with our work again, we will cut it. And it will cut them all.” 

There's silence, the tension in the room is palpable. The open threat makes Gabriel want to show them his power, teach them a lesson, but he doesn't want to risk any harm coming to Sam. Or their brothers for that matter. 

“Of course,” Cas says softly, “that's how you cut them all at one time.” 

The sisters don't even acknowledge what he says. 

“That punishment is not fair, daughters. Punishing all for the actions of one is unjust.”

The youngest speaks to her mother. “It's meant to be a deterrent. Maybe the other three can keep the one in line,” she says. 

“It's done, it will have to do,” Themis shakes her head. “Girls, we're finished here. I want no more of this, ever again.” Her tone is like a mother to a petulant child.

The Fates look angry and somewhat mortified, like middle schoolers caught bullying a younger kid. They don't respond, the middle one has the guts to roll her eyes. And then they disappear. 

Themis looks between the angels and the men. Her eyes stop on Sam and Gabriel and they seem to lose their focus, a soft pearly white film slides over them. It shimmers in soft shifting pastel colors and it looks completely bizarre. 

“Your future has changed completely in just minutes; do you know the rarity of that?” 

Sam and Gabriel don't respond. 

She turns her face to Dean and Cas and Dean’s mouth parts ever so slightly in shock. 

“As did yours with the seraphim,” she says to Dean. “All of your futures just got much more interesting, and long. Very long.” 

And then she vanishes.

“You guys okay?” Sam looks at Cas and Dean, pulling Gabriel along as he closes the distance between them and their brothers. 

“Yeah, fine. I didn't feel anything, did you?” Dean asks Sam. 

“Just for a second, but it wasn't bad.”

That was a lie, Gabriel knows it. Sam doesn't want Dean to know the pain he felt for that fraction of a second. If he wants to shield Dean from that it's fine, but Gabriel will be certain to remember to discuss this with Sam later. Shielding and protecting and not discussing things is how he and Sam keep getting in these situations.

“What about you, Cas, you feel anything?” Sam asks. 

“Nothing terrible.” Cas glances at Dean and it's obvious that Dean knows the truth. Whatever Cas felt he couldn't hide from Dean, but Cas doesn't appear to want to discuss it. 

Dean and Cas hold eye contact a little too long. There's a heat between them that's almost tangible suddenly. Dean pulls his eyes away.

“What about you guys? Everything alright?” Dean asks.

Sam looks at Gabriel. That heat is there too, it's in Sam's eyes. The hazel showing flecks of green and golden brown. The lifeline is back, it's strong and exhilarating and it takes less than a second for Gabriel to look at Sam and want to take him and run.

He's standing at Sam's side, he's holding his hand, but the urge to be near him is like a force pushing at him. He needs to be closer, on him, in him, _with him_. He needs it desperately, he needs it now. 

“Yeah, it is,” Sam says as he looks at Gabriel. 

It confuses Gabriel for a second; he forgot Dean had asked a question. Hell, he forgot Cas and Dean were even there. 

“Good, get outta here. Cas and I will drive back alone.” Dean is already angling his body toward Cas, like Cas is the only one in the room. 

“You don't have to tell me twice,” Gabriel holds on tightly to Sam but as he's about to fly he hears Dean call his name.

“Hey, Gabe!” 

Gabriel turns his head. 

“I'm still gonna kick your ass,” Dean doesn't look away from Cas as she says this, “just- later.”

Gabriel raises an eyebrow in question and decides he just doesn't care enough what Dean is talking about to delay being along with Sam any longer. He looks to make sure the puppy is safely tucked against Sam's chest and then he flies. He lands them in Sam's room and immediately touches Sam's temple to clear any motion sickness, but Sam is fine. 

“I think I actually missed that,” Sam says as he sets the puppy on the floor. 

She runs to and fro, sniffing and wagging her tail. Gabriel snaps his fingers and there's a dog bed by Sam's dresser with a full food bowl and water beside it. The little dog digs in. 

Sam smiles as he watches her, and then he turns his eyes to Gabriel. He steps in close, his size and proximity have an instant effect on the angel. The air feels heady, almost thick with tension and desire. 

“Sam, I think we need to talk a little bit,” Gabriel says as he feels Sam inch closer, fully in his space. 

“I know, I know we do but it’s been so long and I missed you,” Sam’s hand slides around Gabriel’s back, “what do you want to say?”

What did he want to say? Why was it even important? He can’t remember, the lifeline has him feeling drunk. He feels Sam’s other hand on his ribs and Gabriel presses closer, not even a millimeter between them. He slips his hands under Sam’s shirt and pushes the fabric up his sides, wanting to put his mouth on Sam, taste him. 

“I don’t know now, doesn’t matter…”

Sam pulls his shirt up and off and tosses it aside. Somewhere in the back of his mind Gabriel's knows that the little dog abandoned the bed to go and lay on Sam’s clothes. He makes her sleep. 

“We’ll talk, we’ll figure it all out,” Sam says as he slides his hands down and grabs Gabriel’s ass pulling him up. “Not right now, I need you, been too long,” Sam’s mouth is on his, hard and needy, his tongue pushing in. 

“You telling me you haven’t gotten off since that night?” Gabriel asks, chuckling a bit. 

“No,” Sam lands Gabriel on the bed and rolls so the angel is on top, “my hand's not the same though.”

Sam pulls Gabriel's shirt off and throws it away, his hands blazing a trail over the angels skin. Gabriel leans down and kisses Sam, trying to slow it down a little, but he’s desperate for Sam too. He rocks their hips together, the friction of their pants making them both breathe a little faster. Sam thrusts up against him, his hands gripping and pulling on hair and skin. 

“Gabe, I’m gonna come, get these clothes off,” Sam groans after a few minutes. He pushes Gabriel back onto his knees and fumbles in frustration over the buttons of his pants. 

Gabriel snaps his fingers and they’re clothes are gone. 

Sam looks at him with wide eyes but only for a second. He doesn't seem to want to take the time to question it and instead just grabs Gabriel’s head and pulls him down again. He’s being forceful, strong hands pushing Gabriel around to get what he wants. 

Gabriel slides down Sam’s body and kisses over the flat plane of his stomach.

“Please,” Sam begs. He’s so worked up he’s like a live wire, veins in his neck and arms showing. 

“You don’t need to ask, just do what you want,” Gabriel looks up and gives Sam a sly smile. 

Sam's hands slide into his hair, guiding the angel's mouth down over his cock. He hears Sam let out a contented sigh, and then he fists his hands and moves Gabriel's head up and down, setting a fast pace. He pushes Gabriel down, Sam's cock going down his throat. 

“Mmm yeahhhh,” Sam says in a low voice, “missed this, so good.”

Gabriel relaxes and lets Sam take all control of movement, Sam's hands pushing his head around and down, harder and harder. Sam grunts, his hips bucking up, and then he's coming hot and thick and whining as he lets the orgasm take him over. 

Gabriel waits until the twitching stops, until Sam is calming down and starting to relax and then he pulls his mouth off. He presses soft kisses into Sam's inner thighs. 

"Do you trust me, Sam?"

"Yeah," Sam breathes, his eyes fluttering. “You should know that by now.” 

Gabriel smiles against Sam's thigh. “I know, I just like hearing it. I want to try something new, different than what we've done before. Is that okay, will you let me?" 

"Yeah, Gabe, do whatever you want. I trust you."

Gabriel smiles, although Sam's eyes are closed and he doesn't see it. Gabriel rises up and crawls up Sam.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear that." 

He moves up Sam's body, listening to Sam's breathing return to normal. He kisses Sam's side, traces the curve of Sam's ribs with the tip of his nose, from one side to the other. He bites gently at Sam's nipples, smiling when Sam sucks in a breath.

Gabriel lands his mouth on Sam's neck, kissing and licking where the vampire had its hold. 

“Never again, you won't hunt without me ever again. I won't let that happen.” 

“I know, it's okay though. I'm fine,” Sam's hand slides up into the back of Gabriel's hair. "Do I have to call you sir?" 

Gabriel is confused. “What?” 

“That one time we tried something different I had to call you sir, is this like that?”

Gabriel laughs low, that thought had never crossed his mind. "No, not at all," he whispers into Sam's ear. “Just relax, if I do this right you won't be able to talk.”

Sam nods, a smile just barely touching the corners of his mouth.

Gabriel hovers just centimeters over Sam, watching his face. He uses his grace and swirls it down between Sam's legs, over that tight pink hole. He teases and tingles, flicks and laves his grace over it like a tongue, watching Sam's face the whole time. 

"Oh God, what is that, what are you doing?" Sam's hands fist in his own hair, pulling from the pleasure he's feeling. Goosebumps break out over his skin from the electric tingle skipping over his nerves.

"It's my grace, Sam." Gabriel slides it inside Sam, just barely, a tortuous tease. 

Sam inhales, sharp and deep, his back arching up off the bed. His hands slide down from his hair to his eyes, covering his beautiful face. 

Gabriel pulls Sam's hands away, pushing them down onto the bed. He laces his fingers between Sam's and holds them down. 

“Wanna see you, okay?” He asks. 

Sam almost smiles, he tries to just as Gabriel pushes his grace inside and massages Sam's prostate with the powerful energy. Sam's back snaps up as he comes again, moaning and squeezing Gabriel's hands. 

“Perfect,” Gabriel kisses the word into Sam's temple. 

Gabriel touches his lips to Sam's cheek, just a faint brush almost at the corner of Sam's mouth. He watches Sam, reveling in his pleasure.

Gabriel slides their cocks together, grinding his hips hard. Sam tries to moan but it's broken and almost sounds like a sob when Gabriel slides his grace inside him again. 

“Oh God,” Sam whispers.

“You keep saying that, but I don't think he wants to know what we're doing right now.” 

Sam manages to laugh this time, until Gabriel rolls his hips particularly hard and swirls that energy inside him. Sam comes again, his face strained, his breath held. He gasps as it ends, his eyes rolling back. 

Gabriel makes him come three more times, leaving Sam a shaking and quivering mess below him. He watches, kissing words into Sam's skin. _Beautiful. Good. Mine. Love._ The words are soft and fluttery against sensitive skin, like feathers brushing over it.

“I can't,” Sam finally pants, “I don't think I can come again. 

“Just one more. Will you try one more time?” 

“Okay,” Sam says with a shaky breath.

Gabriel slicks himself and lines himself up with Sam. He's worked him open with his grace and Sam is relaxed and pliant. Gabriel uses his knees to push Sam's thighs further apart and then slowly sinks inside him. 

Sam moans low and long. 

“You feel so good,” Gabriel whispers into Sam's chest. He rocks his hips and then pulls back and shoves into Sam again. 

Gabriel is on the edge. He could have come just watching Sam, but now that he's inside him he won't be able to hold it back. He uses his grace like a sleeve and wraps the energy around Sam's cock.

“Hnnnnghh,” Sam manages. He clutches the sheets in his long fingers, ropes of veins standing out on the backs of his hands. 

“Good, you're so good, Sam.” Gabriel lays his forehead on Sam's heaving chest and lets himself get lost. He listens to Sam's racing heart, his rapid breath, his hips want to thrust into the energy of Gabriel's grace but the weight of the angel won't allow it. Gabriel fucks him, his hands sliding up under Sam's shoulders to hold him there so he doesn't push him away from the force of the angel's thrusting. 

Sam comes again, his long fingers digging into Gabriel's back hard enough to leave bruises. Sam doesn't make a sound, he just stops breathing and Gabriel feels Sam's stomach muscles tense under him. 

And then Gabriel is coming. He sobs out Sam's name, he can't help it. He clutches onto Sam, not to hold him still now but to give himself something to ground to. He cries, his hands holding onto Sam for life. 

He feels Sam's hands in his hair again, gentle and stroking. 

“It's okay, I'm here,” Sam whispers. 

“I'm so sorry, I'm sorry…” 

“For what? You didn't do anything wrong, Gabe. We just got messed up, but we're okay. We're gonna be fine.” 

“I'm sorry because I'm falling to pieces; I always fall apart with you.” 

“S’okay, fall apart in my arms, I'll put you back together,” Sam pulls Gabriel up so he can wrap his arms around him. “And before you even think it, yes, this is real.”

Gabriel finally raises his head and looks at Sam. “You look exhausted,” he smiles weakly.

“I was exhausted, but I just had- how many times did I get off? Five? Six?” 

“I counted seven.”

“Seven?! Geez, I thought I was exhausted before that but now I'm practically in a coma.” Sam grins. “Feels good to smile again.” 

Gabriel slides to Sam's side and Sam rolls behind him, spooning. Sam throws a long leg over him. 

“Didn't you want to talk?” Sam asks groggily.

“Sleep. Plenty of time to talk later.” 

“I'm okay, I just haven't been sleeping much lately,” Sam pauses to yawn, “I didn't sleep at all last night. If I go to sleep now I'll be all messed up, it can't be much after noon.” 

“I said sleep, Samsquatch.”

Sam slips his arms over Gabriel and Gabe can't help but brush his fingers over those knuckles. Sam is asleep in seconds.

Gabriel relaxes, feeling Sam behind him, the mattress beneath them, the pillow under his head. It's a miracle, being here. He's living his own miracle. He thinks about being inside Sam, feeling how much Sam loves him, how much Sam had missed him. He remembers Sam thinking about texting him. 

Gabriel blinks and has his cell phone in his hand. It's dead. He squeezes a little juice into it and turns it on, waiting for it to power up. 

_79 New Messages_ , it blinks. 

What?! He opens the messaging icon. 

There are four texts from Dean and seventy five from Sam. 

He opens Dean’s first.

Wednesday April 19  
**Dean** : _Hey you okay? Can you get a hold of Sam? Im worried about him, he got attacked by a vamp a few days ago. He's healing but he doesn't seem right, I think he misses you. He won't admit it. And Cas is worried about you._

 **Dean** : _And I'm a little worried too._

Gabriel smiles at that, he can hear Dean grumbling as he typed the confession.

Monday April 24  
**Dean** : _He prayed to you, he finally told me because he got sloppy drunk today. Where the hell are you?_

Wednesday April 26  
**Dean** : _You know what? You're an ass. I know you love him. You two were happy. I've never seen two people so happy and it wasn't because of some bullshit lifeline. What the fuck are you doing? We're gonna find you and I'm going to kick your ass. Mark my words._

Gabriel closes his eyes. Dean is right, he's an ass. And an idiot. And a coward. 

He looks at his phone again. He's stalling a little. He knows these texts from Sam will be different than reading texts from Dean. This may be hard. It will be, he knows it. 

The first one has tears sliding from his eyes. _I'm such a fucking sap._

Tuesday April 18  
**Sam** : _I’m sorry if I bothered you when I prayed._

 _Oh Father, what did I do? Why do I always run?_ Gabriel isn't sure he can read these but he makes himself go on. 

Wednesday April 19  
**Sam** : _I hope you're okay. Like I said, I'm sorry if I bothered you. I was scared. But what I said when I prayed was true. I love you._

 **Sam** : _I miss you so much._

 **Sam** : _I feel horrible. All I want to do is sleep._

 **Sam** : _I hope you don't mind me texting you. I don't even know why I am. I'm just lying in bed pretending like I'm asleep so I don't have to talk to Dean about one of those soap operas he watches._

 **Sam** : _Do you still have the phone?_

 **Sam** : _Probably not, why would you need to keep it? I'm going to assume you're not reading these and text you anyway._

Thursday April 20  
**Sam** : _I finally felt better today, I didn't sleep so much and I didn't stumble around. Cas wants to finish healing me but I won't let him. I shouldn't have gone off on my own in that nest, that was stupid._

 **Sam** : _You know what's a horrible sound? The sound a vampire makes when it's sucking the life out of your jugular. Or maybe I just had an especially repulsive vamp, who knows. But when I heard that sound I was actually scared. I haven't been scared to die in a long time, I haven't cared either way, really. But I think I was scared to die because I was afraid I'd never get to see you again and tell you the truth of how I feel. I didn't want to die without you knowing._

 **Sam** : _I guess that's how ghosts end up with unfinished business. I sure as hell don't want to end up a ghost._

 **Sam** : _You made me want to live._

Friday April 21  
**Sam** : _I miss you. Sometimes I think I dream about you but when I wake up I can't remember what it was. That just happened. It's almost like I feel you here, but I know you're not. I can't explain it._

 **Sam** : _I wonder if you think about me. I feel like all I've done since you left is think about you and try not to pray. I guess if you felt the same you'd be here._

 **Sam** : _It's hard to believe sometimes that you only felt that way about me because of the lifeline. It just seemed so real. It was real to me. I understand though, I understand why you don't feel the same way._

Shit. Look what you did, Gabriel. Look what you did to him… He doesn't want to read anymore but he forces himself to. He made Sam suffer while he buried himself and hid. He deserves whatever small bit of torture reading these messages will be.

Saturday April 22  
**Sam** : _I left the hotel today, went out and ate something decent for the first time since that vamp grabbed me. It was nice to stand in the sun. I kept thinking about you, wishing you'd walk in and sit down like you did that one night._

 **Sam** : _You remember that? It was before we really got started and I was kinda freaking out. I was asking what your favorite dessert or candy was, I felt so stupid. LOL_

Saturday April 22  
**Sam** : _I got my own room today. Dean was pissy but I know he wanted to hang out with Cas. It's nice to be alone, I don't have to try and act happy all the time. I think Dean suspects that I'm not but I don't care._

 **Sam** : _I drove past a church with the prettiest stained glass windows today. It made me think of New Orleans, you standing in the light of a stained glass window looking like something from another world. I wish I had a picture of that. I miss you, Angel._

 **Sam** : _How can SNL be so good one week and totally SUCK the next?_

 

Sunday April 23  
**Sam** : _I feel bad for not wanting to be around Dean and Cas. They don't even do anything, they don't act like a couple but I'm still uncomfortable. I think it just reminds me what I lost._

 **Sam** : _We're going to check out a case today, possible haunting, could be a poltergeist. Wish me luck._

 **Sam** : _Well I survived the poltergeist. That was crazy. Cas tried reasoning with it, I don't know what he was thinking. He did the whole “move toward the light speech” and everything. You should have seen Dean’s face, it was classic. The poltergeist tried to impale Cas with a baseball trophy and he finally gave up._

 **Sam** : _We ate at this restaurant for dinner and I saw a four star review for Devil's food cake on their menu that said “Gabriel says we have the best Devil's food cake he's ever tasted!” I dropped my menu and couldn't eat._

 **Sam** : _Sam: I'm starving. I'm ordering pizza._

 **Sam** : _Oh god, I ate too much. I'm not eating for a week._

Monday April 24  
**Sam** : _why dindt I call you angel more? I alwasy wanted to but I felt dumb._

 **Sam** : _im in a place called butter buut you should meet me._

 **Sam** : _why dont yuo love me_

 **Sam** : _I tihnk I could love yuo enuff for teh both ofus. You dont hve to love me_

There are about twenty texts following this that become more and more illegible. Gabriel knows what day this was, and he's crying again.

Tuesday April 25  
**Sam** : _I got shit faced drunk yesterday. I haven't done that in years. I know I made a fool of myself in a bar and all I can remember is the very beginning. Apparently it was bad. Cas had to carry me._

 **Sam** : _Dean and Cas put me in their room and I couldn't even think about going back to my own until Dean came in with Chinese food and I barely made it to the bathroom to throw up. I'm back in my room now. I'm so hungover._

 **Sam** : _Just thinking about that food made me sick again._

 **Sam** : _I feel like garbage._

 **Sam** : _I can't sleep but I'm tired._

 **Sam** : _Dean and Cas are determined to find you because I told them I prayed to you. Dean says he knows you love me, I can't get him to listen. And he says when we find you he's going to kick your ass._

Thursday April 27  
**Sam** : _I didn't text you yesterday. I forced myself not to just to see if I could. I feel stupid texting someone who obviously doesn't care to read them or doesn't care enough to respond, but I feel better when I do. I feel like I have a connection to you still, so I'm going to keep texting._

 **Sam** : _Where are you? What are you doing?_

 **Sam** : _Today was hard. It was rainy and cool and so overcast. The clouds were so low they felt oppressive. It made me feel dark on the inside somehow, like I was full of shadows. I wanted to curl up in bed and hide. I wish you were here. You always made me smile. You made things seem brighter._

The texts are like a journal of sorts, and Gabriel reads them like they're his only hope. Hope for what he doesn't know. Sam is firmly pressed against his back, warm and strong and sturdy. He doesn't need to read these but he couldn't stop himself if he tried. 

The little dog stirs. She needs to go to the bathroom. He calls her over softly and touches her belly, emptying her bladder. She runs for a bit, playful and happy. Sam never moves, his breathing steady and slow. She finally eats a little more and settles back on Sam's blue flannel shirt. 

Gabriel reads more, some of the texts touching him in a way he can't even explain.

Thursday April 27  
**Sam** : _I've been reading poetry online because apparently I've become a pathetic, romantic, sentimental loser since you dumped me. Did you dump me? I'm not clear on that but since I prayed and you didn't answer it feels like you dumped me. Anyway, I found this guy I think you'd like. You should check out his stuff, he's good. His name is Beau Taplin, he's from Australia._

Sam was reading poetry and thinking about Gabriel. That's pretty damn ironic considering all Gabriel does when he thinks about Sam is recite endless streams of poetry in his mind.

 **Sam** : _I was flipping through the channels and I just found a Fred Astaire movie. You told me you love these old movies, I wish we'd have watched some together. If you still want to be Ginger then I'll be your Fred. You have to teach me to dance like that though._

 **Sam** : _That poet I mentioned wrote this and it's stuck in my head. I can't stop thinking about it. And you._

_The rains have their oceans_  
and the sun has its moon  
everything  
needs a  
reason for  
falling 

_and I  
have you. _

**Sam** : _I guess I don't have you anymore, but that's what it felt like when we were together. I can't believe how bad I messed this up._

 **Sam** : _He wrote this too and it reminds me of you._

_I want somebody_  
with a sharp intellect  
and a heart from hell.  
Somebody with eyes like starfire  
and a mouth with a kiss  
like a bottomless well.  
But mostly  
I just want someone  
who will love me  
when I do not  
know how to love myself. 

**Sam** : _You don't have a heart from hell, your heart is too good for hell. I know, I've been there. But the rest of that is you. You loved me even though I couldn't love myself._

 **Sam** : _I wish you still loved me. I love you so much, Gabe._

Friday April 28  
**Sam** : _It hurts so much._

Gabriel wants to sob. He tries his best to hold it in, his vision blurring with tears. The tears are like rivers, he can't make them stop.

 **Sam** : _I miss the way you smell. You smell like whatever candy you've been eating, or chocolate, at times I'd get a whiff of cotton candy. But underneath that- sometimes I could smell something like a thunderstorm, or maybe lightening. Like the air is thick with ozone, and a hint of something earthy. I miss that._

 **Sam** : _I'm three movies into a Fred and Ginger marathon. I'm pretty sure we can do “Cheek to Cheek” but “Swing Time” is way out of my league. Holy cow. Why didn't we watch these together? These are so good._

Gabriel laughs through the tears. The first chance they get they're marathoning old movies. He wants to see Sam's reaction to Gene Kelly, Judy Garland, Jimmy Cagney, the list goes on and on. 

Sunday April 29  
**Sam** : _I had a dream about you last night and when I woke up it hurt so much that I cried. We weren't talking or anything, I was just watching you laugh. You were just laughing. God, I'd give anything to hear you laughing again._

 **Sam** : _I'd give anything to kiss you again. To hold you, to just touch you. I feel like the biggest loser on the planet. I can't get over you, I don't think I ever will. I wish I could do what you've done, I wish I could just move on. I hope you're happy, wherever you are._

 **Sam** : _And in case you actually read that I meant it sincerely. I really do want you to be happy, Gabe._

 **Sam** : _At least SNL doesn't suck this week._

 **Sam** : _I just heard Dean laugh really loud at SNL and I swear I heard Cas say he doesn't understand why that's funny. It's Miley Cyrus this week, Cas isn't going to get any of it._

 **Sam** : _I heard it again, I KNOW I just heard Cas ask why Miley Cyrus impersonating Justin Beiber is so funny to Dean. I wish you could hear this._

Sunday April 30  
**Sam** : _We're gonna try to call to Themis today. I should have told you about this sooner, I know. I'm scared to death, Gabe. I may be seeing you soon. I hope you don't hate me for this but I need to see you one more time. I can't explain why, I just do._

 **Sam** : _I realize I'm sounding a bit delusional with the “should have told you sooner”, I think deep down I want to be live you're reading these. I don't know why, when I think about it that hurts even more. It hurts a lot more to think you're reading these and you don't care enough to respond._

 **Sam** : _I think I just need to hear you say it. You're gonna have to tell me you don't love me anymore. If I don't hear you say it I think I'm always gonna wonder._

 **Sam** : _Please don't hate me._

Sometime in the late evening Sam starts to get restless. Gabriel brushes a hand over his abdomen and gets rid of the need to get up and go to the bathroom. Sam rolls to his back and is sound asleep within seconds. Gabriel takes a few minutes to pop outside with the puppy and let her run and play and properly relieve herself, and then he lays her back on Sam's shirt to rest. 

He looks at Sam stretched out on the bed. His long torso only half covered by the blanket, his arms limp and relaxed above his head. He's sleeping so soundly, his soul bright and shining. Maybe that soul isn't perfect, maybe it's got a few spots that show it's been through some tough times (calling time in the cage with Lucifer “tough” is a bit of an understatement), but Gabriel thinks those things just make Sam's soul even more beautiful. He's determined to never make Sam feel like he's loved _in spite_ of those spots, he'll spend the rest of his existence making sure Sam knows he loves him _because of them_. They're what makes Sam who he is, and who he is is perfect.

Gabriel slides back in bed beside Sam and allows himself to close his eyes and recharge a bit. He might not need sleep but sometimes it's nice to pretend and do it anyway. After a while he wakes up and reads through the text messages again. 

Sam sleeps until early morning, his body wrung out from anxiety and exhaustion. Gabriel stays beside him. Eventually Sam rolls to his side and spoons himself tightly against the angel as he starts to wake.

“Mornin’,” Sam drawls lazily.

“It is, you slept a long time. You needed it.”

“Is it really morning?” 

Gabriel checks the time on his phone. “It's almost four thirty, so it's early but it's definitely morning.” 

“You still have that phone?” There's a hesitation in Sam's voice as he asks this. 

“Yep. Battery was dead but it's back up now.” 

“So…” Sam's voice trails off. 

“I read them.” 

There's a long pregnant pause. 

“Why didn't you answer?”

Gabriel doesn't try to turn to face Sam, he can feel how tight Sam's arm is around him, holding him in place.

“I didn't get them. I would have been there in a second, Sam, less than a second. If I'd heard that prayer i would have come.”

“Where were you?” 

“Hiding. I went underground, literally. I shut down, I shut myself down. I thought I'd just wait until you were gone, ya know? That's morbid, looking back now. But I couldn't face you and I couldn't do anything but think about you and I just…” Gabriel feels the tears stinging his eyes again, “I ran. That's the only thing I'm good at.”

“Bullshit,” Sam throws his leg over Gabriel tangling their ankles together, “you're good at loving me. When I let you.” 

“Well you don't have a choice anymore, kiddo.” Gabriel laughs softly.

“I don't want a choice.” 

The significance of those words doesn't go unnoticed by the angel.

“Sam-” 

“Let's move on from this, just put it behind us. Can we do that?” 

“Yeah, I think we can, if that's what you want.” 

“Mmmm…” Sam yawns and slides into sleep for a few more minutes. He stretches. “How the hell am I still tired?” 

“I think you had yourself pretty worked up, Sammich. Might take a while to recover.”

“So that grace thing…” Sam yawns again, “you been holdin out on me?” Sam's words almost sound drunk; they're so slurred from grogginess.

“Well a girl's gotta keep a few tricks up her sleeve, right? Otherwise what's to keep you coming back?”

“You sayin that's not the end of the tricks from the Trickster?” 

“Indeed I am, Sam-a-lam.”

“I don't know if I can survive anymore tricks like last night, angel.” Sam sucks in another shaky yawning breath and pulls the blankets tighter around them. 

“You gonna start calling me angel?” 

“You got a problem with that? I could always call you sunshine.”

“You're calling me sunshine? I think you got that backwards, kiddo.” 

Sam laughs a little, tightening his arms around Gabriel's ribs. 

“Nah, it fits. You make me feel brighter inside,” Sam inhales a deep breath from the back of Gabriel's neck, pushing his nose in and taking in the angel's smell. 

“Brighter inside?” Gabriel asks. 

“Yeah, you know,” Sam mutters sleepily, he's drifting off again. 

“Don't think I do, you'll have to explain it.” 

“Gabe, I'm sleepy, I don't wanna think.”

“That's okay, the best words come when you don't think.” Gabriel brushes his thumb over Sam's knuckles. 

Sam presses against Gabriel, his cock half hard slotted in Gabriel's butt. 

“I don't know how I'm getting hard again after last night,” Sam mumbles. 

Gabriel chuckles. “May miracles never cease. Come on now, don't think.” 

Sam pushes his hips into Gabriel, sliding his cock up and down the crease. 

“Don't think, huh?” 

“No,” Gabriel huffs as Sam wraps a big warm hand around his hardening cock, “no thinking.”

“So just say whatever pops into my head?” 

“That's usually what I do,” Gabriel feels Sam's hand on his hip, pulling him apart to line his cock up and slide it over his hole. Gabriel slicks everything, making himself ready for Sam.

Sam pushes in, slow and gentle and easy. He groans softly, his hand going back to Gabriel's cock. He pushes all the way in, stretching Gabriel tight and full. 

“You shine light on the shadows inside me,” Sam whispers, rocking his hips slowly. 

Gabriel closes his eyes, letting himself just feel Sam, hear the words. 

“You chase the demons away,” Sam moves so shallow, his hands touching and skimming, feeling every inch of Gabriel he can reach. 

“Sam,” Gabriel whispers. These words are more than he expected. They're beautiful and he's coming apart again. Sam always makes him fall apart. 

“You push the darkness out of the cracks inside me.”

Tears sting and one falls from Gabriel's eye, it hits the pillow making a soft ticking sound. 

“You make me happy, Gabe.”

“I don't-” Gabriel whispers, “I don't know what to say to that. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard…”

“No perfect poetry to recite?”

Gabriel pushes himself back, arching his ass into Sam's hips. Sam knows what he wants, he drags his hips back more and pushes in. Gabriel fists his hands in the pillow under his head, looking for something to hold on to.

“Maybe one,” Gabriel says.

“Who's it by?” Sam strokes Gabriel's cock, his hips thrusting in a slow grind.

“Whitman…” Gabriel can hardly think it feels so good.

“Whisper it to me,” Sam breathes into his neck.

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine,” Gabriel says softly, reaching behind him to thread his fingers in Sam's hair, “and shadows will fall behind you.” 

“Yes,” Sam kisses behind Gabriel's ear, “that's perfect. You're my sunshine.”

“And you're mine, Samshine, you're mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far let first me say: THANK YOU. This fic was looong and I'm so thankful that you hung in there with me.
> 
> A big thank you to the mods of the Rare Pair Big Bang. This was my first BB and it's been an honor to be part of.
> 
> Much thanks to the wonderful Litra for her stunning artwork for this fic. She's so talented, please be sure to check that out.
> 
> Now I want to take a minute here to tell a little story. While I was writing this I had reached a point maybe half or two thirds of the way through, I hit this point and I just fell flat. It wasn't writers block, it was more like the story just died on me. I couldn't see where it was going or what the point of it even was, it's like it just faded out.
> 
> I told this to my wonderful beta, Miss Moose, and she told me to shoot it her way and let her see what she thought. I fully expected to hear something like, yeah I'd just scrap this one, just move on. But her reaction was the total opposite of that. She was so excited about this story and immediately said, "I'm going to toss you some ideas just to get you thinking, maybe it'll help." 
> 
> That afternoon I got a text from her saying, "What if the Fates broke the lifeline?" 
> 
> That was it. I was so stoked to start writing in this story again and it just flowed from that point on. 
> 
> I can never thank her enough for what she does to help me with my writing. She's a constant support and is full of nothing but encouragement and there's no way I could ever do this without her. 
> 
> So a huge thank you to Miss Moose for everything she does both as a beta and my best friend. If you all were in the room right now I'd motion you to give her a standing ovation, she deserves it!
> 
> And last but not least, a loving little thank you to my Boston Terrier, Lola, for being my inspiration for Dottie. She hung out by my side for hours on end while I wrote this. I bounced a lot of ideas off her that were answered with a snore. Love her <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Angels & Heroes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7014628) by [Waterkiss37](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waterkiss37/pseuds/Waterkiss37)




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